RE: i have a not so simple question

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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:13:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld It was this one. For me, and my observations, a dishonest playing slut isn't anyone I want to involve in my life. The rest of your point was dead on. Ahh I see the fuzziness there. I agree with you- ending the relationship due to the dishonesty makes perfect sense. Heck even ending the relationship due to the slutting is fine. It's just that there's nothing wrong with the slutting nor would the slutting in any way have made the person unable to be in a long term healthy relationship. The dishonesty however, absolutely is wrong and takes the person out of the playing field. Thanks for making my clarify.

Wulfchyld -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:17:14 PM)
Anytime LA LA, I am sure the vast majority here would love to have a little slut. Especially one that was honest and committed.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:21:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld Anytime LA LA, I am sure the vast majority here would love to have a little slut. Especially one that was honest and committed. If they could handle it :) In a funny/sad story, last weekend at a party, a local girl who is having problems in her poly relationships (typical finding and working withint other peoples boundaries problems) asked me point blank "So what do you do when one of your partners starts seeing someone else?" Literally I just sort of blanked for a second- what should I do? We're just so OPEN and trusting that it's not even a question that enters into my consciousness to have to be concerned with. I finally said that I'd probably throw them a party and enjoy having a night alone and went into how it can be a bit wearying being the sole partner of two people at once. Trust and honesty really is at the root of it all- without it there would be nothing, and with it, we have everything.

Level -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:24:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr I can only reply from my point of view. I had a girl in this sitation once,we decided to seperate for a while and think things over. She decided to be a slut and play around-almost immediately. While I kept to myself. I heard about it third hand weeks later-I decided the players could have her. Speaking as a slut and one who plays around- the real issue was her not being able to let you know what was going on. Granted, 90% of people who get out of a relationship would do much better to take a breather than to jump into the water. But I bristle at the implication that being a slut and playing around is something you are somehow "better than." I respect your choice to not be with someone who makes choices you don't agree with- but slutting and playing hardly takes someone out of the "serious long term relationship" field. Well, if you and Loki aren't going to disagree, maybe we can lol. You (nor I, or anyone else) can tell Caretaker what his "real issue" was. That's up to him.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:26:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level Well, if you and Loki aren't going to disagree, maybe we can lol. You (nor I, or anyone else) can tell Caretaker what his "real issue" was. That's up to him. Tis true- perhaps being a slut really IS too much of an issue for him, perhaps there was something else to the story. But the trust thing I think is the key here. LOL why am I getting this image of a scoresheet of "Disagrees with Liz" on it and everyone enjoying racking up points?

Wulfchyld -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:27:07 PM)
LA LA I am going to shoot you a question that may derail the thread and if you think it would please start a new one. In your Poly relationship what is sacred and reserved between you and your "permanent" partner(s)? What are you withholding from others that is/are reserved specifically for your "permanent" partner(s)?

Level -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:30:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: Level Well, if you and Loki aren't going to disagree, maybe we can lol. You (nor I, or anyone else) can tell Caretaker what his "real issue" was. That's up to him. Tis true- perhaps being a slut really IS too much of an issue for him, perhaps there was something else to the story. But the trust thing I think is the key here. LOL why am I getting this image of a scoresheet of "Disagrees with Liz" on it and everyone enjoying racking up points? LOL. Well, like Loki said, I rarely disagree with you, maybe take some solace in that [8D].

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:32:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld In your Poly relationship what is sacred and reserved between you and your "permanent" partner(s)? What are you withholding from others that is/are reserved specifically for your "permanent" partner(s)? Time, for the most part. They take priority when it comes to my time and attention and energy. They are the ones I consider when I plan my future- whether it's a trip to the bank or career goals. Connection. They know things about me and have met my family which is something I do with people I am only deeply intimate with. And for me personally, blood and cutting play. But this is just a choice I've made for me, they are perfectly open to do it with anyone they would like.

Wulfchyld -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:32:58 PM)
Don't worry Level she took my red letter away. Runs off to the complaint thread

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:34:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level LOL. Well, like Loki said, I rarely disagree with you, maybe take some solace in that . I do, seriously :)

Wulfchyld -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:34:52 PM)
Any physical (other than blood play), mental, emotional, or spiritual reservations?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:36:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld Any physical (other than blood play), mental, emotional, or spiritual reservations? Reservations? Like "She can't use my green towel"?

Level -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:38:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld Don't worry Level she took my red letter away. Runs off to the complaint thread [:D] We Texans consider ourselves lucky to be getting her, if even for a short while. Now if we could just get someone to take Rick Perry away........

Wulfchyld -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:40:13 PM)
Like emotions et al that you do not share with people outside your Poly dynamic. I am working under the assumption that you have a static poly unit that you live with and play partners outside that. Right?

