On Merit

On Merit (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Caretakr -> On Merit (7/2/2006 12:37:42 PM)
Any admirable quality or attribute; "work of great merit" Deservingness: the quality of being deserving ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There has been a great deal of discussion on the subject of entitlements here of late. I feel that a great deal of what we do,both in bdsm relationship dynamics,and in any other sorts of interactions-are based specifically on the perceived merits of individuals. I will not be so foolish as to call myself old guard, but I do consider my self to be "old school" in D/s. Which to me, means that things of value we have, must be earned by effort and dedication. I feel that the right to give,and recieve collars must be earned. That respect grows from the merits that one shows to others. And that feeling one is connected to meritorious people, can only make one feel a sense of pride and security.

fyrekittyn -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 1:11:53 PM)
I agree with that, to some extent. I wouldn't want to be collared by or to collar someone that had not earned my respect and devotion. My respect is not an automatic thing, it must be earned through the integrity of the person.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 1:24:08 PM)
I don't see anything in your post that has to do with forming Ds or Ms relationships. The process you describes happens in just about every type of relationship you can consider.

Caretakr -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 2:13:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I don't see anything in your post that has to do with forming Ds or Ms relationships. The process you describes happens in just about every type of relationship you can consider. It has everything to do with how a Master or slave make selections of partners.

MHOO314 -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 2:16:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I don't see anything in your post that has to do with forming Ds or Ms relationships. The process you describes happens in just about every type of relationship you can consider. It has everything to do with how a Master or slave make selections of partners. as well as how slaves and submissives chose Masters and Mistress'--the choice and the decision is a two way street--it must be merit on BOTH sides.

Caretakr -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 2:18:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I don't see anything in your post that has to do with forming Ds or Ms relationships. The process you describes happens in just about every type of relationship you can consider. It has everything to do with how a Master or slave make selections of partners. as well as how slaves and submissives chose Masters and Mistress'--the choice and the decision is a two way street--it must be merit on BOTH sides. Smiles,I believe my response already said that. Or did I fail to mention slaves?[;)]

MHOO314 -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 2:23:08 PM)
No, you did, I believe though it cannot be mentioned enough for their are many out there that do not feel the choice is theirs, whether to select, remain, or leave---there is a misperception among new Dom/minas that it is "kneel bitch" and many submissives and slaves that believe they are at the mercy of all Dominants.

Caretakr -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 2:39:19 PM)
It has everything to do with how a Master or slave make selections of partners. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Are you just trying to start a fight? If so,why?

Fawne -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 2:44:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 --the choice and the decision is a two way street--it must be merit on BOTH sides. TY, MH00314, I agree. I do not see it as oppossed to what the OP said, either. Yes, it does make one feel pride to be chosen by someone merititious. IMHO, I could not even play (which I don't casually do anyway) let alone be submissive to someone I didn't respect, admire, inspired by, be united on and on. To be able to let go and banish the fear Knowing who we are emotionally, instinctively. Accepting what sometimes is a hard journey. I can see how that devotion properly focused could soften a slave's brainwashing that serving (being kind and attentive, putting them first, laying aside the tangle within to be whole) and allow themselves to bask in that glow in that role with pride and security. Sure!

Caretakr -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 2:48:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fawne quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 --the choice and the decision is a two way street--it must be merit on BOTH sides. TY, MH00314, I agree. I do not see it as oppossed to what the OP said, either. Yes, it does make one feel pride to be chosen by someone merititious. IMHO, I could not even play (which I don't casually do anyway) let alone be submissive to someone I didn't respect, admire, inspired by, be united on and on. To be able to let go and banish the fear Knowing who we are emotionally, instinctively. Accepting what sometimes is a hard journey. I can see how that devotion properly focused could soften a slave's brainwashing that serving (being kind and attentive, putting them first, laying aside the tangle within to be whole) and allow themselves to bask in that glow in that role with pride and security. Sure! I agree Fawne. I was simply perplexed at where MH00314 got the idea that I was singling a role out-I did not. And yet ,stubbornly insisted that I had, when no mention of either side had been made.

Fawne -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 2:56:21 PM)
Well, some of us are too defensive, and it is not a happy, good way to be. I am personally working on it. Staying centered. learning. Personally, I find the original post very comforting. Thanks!

