RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here?

RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (Full Version)

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LittleGirlHeart -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/21/2013 2:48:52 PM)
bdsm and stuff is all about sex for me. so do i just have sex no kink. no.

TigressLily -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/21/2013 3:48:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kevin32 <snip> I can't help but wonder does normal fucking ever occur in these relationships.... It also makes me wonder about those doms/subs who come into the community with a stronger emphasis for the sex act, like are they judged for being so shallow. So is "just sex" a bad thing here? I admit that I might be misinterpreting the responses in that thread. I'm just relating the feeling I got from it, and would like to be enlightened. Thanks. I can only speak for myself and what I've told told first-hand. -- Re 'normal fucking,' or what I term vanilla sex (vaginal/anal/vanilla oral-style as opposed to Worship-style, penetrative foreplay), I found out early on after my marriage ended that there are Dommes who don't automatically incorporate this or have this expectation of their subs. This is why I place emphasis on being a Sensual Domina. If I'm using the terminology correctly, you should perhaps call yourself a Sensual Dom or even a DaddyDom if that's how you see yourself. -- The impression I've gotten, in contrast, is that male Dominants expect to engage in sexual relations. However, since female s-types don't like to be treated like sex objects unless it's by their own Master, it's best to downplay the sex talk or else you'll come across as a wannabe Dom wanker who's trawling for bjs-on-demand. -- I don't do 'just sex' or just Topping so to me personally, I'm not on board with casual encounters. -- One male sub friend of mine tells me regular sex does not turn him on anymore. You may find this is true of some femsubs, and hopefully they will let you know this upfront or drop a few hints. -- Engaging in BDSM does not mean you have to give up having conventional sex. It's not an either/or proposition, except to those play partners who don't want it or who only want it under kinky conditions. -- You have a right to your sexual preferences. You just need to find a compatible sex partner who's on the same wavelength as you without leading anybody on and without playing typical m/f mind games.

StrictlyADomina -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/21/2013 6:05:17 PM)
"Just sex, is just vanilla." Why would anyone be on a kink site looking for only "just sex". There are probably other sites for just shagging. As others have stated, kink, whether it's BDSM or vanilla, is made of of people with diverse likes and dynamics. Some BDSM relationships have sex and some don't. Are both parties involved content with the establish parameters of the relationship? Then great! Some of the negativity you might be perceiving may be that sometimes people may believe that just because you BDSM you are somehow more sexually active than a vanilla person. Nothing could be further from the truth. Kinky has NOTHING to do with the likelihood that person has a higher sex drive or has sex more often than non kink people. Period. It is possible that some have "had it" with that fallacy and may react a trifle testily. ********************************************************* "If you only want a chick to take you with a strap-on, that does not mean you are kinky or gay." Your mileage may vary, Strictly A Domina

DesFIP -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/21/2013 7:00:25 PM)
Most of our sex is vanilla, not kink. But he's always head of household. With that said, despite the fact that I prefer not to be the leader in the relationship and I prefer to be tied up for sex, I still gave short shrift to all those idiots who assumed that I have no criteria or standards when choosing intimate partners. Idiots who assume submissive female really means stupid woman who will spread her legs for anyone. And that's what we're talking about here. The thread referenced was about guys sending first emails demanding she rent a hotel room and wait naked and blindfolded for the dude she never so much as talked to or saw a picture of. Or agree to give him a blowjob in the parking lot. No std scans, no friendship, no matter if she liked him or not (not that there would be an opportunity to find that out. And yeah, op, we get that shit a lot. It's exceedingly disheartening.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/21/2013 7:33:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kevin32 I've been reading this thread about a sub who's been having problems with men insulting her. Several people responded offering advice for how she should proceed with finding the right person. Reading through the responses, there seems to be a certain perception... So is "just sex" a bad thing here? I admit that I might be misinterpreting the responses in that thread. I'm just relating the feeling I got from it, and would like to be enlightened. Thanks. Likely, there is a different opinion, for every person who posts, so you can't generalize. However, it is also important to remember, women are the minority here on CM, regardless of the side of the kneel. Therefore women determine what is right for them, and men go along. Moreover, the people who post on the Message Boards longer term, typically are more pre-disposed to relationships, than those who don't post regularly. So you have taken a subset and made it even smaller subset. Now, if your goal is troll the boards, it wont work. These boards only work for information; except in unusual cases. To answer your question directly, myself,, if a Lady who lived close to me, emailed me about "casual, no strings sex some night", I might reply okay, if in the mood. But it doesn't happen. Really, the best description on that comes from Steve Martin: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." [:)] And if you really have money ... email me, I will tell you a sight where you can get all the sex you want, in 24 hours, when you can plunk down the cash. Seems the actually really good looking girls exchanging thier bodies for the dollar, have a mental block on the word hooker. [:D] You just call them "sugar baby" ROFL

