RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (Full Version)

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Level -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (7/1/2006 4:33:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: desertdancer

I am not yet married to Master, though he has proposed and we are happily engaged!  Our wedding will be soon in fact and I'm really excited.  We took our time coming to where we are now and it's been well worth the wait, for both of us.   I will have both a wedding ring and a collar, and I will wear both proudly. I have a public collar  that I can wear anyplace so as not to upset co-workers or family members who don't know the depth of our relationship. 

We'll have a public wedding then another private formal collaring ceremony for just the two of us, though I've been collared since Oct we wanted to wait for any vows or ceremony to go along with our wedding. 

I have to say though we aren't formally married I feel married to him and have for some time now. * Smiles* I hate to go all girly and gushy but I've found my soul-mate and we just fit together so well it's like we've always been married...

~dancer



All the congratulations in the world to the both of you, dancer [:D]



jonathan -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (7/1/2006 4:33:04 PM)

julia dear, namesake of one who on Her part can't Own me because of Her choice, it's all about the symbolism. Once upon a time, trade a couple of goats and you're married. Socially sanctioned marriage is just a way for those with power to control further. In our world, it does not matter if it's the collar, the ring on the left hand, or the desired piercing, or the signed contract, or always wearing a chosen necklace. What matters is the personal acknowledgement of commitment to One. In the course of my 52 year life, and more than once, it's been about the commitment of "marriage" and it's been M/s almost all along. Never been, thank you, didn't care about it. Keeps the lawyers unemployed. There are other ways to handle that. And if anyone thinks that civil marriage is nothing more than legalistic BS, go back to civics and/or ancient history class. A marriage within a faith is just the same as us and ours standing up in public and saying "i am Yours", except for the involvement of a deity. (am i ever going to get flamed over this one.)

The relationship and the symbol are between you and Yours, and hopefully some close friends and family. What counts is what's in the heart on both sides. For me, 'marriage' and LTR are co-evals. If i'm going to give myself over, then She gets it all without reservation or hesitation, forever.

Personally, if we want to share with some close friends when i am collared, fine. i'd prefer that to a 'church wedding', and i've always wanted one of those.

Ummm, what was the question? Oh, yes, i want to get "married" to my prospective Owner. In our sense of the word. And it will have all the personal connotations and none of the pseudo-legal, and you couldn't tell the difference. There'd still be two smiling faces.




slavejali -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (7/1/2006 4:33:19 PM)

Forgive for hijacking: but thanks Loki [:)] Love playing around with graphic art.



slavejlb -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (7/1/2006 4:38:09 PM)

hello Level:
know i wish you all the happiest in the world.  but i do know from my own expericences that Marriage and D/s do not always go hand in hand,
If this is your both first marriage then the baggage from another does not scare. nor tinit on what a marraige should be.
When my current husband and i got marriend it screw up my D/s this is mostly due to the mine set.
Know the best of luck, and the happiest of days.
slave jlb



DoctorDubious -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (7/1/2006 4:41:22 PM)

quote:


I must say I find it absolutely bizarre when people who are committed to eachother in Ds or Ms relationships feel the desire to marry beyond compelling legal/medical/financial reasons.  Usually they claim it's because of some romantic ideal or it's to satisfy some social status standard from their family or religion- but I really don't understand the significance beyond the legal stuff if you're already committed.



Dear LuckyAlbatross... and all....

Now I know I've come to the right place!

There's thousands of perverts here.  Thousands and thousands of perverts.
Lady, this is the Disneyland of Deviancy!

Most every abberation and freak behaviour known to man is on display.

And you think marriage is "absolutely bizarre"!

When I read that I roared with delight!

*************************

On a more serious note,
we are all embedded deeply into a culture,
and the embedded conditioning pops out in lotsa ways.

Folks tend to express themselves, and behave,
according to their cultural condiioning.

Also, there's a practical application here.

The more normal I look on the outside,
the more I can practice my own perverted ways.
And that's a goood thing.... at least for this frisky old goat.

DD



juliaoceania -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (7/1/2006 4:43:31 PM)

deleted because I misunderstood her post... ouch!



desertdancer -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (7/1/2006 4:45:28 PM)

* beams* Thank you Level for the congratulations.  To say I'm thrilled would be putting it oh so very mildly! Took us four years to come this far, but each moment has been cherished.

