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How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 1:50:04 PM

NewBeginning504

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/25/2013
Status: offline

I have recently gotten serious about what I truly want of this lifestyle. I have talked to a few Dommes but many of them seem extremely jaded from the large amount of fakes on this site. I am very real and very serious in my search but admittedly I don't know everything. How can I convince Dommes that I am truly a real person that wants to submit? I am will to answer questions, exchange phone numbers, chat, or whatever. I just want to know if anyone here knows the best way to let a Domme know I am truly not another phoney baloney, time waster.

Post #: 1

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 1:52:12 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Yeah, submission is the last tango in a rather long dance, lose the kink and lose the kink picture, get a suit and tie, and tell us about YOU.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to NewBeginning504)

Post #: 2

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:03:22 PM

CatBBW

Posts: 43
Joined: 9/20/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Yeah, submission is the last tango in a rather long dance, lose the kink and lose the kink picture, get a suit and tie, and tell us about YOU.

^^^THIS.

Make sure your profile is fully completed, including the text and perhaps a blog. We want to see that you're a real person. If I get contacted with a "I wish to serve" message, the first thing I do is look at the profile. If it's blank, or the pics don't belong to the owner, or it's full of whining, or it just says "I'm here to serve, do what you want to me", that is an instant delete/Hide.

Make it interesting. What is it about you that we should choose YOU rather than the next "I wish to serve and I'm serious" message?

Hope this helps

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 3

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:12:30 PM

NewBeginning504

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/25/2013
Status: offline

I do appreciate the response and the advice but I don't know about a suit and tie. I could change my pictures and the wording of my profile if it will help. Usually I am willing to divulge more information about myself if I exchange emails with a Domme but changing my profile may be a good idea. I figured the BDSM pictures would show a Domme that I had done something as far as this lifestyle goes. I have seen a whole bunch of profiles and I have not seen too many with subs/slaves in suits and ties, but it might be the way to go.

(in reply to CatBBW)

Post #: 4

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:17:03 PM

CatBBW

Posts: 43
Joined: 9/20/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NewBeginning504

I do appreciate the response and the advice but I don't know about a suit and tie. I could change my pictures and the wording of my profile if it will help. Usually I am willing to divulge more information about myself if I exchange emails with a Domme but changing my profile may be a good idea. I figured the BDSM pictures would show a Domme that I had done something as far as this lifestyle goes. I have seen a whole bunch of profiles and I have not seen too many with subs/slaves in suits and ties, but it might be the way to go.

You CAN have the BDSM pics (IMO, although others may disagree) - just your main profile pic should be smartened up. Remember that is the first one we see when we click on your profile, and this is the one that will make us read further or hit Hide (or Block!).

< Message edited by CatBBW -- 9/25/2013 2:18:07 PM >

(in reply to NewBeginning504)

Post #: 5

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:22:20 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NewBeginning504

I do appreciate the response and the advice but I don't know about a suit and tie. I could change my pictures and the wording of my profile if it will help. Usually I am willing to divulge more information about myself if I exchange emails with a Domme but changing my profile may be a good idea. I figured the BDSM pictures would show a Domme that I had done something as far as this lifestyle goes. I have seen a whole bunch of profiles and I have not seen too many with subs/slaves in suits and ties, but it might be the way to go.

I'm with Ron, lose the kink pictures. It doesn't show that you have done something in the lifestyle (not that I consider kinky sex a lifestyle)...it just promotes an image of being a wanker and that kink is the most important thing to you.

Be a person first.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NewBeginning504)

Post #: 6

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:25:34 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I figured the BDSM pictures would show a Domme that I had done something as far as this lifestyle goes.

The profile picture than women here responded most favorably to was one of a man in normal clothes standing in his (nice, big, clean) kitchen.

(in reply to NewBeginning504)

Post #: 7

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:28:32 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

OP, do you ever think women look at pictures of men displaying their fetishes/kinks and think, "Oh good, another picture of someone displaying that their entire being is focused on what gets them hard." Hairy asses and gagged mouths do not look attractive or say you are a well balanced, intriguing person.

