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What are the absolutely dumbest things you have ever done? - 10/5/2013 11:26:44 AM

jlf1961

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline

You know the old saying "with age comes wisdom"....

I think in the last couple of weeks, I have proved that statement false.

I took a bite of a Moruga Scorpion pepper, right now considered the hottest pepper on the planet.

Not on a dare, bet or any other reason other than it was there.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

Post #: 1

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/5/2013 11:55:27 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

I once fell down a manhole.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 2

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/5/2013 12:17:40 PM

jlf1961

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

I once fell down a manhole.

I have to ask..

How?

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 3

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/5/2013 12:45:07 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

I would answer that question, but I think it's best for a lady to keep a sense of mystery about her, don't you?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 4

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/5/2013 12:51:27 PM

Marc2b

Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline

The following is a slightly edited version of something I posted six years ago. The essential, and unfortunate, truths have not been altered.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was early Spring and I thought it would be a good idea to take the vehicle through the car wash and get all the road salt and winter grime off of it. I pull up, wait my turn, pay the man, put the vehicle in neutral, foot off the brake and all that. Everything starts out fine. The water spraying all over the place, the big brushes twirling around when suddenly – right in the middle of the car wash – everything stops. The track stops. The water stops. The brushes stops. Even the lights go out. I’m sitting there in the dark wondering what the Hell? Is it a power outage?

Several minutes go by, at least it seemed like several minutes and I began to grow impatient. Am I supposed to just sit here? Is the car wash broken down or is power out across the city? Perhaps I should just drive forward. Somebody really should tell me what’s going on. This is lousy customer service. If they don’t fix this problem soon, I’m going to demand my money back. Besides, I can’t sit here forever. I’m on my lunch break and have to get back to work.

In my rearview mirror I can see a couple of people, indistinct dark shapes, milling around a car at the entrance, but nobody seemed interested in me. Well, I’d had enough. Time for an explanation. With my dander slightly up I got ready to ask just what the deal was...

I rolled down my window.

Yup. That's right folks... in the middle of a car wash, I rolled down my window.

The worst part was that I knew what was going to happen a second before it did. There was a loud whirring/buzzing warning sound, the kind you always hear in the movies whenever some large piece of machinery is about to start up. I frantically tried to roll the window back up, but it was far to late.

Totally soaked in 1.3 seconds.

I managed to roll the window back up, though at this point it was an exercise in futility. As my vehicle continued on the track I uselessly tried to wipe my glasses off (I had nothing dry to really wipe them off with).

I emerged from the car wash and pulled up to the detail area (boy, were they going to have their work cut out for them today). The manager (barely suppressing his laughter) was kind enough to give me a towel and a certificate for a free car wash. Apparently the car behind me slipped off the track and that is why the machine stopped.

As I drove home (to change my clothes) all I could think to myself was: you boneheaded moron, you rolled the window down while inside the car wash. You BONEHEADED MORON, you rolled the window down while you were INSIDE THE FUCKING CAR WASH! The laughing at myself part began later that afternoon while I was explaining why I was late getting back to work.

Truthfully, I don’t know if this is the most boneheaded thing I’ve ever done (some tales will never be told) but it definitely ranks in the top five.

_____________________________

Do you know what the most awesome thing about being an Atheist is? You're not required to hate anybody!

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 5

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/5/2013 1:01:23 PM

petitespot

Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline

I drank elf beer once. The rest of my life was forever changed and not in a good way.

_____________________________

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 6

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/5/2013 1:24:22 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

Playful answer: Taking calculus as an elective

Serious answer: Tarrying on getting a colonoscopy.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to petitespot)

Post #: 7

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/5/2013 2:54:15 PM

DomKen

Posts: 19457
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

Funny answer: Peeing on a cops shoes

Serious answer: Ignoring that stabbing pain in my back for a week.

To dcnovice, I hope things are improving. I know being sick sucks but hang in there.

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 8

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/5/2013 2:59:28 PM

jlf1961

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

Playful answer: Taking calculus as an elective

Serious answer: Tarrying on getting a colonoscopy.

I hope things are getting better, I keep you in my prayers since we are in the same boat, different areas (mine is in my left kidney.)

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 9

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/5/2013 4:01:27 PM

Kirata

Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

I once fell down a manhole.

I have to ask..

How?

Most likely vertically.

K.

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 10

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/5/2013 6:13:18 PM

LittleGirlHeart

Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

it wasnt really my fault, i didn't know the floor in between the two bathrooms in a friends trailer was rotted and i walked through the walk and fell through the floor. It was so rotten my foot and leg and then by default me, went through clear up to my hip.

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 11

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/5/2013 6:26:41 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Several decades ago, we had an explosion of gypsy moths that lasted a couple of years.
You could hear them munch the leaves.

In the spring I scraped the egg casings into a small paper bag and after awhile put the bag into the garage... because I was going to do more later.
I forgot all about it.

Several weeks go by and scraping the eggs didn't kill most of them.
A half-full brown lunch bag's worth of eggs hatched... in the garage.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)

Post #: 12

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/5/2013 8:52:09 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Thinking I could keep up with the guys my first (and last) day using a gas-powered fire-wood splitter.

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 13

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/6/2013 12:45:34 AM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
Status: offline

Gosh, there are so many. Let me count the ways. . . .

One of the most embarrassing was when I was returning from a visit to my aunt & uncle's down in Florida while on summer vacation before starting high school. There wasn't another train to D.C. for two days, and my boyfriend & I were missing one another dreadfully. So not knowing any better, that I wouldn't get back much sooner had I waited, I took a Greyhound bus by myself for the first time. Horrible, wretched olfactory experience that I swore I would never do again.

