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How to find a domme - 9/21/2013 2:37:06 AM   
HisNameHere


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/21/2013
Status: offline 		I need to find a domme... everything I do, every site I go too. Nothing. No one is willing to help me:

I'm a complete anal virgin. Total and complete. I'm also not very expereinced with women, so a female domme who can help me with both.... mmmmm.

I also wouldn't mind a tranny to help me from the other perspective. I've looked all over this site, and, nothing.

I haven't been able to find anyone and I want to lose my, well, I hate to call it this because i still consider my self straight, I want to pop my anal cherry
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to find a domme - 9/21/2013 3:11:02 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		You find a Domme the same as you find any other romantic relationship, by getting to know someone as a person, and spending time with them until they are interested enough in you to get to the point of having sex. There aren't any shortcuts. You don't just announce that you and your penis are on this computer site now looking for action- that'll get you a place at the end of the line of thousands of other men offering the exact same body part. As you've noticed, it isn't generally anything anyone is interested in.

As far as I know there aren't any BDSM charity workers that roam computer sites trying to "help" out noobs with their fantasies. Of course there isn't anyone out there willing to just have sex with you, it doesn't matter what site you're on; you get to that point by looking for personal compatibility the usual way, and then you might find someone to do sexual things with you.

No one is really interested in your anal virginity, you have no idea how very man men offer things like that daily, it's not a draw. Work on being more skillful with relationship type attributes, and approach people like human beings and not a delivery service for your sexual fantasies, and you might get somewhere.

(in reply to HisNameHere)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How to find a domme - 9/21/2013 3:23:51 AM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline 		In addition to your sexual performance anxiety with women, which you describe in your profile, you are anxious to find a Domme for Ass Play. You appear to be a nice-looking guy, but you are not exuding any confidence. Being in your mid-20s, you're old enough to be seeking a quality relationship where the both of you can take it slow and gain each other's trust before becoming physical. Chasing after shallow, superficial liaisons will only demoralize you all the more. Further, being inexperienced is nothing to be ashamed about. Everyone starts out that way.

You may benefit from the experience of an older woman as long as you are honest about your lack of erection response upfront, so that she doesn't take it personally and won't be expecting you to act studly from the starting gate. You need a patient, understanding lover more than you need to find yourself a Domme. The kink can wait. Be as patient with yourself as you would want your partner to be with you. You have your whole life ahead of you, and sexual experimentation is only one component in the grand scheme of things. Work on improving yourself first, develop your non-sexual interests, tackle self-esteem issues as best you can, lower your anxiety levels by learning relaxation techniques through yoga & meditation, if that appeals to you. Wishing you all the best.

_____________________________

* * * Not A Fetish/Kink Delivery System * * *

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to HisNameHere)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How to find a domme - 9/21/2013 5:17:29 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		OK, tough love ahead, skip this post if you don't want to hear it.

Your post, summarised: 'Why won't anyone have sex with me? I want to have sex! Anal sex! I've looked all over the site for the whole one day I've been here, and no one has offered to have sex with me. I'd like to have anal sex.'

Your profile takes a similar tone: You'd like to have sex with women, or a trans person (ps. Tranny is an offensive term. Unless you are one, don't use it. You will offend the very person you are looking for). You'd like to have anal sex. You'd like someone to dominate you by carrying out your dirty fantasies.

If this is the approach you have taken on every site you've been on, I'm not shocked you've had no takers. There are a lot of guys who want sex. There are a lot of guys who want a woman to dominate them, and to take it up the ass. The fact that you're on collar me tells us that you're kinky, the check box on your profile tells us you're submissive. So ease off the sex talk. It fades into the background.

All I know about you is your interest in being fucked in the ass. Why would your ass be the one I choose? Most women aren't interested in fucking any old ass. They want to fuck an ass belonging to a guy they like. Maybe a boyfriend. Maybe a friend-with-benefits. Hey you know what? Maybe you and I would be great friends and get along! Except... all you're putting across to me is that you want me to get you hard and stick something up your butt. I'm gonna swim right by.

So - show some personality. Don't come across as desperate. I know that's hard to do because you're excited and nervous, but when you come across as all about the sex it gives the not-so-subtle message that any woman with a penis or a strap-on will suffice. Imagine walking into a bar and going up to a woman with this line 'Hey, I really need a shag, I notice that you're female, wanna do it?'. Do you think that would get a positive response? Or do you think you'd do better if you showed her that you were interested in her personally, and that you were a really cool guy? Even women who love casual sex want to feel desired PERSONALLY.

Put anal sex on the back burner for now. How about instead of ' I want to pop my anal cherry' you aim for 'I want to meet a really great dominant woman and see where things go'. Your fantasy is not so weird and out there that it's going to be impossible, but bounding into the room like an over-stimulated puppy and slobbering on the furniture will make things harder. Contact some dominant women and talk to them as actual women. Don't mention your butt unless she asks. Take her on a date. Treat her nicely.

P.S. The way you mention a 'tranny' makes me wonder if you're imagining a scene from a chicks-with-dicks porno. Short of finding a prostitute I think you're out of luck. If you're imagining taking it up the ass from a woman with a real penis, there are lots of reasons why that is unlikely.

TLDR: Calm the hell down, go rub one out and then try talking to dommes as though they were real human beings. And then go to a munch and meet some in the flesh.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to HisNameHere)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How to find a domme - 9/21/2013 5:21:19 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisNameHere

I need to find a domme... everything I do, every site I go too. Nothing. No one is willing to help me:


Bad way to start. If anybody does help you, it's a gift, not an obligation. And starting off with what you bring to the table is infinitely preferable to you complaining you've struck out before.
quote:



I'm a complete anal virgin. Total and complete. I'm also not very expereinced with women, so a female domme who can help me with both.... mmmmm.


