BD without the SM (Full Version)

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BobMich -> BD without the SM (7/1/2006 2:25:54 PM)

Am curious...any others enjoy the fetish/bondage/sensual side of play without the pain infliction? Tough to find others into the control and play, but not the pain.



GirlyDevil -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 2:31:41 PM)

I'm more of the sensual domme rather than focus a lot on pain. I'll do pain but very rarely, unless my sub absolutly needs to feel pain. But usually I won't inflict any pain on my sub.



Caretakr -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 2:33:27 PM)

I use pain for punishment.

The last thing I want to do is to condition a slave to endorphin addiction. I'm not a "pusher".



juliaoceania -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 2:53:54 PM)

It must be difficult to find someone that doesn't want whipped cream, cherries, and nuts on their hot fudge sundae...smiles.

I found when I was looking it was hard to find someone that did not equate pain with punishment of any sort, which was a must for me. I do not need to confuse punishment with pleasure.  It is just hard for people to find what they need in a partner. I know there were several nice enough doms that were like you, into sensual bondage but were not into inflicting pain. I found myself someone that gets aroused giving me pain and loves to put me in subspace by using pain as one tool, but inflicts as little as possible to achieve his desired result. He is not a hardcore sadist, but a sensual one. he does not enjoy inflicting pain for the sake of  inflicting pain.. he is more sublime than that. Perhaps there is someone out there that enjoys this sort of pain play that you could compromise with?

You will find that sub that doesn't like pain if it is crucial for you. My best buddy is a sub that does not like pain, but really loves control.. They do exist.



sublizzie -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 3:01:32 PM)

I am more interested in D/s and control than in pain. I have enough experience to know that I could be trained to be a good masochist, but it's not my main interest.



Wulfchyld -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 3:02:57 PM)

Ditto lizzie.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 3:25:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BobMich
Am curious...any others enjoy the fetish/bondage/sensual side of play without the pain infliction? Tough to find others into the control and play, but not the pain.

I am.  Although I can be sadistic, it's usually the fluffy kind- with the other person getting off on it.

You're right, it is harder.  But far from impossible.



Caretakr -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 4:14:39 PM)

I used to consider myself a sadist at one time,then pain sluts rather ruined that for me-it did tend to result in some junkie- like behavior in some of them. that I came to loathe.....

And, not wanting to go there again,...I sold off the whips, paddles, floggers and tawses. The control is more fullfilling, and less physically damaging to property-and a lot less emotionally damaging to myself.

So don't worry about it-plenty out these who are not so heavy into the sensation aspects.



juliaoceania -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 4:31:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

I am more interested in D/s and control than in pain. I have enough experience to know that I could be trained to be a good masochist, but it's not my main interest.


Masochism is a part of my sexuality forever more, but it isn't the main part of it for me either. I never act up for a beating for example, bad behavior is not rewarded with giving me what I want anyhow (at least that is what he tells me, but I have never acted badly as of yet either..lol). My main interest is obedience to orders, being told what to do.. but pain is a definite part of our pleasure menu.. just not a part of the punishment.



diamonddreamlove -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 5:15:37 PM)

I love the control and play but light pain as well.  Will be highly unlikely to become a pain slut.  Not putting it down and hope that i am not call a wuss just because intense pain is not my thing.  Can forget the arthritis meds and get enough pain to do me lol but i do enjoy the almost ritual part of some pain be inflicted.  Which surprises me actually that i would enjoy it at all.  Eyes wide in wonder, glazing over dang i loved that question.



sublizzie -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 5:19:19 PM)

I love ritual and control. Yum. I have realized that "I endure to please. I please to serve." I'll do the pain part to give service to a sadist, but my pleasure comes from giving control and serving another. My sadist Dom/me friends are teaching me to enjoy serving by experiencing pain though.



Vancouver_cinful -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 5:21:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

I am more interested in D/s and control than in pain. I have enough experience to know that I could be trained to be a good masochist, but it's not my main interest.


This is the case, with me as well. I'm a mediocre masochist. I could learn to take more, but for the moment see no point.



DigitBox -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 9:22:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BobMich

Am curious...any others enjoy the fetish/bondage/sensual side of play without the pain infliction? Tough to find others into the control and play, but not the pain.


I tend to find pain to be interesting only sometimes. It's less important to me. And I do have pretty strong limits on how much pain I'll accept. What I'll dish out is more intense but is based on how much that person can take. It just took me a while to work out how for that person what I could inflict was pleasurable to them. Overall though it's not a big thing for me.

But the fetish\bondage\sensual aspect is hugely important to me. Being switch I like it from both sides of the power dynamic but still bound or binder, it's lots of fun to experience that sense of being captive or captor.