~dancer



juliaoceania -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (7/1/2006 4:50:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: desertdancer

* beams* Thank you Level for the congratulations.  To say I'm thrilled would be putting it oh so very mildly! Took us four years to come this far, but each moment has been cherished.

~dancer



I am sure the two of you will be very happy, congratulations!



Rayne58 -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (7/1/2006 9:35:51 PM)

Master and I have been engaged for over a year and we would have been married by now if it weren't for His health getting in the way [&o] Things are better now and we are making tentative plans for an early December wedding.

To us the wedding ring would be more of a commitment than a collar - we both see a collar as more of a "play accessory". Our relationship as life partners and lovers comes first and the D/s is the icing on the cake. That is not to say that it's not an important part of our lives - for me the dynamic runs as an undercurrent all through our relationship - but it is not the major reason we are together. That is because we love each other and want to spend our lives together *gee I hope that babble made some sense*[8|][:)]



fyrekittyn -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (7/1/2006 10:11:34 PM)

I am not currently married to the one who I call Sir. But he and I have both discussed it, and agree that at some point in time if things keep on, we would consider marriage. I am a wedding officiant, and perform weddings, commitment ceremonies, and am even going to start offering formal collaring ceremonies. For me, it is all about personal commitment and the expression of that.



proudsub -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (7/2/2006 8:30:34 AM)

Married 38 years, officially his submissie for 3 years, but have always lived that way, just didn't have a name for it.



JessieMe -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (7/2/2006 3:11:48 PM)

Was married to my first Master and then during that time..he stopped being my Master. So.. the marriage did not last either. Now I do not think I would want to be married to my current Master. To me its not necessary for what we have and it seems <at least with my relationships in the past> that once you allow the "love and marriage phase" to enter in.. the M/s seems to go out the window..

This does NOT reflect on anyone else's relationship. Only what has happened in mine. Can it work absolultely as you can see from previous postings. I am just saying it doesnt work for me.



Elegant -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (7/2/2006 8:54:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I must say I find it absolutely bizarre when people who are committed to eachother in Ds or Ms relationships feel the desire to marry beyond compelling legal/medical/financial reasons.  Usually they claim it's because of some romantic ideal or it's to satisfy some social status standard from their family or religion- but I really don't understand the significance beyond the legal stuff if you're already committed.


Master Archer took ownership of me 8 years ago. 2 1/2 years ago we were married and I again promised to love, honor and obey.

Nothing bizarre at all as to why we married.
1. He has health insurance and his company does not offer coverage to partners.I didn't have health insurance.
2. In front of a judge marriage is more socially acceptable than cohabitating if my bible thumping ex husband decides he wants to challenge our child custody agreement.
3. ..and a major point: Because we have the right to get married and if we (as a population) don't take advantage of certain rights they could be taken away. Our wedding mass even included verbage about the right of all people to have the right to be married.

Yes there is a #4. We do love each other. But, the M/s is the primary foundation of our relationship and will remain so. If something were to happen in our relationship I would rather be unmarried and owned by Master Archer than married to him and not in the M/s relationship.

Problems because of marriage:
1. Damned hyphenated last name (for the kids sake) confuses so many people and businesses!
2. People who know we are M/s calling us husband/wife. Grrrrrrrr.
3. People assume that our marriage is monogamous.



misswipp -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (10/11/2006 12:30:40 PM)

a couple married 30 yrs. where on the computer one night. he came upon a site ,she made a commit ,and six years later after much research,and discussion a lifestyle is born.
    yes long term marriage can fit into this lifestyle,and you are right it is about love,also trust and lust .
   



misswipp -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (10/11/2006 12:46:25 PM)

you  are so right. 



thisishis -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (10/11/2006 12:58:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I have always been curious about whether the people who post here are married to their BDSM partner. I have seen some of you that I know are married, but others haven't really specified.
i am.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I also wonder how many of you have marriage as a long term goal for a LTR within the lifestyle?
Prior to finding each other here on collarme in 2004, i wasn't looking for or hoping for marriage. Days after meeting, the thought crept into our minds. Within weeks, the thoughts were shared and discovered to be mutual. Ten months after the thoughts crept in, the marriage began..

