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Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 1:29:45 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
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From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		This has always confused me, if say two bisexual or two
gay women were to marry naturally(?) the bride would wear a white wedding gown and the groom would wear,.......? Another white wedding gown or a tuxcedo?
Also, how would you adress the two ladies or couple, ...husband and wife? Wife and wife?
Also are there differant protocols about this between gays and bisexuals?

< Message edited by popeye1250 -- 10/22/2013 1:32:39 AM >

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 2:37:37 AM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
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Status: offline 		Um, my cousin got married to her girlfriend, they both wore white dresses, and they refer to each other as wife. There was no groom at the wedding, that'd be silly since the wedding was between two women. Pretty simple since often when out you just refer to your partner. When I had girlfriends it was never awkward to say, my girlfriend.

It really isn't all that different.

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 3:25:45 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

This has always confused me, if say two bisexual or two
gay women were to marry naturally(?) the bride would wear a white wedding gown and the groom would wear,.......? Another white wedding gown or a tuxcedo?
Also, how would you adress the two ladies or couple, ...husband and wife? Wife and wife?
Also are there differant protocols about this between gays and bisexuals?


That depends so much on the individuals. There isn't a 'gay protocol' and then a 'bisexual protocol', it's just 'how this couple likes to do things'.

There wouldn't generally be a groom if two women got married (unless one of them preferred to identify that way). Most gay female couples I know just refer to each other as their wife.

It isn't necessary for one of them to play the role of the man.

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 3:32:15 AM   
sheisreeds


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Status: offline 		Kinda crazy to realize lesbians don't need a man, eh? In fact a lot of women don't.

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 3:40:49 AM   
hylasEA


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Status: offline 		What the hell is "marry naturally" supposed to mean? And why is there a groom in a lesbian wedding?

Anyway: marriage, as most of us queer folks understand it, is about the union of two people who love each other and intend to stay together for the rest of their lives; both as a symbol of that love, and for the legal protections and priviledges that come with marriage.

Unfortunately, our culture has a long and ugly history of simply ignoring queerness, if not outright discriminating against it. Which, amongst other things, means that our rituals, conventions, symbols, and even our language are centered around straightness, often excluding queerness.

But out queer people have learnt to not give a shit about those conventions and symbols, because if we cared about what other people think of us, or cared about doing things the way those before us did them, then we wouldn't be queer and out.

So what do queer people wear on their wedding? We wear whatever the fuck we want.

How do you address two married queer people? I don't know, by their names?

< Message edited by hylasEA -- 10/22/2013 3:55:39 AM >

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 4:20:48 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


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I recently watched an episode of 'person of interest' (I do netflix so I'm always behind a season) where two married lesbians were both referred to as wife. I loved that having 2 wives in one couple has become mainstream, as I was born in the era of homosexuality being against the law.

So great post, hylas !!

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 4:37:12 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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Status: offline 		Agreed, excellent post.

OP - on the off-chance you are asking because you are worried about saying the wrong thing when meeting someone new, 'spouse' is a safe, gender neutral term. I dunno about where you come from, but here people often say 'partner' or 'other half' which covers unmarried folks too.

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 9:31:37 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
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From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Thankyou for all of your replies!
They do clear things up a bit.
Oh, and by "naturally" I meant that "naturally" the bride would wear a white wedding dress. (I thought)
Now another question; upon a marriage proposal would both people give an engagement ring or just one?
"Wife and wife" makes sense, I didn't think of that!
But, if one of the partners were strongly Dominant and the other very submissive would they want to be "husband and wife" or would that too be up to the individuals?

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 9:38:54 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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Status: offline 		Dominant does not necessarily mean male. Even if they are D/s, it doesn't mean that one of them needs to identify as the male part of the relationship.

'Male' and 'female' are not necessary for love. You need two people with strengths, personalities and interests that go well together. You can have stereotypically male traits like strength, a dominant attitude, skill at home repairs, interest in sports (and so on) and still be and feel entirely female. Likewise, a man isn't any less male if he cries at sad films or takes time doing his hair. In other words, you don't have to have male half and a female half to make a strong whole.

Again, with the rings, it's personal taste. If it were me, I'd want some symbol of the engagement, but it's an individual choice.

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 9:39:44 AM   
shiftyw


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Status: offline 		I think most of these questions are up to the individual couple.

I'm not sure why "husband" means more dominant to you? Certainly lots of male s types go by "husband" to their female dominants.

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 9:48:18 AM   
freedomdwarf1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250
Oh, and by "naturally" I meant that "naturally" the bride would wear a white wedding dress. (I thought)

Wrong word for that meaning.
A "white" wedding would be "traditional" rather than "natural".
That stems waaay back when potential wives were given away with a dowry and the "white dress" bit came as a symbol/token that they were pure and virginal and unspoilt.

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250
Now another question; upon a marriage proposal would both people give an engagement ring or just one?

The sexes of the marriage have nothing to do with whether they both give a ring or not.
I'm not quite sure why you think the sexes matter in this regard?