Impress someone by being witty or funny, not by expressing how awesome it would be to be able to submit to someone. Take off the fricking blinder and smile. Women here are not looking for a stuffed animal to slap around, they want a well spoken partner who can bring something to their life. Show them you are a real person by being a real person with non-sexual interests and who is charming, not by being a crash test dummy with a gag in your mouth.

TPE 24/7 enslavement is mostly a tiresome job for the enslaver and one that isn't much fun. The slave gets the most out of it, why would someone wish to work so hard at fulfilling your fantasy? If you were really looking at slavery from the viewpoint of being a good slave, you'd be writing in your profile about what you bring to the table and how you'd enrich a Dom's life. Living in a cage or whatever does as much for the Dom as having another potted plant. If your goal is being a slave, you honestly need to rethink your view on things here to reflect being that slave and being of use to someone instead of being taken care of.

Contrary to what men want, women seem to want real people who are interesting and bring things to the table other than a bag of meat to abuse. Put the porn aside.

(in reply to NewBeginning504)

Post #: 8

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:29:50 PM

CatBBW

Posts: 43
Joined: 9/20/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

I figured the BDSM pictures would show a Domme that I had done something as far as this lifestyle goes.

The profile picture than women here responded most favorably to was one of a man in normal clothes standing in his (nice, big, clean) kitchen.

I've been reading lots of threads since I joined, and this pic keeps being mentioned. That must have been one hell of a sexy kitchen!!

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 9

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:30:13 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Dominant women get contacted by lots of guys who are interested in kink.

Damn few of them are interested in becoming friends first.

You could also attend munches and dungeons in your area and make friends. You'll get to know people that way, as friends, without pressure. And you'll learn what relationships between dommes and subs are like.

If you rarely wear a suit, then try a pair of good jeans, ironed, that fit you well and a nice shirt. If you would wear it to your mother's birthday party, it will make a great primary picture.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 10

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:31:42 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

One further thing, OP you state submissive on your profile, at the end of your profile you might say that you will be deeply committed to serving your mistress and enhancing her life, if you feel you gotta say SOMETHING,

But most girls know you got a dick, and most girls know you know they got boobs. So a little polish, a little poise, no blackjacks, know whadda mean?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 11

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:32:12 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NewBeginning504

I do appreciate the response and the advice but I don't know about a suit and tie. I could change my pictures and the wording of my profile if it will help. Usually I am willing to divulge more information about myself if I exchange emails with a Domme but changing my profile may be a good idea. I figured the BDSM pictures would show a Domme that I had done something as far as this lifestyle goes. I have seen a whole bunch of profiles and I have not seen too many with subs/slaves in suits and ties, but it might be the way to go.

Seriously, listen to what women are telling you, is that not your target audience? No one needs the picture book mentality of seeing you've done BDSM things, it really isn't all that to a woman. A suit and tie or casual dress is the way to STAND OUT. Why be exactly the same as the next clueless sub and be instantly relegated to the back of the line by a Dom who will pass you by?

Stand out by being a man and seeming like you are interesting and have more to offer than a couple of holes and a brain that's obsessed with your kink.

(in reply to NewBeginning504)

Post #: 12

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:33:16 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

I figured the BDSM pictures would show a Domme that I had done something as far as this lifestyle goes.

The profile picture than women here responded most favorably to was one of a man in normal clothes standing in his (nice, big, clean) kitchen.

come clean my kitchen and do my laundry then, goddammit!!!!

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 13

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:41:27 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

According to FetLife, there are 25 upcoming events BDSM in New Orleans, 75 discussion groups relating to New Orleans and 4,873 members living in New Orleans. And that doesn't include other towns near New Orleans.

The best place to meet real time people, make real time kinky friends and find real time BDSM is in your local, real time BDSM community.

(in reply to NewBeginning504)

Post #: 14

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:44:29 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

[My] Master didn't really care much about my previous experience in the lifestyle.

