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Empowerment, Confidence - 9/21/2013 9:26:42 PM

RemoteUser

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I know very few people who are confident in a healthy way 100% of the time. We're all human, we falter; we have those morning moments where we look in the mirror and make the "UGH" mental face, or see a pile of work and sigh disconsolately. It's true regardless of your gender or your side of the kneel.

I am curious, though, to hear from the perspective of dominant women what they consider the source of the confidence they do have. Is it just a good upbringing, happy life, family or friends? Also, the one thing that can apply to women and not to men, empowerment. Recent (and here I mean in the last century or so) attempts at western social engineering have made the effort to raise women to a social status equal to men. In some ways it seems to work, in some ways it may never work (I say that thinking of Frank Herbert and the Dune series, where the rebels become the aristocracy that they hated, making more rebels and perpetuating the cycle...some days, the way equality is practiced as opposed to intended seems strikingly reminiscent of this).

That said, do you ever reflect on who you are as a woman, and does that affect/impact your confidence?

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RE: Empowerment, Confidence - 9/22/2013 3:34:21 PM

RumpusParable

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

I know very few people who are confident in a healthy way 100% of the time. We're all human, we falter; we have those morning moments where we look in the mirror and make the "UGH" mental face, or see a pile of work and sigh disconsolately. It's true regardless of your gender or your side of the kneel.

I am curious, though, to hear from the perspective of dominant women what they consider the source of the confidence they do have. Is it just a good upbringing, happy life, family or friends? Also, the one thing that can apply to women and not to men, empowerment. Recent (and here I mean in the last century or so) attempts at western social engineering have made the effort to raise women to a social status equal to men. In some ways it seems to work, in some ways it may never work (I say that thinking of Frank Herbert and the Dune series, where the rebels become the aristocracy that they hated, making more rebels and perpetuating the cycle...some days, the way equality is practiced as opposed to intended seems strikingly reminiscent of this).

That said, do you ever reflect on who you are as a woman, and does that affect/impact your confidence?

As a female, I'd say my self-confidence comes from escape and the shaping of my life. I had a lot of self-confidence in my core from as far back as I can remember into childhood, but on the outside I lacked a lot due to family situation, social situation, etc. Once I escaped the negatives of those it was like that core part of me burst free and as I've learned things, experienced things, looked various ways, known various people, it has built over time more so and morphed over time.

I know that's rather a vague answer when it comes down to it, but I can only really answer: core personality since birth + life experiences combining... the old nature/nurture combo.

Empowerment? It depends on what is meant. If you mean legal and social changes then I see those as political issues that are being dealt with outside of my range but affected by the many females living their own personal daily sense of empowerment... the cultural shift pushing the political.

If you meant what creates a personal sense of empowerment for me, that comes out of the same things as what built my self-confidence and also on top of that comes from my self-confidence. I feel I have worth, strength, and ability to hold my own if I feel I absolutely need to in a situation. That includes mentally and physically. Because of my confidence in myself I feel I know my abilities and limits and work within them. I feel empowered by being the person I am, by feeling I know myself very well.

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RE: Empowerment, Confidence - 9/22/2013 4:29:17 PM

RedMagic1

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That was a beautiful post, RumpusParable.

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RE: Empowerment, Confidence - 9/22/2013 8:08:52 PM

RumpusParable

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Thank you, RedMagic1.

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RE: Empowerment, Confidence - 9/23/2013 8:45:38 AM

LadyPact

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When it comes to WIITWD, being female has always been an advantage. Women who say otherwise either aren't being very honest about it or they haven't taken a good look at the comparison between men and women who are involved in kink. (Since we're on a kink site, I'm going to go from that angle.)

Where does the confidence come from? In My case, there's a few reasons for that. The first probably is personality. Being an extrovert has it's advantages. Being able to excel in social situations is a boost for anyone's confidence. I'm also accomplishment driven, which is a polite way of saying that I'm stubborn to the point that I won't give up until I am able to do a particular thing and just enough perfectionist in Me to be able to do it well. My curiosity streak tends to make Me a good conversationalist, which also seems to attract people. I tend to read people well, at least on the surface.

All of this tends to contribute to being a pretty darn good top. That makes Me sought after and provides Me with plenty of attention. The only reason that I don't have Top's Disease is because I happen to have a dash of humility. Also, I have ambivalence. None of this is based on need. It's only about what I want, so it's not lacking if I don't have it.

I have to add, I'm very happy with My other half, which I also believes contributes. Happiness tends to allow a person's confidence to come through a bit more, in some way.

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RE: Empowerment, Confidence - 9/23/2013 8:24:42 PM

RemoteUser

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

Empowerment? It depends on what is meant. If you mean legal and social changes then I see those as political issues that are being dealt with outside of my range but affected by the many females living their own personal daily sense of empowerment... the cultural shift pushing the political.

If you meant what creates a personal sense of empowerment for me, that comes out of the same things as what built my self-confidence and also on top of that comes from my self-confidence. I feel I have worth, strength, and ability to hold my own if I feel I absolutely need to in a situation. That includes mentally and physically. Because of my confidence in myself I feel I know my abilities and limits and work within them. I feel empowered by being the person I am, by feeling I know myself very well.