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250
"Wife and wife" makes sense, I didn't think of that!
But, if one of the partners were strongly Dominant and the other very submissive would they want to be "husband and wife" or would that too be up to the individuals?

Again, the idea of who is dominant or submissive isn't gender related at all and certainly has even less relation to the terms Husband or Wife.

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 9:53:23 AM   
OsideGirl


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Status: offline 		It's one of those questions where the answer is "It depends...."

I have two female friends that married. They both wore white dresses and refer to each other as "wife". Another couple, one wore a dress, the other wore a suit and they refer to themselves as husband and wife.

I have two male friends that both wore suits and refer to each other as "husband". I know another couple where one wore a white suit and the other wore a dark gray suit. They refer to themselves as Mr and Mrs Henderson.

It's all about how they're happy and comfortable.

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 10:04:24 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
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From: New Hampshire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Dominant does not necessarily mean male. Even if they are D/s, it doesn't mean that one of them needs to identify as the male part of the relationship.

'Male' and 'female' are not necessary for love. You need two people with strengths, personalities and interests that go well together. You can have stereotypically male traits like strength, a dominant attitude, skill at home repairs, interest in sports (and so on) and still be and feel entirely female. Likewise, a man isn't any less male if he cries at sad films or takes time doing his hair. In other words, you don't have to have male half and a female half to make a strong whole.

Again, with the rings, it's personal taste. If it were me, I'd want some symbol of the engagement, but it's an individual choice.


Athena, thankyou for your reply.
That clears things up a lot.
As you can see I'm pretty much ignorant on this subject but curious none the less.
I've obviously been using straight stereotypes to apply to gays and bisexuals because that was the only basis I knew to apply and compare it to. "Wife and wife" really makes sense now.
Another thing that I'm wondering about, "who" gets walked down the aisle?

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 10:12:20 AM   
freedomdwarf1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250
Another thing that I'm wondering about, "who" gets walked down the aisle?

The same with all the other things you wondered about - it's all a personal choice.

Some will decide to be walked, alone, others will walk together.

I'm really having trouble understanding why this is all so confusing to you.
People chose to do what they want, how they want and wear what they want these days.
It's really very simple.

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 10:12:22 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

It's one of those questions where the answer is "It depends...."

I have two female friends that married. They both wore white dresses and refer to each other as "wife". Another couple, one wore a dress, the other wore a suit and they refer to themselves as husband and wife.

I have two male friends that both wore suits and refer to each other as "husband". I know another couple where one wore a white suit and the other wore a dark gray suit. They refer to themselves as Mr and Mrs Henderson.

It's all about how they're happy and comfortable.



Oside, thakyou,'m really starting to see that "stereotypes" don't apply here.
All I had to go on were the traditional type weddings. Also,...to many of us guys "weddings" are just "mysterious."

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 10:13:15 AM   
DomKen


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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250
Another thing that I'm wondering about, "who" gets walked down the aisle?

When my friends Beth and Jennifer got married both got walked down the aisle, one by her father and one by her best male friend.

You do know folks are doing what they want and figuring things out as they go right?

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 10:14:04 AM   
freedomdwarf1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250
Also,...to many of us guys "weddings" are just "mysterious."

Speak for yourself!!

Where have you been hiding for the last 20+ years if the only thing you knew was a traditional M/F white wedding??

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 10:21:39 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250
Another thing that I'm wondering about, "who" gets walked down the aisle?

The same with all the other things you wondered about - it's all a personal choice.

Some will decide to be walked, alone, others will walk together.

I'm really having trouble understanding why this is all so confusing to you.
People chose to do what they want, how they want and wear what they want these days.
It's really very simple.




Freeeom, thanks, I simply didnt know any of this stuff growing up in Boston, Mass in the strict, traditional Catholic church where *all* weddings were the same.
Now that's very interesting, two walking down the aisle together

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 10:22:55 AM   
shiftyw


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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250
Also,...to many of us guys "weddings" are just "mysterious."

Speak for yourself!!

Where have you been hiding for the last 20+ years if the only thing you knew was a traditional M/F white wedding??


Even M/F weddings have, for the most part, gotten away from a lot of the traditions- and personally, even as a female, if my top were to make me plan a wedding (espicially a traditional) I would consider it an act of sadism.

Gay or straight, most of these things are up to the couple.

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RE: Question for Gay and Bi-sexual people. - 10/22/2013 10:31:31 AM   
freedomdwarf1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250
Also,...to many of us guys "weddings" are just "mysterious."

Speak for yourself!!

Where have you been hiding for the last 20+ years if the only thing you knew was a traditional M/F white wedding??


Even M/F weddings have, for the most part, gotten away from a lot of the traditions- and personally, even as a female, if my top were to make me plan a wedding (espicially a traditional) I would consider it an act of sadism.

Gay or straight, most of these things are up to the couple.

That's my point exactly!

For most of us in "the west" (and I use that term very loosely), we have the liberty of doing things how we please with respect to each other rather than paying lip-service to tradition.

However, in some very backward areas and Islamic or devoutly religious countries, the general populace don't seem to have that choice at all.
And quite honestly, I find that rather sad and extremely prohibitive in many ways.

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