Much better. That said, I saw your picture. If you're striking out with women, there's something wrong. You look good.
quote:



I also wouldn't mind a tranny to help me from the other perspective. I've looked all over this site, and, nothing.


Wow. You may not be aware how powerful words are. Saying you "wouldn't mind" a transsexual is not going to score any points. It's saying "I really want a cis female, but if I can't have one, I suppose I'll settle for a transwoman." That's an insulting attitude, and any cis female who knows transwomen will get pissed off at you. In addition -"tranny" is considered an offensive term. Also, I don't understand what you mean when you say "from the other perspective". And when you say "I've looked all over this site, and, nothing.', it confuses me as well. Your search was empty? You couldn't find transwomen? You couldn't find compatible cis women? Please be clearer in your communication.
quote:



I haven't been able to find anyone and I want to lose my, well, I hate to call it this because i still consider my self straight, I want to pop my anal cherry


Fella, you ARE straight. Because you consistently say you want to play with women. Not men, women. A physical act does not make anyone gay, bi, or straight - which gender you're attracted to determines it.

With your performance anxiety, you should be looking for women who are attracted by your looks, personality, and mutual interests. Past that, PIV (penis in vagina) sex would be wonderful, but should not be a given. (Have you seen a doctor? A 26 year old with erectile issues is uncommon, I'd expect.)

The best place to meet Dommes (or any other kinkster) is at munches. I assume they're common in SF.

Welcome to the site.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to HisNameHere)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How to find a domme - 9/21/2013 10:16:33 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		The reason that you're not finding a kinky woman online to "help you" engage in strap on sex/anal play is for the same reason you're not finding a vanilla woman to "help you" with regular sex. Why would you expect women to engage in intimate acts with you as though it was some kind of favor? If that was the kind of interaction that I had with somebody, with that kind of approach, I'd probably look at them as though they were from another planet.

Most women aren't going to be willing to fuck (and that's exactly what anal sex is) anything that moves. You kind of have to bring more to the table than just a willing rectum.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How to find a domme - 9/21/2013 10:38:23 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Most women aren't going to be willing to fuck (and that's exactly what anal sex is) anything that moves. You kind of have to bring more to the table than just a willing rectum.
[/color]


Not to mention that since you've never tried it, you might hate it. If you did find that one-in-a-million woman who was either so into anal sex she'd jump at the chance to fuck any old ass, if it turned out you didn't like it you no longer even have the willing rectum to offer.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How to find a domme - 9/21/2013 10:51:59 AM   
StrictlyADomina


Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
Status: offline 		What flashed into me head was, Keith Toby - I Wanna Talk About Me. Your profile picture is nice. Your likes present some confusion. While you indicate you are "curious" about the local BDSM community your "dislikes" are munches? I would have suggested you get involved with the local BDSM community where you live in San Francisco, but now?

Pretty much your whole profile screams "I WANT SEX!!!!" Yea, so that's why Dominas are not interested. We can get all the sex we want. What are you bringing to the proverbial bondage table besides deflowering your ass? Which by the by: A. isn't strictly speaking D/S or BDSM in and of itself B. doesn't mean you are "gay" or "bi" and C. we are just not that interested in. Women, boy, are NOT males. So please stop that ridiculous line of thought. Just because we are female and a Dominatrix does not mean we are more sexual than vanilla women. By and large women are not driven by porn, we don't think about sex as much as the average man we most assuredly don't do casual fucks with guys we don't know. I'll also tell you that the 20somethings are THE WORST in flaking. That means they don't show up to in person meetings. So combining all that wad together ends up spelling out a profile We would just happily pass on.

How to fix it. Read the great suggestions above and re-tool it, go to your local BDSM events, be the guy We want to be with as opposed to a random hole to deflower.
***************************************************************************************************
Yep tough love sucks, but it works.........sometimes,
Strictly A Domina



< Message edited by StrictlyADomina -- 9/21/2013 10:53:25 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How to find a domme - 9/21/2013 12:53:18 PM   
MissKittyDeVine


Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline 		FR

I think you need to examine honestly whether you are in fact attracted to men as well, before you start trying to bring D/s into your life.

_____________________________

Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to StrictlyADomina)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How to find a domme - 9/21/2013 2:37:21 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Am I to interpret the OP as an ad seeking an ass hunting, cherry popping Domme that will not only let you fuck her to lose your virginity but fuck you back to pop your ass cherry too? And do this for free, just so she could put another notch on her headboard?

In the other thread you said you were "sorta" a virgin. Which is it? I am pretty sure your virginity and obvious gender identity sensitivities present you as an emotional mess, which is unattractive for a booty call. You should probably work on cleaning up your act so you can present yourself as an attractive proposition instead of someone that needs a sexual counselor . . . or just hire a pro and get it over with.


ETA: I just noticed your profile says you live in San Fransisco. Dude, you live in Frisco and you wantto get fucked in the ass by a "T-girl Domme" because women don't turn you on anymore and you think you are straight? Let me save you the money on therapy and clear this up for you:

1- you have never fucked a women
2- you live in San Fransisco
3- women don't get you aroused sexually
4- you want a man wearing a dress to shove his cock up your ass because that is what turns you on
5- the thought of bottoming and being dominated turns you on

You're a gay leather bottom, living in San Francisco which is the world's largest gay leather community. Dude, come out of the closet and walk down to the corner gay leather bar.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 9/21/2013 2:52:11 PM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to HisNameHere)
Profile   Post #: 10
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