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
If you do desire to make your submissive/dominant your lifemate also, which do you think you would find more of a commitment, the collar or the wedding ring?
The vows which are symbolized by the collar symbolize the commitment and the dynamics of the marriage. 
We don't wear traditional wedding rings. We didn't want them. Weeks after being placed in His collar, i was given a sterling O-ring to wear on my left ring finger. It is just as important a symbol of our commitment as the collar. It would have been upsetting to me to remove that ring. i didn't want a wedding band to replace it, the commitment was symbolized by that ring, long before wedding vows were exchanged. He agreed. It now serves as a combination wedding band/Ownership symbol. Weeks later, a matching band, minus the O-ring was purchased. He surprised me with it. He wears it as His wedding band.

The marriage is the method which we chose for sharing the symbolism of our committment with family (some know of our O/s relationship... some do not)  and vanilla friends etc.... and for making our joining a legalized union. Between ourselves, we half-jokingly refer to the marriage certificate as His bill of sale. 
Our O/s committment and the marriage are not separate. i value both, differently, and yet equally.



jesskitty -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (10/11/2006 1:45:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious
Marriage ring or collar?

Just my opinion.... but the shape and form
of the "symbol" of our committment to each other
is a mere trviality.... a lump of gold, or fabric, or steel...

What counts is that searing essense of two souls,
one on the path of submission, one on the path of authority...


i like the sentiments there. phsyical things go away after your dead, what stays with you if you belive in any sort of an afterlife is your emotions, memories, and soul if you belive in one. therefore i think either a collar or a ring doesn't matter.

personally looking down that long long tunnel into the future i hope to one day marry the man or woman that is commited to be with me through thick and thin. i personally am to much of a territorial person to want to share. my partner would be mine and i would be theirs only so they would go into it knowing that and that i also intend to marry that person if we last that long or turn out to be that serious.

on the collar or ring aspect....i'm not much for material things...to me a collar would more signify a long term commited relationship than final marriage...so it would really depend on my thoughts when it comes up to it. possibly making a combo of the two and putting a jewel of somesorts in the center, who knows marriage for me is far far away being the youngin i am and even though i have a basic plan for what i want i know life changes so when it comes to that i like not rushing it and takin it a step at a time. [:)]

going to edit after reading. my religious belifs are so kiltered i just tend to say eclectic because it's more understandable to people. i have a mix of christian(mainly beliveing and choosing to focus on following/worshiping god and jesus compared to other dieites and not the whole church bible aspect), pagan, and abit of various asian religion practices mixed...so my wants for marriage has nothing to do with reilgion since i basically don't have one technically, for me it's more of a ceremony that marks this is it with this person for good for bad and were willing to make it work. whats different to me is that  while in a long term realtionship or a relationship in general i have the idea as others have said, it's not fully rest of my life commited until they voice they want to and we both reciprocate it..but just because it's not life time commited does not mean that partner and i would not be intersted in being long term. i hope this makes some type of sense...i'm having extreme writers block recently and there's a good chance it doesn't and i can't think of how to word it better.



Argentopal -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (10/11/2006 3:20:27 PM)

Lived together 2+ years first, then married, now 25 + years.  24/7 D/s almost 10 now, tho the basic relationship was always there.  I wear a wedding ring, and a necklace-collar - both of equal importance for different reasons. 
Ms Opal aka DaddyArgent's babygirl



kyraofMists -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (10/11/2006 3:26:32 PM)

My Lord and alandra are married and have been for 16 years.  I have never had the desire to get married and I don't see it happening in the future.

*edited to add that my Lord's comments on this in the past have been that she is a slave who roleplays being a wife.

**edited again... this is what I get for not reading a thread before posting... I already made a post to this when it was first started  *g*

Knight's kyra




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle (10/11/2006 3:32:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyaofMists
My Lord and alandra are married and have been for 16 years.  I have never had the desire to get married and I don't see it happening in the future.

*edited to add that my Lord's comments on this in the past have been that she is a slave who roleplays being a wife.

Knight's kyra

I would totally marry you!



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