ClassAct2006 -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 2:59:59 PM)
It takes a long while to build trust and prove trustworthiness. Also on merit - I don't feel submissive to anyone I don't feel is better than I am so to that extent merit has a relevance too.

darkinshadows -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 3:00:05 PM)
I always say this, I abhore pride in nearly all forms. The only pride I do feel is for my children. And that is where I draw the line. So I wouldn't say I have pride in being connected to people of merit, but I would definately be in awe of them and appriciative. I believe that if someone has something or some talent or gift of merit, then theres no need for pride really. Em is fab. She is a fountain of knowledge and easy to talk to. Now she knows her strengths, and is happy to share it, but I have never seen her flaunt it. John Warren is well written and incredibly knowledgable. But I have never seen him show off or boast on his accomplishments, yet he has the humility to accept praise. But this is their humility. Essentially, all these posts come down to the same thing. Qualities in a person. Elsewhere, it was mentioned about not being a dominant without having arrogance. Whilst it can be an attractive quality in small doses, the ego often overtakes. But confidence is different altogether... assurence that what is correct for onself and in the outcome. Someone of/with merit can be so, without pride - for their naturally able to support thier idea without a need to defend it. Whilst that can be and is everything to do with how a master or slave cna find potential partners, that is also true for anyone outside wiitwd. It isn't the basis of, or the core of a BDSM/SM/Ds relationship - it is an ideal basis of, or core of any healthy and productive relationship. Peace and Rapture

jamesthehumanrug -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 3:25:29 PM)
greetings caretaker acording to your system of philosophy then; i must be an one huge admirable slave, and slavesinger i was, and very much deserving ,but, i have not a dime, nor a left alive mistress ,altho ....this maybe disturbing to you ;let's look at this realistic anology ;just ,for an example :did'nt you ever see a little kid look at a puppy in the petshop-window? who gets collared ? to me is no different in anyones mind set who gets what ;as they told me more than a few times;"better check your criteria ",but,personally : i like your sources ,for saying so, in regards to 'admirable';'deserving';effort and dedication, however, there is no one more dedicated ,nor IS any one in the world , in the mega-hits of the music biz ,and no slave ,in a slave-lifestyle ever ;was,OR IS more dedicated THAN ME;nor has anyone ever used ,so much effort as me, but.... too bad ;things ,just dont follow that belief, but, then again ;i'd like, to tell FBI ,when they choose, to tell someone ,that they just don't believe Hollywood- watergate and,snuff happened ,that you can't change the facts simply ,to fit what *you* believe.

Caretakr -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 3:47:16 PM)
Having merit does not always mean that fate will favor you.

Padriag -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 3:56:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr Which to me, means that things of value we have, must be earned by effort and dedication. I feel that the right to give,and recieve collars must be earned. That respect grows from the merits that one shows to others. And that feeling one is connected to meritorious people, can only make one feel a sense of pride and security. I'm a great fan of personal merit. I agree, things should be earned. But it raises an interesting question. How is such merit earned? Who, if anyone, determines whe such merit has been earned? Who, if anyone, sets the standards for it? I have my own answers to these questions, but for now I prefer to leave it open for discussion.

feastie -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 4:31:00 PM)
I cannot imagine developing a relationship with anyone I did not feel merited it, be it D/s, M/s, friendship or any other relationship.

Caretakr -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 4:44:19 PM)
I think that a subjective feeling of merit is at the heart of most human interactions.

cheshireboy -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 4:47:14 PM)
someone once tried to collar me within a few minutes of a conversation and it made me want to laugh, you don't own someone by placing something around their next, there is no merit in that, almost everything is always earned, but it is so easy for something to be taken away. i will give respect, but it can be easily lost if the person can't be respectful.

Caretakr -> RE: On Merit (7/2/2006 5:56:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cheshireboy someone once tried to collar me within a few minutes of a conversation and it made me want to laugh, you don't own someone by placing something around their next, there is no merit in that, almost everything is always earned, but it is so easy for something to be taken away. i will give respect, but it can be easily lost if the person can't be respectful. I never did get the instant collar thing. I guess that desperation lacks merit.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.0625