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kiwisub12 -> RE: internal conflict (10/24/2013 2:12:37 PM)
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OP - humiliation doesn't need to be part of a bdsm relationship - neither does pain or sex. In fact, since the two of you are in charge of your own relationship, there doesn't need to be anything there that you don't want. Heck if you don't want to roll in pumpkin guts on the kitchen floor you don't have to. But if he wants you to, the two of you need to be able to talk about it.
Once the two of you get a sense of what you each want, then is the time to tell the other, preferably in a way that makes the other open to the idea. For instance, I love thuddy pain. My sweetie likes to give stingy pain. And I love to take that stingy pain. So he bought a thuddy flogger, so he can give me what I like, while still giving me the nasty stingy pain he likes. [:D] And he knows that I like thud because I told him, in a positive manner, without criticism and a lot of humour. Our relationship has a lot of fun and humour in it, so that works for us.
Oh yeah - there is no perfect submissive. There is no perfect dominant (*gasp* blasphemy I know). What or who ever you use as a role model has their own battles to accommodate a relationship. Its kind of like single people who don't have kids who are the ones who know all about raising kids ([8|]) - no-one else can give you the "One True Way".
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