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RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/23/2013 5:39:39 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

416 words in your profile and I have no clear idea what you are looking for other than someone age 23/36 that is employed nor do I understand what you offer a relationship. You did manage to convey a sense of who you are though. It's a long read for very little information.

A dating profile should read in few parts.

What you seek
Whom you seek
What you offer
Whom you are

Explain each of those parts in a 25 - 50 word paragraphs and you'll do great. Below is an example of what I mean. Please note that this profile was extremely successful and pulled responses from the cream of the crop here at CollarMe, getting inquiries from well known authors and public figures in the leather community.

~~~~~~~~~
This slave presents herself for service in a power exchange relationship. Master or Mistress will find my skills adequate from the emotional art of love, the passionate art of sexual servitude and good domestic talents for keeping a house, cooking meals and being a hostess.

Being 2nd generation created extensive experience in BDSM protocol and watching father created a strong masochistic streak this slave explored at an early age. Our future is what we make of it and our paths are governed by choice. This slave is of age and chooses to start or become part of a family now.

If manners, passion, masochism, love and the service of a well trained slave with a good heart and a trophy physic would be useful to you, this slave would interested in *bonding* into service if you are someone with equal or greater experience and talents.

Currently a student and training to be a nurse if this is of use but, career and location will be determined by future owner as this slave is best suited for TPE. This petition is respectfully submitted and thank you for reading it.
~~~~~~~~~

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to justalovinggirl)

Post #: 21

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/23/2013 5:44:12 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

RS,

I like the 25- 50 words thing. I may need to redo my own profile (although I do tend to talk a lot, so my loooooong profile might actually be a fair warning for any fellow who'd be digging me.

To the OP:
I would do away with the third person stuff - it smacks of "subblier than thou" in my book but then.... I'm not on the right side of the road for what you're looking for... so my words - take 'em with a grain of salt.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 22

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/23/2013 5:47:33 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
RS,

I like the 25- 50 words thing. I may need to redo my own profile (although I do tend to talk a lot, so my loooooong profile might actually be a fair warning for any fellow who'd be digging me.

Yeah, it's like writing ad copy. Making a personal brochure so to speak.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 23

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/23/2013 8:52:52 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
I would do away with the third person stuff - it smacks of "subblier than thou" in my book but then.... I'm not on the right side of the road for what you're looking for... so my words - take 'em with a grain of salt.

Then again, RS's example of a very successful profile was third person. Sure, that repels me but that's a good thing because I wouldn't be a fit for any such person.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 24

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/25/2013 6:29:48 AM

justalovinggirl

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/28/2013
Status: offline

And now check it out ?

_____________________________

Thus he would process her as a god dose his creatures, whom he lays hold of in the guise of a monster or bird, of an invisible spirit or a state of ecstasy .

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 25

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/25/2013 6:59:10 AM

justalovinggirl

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/28/2013
Status: offline

Humm I still have some work I am not very good with words

_____________________________

Thus he would process her as a god dose his creatures, whom he lays hold of in the guise of a monster or bird, of an invisible spirit or a state of ecstasy .

(in reply to justalovinggirl)

Post #: 26

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/25/2013 7:06:32 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justalovinggirl
Humm I still have some work I am not very good with words

Some specific questions:

You thinking long term relationship here or is this "hot fuck buddy"?
When you say "submit", do you mean during kinky sex or something else?
What do you know about "Mental bondage" and what makes you think you like it?

What I'm trying to do is get some sort of picture about "a day in the life". So the alarm goes off at 6:30am. What happens next?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to justalovinggirl)

Post #: 27

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/25/2013 7:55:06 AM

littleone14

Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline

That's better, but a couple of things I'd recommend. First off, some paragraph breaks would help make it read better, and maybe try not to squeeze so much into it. Short and sweet is better than longer and hard to read.

Also, I'm still not getting a sense of you as a person, just as a submissive. To be honest, that could be because I stopped reading part way thru, but I guess that's the point. You don't want someone to stop reading. Maybe start off with who you are from a vanilla standpoint, with just a bit about your submission at the end.

MUCH better photo. But I'd still ditch the ball gag photos.......

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 28

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/25/2013 8:01:21 AM

justalovinggirl

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/28/2013
Status: offline

Tbh I'm open to both long term and someone to play with

but my wishes are set for long term

I've have very little experiences with mental bondage where and are very little and not much

I've experienced it during hypnosis ,and just a partner telling me something I can't do . it being something I have to reset my whole train of though around , and remember to keep myself held to the standards set for me
.

