Where do i strike a balance ...

Where do i strike a balance ... (Full Version)

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Blonderfluff -> Where do i strike a balance ... (10/26/2013 6:04:18 AM)
In getting rid of the "ick" messages, without offending a great guy who just didn't write a great message ? i have found myself several times just deleting every message because it just got so overwhelming. I know this is probably silly. But are there any buzz words or criteria I could use to extrapolate the really good Guys from the " i just want to tie you up, hit you, and that's makes me a Dom" types?! Apologies if this is too basic a question. I am just frustrated. I am in the search for the long haul, and I know it's probably going to take a while. I am fine with that.

Blonderfluff -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/26/2013 6:12:09 AM)
Oh. And can anyone tell me how to get rid of that stupid vanilla cone below my pic here???

KYsissy -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/26/2013 6:33:56 AM)
The vanilla cone will dissappear as you post more. It will turn into a handcuff or something.

KYsissy -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/26/2013 6:37:19 AM)
As a new member, you are in the new members list and will be bombarded for a while. I dont know how long you will stay there, but after you drop off, the volume of messages should too.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/26/2013 6:39:02 AM)
No there's no magic shortcut. If you read their first message and think 'ick' then you're probably right. As for messages that are just a bit flat or uninspiring, then it's up to you whether you have the time to spend to sort through them. I always think of it this way - people here are looking for something/someone that's going to be important in their lives. If they can't make the effort to spell check their messages or write something about themselves in their profile, they're probably not going to make much effort at maintaining the relationship either. When I look at a profile, I use the assumption that they are showing their best side (because why would you show your worst side?) so if you're put off by their message or profile, the reality is probably worse. Assuming you're not looking for cyber sex and/or a quick shag, talking about vanilla interests and proposing a meeting over coffee will weed out 99% of those who are.

angelikaJ -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/26/2013 6:39:34 AM)
Do you already know that you can hover on the message and read a good bit of it? That way you can sometimes delete them unread. Copy and paste messages usually have a lot of generics in them. Things like, 'Hey there beautiful, I saw your profile and think we have a lot in common." or something similar when they don't have anything that actually refers to your specific profile in it.

DarkSteven -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/26/2013 6:43:09 AM)
The vanilla cone just reflects the number of posts you make here. Keep posting, and it'll go away. So you're getting hundreds of messages per day from idiots who call themselves Doms, are deleting them wholesale, and wondering if there's a quick screening mechanism. Generally, the method I suggest is to see if the guy is interested in vanilla compatibility first before barking orders or showing interest in your lady bits. That's not quick, sorry. More practically, I'd suggest finding munches in your area and meeting locals. Welcome to the forum!

RedMagic1 -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/26/2013 7:09:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff I know this is probably silly. But are there any buzz words or criteria I could use to extrapolate the really good Guys from the " i just want to tie you up, hit you, and that's makes me a Dom" types?! First off, I don't write women who are brand new to the site for exactly this reason. I'm not interested in being the victim of a mass delete. That said, here's some things you could do to reduce volume, and upgrade quality of messages. 1) Remove the face photo. (Or at least make it a secondary photo, and take a picture of something you enjoy, like a meal you cooked or a sweater you knitted, and make that the primary.) 2) Start a journal and prioritize messages from men who have clearly read your profile and journal. 3) Choose a question of the week, something you're genuinely interested in or curious about, and say at the top of your profile that you're wondering about X thing, and what ideas do people have. Respond to people who engage and interest you, and don't respond to anyone else.

Blonderfluff -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/26/2013 7:51:27 AM)
Wow. All a great help. Yes. Messages are starting to decline. Gratefully. I love the idea of the journal. I never ve thought to use that as a tool to remind me who I really liked. Duh. It was there all the time. Thank You all so much!! t

Blonderfluff -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/26/2013 7:52:33 AM)
@DarkSteven. I LOVE Your quote!!!

littlewonder -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/26/2013 8:42:45 PM)
The same way you weeded out men who only wanted a one night stand with you? It's exactly the same.