Long story short, I fell asleep in my seat for a few hours. When I awoke, I became aware that somehow my head had fallen to rest on some strange man's jeaned thigh. He must have had long legs because I have no idea how this happened. I could have died from embarrassment, I didn't even say excuse me. I sat there the rest of that leg (no pun intended) of the ride in utter silence, hoping this nameless, faceless man wouldn't speak to me of it. Later I wondered why he hadn't said anything and must have been motionless the entire time so as to not awaken me.

_____________________________

* * * Not A Fetish/Kink Delivery System * * *

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 14

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/7/2013 4:33:01 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

This story involves a little alcohol.

"Stupidest things you've ever done." OF COURSE IT INVOLVES ALCOHOL!

Late in 1995 I had to use up my vacation days or lose them. I was 22 and my little brother was in his senior year of college. I had about $2500 in credit and $1500 in the bank. I said, "Fuck it! I am going to Florida!"

People asked me, "What part of Florida?"

My answer was, "I am just going to Florida." I had no plans.

I had the cash so I invited my little bro to join me. It took 15 hours to get to Daytona and another two days to go all the way South to Key West - stopping at every bar along the way.

So we get to Key West 2 days before Christmas and attempt to drink the entire island dry. If you have ever been to Key West then you will know that this is akin to trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon. We did make a Herculean effort at it though.

So on Christmas Eve Day my little brother decides he wants to go fishing. We asked at a kiosk how much it would cost. $400. Each.

What the fuck! are the fish around here made out of solid gold?!

Well, the guy we asked was selling fishing ventures out of a stairwell behind a Dutch door. He said, "Screw it, I'm Jewish too. I have nothing to do tomorrow and I want something to do tomorrow too." We made a deal. He'd pay a third, except for booze and food, and he'd guide us on the reefs. A three man fishing trip. His name was Kevin.

The next morning we met up with Kevin and rented some fishing gear. Then we bought bait. Then we went into the grocery store and bought 4 boxes of fried chicken, a handle (1.75 Liter) bottle of vodka and 2 cases of beer. Then we rented a pontoon boat and put gas in it.

Out "guide" was a little bit surprised by the amount of food and booze we appropriated. He wasn't used to the appetites of farm boys. Or guide hadn't spent a single dollar but I didn't care because it was just about 1/2 the amount it would have taken for ONE of us to go fishing on a tour.

Kevin takes us out on the reef and we begin chumming the waters to attract fish. Lil bro and I polish off the first case of beer and the handle of vodka. We weren't getting any bites so we amused ourselves by throwing chicken bones at the seagulls - who caught them in mid air.

Four boxes of chicken, a handle of vodka and 1.5 cases of beer into the adventure and Kevin is the first one to get a bite. He claims it's a grouper, but I am skeptical that he can tell that. He does have a bite, but the bastard of a fish runs around a rock and gets the line caught. I am skeptical, but I am also very drunk at this point.

"I need someone to go under and take the line off the rock," says Kevin.

"Fuck that!", says I.

Long story short (too late!) my lil bro and Kevin talk me into donning flippers, a mask and snorkel.

There is another part of my past that is important here: from the time I was six until age eight I lived in the middle of the Pacific Ocean on an atoll. I was used to being able to look over my shoulder for sharks. The water there was so clear that 200 meters down you could count the fronds on a coral outcropping. To this day dark water makes me a little nervous.

So I lowered myself off the boat and put myself in the water. I was prepared to release the line from the rock it was caught on. Then I showed my mask to the water.

All I saw was fish bits. That's when I remembered that we had been chumming for well over 2 hours. Then my hindbrain got into a fight with my frontbrain and won. Chum attracts sharks. Lots of sharks in the ocean. We've been chumming for a long time.

I got back into that boat so fast that it would have made cartoon characters look slow. Between my fear and the flippers I was wearing I WALKED ON WATER and was back in the boat in a manner that I am pretty sure broke the speed of light.

(in reply to TigressLily)

Post #: 15

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/7/2013 7:10:21 PM

blacksword404

Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

You know the old saying "with age comes wisdom"....

I think in the last couple of weeks, I have proved that statement false.

I took a bite of a Moruga Scorpion pepper, right now considered the hottest pepper on the planet.

Not on a dare, bet or any other reason other than it was there.

Tough bastard. I would have thought that would have done you in.

_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 16

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/7/2013 7:12:03 PM

blacksword404

Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

I once fell down a manhole.

Grins. Ok I'm going to have to cash in my "evil chuckle at someone else expense" card.

_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 17

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/7/2013 7:20:11 PM

FelineRanger

Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline

Does getting married qualify?

_____________________________

Bill

(in reply to blacksword404)

Post #: 18

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/7/2013 7:26:36 PM

blacksword404

Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline

I was playing with firecrackers when I was a kid. I went inside and my mom asked me to hold her cigarette for her. Somehow the magnetism of the firecracker attracted the cigarette right to it. It went off in my fingers. Burned my fingers and learned to be more attentive to what I'm doing.

_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 19

RE: What are the absolutely dumbest things you have eve... - 10/8/2013 1:25:36 PM

Moonhead

Posts: 16520
Joined: 9/21/2009
Status: offline

That girl from London I used to go out with was very dumb indeed, and I did her a few times.
Or doesn't that count?

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I like to think he was eaten by rats, in the dark, during a fog. It's what he would have wanted...
(Simon R Green on the late James Herbert)

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 20

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