I am not really sure if that is clear to you what I'm getting at

_____________________________

Thus he would process her as a god dose his creatures, whom he lays hold of in the guise of a monster or bird, of an invisible spirit or a state of ecstasy .

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 29

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/25/2013 8:17:37 AM

justalovinggirl

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/28/2013
Status: offline

See now I had friends read it over ,and they're all saying it sounds like me.
and that I do need to learn to type better

If you met me you would get it.

and I talk a lot and in big globs, of random just as my profiles written .

that's why every one that knows me is like yep sounds like me.

I'm a very social awkward person

and have a odd sense of person so you probably are understandings how I am but it dose not register as something you or

_____________________________

Thus he would process her as a god dose his creatures, whom he lays hold of in the guise of a monster or bird, of an invisible spirit or a state of ecstasy .

(in reply to justalovinggirl)

Post #: 30

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/25/2013 9:23:10 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justalovinggirl
I am not really sure if that is clear to you what I'm getting at

Yup, it does help. So my mental picture is that you're looking for a kinky relationship with some fun & games around "mental bondage" but an otherwise pretty vanilla sort of arrangement. In collarme terms we'd call that a bottom -- you are sexually submissive.

Just to help you see a different interpretation, when I think of "mental bondage" I'm thinking about something much more holistic and thorough than a bit of hypnosis. In my head I'm thinking the concept of "internal enslavement" and what it basically means (to me) is that I control her thoughts, emotions, etc. It isn't centered around sex. It is centered around all of life.

Note that neither of these ways is better or worse than the other. But they are clearly very different beasts.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to justalovinggirl)

Post #: 31

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/25/2013 11:22:44 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justalovinggirl

Humm I still have some work I am not very good with words

Glad you fixed the pictures, they look much better now.

You are getting there but I think you need to do some more work on it; It still feels a little jumbled and awkward. I would encourage you to have someone help you put things in order a little better and clean things up a bit. I understand that this sounds like you to your friends, but they know you and your audience does not.

Keep up the good work!

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to justalovinggirl)

Post #: 32

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/25/2013 3:02:26 PM

justalovinggirl

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/28/2013
Status: offline

Humm i see

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 33

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/25/2013 11:10:02 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

You profile pics look much better, but good God girl, you have jumped from 415 words to 682. It is a wall text and chaos. It is much worse now, not better. I don't think you are hearing what we are saying. You jump back and forth between the different topics all through your wordy profile. It is unkind to make a reader plow through 682 words to uncover two points "what I seek" and "who I am". That is two paragraphs worth of topic. I can summarize all that you said in two paragraphs using the 50 words per paragraph rule. Here it is in a total of 94 words:

I am carefree and spontaneous, usually up for anything. I am especially interested in confinement, oils , body worshiping, cuddling, socks, dress up and hair pulling. My limits are anal, electric play, bestiality and minors. I like the outdoors, bike riding, fishing and camping. I like pets, have a dog and some fish.

Seeking someone at least as tall as I am, my age or up to 14s older than me. I want them to be knowledgeable about the lifestyle, patient, reasonable and willing to try out new things because I am still exploring.

(Your current profile)

Pretty much I just want to be in a safe place, be cared about and allowed to submit to someone patient and reasonable.

I am none of those things a lot of the time.

Me I'm more care free drop of a hat why not let's do it kinda person.
With huge ideas and dreams about simple little things .

I am looking for someone healthy mentally and either working to be physically as well or that already is that way.

I'm not too crazy lol jk ...I'm working on being more health as far as my physical shape goes but not seeking to get very thin I like my plush softness!

not too much older than me, around 23/36 ish! who has more or equal knowledge about the lifestyle, (I've known about and been exploring on and off line since I was 15 and still learning and exploring.) I really can't say I know a grate deal but I am knowledgeable in some things .

Looking for someone who's open to my kinks, and hobbies also has some common ground that we can
start on out side of our kinkyness

*Few kinks of mine*
Confinement of all kinds (ask me) ,oils , body worshiping, cuddling !!!!!!!!,
Socks , hair pulling have lots more just a few simple ones to start off.

must be willing to try out new things along with me.

