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ORIGINAL: Rasciallymisty

This is posted in the wrong place it should have been down under Mistress of in general discussions.....the Mods will move it to where it belongs and then you may start to get answer. In the mean time check our the different threads and maybe do a search.....both would be good starting points. Good luck in finding the answer you seek.

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ORIGINAL: prince2014

hey everyone,
i recently found myself interested in the dominatrix lifestyle and would like to know more about it, thanks for the help.

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ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

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ORIGINAL: prince2014

hey everyone,
i recently found myself interested in the dominatrix lifestyle and would like to know more about it, thanks for the help.

They look better in leather than you ever will.

(Anything else?).

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ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

At least he didn't say he was a "female dominant" like that one guy. OP? This particular facet of sexuality is much, much harder to break into than a vanilla one, trust me. While I started at 19, I was in the right place at the right time and had a lot of luck on my side. I took a peek at your profile, and it needs a little tweaking. Lose the "do as I say" crap right now. You don't know enough yet to pull that one off. Expand on the "learn, love, and grow" message.

And while going out to dinner is good (Lord knows that one thing has gotten me very far in the past), you should maybe refine that a bit by saying what kind of dining you like. Steakhouse, family, sushi, Thai, little details like that become important and show you to be a more fully-rounded person.

And while it's commendable you say you're not into clubs, it's also disengenuous. At 20, you can't (reliably) get into the clubs you need to get into to start rubbing shoulders with the type of people you want to associate with. Here's a tip: use what you got to maximum advantage. You look like you have the makings of a bruiser. 5'5", 220 and you lift means you could conceivably start working the door at a club yourself. Take these next few months to get some practical martial arts under your belt-the real deal, krav maga, jiujitsu, kung-fu, savate, etc. Don't bother with the form-specific, get the down & dirty stuff. A fireplug is a great tool when you gotta knock someone big down because you've got a lower center of gravity.

Then, start advertising yourself. Get out into the world, kink or no. Talk to people, even if you don't think you can. Most importantly, teach yourself to look people in the eyes no matter what. You're in school, huh? Congratulations, you're right where you actually want to be, you just don't know it yet. Start paying attention to the little tells people in the scene tend to display. These could be as simple as a thin leather bracelet, handcuff keys on their keyring, that girl who always wears a choker, etc., etc.,

Start hanging out in the library, you'd be stunned how many folks with an MLS are into the scene. Also, the female wallflowers tend to congregate there, and some might be tickled shitless to "help" a hunky guy like yourself if he has a problem. At the very least, you get to practice your communications skills. It's also a great way to keep your damn grades up to boot. Not to target a group, but I noticed the Goth kids tended to hang out there, and while it's not a sure thing, a lot of them are themselves fringe players. While inexperience + inexperience generally equals 'awkward moments when neither is sure of what to do' it's also a great way to start learning about how to deal with a newbie yourself.

Lastly, I'm giving you a homework assignment. Taking a cue from AthenaSurrenders, go and pick three books off of this list. Read them front to back at least three times before attempting anything. No porn. Period. Most of it is total fantasy bullshit and will only distract you from your goal. Hit FetLife for local events, munches, workshops, and the like. Hit Renaissance fairs, bike rallies, and scene-specific events. Within this next 30 day period, get yourself to at least one public event, even if it's just a munch in a coffeeshop. Actually lay eyes on people who are into the scene, talk with them, see what they're about.

After all of this, you may be able to find what you seek. Report back or not, I don't care either way. Just try what I suggested here. If you can't handle this, it's doubtful you could ever handle a kink-based relationship. These ladies are not easy. If anything, you've picked the most difficult romantic challenge ever. You need to cultivate an aura of trustworthiness about you, a calm presence seemingly above it all. You can only do this by immersing yourself in other people, not by remote control. This place is only one tool in what needs to be a full set at your disposal. Only a few are tangible items, the rest are entirely within you. All you need to do is learn how to bring them out. Good luck.