quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Hard wiring.

Some people are hard wired to be able to fully engage with more than one partner.

And some of us aren't. We prefer to be alone if we can't find our One. He's as hard wired monogamous as I am. We are happy to have finally met our soul mates. Neither of us feel that we have sacrificed anything to be in the relationship.

Figure out what you need. And don't settle for less than that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

These days I am very interested in openness of mind, truly understanding other persons points of view, reasons behind the choices people make.
What are the reasons behind having more then one submissive? I can think of a few different reasons but I might be entirely wrong.

quote:

What are the reasons behind having more then one submissive?

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

When people are speaking the truth about the most intimate reasons they chose the way they do, I appreciate it, I am not offended by it. Are some things said I don't understand? Well Of course but that's what makes it interesting.
I was thinking back to when I as a cheater, which really hasn't been that long ago. I was thinking as to all the reasons I did it, at first I lied about it, then I told the truth and admitted what I was doing. Lady pact hit it on the head for me, about wanting bits and pieces of missing portions in my relationship. The only problem was in my confusion, I was thinking sex was the missing portion when in fact it was communication and understanding. Who I choose to be with didn't have anymore understanding of me then my husband or the man on the moon. What it ended up being was a distraction and deterrent to actually facing the problems at hand. WHen I should have been addressing my and my spouses problem, I would think of exciting sex or thoughts of the other man.
At the height of situation I questioned whether I might be polygamous, because I seemed to have trouble finding satisfaction in one relationship. It had stemmed back years, not just in my marriage. Really the whole thing stemmed to two problems, one which was not dealing with my martial problems head on and two, one that plagued me for much longer, is not knowing myself and having clear direction. I was confused because at heart I am monogamous, without it in a relationship, I just feel like bits and pieces.
I do believe there are people who can thrive and grow beyond monogamy and it fulfills their life in a bigger way but considering my wiring, its just not something I could find satisfaction.
Again thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts honestly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24
These days I am very interested in openness of mind, truly understanding other persons points of view, reasons behind the choices people make.
What are the reasons behind having more then one submissive? I can think of a few different reasons but I might be entirely wrong.

Let's understand that for me this is semi-theoretical. Specifically, I have done the necessary changes in Carol and myself to enable adding a 3rd but I am not exactly racing to find anyone... or even lifting a finger. My reasoning is quite simple.

If I found a person who I thought would add in meaningful ways to the tapestry of my marriage I would not want to eschew the choice simply on a knee-jerk reaction.

That's it.

Thank you Jeff for answering, but that really tells me nothing other then you have taken steps, it doesn't tell me why. What meaningful things? You don't have to answer that, but it eludes what I am asking really.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoBimbosAllowed

Not touching that one. Nope.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoBimbosAllowed

Not touching that one. Nope.

The fact that you think there's anything that requires not touching, and makes you think that saying so is a good idea, means you really didn't get it.

A good parent wants more than one child because they love guiding and giving love to those who need guidance and love.

A bad parent wants more than one child so they can have someone else to abuse.

Either way, it's about power, but there are good uses of power and bad.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

When people are speaking the truth about the most intimate reasons they chose the way they do, I appreciate it, I am not offended by it. Are some things said I don't understand? Well Of course but that's what makes it interesting.
I was thinking back to when I as a cheater, which really hasn't been that long ago. I was thinking as to all the reasons I did it, at first I lied about it, then I told the truth and admitted what I was doing. Lady pact hit it on the head for me, about wanting bits and pieces of missing portions in my relationship. The only problem was in my confusion, I was thinking sex was the missing portion when in fact it was communication and understanding. Who I choose to be with didn't have anymore understanding of me then my husband or the man on the moon. What it ended up being was a distraction and deterrent to actually facing the problems at hand. WHen I should have been addressing my and my spouses problem, I would think of exciting sex or thoughts of the other man.
At the height of situation I questioned whether I might be polygamous, because I seemed to have trouble finding satisfaction in one relationship. It had stemmed back years, not just in my marriage. Really the whole thing stemmed to two problems, one which was not dealing with my martial problems head on and two, one that plagued me for much longer, is not knowing myself and having clear direction. I was confused because at heart I am monogamous, without it in a relationship, I just feel like bits and pieces.
I do believe there are people who can thrive and grow beyond monogamy and it fulfills their life in a bigger way but considering my wiring, its just not something I could find satisfaction.
Again thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts honestly.