ChainedExistence -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 10:22:07 PM)

Caretakr, You made the comments "The last thing I want to do is to condition a slave to endorphin addiction. I'm not a "pusher". " and  "I used to consider myself a sadist at one time,then pain sluts rather ruined that for me-it did tend to result in some junkie- like behavior in some of them. that I came to loathe..... "

Could you explain that ...? I am  someone who likes pain..but I wouldn't say I was :"junkie-like" in my behavior .Not to say there aren't times when I crave pain, but Master has a firm handle on what I get, don't get, need and don't need.

Have you considered the fact that you may have simply had the wrong partners, or there was something about your approach that produced a sort of desperation? I don't mean that as an insult, but there are things that men often do (distancing themselves, and so on) that can make a woman act all clingy as she desperately tries to figure out what she's doing or not doing right. Of course, these are merely possibilities, as I have no idea what happened in your particular case. I am curious though what they did that seemed so offensive to you.



Kedikat -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 10:30:07 PM)

I prefer the BD to the SM. But I find a level of sm adds to it all. As well as what might be deemed humiliation. But the humiliation aspect is very much what is limited to the two of us. If it were something that is just another sensation play, then it has less meaning. As does the sm that I introduce.





FangsNfeet -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 10:37:19 PM)

I get plenty of satisfaction with bondage and tickle torture. There are so many cruel things you can do with bondage and teasing without inflicting physical pain. One is orgasim denial where you stop giving oral sex right before the person cums and repeating the process several times. The imagination is limitless and it all starts with a pair of cuffs, some rope, and a blind fold. 



feastie -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 10:39:44 PM)

I don't need pain. But then, things I enjoy might be considered painful to some, while others would find them not painful at all.  One can spank, flog, etc. erotically without causing pain. 

Pain should never be used for punishment, especially if it is also used for pleasure.  It's the use of it for both that creates a submissive person that will "misbehave" in order to receive pain.  Of course, I don't find that punishment is necessary in any adult relationship.  It is a lack of imagination to use pain as punishment.  It is the "easy" way out. 

The greatest thing about this is that people can take what they wish from BDSM.  You don't have to take it all.



Caretakr -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 10:42:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChainedExistence

Caretakr, You made the comments "The last thing I want to do is to condition a slave to endorphin addiction. I'm not a "pusher". " and  "I used to consider myself a sadist at one time,then pain sluts rather ruined that for me-it did tend to result in some junkie- like behavior in some of them. that I came to loathe..... "

Could you explain that ...? I am  someone who likes pain..but I wouldn't say I was :"junkie-like" in my behavior .Not to say there aren't times when I crave pain, but Master has a firm handle on what I get, don't get, need and don't need.

Have you considered the fact that you may have simply had the wrong partners, or there was something about your approach that produced a sort of desperation? I don't mean that as an insult, but there are things that men often do (distancing themselves, and so on) that can make a woman act all clingy as she desperately tries to figure out what she's doing or not doing right. Of course, these are merely possibilities, as I have no idea what happened in your particular case. I am curious though what they did that seemed so offensive to you.


They were true addicts. They went through strings of ever heavier and more extreme Sadists to get thier fixes. I was merely one of many enablers. And as soon as I built thier tolerance up to the point that I could no longer maintain them-they were off to find one who could.

It was a frustrating thing for me to have to learn, and you will find it to be quite common, the escalation aspect. These people will actually go into withdrawal if they are not getting thier needs met, just like a junkie.

Now, if it had just been me in relation to thier behavior, I would have questioned where I failed- but the consequent record of asociations proved otherwise. The pattern continued, and grew ever heavier.

I finally just decided that this was an unethical thing to particpate in,and bowed out of it alltogether.

When people screw with thier body chemistry on a regular basis, negative effects can be expected. I intend to one day take a slave-and people who have never been there do not realize how intimate a thing this is.

And as I would refuse to compromise a healthy part of my own body-neither will I shirk my good stewardship of her.



LadyElaine -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 10:51:41 PM)

I don't like dishing pain out and discipline with a crop only when disobedient.
I like humiliation and bondage and other "tortures" more sensuous.
I also like the D/s type lifestyle as opposed to TPE.



Sirandlittle1 -> RE: BD without the SM (7/1/2006 11:56:49 PM)

For me its, in most needed first order: Love/Contol/Sensual/Fetish/Bondage/Aesthetics/Little bit of pain. Im interested in what pain does to me. But i have the pain threshold of a 2 yr old.
He is? Control/Love/Sensual/Fetish/Aesthetics/Bondage

Pain is only an aspect of play, more for me than him. Its not important. Ive got lots of stuff on my To Do on my journey list. Its a want, not a need. But fun.

little1



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