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RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 10/11/2006 3:41:50 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyaofMists
My Lord and alandra are married and have been for 16 years.  I have never had the desire to get married and I don't see it happening in the future.

*edited to add that my Lord's comments on this in the past have been that she is a slave who roleplays being a wife.

Knight's kyra

I would totally marry you!


LOL  If you were a Canadian citizen I would take you up on that offer!!

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 10/11/2006 7:45:57 PM   
mystictryst


Posts: 125
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline 		We have been together nearly 8 years. Marriage was never high on his list of priorities. I'd been married previously and I never thought I'd want to be married again. When Master and I came together, it was in a Ds sense for a long term relationship. I accepted he didn't want/need to be married to me.

So when he asked in January this year, it blew me away. It was so unexpected and so completely heartfelt and so wanted by us both, that I yelled yes. We were married 5 months later. His primary question to me was "Will you change your last name?" The question stemmed from him being with me and all the trouble of changing my name back after the first marriage ended...  I told him there would be nothing that would make me more proud.

I guess marriage might not really matter - we've no religious affliliation either. For us it was a legal binding of our committment. We generally referred to is as a 'union' (which drove most people wonky). I have never been happier. He truly has filled my world with joy and marrying him was the second best thing to ever happen in my life... The first was finding him in the first place.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/16/2007 5:08:23 AM   
maledave7


Posts: 142
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		My goal is a marriage relationship with a special dominant woman. I have never desire a casual relationship and do desire a marriage relationship. I have always desire to be submissive to a dominant woman. I feel that I would be most happy if she was dominant in the relationship.
I need more time to think about your question of the collar or wedding ring.
These are some of my thoughts now.
The wedding ring to me is that it symbolizes a comment to a long-term relationship with a special woman. That it does not matter if things get better or worse, what matters is my comment to be faithful to her. I know that I would fail her at times, but I am comment to be the best husband I can be to her.
I feel that the collar symbolizes a comment to be her submissive. My desire is to please her in all things. I do desire to submit to her rule over me. I do feel that I would fail her sometimes and she would need to discipline me.
Sometimes I feel that they are a piece of fabric. The woven fabric would have two different colors in it. I feel that I would be her submissive husband and she would be my Dominant Wife. In that light, I would always be her submissive first and her husband second.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/16/2007 5:38:48 AM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58

Master and I have been engaged for over a year and we would have been married by now if it weren't for His health getting in the way Things are better now and we are making tentative plans for an early December wedding.

To us the wedding ring would be more of a commitment than a collar - we both see a collar as more of a "play accessory". Our relationship as life partners and lovers comes first and the D/s is the icing on the cake. That is not to say that it's not an important part of our lives - for me the dynamic runs as an undercurrent all through our relationship - but it is not the major reason we are together. That is because we love each other and want to spend our lives together *gee I hope that babble made some sense*


That December wedding did take place and like Bitatruble and slavejali I have taken Master's surname as well as wearing His wedding ring and collar. Such a relief to be rid of my ex's name, and that the last vestige of my former life (apart from my grown kids) is behind me

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/16/2007 7:36:38 AM   
Shantra


Posts: 41
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline 		Master collared me in February of 01 and married me in October of that same year. 

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/16/2007 8:28:05 AM   
SirEbonyPhoenix


Posts: 195
Joined: 8/29/2006
From: My realm in Central Indiana (you guess where :P)
Status: offline 		For me, I would certainly like to be married to my sub/slave someday,but as to the issue of whether the collar or the ring is important in the relationship, I would have to say that in a married situation, the ring would be most significant. I say this based on the way I was raised by those who have influenced my beliefs about marriage. Excellent topic! 

_____________________________

"If it takes one to know one, then you must be one."

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/16/2007 8:49:24 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I also wonder how many of you have marriage as a long term goal for a LTR within the lifestyle?


Defiantly, marriage is my goal, I don't see myself living with someone that I am not married to or at least engaged too. It might be old-fashioned but I still hold onto that belief.

quote:

 If you do desire to make your submissive/dominant your lifemate also, which do you think you would find more of a commitment, the collar or the wedding ring?