As far as more details about my kinks. I'd rather you ask me about them cause I feel.that some of them may bring unwanted negative attention so please ask away and feel free to shear with

I'd ask have to be open and willing to try or do your kinks - maybe not all but a fair amount, as the same with mine (if they're not already the same kinks )

I don't care much for how you look, but we Must have a mutual attraction to each otherand please be taller than 5 foot 5inches

Must be willing to put me in my place, because I'm not always sweet or submissive and need a caring, firm hand to lead me back into my place, which is all I can really ask for other than the limits I have.
limits :anal, anything to do with electric play ,
anything that can cause harm to me or anyone else
Real pets used in a sexual manner , anything to do with minors,

Or against the law

If you want to know more you're going to need to speak to me. get to know me I can prove I'm real if you need me to and you should be able to do the same.

* some fun facts about me *
I live alone I have 5 pets 4 fishies and a pup.
I'm a stoner !
I find rocks and put them in my pockets ,and take them home and fill jars and set them around the house !

I like to play dress up

I have a strobe light. when I'm sad and alone I dance in the dark with it on!!!! Sometimes I blow bubbles too lol .

I know I'm strange
i also love reading , hanging with friends,and playing games and

playing with my puppy .... well little dog sadie!
.

We love walks and bike rides.

love love going fishing and camping.

i go to the play ground at 4am with my friends and play tag and swings lol

im really just a big kid that parties. my friends say im a lot like a Ted.lol if you have seen the movie ,and met me you would understand. only im more little girl like

i love fishie i have 3 aquariums <3 AND MUST HAVE MORE !!!!!

and plan on getting more i also love cooking

And more than that I love cooking well and when people eat it lol<3

I hate grammar never really got the hang of it tbh:-P

call me dumb if u must I'll still love me !!!

if I could id have a pond filled with fancy gold fishies .

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to justalovinggirl)

Post #: 34

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/26/2013 6:45:48 PM

justalovinggirl

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/28/2013
Status: offline

But those are your words not mine

_____________________________

Thus he would process her as a god dose his creatures, whom he lays hold of in the guise of a monster or bird, of an invisible spirit or a state of ecstasy .

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 35

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/26/2013 6:59:32 PM

justalovinggirl

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/28/2013
Status: offline

I get it can be short but its not as intresting to me that way

if you could not understand I get why not read it.

but if you just lazy looking for something short and simple I'm not looking for you

that's my point patient and willing to correct , and put me in my place.

I'm not looking for short simple and easy .

_____________________________

Thus he would process her as a god dose his creatures, whom he lays hold of in the guise of a monster or bird, of an invisible spirit or a state of ecstasy .

(in reply to justalovinggirl)

Post #: 36

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/26/2013 7:02:30 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justalovinggirl

But those are your words not mine

Isn't that the problem that you came here with? Your words are not getting you what you want. What would be the big deal then in changing your words? Isn't that what you were asking for input on?

You asked "what am i doing wrong?" You got a lot of feedback on how you are portraying yourself in ways that you don't ultimately desire for what you want. You got feedback and then turned almost all of it away saying that you did what you did for a reason, or that you wanted to say what you exactly how you already did. What people are trying to tell you is that you are not putting across your meaning in writing the way you think you are. You know this because your words have not led you to your desired result.

Now, anytime you want to change your results, you can. If you want to hang onto what you think is cute, giggly, random, and representative of yourself, go right ahead, but it's not doing you any favors and according to you, it's not getting you anywhere. You have said you're socially awkward, perhaps you're not seeing the things people are telling you because it's hard for you to see...?

You're what I call a help-seeking denier. You say you want help, but you've turned away about everything that's been brought to your attention with some comment or other. I'm not telling you what to do, I'm saying if you really want to change your results, read what people have said, internalize the meaning, and change what you're doing. Resident Sadist had some very good advice for how you are coming across. He showed you an example of what to do. Do it in your own way, but it would help you to ponder what he and everyone else has said.

(in reply to justalovinggirl)

Post #: 37

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/26/2013 7:03:11 PM

justalovinggirl

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/28/2013
Status: offline

And my profile is actually longer now and I think a bit better

_____________________________

Thus he would process her as a god dose his creatures, whom he lays hold of in the guise of a monster or bird, of an invisible spirit or a state of ecstasy .

(in reply to justalovinggirl)

Post #: 38

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/26/2013 10:36:39 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

After two pages of replies about how badly written your profile is, I see no point in commenting further.

Good luck

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to justalovinggirl)

Post #: 39

RE: what am i doing wrong ? - 9/27/2013 6:28:48 AM

littleone14

Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline

I just looked at your profile and now it just says that you're no good at this profile thing and just email you if interested. There was a lot of good advice given here, from people who are trying to help you get what you want. Why did you just ignore it all and take such a black and white approach?????

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 40

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