Emperor1956 -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:41:45 PM)
Not to derail the derail (and I think Wulf's question about what is "reserved" for the prime relationship is fascinating) I have a different thought: MAYBE LA isn't a slut at all. Now hear me out before you all cry out "SHE IS...SHE IS SUCH A SLUT!" I'm not sure that "honest and committed" (which I have no doubt LA is) goes with "slut". Perhaps inherent in the word "slut" is not only the concept of being sexually promiscuous, but also being deceptive? My girl has problems with the word "slut" in part because she perceives (I think) that it means she is somehow dishonest or cheating. I know there is a book "The Ethical Slut" but I submit that the appeal of the title is in part that it is an oxymoron. If you call someone a slut, are you casting aspersions on their character as well as commenting on the frequency (and usually, the variety) of their sexual experiences? Just a thought. E.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:41:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level We Texans consider ourselves lucky to be getting her, if even for a short while. Now if we could just get someone to take Rick Perry away........ OMG blush...just remember, you're getting three SWITCHES. We're gonna infect the whole state with our wild and crazy switch disease. Not to mention making you all poly. No promises on Rick Perry though.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:46:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld Like emotions et al that you do not share with people outside your Poly dynamic. I am working under the assumption that you have a static poly unit that you live with and play partners outside that. Right? Well I keep it as static as possible :) But yes, we're a main core family that is open to any other connections that come along. While I do have a unique energy connection with each of them and it is not something I have experienced much before or within a short term relationship- it's not something I'm closed to experiencing with someone new either. I'm not out there dating, in fact I've actually been sexually monogamous since April just because I know we've been moving and I've been too busy and enjoying myself with my local partner. But if someone came up to me and we had a hot sizzling connection, I wouldn't turn it away. Like monogamous relationships, I have a unique and deep connection with each of them that defies comparison. But I haven't put any limit on making that connection with someone else in the future. I think that answers your question, if not ask more!

Caretakr -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 9:47:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr I can only reply from my point of view. I had a girl in this sitation once,we decided to seperate for a while and think things over. She decided to be a slut and play around-almost immediately. While I kept to myself. I heard about it third hand weeks later-I decided the players could have her. Speaking as a slut and one who plays around- the real issue was her not being able to let you know what was going on. Granted, 90% of people who get out of a relationship would do much better to take a breather than to jump into the water. But I bristle at the implication that being a slut and playing around is something you are somehow "better than." I respect your choice to not be with someone who makes choices you don't agree with- but slutting and playing hardly takes someone out of the "serious long term relationship" field. She knew I disliked this behavior-and chose to do it immediately. This spoke spite and selfishness to me in ways nothing else possibly could have-especially when she chose to do her slutting with people she KNEW I absolutely despised. So what she was telling me was this- "I'm willing to do this to you, I am showing you what to expect of me." I listened.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 10:00:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Emperor1956 MAYBE LA isn't a slut at all. Now hear me out before you all cry out "SHE IS...SHE IS SUCH A SLUT!" I'm not sure that "honest and committed" (which I have no doubt LA is) goes with "slut". Perhaps inherent in the word "slut" is not only the concept of being sexually promiscuous, but also being deceptive? Oh trust me, I AM such a slut :) I don't think there's anything inherent in being deceptive as a slut. quote: My girl has problems with the word "slut" in part because she perceives (I think) that it means she is somehow dishonest or cheating. I know there is a book "The Ethical Slut" but I submit that the appeal of the title is in part that it is an oxymoron. If you call someone a slut, are you casting aspersions on their character as well as commenting on the frequency (and usually, the variety) of their sexual experiences? Just a thought. E. It's just another example of taking a negative label, and using it to empower yourself, transforming it into a positive label. We all have our language quirks. If she always sees slut as negative, that's ok. We have to choose the language that works for us. A lot of people find that they are ok with being called "my slut" because the emotional attachment of being possessed and desired for their slutty attitude takes away the stigma of taking their own power of sluttiness. For me, a slut is someone who has positive attitudes towards sex and has an attitude towards it that speaks of comfort and confidence in their sexuality. A person can be a chaste virgin and be a slut IMO- it's the attitude, not the act. The fact that, despite my past few months history, I actually AM an active slut in having random sex with random people, simply makes me more of the stereotypical slut.

Wulfchyld -> RE: i have a not so simple question (7/1/2006 10:16:28 PM)
I see slut as a degrading term outside the lifestyle. Within the lifestyle I think it represents a more extreme level of sexual openness. A little kinkier than a nympho. Within the lifestyle I like to have the illusion that we are all more open and would not stoop to sleeping around. So I can freely say; bring on the sluts! You know that nasty girl that torments you in the elevator, theatre, driving, on and on to the farthest reaches of kinky slut.

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