SailingBum -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/28/2013 1:28:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff In getting rid of the "ick" messages, without offending a great guy who just didn't write a great message ? i have found myself several times just deleting every message because it just got so overwhelming. I know this is probably silly. But are there any buzz words or criteria I could use to extrapolate the really good Guys from the " i just want to tie you up, hit you, and that's makes me a Dom" types?! Apologies if this is too basic a question. I am just frustrated. I am in the search for the long haul, and I know it's probably going to take a while. I am fine with that. Well you answered the question yourself. YOU are going to have to READ each one. Then determine who you will respond to. Yep that is the only short cut I know. Welcome and embrace the madness. BadOne

Apocalypso -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/28/2013 6:30:51 AM)
Only you can set your own criteria because only you know what you're looking for. One trick I have seen used is putting a random word at the end of your profile and asking that people use it in their first contact mail to you. That way, you can be sure they've read your profile. It's a bit kitschy, but probably effective. (I really wish CM would drop the new members scrollbar entirely. It's a stupid idea).

Toysinbabeland -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/28/2013 6:49:21 AM)
Welcome blonderfluff! there will always be people who write to you here that probably just shouldn't on here. Take your time and respond only to those who talk about things that you like to talk about. if you aren't comfortable talking about what they are talking about then just shut them down.

Blonderfluff -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/28/2013 6:57:27 AM)
All very thoughtful and helpful advice. Much appreciated. I do have one question. @RedMagic1 suggested i take down my photo and make it secondary to a not photo image. I am not quite sure of the reasoning behind this? To dissuade to pic stalkers??

DarkSteven -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/28/2013 7:04:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff All very thoughtful and helpful advice. Much appreciated. I do have one question. @RedMagic1 suggested i take down my photo and make it secondary to a not photo image. I am not quite sure of the reasoning behind this? To dissuade to pic stalkers?? When I browse profiles, I see a thumbnail of your main pic and a couple of sentences of your profile text. Your face pic's damn enticing, and may cause men to contact you based solely on the pic without reading your profile. On the other hand, you may get men intrigued enough by your face pic that they go further and view your entire profile. My supposition is that RedMagic1 was suggesting you remove the face pic to discourage the former from contacting you.

MasterCaneman -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/28/2013 7:06:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff All very thoughtful and helpful advice. Much appreciated. I do have one question. @RedMagic1 suggested i take down my photo and make it secondary to a not photo image. I am not quite sure of the reasoning behind this? To dissuade to pic stalkers?? Yes. All those guys do is scan profiles looking for hot chicks with pics to perv over.

Blonderfluff -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/28/2013 7:13:39 AM)
Ok. @DarKS. <blushing>. Thanks. I put a vanilla-ish photo to show that I WAS real , but purposely posted one that was not provocative, and where I was not even wearing makeup. I have a pic of my tattooed feet. Would that be better? Or am I gonna get all the foot fetishists? Hitting Google next to find a nice image I think. :)

LadyPact -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/28/2013 7:14:20 AM)
The deal with the pic is that it's a catch 22. Showing that you are a real person is a great thing. Unfortunately, being a real person is exactly what the sharks are going to jump on while you're still on the fresh meat (also known as the newest members) list. You'll drop off of that list in sixty days. When you do, that avalanche that has become your inbox will slow up a bit. You'll still get crap but it won't be nearly as bad. A lot of the people who pounce/send email to anybody "new" are banking on you not knowing how the system works just yet. New members aren't as familiar with what constitutes spam or what should be reported or not. You'll get the hang of it.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Where do i strike a balance ... (10/28/2013 8:37:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff but purposely posted one that was not provocative, Oh honey. There's long hair fetish, nose/snot fetish, eyeball fetish, "natural look" fetish. Here's a well-known fetish diagram. https://lh3.ggpht.com/_Fp9VsxckuPw/SUJj0RXF9AI/AAAAAAAAACw/ELzoXo_JZek/s1600-h/fetishkp8.gif Most of these are rare, but it's an absolute guarantee that, no matter what photo of yourself you post, you will be "provoking" someone who views it. I'm not saying the "right" thing to do is to take down your pics. I think it's better than mass-deleting your messages, yes. But the best move, it seems to me, would be to stop feeling overwhelmed and accept (even enjoy!) the fact that there's an awful lot of strange in the world, because, hell, you're probably pretty strange yourself.

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