I did mean to place emphasis on the legal/social aspects, but by no means would I restrict you simply to that.

Everyone has a set of expectations set upon them in one way or another, and that creates an image that isn't always (rarely would be, in fact) true to the individual. Empowerment in the legal/social sense is applied by definition to a gender, race or creed that has been otherwise kept at the lower end of some totem pole of power. Self empowered women, or women who take on a role of power, may be fueled internally or externally, and it would be interesting to learn to what extent each plays upon the individual.

That said, your reply was much what what I was hoping to hear in terms of how it was worded (as opposed to the actual words), so thank you for that. It was very much appreciated.

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RE: Empowerment, Confidence - 9/23/2013 8:27:04 PM

RemoteUser

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Where does the confidence come from? In My case, there's a few reasons for that. The first probably is personality. Being an extrovert has it's advantages. Being able to excel in social situations is a boost for anyone's confidence. I'm also accomplishment driven, which is a polite way of saying that I'm stubborn to the point that I won't give up until I am able to do a particular thing and just enough perfectionist in Me to be able to do it well. My curiosity streak tends to make Me a good conversationalist, which also seems to attract people. I tend to read people well, at least on the surface.

All of this tends to contribute to being a pretty darn good top. That makes Me sought after and provides Me with plenty of attention. The only reason that I don't have Top's Disease is because I happen to have a dash of humility. Also, I have ambivalence. None of this is based on need. It's only about what I want, so it's not lacking if I don't have it.

I have to add, I'm very happy with My other half, which I also believes contributes. Happiness tends to allow a person's confidence to come through a bit more, in some way.

None of this surprises me about you, but it is always nice to hear. Thank you, LP.

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RE: Empowerment, Confidence - 9/23/2013 8:47:01 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

That said, do you ever reflect on who you are as a woman, and does that affect/impact your confidence?

I do(reflect) actually. By nature, I started out as a very shy introvert w/ no self-confidence whatsoever. Nurture, or whatever you want to call it, it was made me confident. I had to force myself to expand my comfort zone at every opportunity and, when I found out it worked(!), I developed self-confidence. I had to overcome multiple obstacles in my life that were hard and I thought weren't all that amazing but others thought they were. It wasn't easy but it was well worth it. All that makes me who I am today and I'm grateful for it.

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RE: Empowerment, Confidence - 9/24/2013 11:41:24 AM

MistressDarkArt

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Great subject, RU.

I think I was born confident. As long as I can remember I was always forging ahead, come what may in the moment. Friends called me 'Comet' because I feel best when in motion. The last 8 years or so have been a time to learn stillness, peace and contentment with what is, in the moment. The combination feels very empowering, and one I would wish bestowed on everyone regardless of gender.

I never once felt limited or intimidated by being female. I rode a motorcycle before I could drive a car; there weren't many women in the driver's seat on bikes back then but that was of no concern to me. I earned my Graduate Gemologist certification at 22 when there were only 60 women GGs in the entire US. In my early 20s I lived on a sailboat up and down the west coast, mostly alone, for 12 years. Most of the time I was the only single woman in the harbor living aboard. I didn't give a fig how I appeared to the outside world; I did these things for sheer joy and a feeling of personal fulfillment.

There was one time in my life I was nearly taken down physically and emotionally. I cringe to remember the devastation I felt, but celebrate that my innate nature emerged in my darkest hour to accept the lesson being taught. I emerged more confident than ever, telling myself "If I can make it through that, I can make it through the rest of what my life could bring."

Perhaps the best thing I've learned about myself is to embrace people just as they are. Connect with the parts that mesh, accept the parts that don't as long as they are conducted away from my sphere. This philosophy has brought me more love in my life than ever before.

How much of this outlook is attributable to my upbringing? Probably quite a lot. I had loving parents that taught me anything was possible as long as my heart was fully invested. They didn't always approve of some choices, but they supported me anyway. They made mistakes like anyone; but their hearts were in the right place and I turned out fine.

Thanks for bringing this subject to the table.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 9/24/2013 11:47:04 AM >

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RE: Empowerment, Confidence - 9/24/2013 12:03:43 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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I am a born survivor, literally. I was born weighing a bit over three pounds. Please note this was 60 years ago before today's medical advances with tiny infants. What happened was my placenta pulled away from my mother's womb and I starved -- how I survived no one knows, I should have died in the womb.

Since I weighed so little they told my parents I would die, obviously I didn't. I've faced numerous hardships in my life and situations where many don't survive, at least not well, not and be emotionally healthy. I manage to endure and have the personal self reflection to strive to improve myself.

In most areas of my life I have a great deal of self confidence. And that's based on accomplishing the difficult with my own brand of panache, and the natural confidence that brings. It doesn't hurt that I was born hugely intelligent (let's not forget humble) and reasonably attractive.

Unlike Lady P, I am not an extrovert. I am a garrulous introvert. Which probably explains my attraction to this venue; I can interact for a few minutes or a half hour and then return to my mostly solitary pursuits.

I am not self confident in all areas of my life, anyone with my background would have areas where their confidence falters. I didn't have a good upbringing or a happy childhood. I don't think you need that to be confident, what you need is to have overcome the obstacles life has put in your path.

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