DesFIP -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/21/2013 7:58:49 PM)
Oddly enough on the sugardaddy.com site, females seeking money in exchange for sex and dates don't get nearly as much interest as those seeking financial help for education. You would think a man giving money for attention wouldn't care what she uses the money for but that's not true. And one thing the education will do is teach the difference between homophones such as site (an internet address) and sight (a visual attraction or a sense).

sheisreeds -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/22/2013 2:11:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kevin32 I can't help but wonder does normal fucking ever occur in these relationships, or must it be proceeded by ropes and whips to be considered worthwhile? I know I'm new here, but sometimes I wonder if an average BDSM scene is nothing more than people tied up, spanked for awhile, then everyone goes to sleep with no genitals ever making contact. To further answer what I am guessing was the primary question, I think this is a case of, I was just looking for occasional play. I have had the complete, and total utter crap beaten out of me, and with those individuals sex never happened. Kissing at times didn't even happen. For me that was more intense than sex. The power exchange, and the sadomasochism was the basis of the relationship. And no it wasn't just "being tied up and spanked a little while. With my partner sometimes the scene is just better than sex, and we are too tired afterwards to care about sex. Once again, not getting tied up and spanked for awhile. BDSM does not even always equate as a sex act for me. Though for me, sex is no good without it. There is a place for experimenting, kink being an occasional, or an in the bedroom only thing. I also know folks who can pull off some extremely edgy scenes, though there is not necessarily a power exchange component to the relationship, and yes at times they just have sex. There are also total power exchange relationships with no bondage, sadism, or masochism. This takes being honest with yourself and clear about what you want. It is important to communicate that to potential partners, and make sure the compatibility is there. Also, for occasional play, a little spanking, and a little rope, you'd be surprised how many people are into that. It doesn't necessarily mean looking here. Women tend to be unicorns on sites like this, and many of us who are on here are looking for a 24/7 relationship, though not all.

JeffBC -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/22/2013 8:01:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kevin32 So is "just sex" a bad thing here? I admit that I might be misinterpreting the responses in that thread. I'm just relating the feeling I got from it, and would like to be enlightened. Thanks. You are misinterpreting as many have said. I'm a relationship guy but I have no issues with "just sex" people. As Kana noted though, almost invariably the story is that some guy wants "just sex" and expects some random woman to deliver. Frequently there will be a raft of lies and deceit accompanying his efforts. If the lies fail, then comes the insults. There's much to dislike in the standard story. To answer RS's question, great sex cannot be bad. I just can't imagine anything other than horrifying sex with a stranger. That's how things work for those of us where sex & emotions are tied together.

zerogirl -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/22/2013 10:19:45 AM)
If just sex is what you're looking for and the other person is on board with it as well then no I don't think it's bad at all. The problem is many men are really wanting "just sex" and hiding behind false promises of long-term relationships. Cetainly not something that's unique to this site, it's common on many dating/match sites. As for the other part of the question. Everyone's involvement in BDSM is their own and unique. I know a Master/slave coupe that live a TPE and have for years, they don't engage in bondage at all and the slave had admitted they consider their sex life pretty vanilla. They just don't have an interest in bondage, it's all about D/s for them. And I think that's fine. My own D/s relationship is not entirely similar but would be considered quite sexually tame to many in the lifestyle. For me D/s is very mental. I consider my Master to be my leader/dom/top/etc... in and outside of the bedroom, I always feel His control over me whether we engage in vanilla sex (which we often do) or add some light bondage to more extreme scenes. Even cuddling afterwards, I might lay my head in His lap while he pets my hair and I feel very submissive in this act of comfort. So for us personally bondage and extra kink doesn't always have to be at play during sex in order to feel submissive or Dominant for his part. Of course it's fun when we do add some in as well. [:)]

Killerangel -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/22/2013 12:39:26 PM)
FR: A man wrote yesterday with a bit of unsolicited romantic fluff about having someone to hold me at not just my best moment, but at the weakest too. I replied errr, thanks for the sentiment, but you're decades older than I am and living in another state, and I find greeting card sentiments trite to say the least. He then replied with "love to wip - cane - flog - and watch cum run down your legs." How charming right? You see when I didn't fall for one thing, he put on his thinking cap and completely switched gears to try another ploy. Had the guy just been honest about what he wanted instead of trying to get into my cyber panties with a lie, he may have gotten lucky if that's what I was into. But even if I was looking for NSA action, I'd not give him the time of day once he proved to be an unprincipled twat. You kind of have to trust people you get naked with at least a little...