What He cared about was:

Is she honest?
Does she keep her word?
Does she have integrity?
Is she kind?
Can we have fun together?
Do I enjoy her company?

The experiences that interest Him are the ones we share.

The guys in the photos who aren't wearing a suit and tie, have the same level of luck that you do.

The first thing people will notice about your profile is your photo.
They say a picture is worth 1,000 words.
Your photo is worth seven.
I am seeking a fetish delivery system.
(And that indicates you are not submissive; a bottom, perhaps, but not submissive.)

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to NewBeginning504)

Post #: 15

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:48:27 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

come clean my kitchen and do my laundry then, goddammit!!!!

How am I going to do that with my mouth full?

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 16

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 2:53:36 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle
According to FetLife, there are 25 upcoming events BDSM in New Orleans, 75 discussion groups relating to New Orleans and 4,873 members living in New Orleans. And that doesn't include other towns near New Orleans.

The best place to meet real time people, make real time kinky friends and find real time BDSM is in your local, real time BDSM community.

This.

Nobody ever really questions if I'm real or not (shuddup, Ron) on this site. Do you know why? It's because I've met a lot of people that also happen to be here. Munches, events, private parties, and things that don't have anything to do with sitting behind the computer screen.

Also, for what it's worth, OP, lizi is spot on in her reply as well. If you don't want to take the advice given, that's your choice, but we're the folks who see what works and what doesn't. It doesn't matter how many primary pics that you see that are kink focused or other types of commonly used shots that you see out there. How do you know those shots are working for those guys or are they getting passed up just like you are? If what you were doing was working for you, I doubt you'd be asking the question.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 17

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 4:10:31 PM

StrictlyADomina

Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
Status: offline

I agree that a different picture might work. Maybe they might think that you are not legitimate when you are offered a tip about the local community and you are lackluster in pursuing that (7/26/13"There is a fem dom club in New Orleans, ClubFEM NOLA, and they have a discussion group on fetlife, but I'm not sure how active they are.") Swapping some e-mails and being personable opens many doors.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 4:55:38 PM

NewBeginning504

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/25/2013
Status: offline

Thank you all very much for the advice. I definitely appreciate it when people with more experience than me take the time to offer some wisdom. I will get some new pictures up very soon.

(in reply to StrictlyADomina)

Post #: 19

RE: How can I prove I am real? - 9/25/2013 4:59:53 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

For me, BDSM pictures prove nothing. It certainly doesn't prove you, OP. Just my honest opinion...since you asked.

Take me, for example. My guy doesn't like taking pictures of himself, so the one I got before I met him over a year and a half ago looking like a regular guy was all I got. That and our talks. He didn't get any über Domme pics of me either. My pictures reflected a regular woman wearing regular clothes. All he had was those pictures of me and our talks too. And here we are going strong over a year and a half later.

No amount of BDSM pics is going to prove your BDSM "street cred." You prove yourself by your actions. My "vanilla as fuck" mom could stroll into Spartacus here in Portland, purchase a bunch of BDSM gear, and take pics in the gear...yet that isn't going to prove her BDSM street cred either. See the point?

Now I think I need to go throw up and douse my brain in bleach to remove the scary, scary, scary mental pictures....and maybe laying in a corner for a bit to curl up in the fetal position and cry

Aside from the pics, your profile read "kink, kink, kink, me, me, me" to me." Doesn't say anything about you as a person. And even in a 24/7 situation, it's not always 100% kink all the time. If she is sick with the flu, the LAST thing she is gong to be thinking about is domming you. When you spend time with her around vanilla family and friends, can you contribute meaningfully to that? It's not all M/s all the time. It's real life, not fantasyland. Can you exist in the real world too? Your profile does not reflect that.

Just the things I thought off the top of my head...since you asked

Edited: you responded while I was typing my response to you

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 9/25/2013 5:03:07 PM >

(in reply to StrictlyADomina)

Post #: 20

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