Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Mentorship


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Mentorship Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Mentorship - 10/6/2013 4:29:38 PM   
LeatherBentOne51


Posts: 89
Joined: 12/28/2012
Status: offline 		I have been mentoring someone who wishes to learn about Dominance; for now, online and by phone over the last 2 months. However, I will be meeting her in real and will spend a few days with her in the very near future. I will be staying at a motel, rather than her place as I don't want her to feel or think that I expect play or sex. I will make it very clear to her, no sex during mentorship and no play for the first few, possibly several, meetings. I will also reinforce that she is not my submissive, neither will I switch later on.

She wishes to experience submission for the time being until she feels comfortable with enough general knowledge of wiitwd from that side of the kneel. Then, she wishes to learn the Dominant side of the dynamic.

Has anyone had experience mentoring someone who desires to experience submission before Dominance? I subbed for about 5 years in real prior to becoming what I regard myself today. She has made it clear that she is allowing me to dominate her, and I accept this, fully. My intent is to give back to the community that has given so much to me.

If no similar experience, any general food for thought?

Thanks in advance for your posts.

LBO51
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Mentorship - 10/6/2013 4:35:55 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		My view is that mentor shouldn't be playing or having sex with the person they're mentoring.

I believe that it should be someone that is local to the community and has knowledge of the local community. I also believe that the mentor should be the same sex and orientation as the person they are mentoring.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LeatherBentOne51)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Mentorship - 10/6/2013 4:38:22 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Mentorship - 10/6/2013 6:41:22 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		+1

Mentors are mentors, not play partners.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Mentorship - 10/6/2013 7:51:18 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I mentored a woman once. It was 90% discussion. We then co-topped my submissive. I don't see any reason why men can't mentor women and vice versa, as long as they can't play directly with each other.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Mentorship - 10/6/2013 8:57:54 PM   
SweetAnise


Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline 		If you are a mentor whether you're a man or woman...you should not be practicing anything on the individual you're mentoring. You discuss and then they explore on their own and discuss some more. You could practice technique but not on each other. You really start to skew the lines when you become a participant. It will often become confusing. Better to keep your hands clean.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Mentorship - 10/6/2013 9:04:55 PM   
SurrenderForMe


Posts: 229
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		I think the parameters you have in place are better than most people use and show a decency I rarely encounter in scene people.

If you have no interest in an actual d/s or whatever variation of two people seeing each other with an intent to connect, keeping it non-sexual is a good idea.

Mentoring is generally a friendly student/teacher kind of thing. You seem to get that you are in a position to take advantage and seem set on not doing so, kudos for that.

Mentoring mixed with play partnering has worked fine for me, but I don't like it so my experience is limited to a few people. I strongly recommend a lot of talk, being very honest about feelings and expectations; and expecting same. Protect yourself against potential flak by writing out a guideline of acceptable behavior on each persons part. Set a date for review of the situation, the status, and a new plan for moving forward, if you can. Both should sign and date each agreement. Then I suggest putting each copy somewhere safe. That way, you can each look at what was agreed to if things go sour. It will also be a mental brake on going overboard, a tiny one.

Having said that, if you are both consenting adults with full mental capacity, you should feel free to work out the rules of your interaction between yourselves.

Good luck.


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Mentorship - 10/6/2013 9:06:48 PM   
MsTanner


Posts: 134
Status: offline 		A mentor should guide and advise, Boundaries need to be set ie no play the dynamic would lose objectivity.

_____________________________

If you cannot change your mind, How are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Mentorship - 10/7/2013 11:45:16 AM   
LeatherBentOne51


Posts: 89
Joined: 12/28/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings regarding my questions. I have taken your answers in the spirit which they are written. Granted, I want to reread, digest the information you have given me, and consider making some changes before meeting in real. We have no intention of living under one roof, now or ever.

The last thing I want to do is over-complicate the matter or hurt anyone in any way during the process. I've always been a firm believer of jotting down guidelines and expectations for all parties concerned, and to re-evaluate same in a timely manner throughout. I'm also a fan of having a weekly one-on-one discussion on the progress and/or stumbling blocks of the determined relationship. In essence, I'm open to change provided there is a basis for one.

I can certainly see how play might interfere with objectivity as does sexual contact.

LBO51

(in reply to MsTanner)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Mentorship - 10/7/2013 2:39:19 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne51
If no similar experience, any general food for thought?

When I have done this in the past my first bit of mentoring had to do with the breadth of the BDSM umbrella. I tried to introduce the other person to as many different viewpoints as possible (think Leather, Gor, M/s, D/s, T/b, 50's lifestyle, etc.). Once some interest point was found then if I didn't have the knowledge to go further I tried to refer them to someone who did.

While I would, in fact, dominate a submissive in such exchanges, there were careful limits set to the actual domination. As you say, they are not mine and sex and sexuality (in all of it's variants including SM) was totally off the table. But I would have them do things... some of which were easy for them and others hard. I would do so after trust & respect had been earned and then use that as the main thrust of the lesson... as a dominant you need to earn your position. If you have the "chips" to pay for it then any command is possible. For the subs, the lesson was, "make them earn their stripes."

The risk factor I ran into is, as I told people, "dominance and submission pushes some pretty primal buttons in us. It's not really possible to do it without consequence." In my case, I just made sure that the ties that bound us were healthy ones appropriate to friends rather than unhealthy ones more appropriate to an intimate relationship. That was easier said than done.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LeatherBentOne51)
Profile   Post #: 10
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Mentorship Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.438