If one is unhappy... It's usually best to start with the person one sees in the mirror. Often times ones relationship is but amirror of oneself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

When people are speaking the truth about the most intimate reasons they chose the way they do, I appreciate it, I am not offended by it. Are some things said I don't understand? Well Of course but that's what makes it interesting.
I was thinking back to when I as a cheater, which really hasn't been that long ago. I was thinking as to all the reasons I did it, at first I lied about it, then I told the truth and admitted what I was doing. Lady pact hit it on the head for me, about wanting bits and pieces of missing portions in my relationship. The only problem was in my confusion, I was thinking sex was the missing portion when in fact it was communication and understanding. Who I choose to be with didn't have anymore understanding of me then my husband or the man on the moon. What it ended up being was a distraction and deterrent to actually facing the problems at hand. WHen I should have been addressing my and my spouses problem, I would think of exciting sex or thoughts of the other man.
At the height of situation I questioned whether I might be polygamous, because I seemed to have trouble finding satisfaction in one relationship. It had stemmed back years, not just in my marriage. Really the whole thing stemmed to two problems, one which was not dealing with my martial problems head on and two, one that plagued me for much longer, is not knowing myself and having clear direction. I was confused because at heart I am monogamous, without it in a relationship, I just feel like bits and pieces.
I do believe there are people who can thrive and grow beyond monogamy and it fulfills their life in a bigger way but considering my wiring, its just not something I could find satisfaction.
Again thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts honestly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Hard wiring.

Some people are hard wired to be able to fully engage with more than one partner.

And some of us aren't. We prefer to be alone if we can't find our One. He's as hard wired monogamous as I am. We are happy to have finally met our soul mates.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24



This can be very true. Starting with ones self, getting that honest reflection and changing certain undesirable characteristics is absolutely key. Ultimately we can only change ourselves. The blame game is a cop out. Blaming the other person, but it is also a cop out to always blame ones self too. Sometimes it really is the other person.
Overall, I am a happy and grateful person. Always the curious one though, interested in peoples thoughts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressLily

How true, and I might add that monogamy is both soft-wired and hard-wired into the entirety of my being.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Hard wiring.

Some people are hard wired to be able to fully engage with more than one partner.

And some of us aren't. We prefer to be alone if we can't find our One. He's as hard wired monogamous as I am. We are happy to have finally met our soul mates.

The hard-wiring has to do with the simple fact that I physically concentrate my efforts much like a magnifying glass, and my scope of dispersion doesn't lend itself to a broad range whether it's in my interpersonal relationships or any other aspect of my life. Depth over breadth.

As for soft-wiring in terms of personality variables, I've systematically elected Quality over Quantity, Thoroughness over Speed, Excellence over Adequacy. Are these personal preferences? Damn straight.

Are others better at multi-tasking, more extroverted and thus needful of a larger circle of people in their lives? Without a doubt. For them (the extroverts), they might feel as though they would wither and die without constant stimulation in the form of external stimuli, external reinforcement. There are those who cannot stand to ever be alone, always have to have the TV turned on, lights on in every room, be talking on the phone to someone. The sublime quiet of stillness is not their friend. Neither characteristic is superior to the other, both need to be balanced in order to maintain equilibrium.

I, too, would prefer to not be with anybody if he's not right for me and I'm not right for him. As Arturas duly noted, "There is enough Dom for more than one submissive." While this may be quite true in concept, in the application thereof, I would soberly advise: Do what you will, but don't bite off more than what you can chew. Not without being prepared to accept the consequences of your actions. Some things cannot be easily undone.

_____________________________

* * * Not A Fetish/Kink Delivery System * * *

{Edited for typo}

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Hard wiring.

Some people are hard wired to be able to fully engage with more than one partner.

And some of us aren't. We prefer to be alone if we can't find our One. He's as hard wired monogamous as I am. We are happy to have finally met our soul mates. Neither of us feel that we have sacrificed anything to be in the relationship.

Figure out what you need. And don't settle for less than that.