Blankpain -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/22/2013 12:54:00 PM)
Sex is whatever you want it to be, therefore, it's all good.

Kana -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/22/2013 2:01:47 PM)
quote: It depends if the sex is good or not. I mean, how can great sex be a bad thing? Normally me and you think along the same lines, but in this instance I'm gonna disagree. I can think of plenty of instances where great sex won't make up for the cost-social diseases, the HIV being the first to come to mind. Course,I also spent a year of my life in the slam cause of great sex so I'm kinda biased on this here point

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/23/2013 6:45:26 PM)
And here I thought we were rare. We were more kinky before itty bitty kids in the house but we are tired these days and when we are not there are little ones running around.

circasurvive -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/23/2013 7:06:02 PM)
i think it might just be people weary, theres just an overall consensus doing that is dangerous and can be dangerous

Domnotlooking -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/24/2013 5:05:10 AM)
In this household, a spanking always leads to sex. Sometimes, there's a lag of a few hours, but that's just about letting the sex simmer. Sex without spanking would be like having sushi without the soy, ginger, and wasabi. And we're the kind of people who buy $40 soy sauce. We consider kink-less sex to be the equivalent of a sushi roll with shit like cream cheese and mango stuck in it. Yuck.

hejira92 -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/24/2013 10:35:51 AM)
Hmmm, a few thoughts. I always think that, most often, if anyone were watching us have sex, it would look vanilla. But it never is- the most ordinary looking missionary style is really Him hovering over me in a menacing way while controlling my orgasms by verbal cues (often while his body is inspiring the opposite reaction - the better to enjoy me suffering from a mind-body quagmire). Then there's the other extreme- where the pain He inflicts, the toys, the acrobatics, and the rough nature of the act looks like total monkey fucking and the worst of debasement and abuse- yet because of our relationship, we both know it is really making love. The end result of either scenario is a renewing of the bond of love, service (for me, control on His part), fun and joy that we share. What is "just sex"?

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/24/2013 11:35:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana ... Course,I also spent a year of my life in the slam cause of great sex so I'm kinda biased on this here point This teaser line just begs for the story...

Kana -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/24/2013 2:20:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hejira92 Hmmm, a few thoughts. I always think that, most often, if anyone were watching us have sex, it would look vanilla. But it never is- the most ordinary looking missionary style is really Him hovering over me in a menacing way while controlling my orgasms by verbal cues (often while his body is inspiring the opposite reaction - the better to enjoy me suffering from a mind-body quagmire). Then there's the other extreme- where the pain He inflicts, the toys, the acrobatics, and the rough nature of the act looks like total monkey fucking and the worst of debasement and abuse- yet because of our relationship, we both know it is really making love. The end result of either scenario is a renewing of the bond of love, service (for me, control on His part), fun and joy that we share. What is "just sex"? Yeah-you just described us to the T

sheisreeds -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/24/2013 5:03:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hejira92 Hmmm, a few thoughts. I always think that, most often, if anyone were watching us have sex, it would look vanilla. But it never is- the most ordinary looking missionary style is really Him hovering over me in a menacing way while controlling my orgasms by verbal cues (often while his body is inspiring the opposite reaction - the better to enjoy me suffering from a mind-body quagmire). I love not actually sweet ole missionary! For us it either means that his, or mine, or most often both of us, our sweet caressing hand is about to pull out a chunk of hair at the root. Or that sweet neck caress is actually a firm grip on the jugular a pinch away from unconsciousness. Or he's not supporting himself on the bed, but my collarbone, or some other part of my frontal anatomy. OR! Knives are somehow involved. These are the only things that have the potential to keep us quiet, or what we do when we just want to have sex. As fun as beating the total crap out of each other is, can't do that every night unfortunately. Cause we gotta go to work, be able to walk, and feed the cats.

theshytype -> RE: Is "just sex" a bad thing here? (10/24/2013 7:11:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 quote: ORIGINAL: Kana ... Course,I also spent a year of my life in the slam cause of great sex so I'm kinda biased on this here point This teaser line just begs for the story... Glad I'm not the only one who thought so.

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