Clever submissive?

Clever submissive? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

kitzune -> Clever submissive? (10/25/2013 10:29:13 PM)
How do you deal with one who is often too smart for their own good? Communication? A tightly fitting gag? Or, the silent treatment? I do not know, I would like to understand. Added: I was not asking about punishment but communication. Silent treatment was referring to a complete lack of communication.

logan7252 -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/25/2013 10:32:36 PM)
Silent treatment subs hste being ignored

kitzune -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/25/2013 10:35:54 PM)
I was not asking about punishment but communication. Silent treatment was referring to a complete lack of communication.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/25/2013 10:43:07 PM)
I don't think I understand the question. Why would someone's intelligence require a gag? Do you mean someone who talks back, rather than someone who is clever?

kitzune -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/25/2013 10:52:23 PM)
Maybe just habitually confusing. And, a little wary about where to take the next step. The person would otherwise be very respectful, open minded and patient.

MasterCaneman -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/25/2013 11:14:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitzune Maybe just habitually confusing. And, a little wary about where to take the next step. The person would otherwise be very respectful, open minded and patient. What the hell does that mean? Perhaps if you were a little less obtuse in your language, you might achieve better results in the communications department.

kitzune -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/25/2013 11:26:50 PM)
Okay. Thank you, Caneman, that was the kind of response I needed to see. Clearly it is because of my communication skills. Here is the translation: Confusing and wary = I am reluctant to speak clearly which results in a confused reader, such as yourself. I do not think the second part requires an explanation.

crazyml -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/25/2013 11:57:40 PM)
Hmmm. I think the chances are I'd move on and look for a sub with better communication skills.

myotherself -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/26/2013 12:48:43 AM)
You are generally respectful, open minded and patient but when issues arise you are reluctant to discuss these with your partner/dominant? This isn't a D/s thing, it's a relationship thing. If you can't talk about stuff with your partner then the relationship isn't going to last. Have you thought about writing down stuff instead of saying it out loud? Write a letter, email, whatever, tell your other half that you're concerned about something but you get flustered when you try to say it out loud so here it is on paper.

kitzune -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/26/2013 1:54:47 AM)
I am not in any relationship. I only ever communicate with anyone, about D/s, through message. My original question was not about my communication skills, per say. I wanted to know if a Dominant would have patience for someone who has a strong will but wants to submit. The psychology term is cognitive dissonance.

TigressLily -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/26/2013 2:33:09 AM)
Honey, you have got more going on with you than "cognitive dissonance." You aren't listening to what the others are trying to tell you, and we can all detect you do have a problem with your communication skills. quote: ORIGINAL: kitzune I am not in any relationship. I only ever communicate with anyone, about D/s, through message. My original question was not about my communication skills, per say. I wanted to know if a Dominant would have patience for someone who has a strong will but wants to submit. The psychology term is cognitive dissonance. You are over 30 years old and yet you come off as being more like a bratty 20. Youthfulness can work to your advantage, but not immaturity. You only message (text, e-mail) those you're interested in which either means you haven't gotten as far as speaking over the phone to a prospective Dom, or you are hiding behind your computer/cell phone. Having said that, yes there are bratty subs. They can be (inexperienced) masochists who want submission forced out of them. Is that how you lean? Because if it isn't, then you're sending the wrong message and will end up attracting a sadistic Dom. If that's what you want, then so be it. None of us are here on this forum to give you a hard time, just sensible advice if you'll let us. We can't do that if you cannot clearly convey your message. If you have any masochistic tendencies (or even if you don't) and want to be Topped but don't feel you want D/s, then that's perfectly fine. But you have to know what it is that you want first. This is called being a "bottom" rather than a "sub." If you want more of a DaddyDom to coddle you, then that's what you should be seeking. It's up to you to decide.

myotherself -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/26/2013 2:50:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitzune My original question was not about my communication skills, per say. I wanted to know if a Dominant would have patience for someone who has a strong will but wants to submit. The psychology term is cognitive dissonance. I'm glad you clarified, because this would have been extremely difficult to understand from your previous posts. My response would be yes/no/it depends. Dominants are people, with all the variations possible in a person. There will be dominants out there who enjoy the challenge of a strong-willed partner. There are dominants who would hate this. There are some who think they wouldn't like it, but there's something about you that makes them rethink. There are some who think they would enjoy it, but there's something about you that makes them rethink. So the answer really is, depends upon the person behind the dominance.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/26/2013 3:42:10 AM)
FR: Why would a dominant bother with a strong willed partner who had a communication problem they couldn't own up to? AND who thought they were clever when they were not. Anyone is capable of having spells of cognitive dissonance, but if you're having conflicting issues over your desire to submit, that's something I think you have to work on first, before you seek a relationship. You're expecting someone else to do that hard work for you. I agree, you come across as extremely immature, like a teenager.

