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JeffBC -> RE: A matter of perception (9/24/2013 4:12:37 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kevin32
Hi. I have 2 questions about perception and mindset. If I wanted to be dominant with women...
I echo pretty much everything everyone has said up till now.
That being said I think you are asking all the wrong questions. For me being "dominant" means that people obey me ... not simply Carol ... lots of people do. People follow my lead at work, on random street-corners, wherever. It means that I am a "natural born leader", eg: pretty much constantly I fall into leadership positions with and without trying. My secret for gaining power does not involve (to use my favorite quote) svengali-esque mind control tricks. There's a few key points to it.
Courage: Being a real leader requires courage because whatever you do, a lot depends on it and it's all very public. Failure very much is an option and when you fail in the captain's chair the whole freakin world knows about it. I oft-times think that particular sort of courage, more than anything, is what separates the dominant from not. I jokingly refer to it as stupidity... "When everyone else was smart enough to step back, I stepped up instead."
Character: Are you honorable or not? It's a simple question that defies a simple answer. I work very hard at it every day. If you just think "Sure I'm honorable" and move on then you're not. If you find being honorable easy then you're not. If you have never had to sacrifice your self for your honor then you have no idea what honor is.
Focus: There are two kinds of leaders, those who do it for the authority and those who do it for the responsibility. The first kind is using people. The second kind is serving them. Both can work but obviously type 2 is a lot easier to get followers with.
People Skills: I "read" people quite readily. If'you're going to manipulate people, it helps a lot to know how the buttons and knobs work -- for real -- not in erotic fiction books. In this sense your original questions are throwing you entirely in the wrong direction. To manipulate someone you must see them clearly and accurately as they are in reality. If you try to superimpose some way you are supposed to perceive them on top of that reality you're losing control through willful ignorance.
Leadership Skills: Hey, go figure. Leading people requires leadership skills. Go visit the business section of your local library or book store and pickup some credible advice on leadership in real books. Or, if you want the short course read and understand this.
A goal: You can't lead if you are standing still. Then you're just standing around doing nothing. I really don't spend much effort at all getting people to obey/follow. I'm a man with a mission. People line or behind me or not as they see fit but I'm generally too busy to bother with power struggles and the like. I'd be a really poor choice for a sub who "needs to be put in their place" because I'd cut them loose instead.
Just stop and think a minute. People... pretty much ALL people... like following a good leader. Most of us have memories of such a person and they are positive memories rather than some sort of "being oppressed" feel. If you're a good leader, people will line up behind without you even noticing or trying. It's a human pack thing.
By the way... the same thing will get you lots of blowjobs if that's all you want. Chicks, as a general rule, dig men who are actually (rather than self-proclaimed) "natural born leaders".
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