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Pain Threshold - 10/2/2013 7:18:48 PM   
Bfirst


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/12/2013
Status: offline 		So I've been wondering this for a while. I know safe words are used but as man have a macho aspect to them, and love to prove there toughness. This seems silly but how do you know you truely have hit your threshold. I know everyone's different but I am new to this and was looking for advice from people who have hit these and know their own.

Thanks
b
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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/2/2013 7:35:22 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Women tend to have a much higher pain tolerance than men. So I wouldn't give the macho stuff much credit. I think most guys call RED way before something could hurt them in the bad way.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/2/2013 8:27:27 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		This isn't a competition.

If you need to stop, for whatever reason, then use your safe word. Some days I can take more than others.

What he doesn't want is that I associate play as something unpleasant that makes my heart sink.

And in the beginning, when I didn't know him or trust him as much as now, I wasn't willing to go very far.

You're young and new to this. If it isn't working for you today, then stop. Maybe next time you'll take more, and maybe not. It doesn't mean that a person who takes more than you is better. There's no value judgment here.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/2/2013 8:54:10 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Pain is highly individual and fluctuates. There really is no universal standard.

You do something until you no longer enjoy it or choose to engage in it. Keep in mind that "enjoying" it might mean tolerating it for someone else; my enjoyment of painful activities comes from my partner's reaction, not from masochism.

(in reply to Bfirst)
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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/3/2013 5:38:02 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bfirst
...how do you know you truely have hit your threshold...


This is how I look at the idea. There is a pain / pleasure continuum. On that continuum, there is an area that is pure pleasure on one end of the spectrum and pure pain on the other end of the spectrum. Also on that spectrum, there is an area where pleasure and pain overlap. Even vanilla people experience this (fear from horror movies, deep tissue massage, playing sports, etc.). When you pass from the center, overlap area, and move into the pure pain area, that is the STOP SPOT. Lots of people like to dance around that area and also like to push those boundaries, but when it's been crossed, that's it.

Sometimes we all withstand a certain amount of bad pain in order to get the pleasure that comes at the end of it. Again, vanilla people experience this (child birth comes to mind). This is another overlapping kind of thing... is the eventual pleasure worth the current pain?

Frankly, if you go slowly and you check in with yourself throughout your experiences, you will find those places. Remember - this is not a contest. If it feels bad in a bad way, you probably want to rethink the doing.

best,
sunshine


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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/3/2013 1:43:08 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I know safe words are used but as man have a macho aspect to them, and love to prove there toughness. This seems silly but how do you know you truely have hit your threshold.


Plenty of women are reluctant to safeword too ;)

I tell myself that I'd rather Yellow, and slow the scene down, than Red and end it. I'll experience panic when I've pushed myself too far, and am then unable to continue.

I had a really great play partner who, when we were getting used to each other, set out to see where my Yellow was in all sorts of different circumstances. This helped get me over a sense of shame in saying Yellow.

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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/3/2013 3:48:36 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Kalikshama,
I just had a similar conversation with a gal pal of mine. She had been with someone and had thought it was a grand idea. It had never even occurred to me that someone would do that. It is an interesting idea. I don't have an opinion on it as I've not thought much about it, but it certainly warrants consideration.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/3/2013 4:53:35 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Keep in mind that "enjoying" it might mean tolerating it for someone else; my enjoyment of painful activities comes from my partner's reaction.



Agreed.

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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/3/2013 6:06:40 PM   
Bfirst


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/12/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you for all the responses that helped clear it up for me

(in reply to kallisto)
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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/3/2013 7:02:40 PM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama


I had a really great play partner who, when we were getting used to each other, set out to see where my Yellow was in all sorts of different circumstances. This helped get me over a sense of shame in saying Yellow.


A friend that I play with did that the first time we were together. He found what level was just pleasurable, what was painful but still enjoyable, what was just barely tolerable, what was too far....... It helped me to trust him, and he learned exactly what level of pain worked for me. It was great!

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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/5/2013 4:20:43 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline 		For me, it's not a pain threshold, it's an anger threshold. If I don't really like them, or trust them, or we're having emotional issues, I get angry when they hurt me, and that will eventually make me refuse to go any further. If I'm feeling very trusting, I like them and we're secure, we can go much deeper into the pain, without me reacting to it.

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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/5/2013 3:02:38 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		Yup, it's definitely about trust. When I was in honeymoon stage with my x-dom, he could hit me until I bruise very badly, and I enjoyed every minute of it. It was pleasure.
But when we started having problems, he said he barely used any force, and I was flinching and screaming safe words. Like WTF? I used to be able to take so much. That he couldn't believe how hard he was hitting.

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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/8/2013 5:51:02 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

For me, it's not a pain threshold, it's an anger threshold. If I don't really like them, or trust them, or we're having emotional issues, I get angry when they hurt me, and that will eventually make me refuse to go any further. If I'm feeling very trusting, I like them and we're secure, we can go much deeper into the pain, without me reacting to it.


Ah, good point. I bet I went deeper with the guy I mentioned above, who I trusted. I had to end scenes with three other men who pissed me off or scared the fuck out of me.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/8/2013 9:27:20 PM   
SerWhiteTiger


Posts: 437
Joined: 8/12/2013
From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
Status: offline 		Red

(in reply to kalikshama)
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RE: Pain Threshold - 10/9/2013 8:34:41 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		When I break out of even the steel chains.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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