lizi -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/26/2013 4:21:01 AM)
Most of the Dominants I know would deal with someone who was too smart for their own good by not getting involved with such a person in the first place. Not many people relish constant struggle. Smart is good, clever is good, too smart or clever implies too much of a good thing over and above what is conducive to smooth social relations. Quite honestly the Dominants I have known treasure smoothness and peace over what could very well be bratty behavior. At the very least, being overly smart/clever might be a lot of unnecessary work on the other person's side. For myself, I find those types of people exhausting and I avoid much interaction with them. I come from a graphics background. If you can't visually tell what is going on with an ad or other piece of graphic information within a second or two, it is a failure. No matter how cute, or intellectual, or artistic the graphic, it's main purpose is to convey information; if it does not do that effectively, it is utterly useless. The parallels between that and written communication are identical. To be quite honest, it's riding the line of too much work just to try to figure out your communication on this thread. I can't even imagine what you would be like in person on a continuing basis. I'm not trying to be mean, please consider delving in to your personal communication skills and consider working on them.

DarkSteven -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/26/2013 4:39:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitzune I am not in any relationship. I only ever communicate with anyone, about D/s, through message. My original question was not about my communication skills, per say. I wanted to know if a Dominant would have patience for someone who has a strong will but wants to submit. The psychology term is cognitive dissonance. You cannot simply "submit" - you have to submit TO SOMEONE. If you are with me and cannot submit to me, I won't make you - I'll move on. If you can't submit to me, maybe you'll find someone whose style inspires your submission more than mine will. I don't think that this is an issue of a submissive more than it is relationship incompatibility.

kitzune -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/26/2013 5:07:30 AM)
Okay. Thank you, everyone, for your feedback.

angelikaJ -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/26/2013 6:12:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitzune I am not in any relationship. I only ever communicate with anyone, about D/s, through message. My original question was not about my communication skills, per say. I wanted to know if a Dominant would have patience for someone who has a strong will but wants to submit. The psychology term is cognitive dissonance. Then why didn't you actually say that?... because your first question is unrelated to this. If your question is because the dominants you have exchanged messages with don't think you are submissive enough.... congratulations! You are in fine company... it only means you aren't submissive enough for them. And why would you be be submissive with complete strangers... and why wouldn't you be asking tons of questions? You have a strong will, but want to submit? Are you actually willing to submit, or are you just craving kinky sex? You can have the latter without the former. And to submit, you just need willingness. A strong will can be an asset if you apply it that way... with the right partner. There is nothing wrong with being discerning and taking your time in selecting one. In any case, learn to say what you mean and mean what you say. Life will be much easier that way. This may help: https://www.cnvc.org/learn/nvc-foundations

kalikshama -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/26/2013 8:10:47 AM)
quote: I wanted to know if a Dominant would have patience for someone who has a strong will but wants to submit. The psychology term is cognitive dissonance. I used to feel dissonance because I wanted to both be a good feminist and a submissive/masochist, but worked through this years ago. I am very strong willed in some situations, like at work and with some family and friends, but sexually submissive and otherwise submissive to my Dom. We do butt heads about some issues, like footwear - he wants me to be stylish and I want to be comfortable - but we manage to work things out. I'm uncomfortable sometimes and unstylish other times. We talk all the time, except during sex, when he gags me. (He came into this relationship with a preference for "not a Stepford wife" and gags during sex.) Years ago when I was looking, a friend told me I'd have better luck landing a man if I "dumbed it down." I am really glad I held out for someone who appreciates my intellect. Is English your first language? I agree with the other posters who had a hard time understanding you.

TigressLily -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/26/2013 8:45:03 AM)
It didn't occur to me right away, Kitzune, that you just might have a shy side and some mistaken notion that in order to express your submissiveness, you have to hide your true thoughts and feelings. Nothing could be further from the truth. Like kalikshama mentioned, as females we get sent mixed messages. That in order to keep a man interested in us, we have to act as if he's smarter or otherwise not outshine him. The way I look at it, if he can't keep up, that's his problem not yours. Be yourself, be true to yourself. You can't please everybody, so please yourself. When you find that special man you want to please who can appreciate you for yourself, he'll love you for who you are. Let your submission come naturally and trust your intuition when you see red flags. Don't ignore them. Be confrontational when you need to be. Don't hide behind your intellect, and allow yourself to be vulnerable around people you can trust. It's okay not to settle for second best and to take your time until you feel comfortable with someone as you would in any other romantic relationship. Wishing you great success.

lizi -> RE: Clever submissive? (10/26/2013 10:57:36 AM)
I'd just like to riff off of both TL and Kali....D/s is a relationship. That's all it is. Some of the structure and activities are a bit different than your run of the mill date, but at the base of it whatever you like/don't like when you are dating someone is the same here. The same kinds of relationship give and take, the same process of finding someone you are compatible with.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.1569977