I find them both and their commitment strong. Wedding ring is my vanilla way of showing we are committed and love eachother, and my collar is the lifestyle way of outwardly projecting our commitment and love.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/16/2007 3:02:53 PM   
completenz


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		Hi
We have been living together since April last year and are getting married in Feb. Why? because we both want to. We have both been married before and want to take that step with each other. We really do believe that we were born for each other and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. In a way we already feel married to each other ( He has referred to me as 'His wife' for sometime now) but that public statement in front of our families and friends is important to us. He will always be my Dom and i will always be His sub, nothing can ever change that. We believe in each other and our love
c

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/16/2007 4:10:50 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		When I was single, I wouldn't consider dating anyone that wasn't open to the idea of marriage.

As for the wedding ring or the collar, I view them as equal. My wedding ring is a symbol that everyone, whether 'nilla or not, understands.

Master and I have been married for 6 years and together for 7. He was actually the one that pushed for marriage. He wanted to make sure that I was protected.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to completenz)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/16/2007 4:22:05 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have always been curious about whether the people who post here are married to their BDSM partner. I have seen some of you that I know are married, but others haven't really specified.

I also wonder how many of you have marriage as a long term goal for a LTR within the lifestyle? If you do desire to make your submissive/dominant your lifemate also, which do you think you would find more of a commitment, the collar or the wedding ring?

I know not all BDSM couples want to be married, in love, or exclusive for that matter... I am just curious about those of us who are married or are looking to become married one day.


This is actually an old thread that I see has been resurrected... Which is rather timely.

Today Alandra and I celebrated our 17th anniversary.

Commitment is Commitment... Ring, Collar... is rather a moot point.  What is important is that we have a relationship... a relationship that has grown and change over the years.  I expect that it will continue to grow and change in the years to come.   We are committed to be in that relationship and foster it's growth.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/16/2007 4:50:26 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		First off congrats to KoM  and alandra.

Now that being said for me marriage will never be in the picture. I am in a non romantic, nonsexual, poly M/s relationship. How ever that does not change my level of commitment to the relationship. And when the day comes that I am offered and accept Sir's formal collar it will be every bit if not more so meaningful then if I were taking marriage vows. The collar will be a symbol of my commitment to serve him and to his household and I have every intention of it being a life long commitment.

aurora

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/16/2007 7:03:12 PM   
Joseff


Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		I am married, and in many ways our relationship is more marriage than D/s. We started as a BDSM curious couple, and grew into the lifestyle. To see us on a daily basis, you probably wouldn't be able to tell we're not vanilla.
Joseff

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/16/2007 7:24:19 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Today Alandra and I celebrated our 17th anniversary.

Commitment is Commitment... Ring, Collar... is rather a moot point.  What is important is that we have a relationship... a relationship that has grown and change over the years.  I expect that it will continue to grow and change in the years to come.   We are committed to be in that relationship and foster it's growth.


Congratulations.,!  I would start singing the 'happy Anniversary song but that might get me beat, lol.hmmm wait *s*  "happy,anniversary from all of us to you" heehee  
June 19 is our 17th anniversary as well.   Where does the time go?

Well said.commitment is commitment. I was asked recently what role Rob plays, after all  I'm not 'collared' to him... If I would have been asked that a year ago I might answer it diffrently just from experience and growth but I  wear my collar on my finger, he is my first priority as I am his. We have grown closer with every year, if anything this journey has opened doors  and shown each of us aspects of ourselves we never thought were there.

denika


< Message edited by denika -- 6/16/2007 7:35:32 PM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/16/2007 9:35:18 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		Are there no new topics ?? or are they simply not interesting?  This is the second dug from the past topic on here tonight

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to denika)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/17/2007 7:01:39 AM   
whitesilkkajira


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/8/2007
Status: offline 		yes i would love to have a double collar, one around my neck and one on my finger.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 6/17/2007 3:33:52 PM   
Poldark


Posts: 10
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline 		My wife (sub) and I have been married 34 years, and are still best friends, lovers and soul mates. We married young, she was 18 I was just 20, it took about 5 years to start trying non vanilla stuff (tying up, shaving etc) and has continued ever since. Didn't have a name for it for a long time just called it kinky stuff  lol . During that time we have tried a poly relationship (3 and half years) and I have had other subs as well. We have also been active in our local area group for some time now. We found that marriage and bdsm work fine. We aren't 24/7 bdsm but usually 'play' about 3 times a week . When not playing we share equally in life decisions. As has already been said on this thread, commitment means just that and it matters not whether it is in a vanilla or bdsm relationship, so for us, a ring or collar is just an outward symbol of that commitment. Each has prominence depending on the circumstances at the time.

(in reply to whitesilkkajira)
Profile   Post #: 56
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