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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 1:42:10 PM

eulero83

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it's all explained here:

Dobler-Dahmer Theory

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 1:42:16 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stef
Yes, because the absolute best way to begin a relationship is to base it on a lie. Great advice.

Couldn't agree more. It surprises Me that folks would suggest dishonesty as the best way to go.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 1:55:28 PM

Kitsuneboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

I can't decide what my take is on this, and wanted to get your input. A friend was browsing on a vanilla dating site (she isn't a member) and saw someone she's really interested in. Based on his user name she was very easy able to find him on Facebook. Would it be really creepy of her to contact him on FB? What are your thoughts?

I don't think its creepy exactly, but I don't think that's too sweet either.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 2:25:14 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

I can't decide what my take is on this, and wanted to get your input. A friend was browsing on a vanilla dating site (she isn't a member) and saw someone she's really interested in. Based on his user name she was very easy able to find him on Facebook. Would it be really creepy of her to contact him on FB? What are your thoughts?

It's a horrible idea. I had a female friend call me at 10pm, scared, asking what to do, because a guy had viewed her on OK Cupid, then wrote her on Facebook. Did she overreact? Maybe. Do you want to take a chance that the person you're trying to flirt with will have such a reaction? Hell no.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 8:57:15 PM

littlewonder

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I would find it creepy and as if someone was stalking me. I would be wondering that if he does that online, is he going to do that in real life as well? Check around to see where I'm at? No thanks.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 9:04:17 PM

DesFIP

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I'd find it creepy and assume he was a stalker. But women tend to be more self protective than men. Men aren't afraid of strange women accosting them the way women are of strange men.

I'd have to say that this is something I would need info from the guys on how they would feel if this happened to them.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 9:56:14 PM

TigressLily

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More guys need to chime in on this. If the woman is not unattractive to them, then sure they'll welcome the attention.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'd find it creepy and assume he was a stalker. But women tend to be more self protective than men. Men aren't afraid of strange women accosting them the way women are of strange men.

I'd have to say that this is something I would need info from the guys on how they would feel if this happened to them.

If you're being the aggressor/initiator as a woman, however, this can be devastating if or when you get rejected or pushed into the friend zone. Whoever sets the responsive pace is the one in control, not the one who initiates. Why hand over control right away to any man who happens to catch your fancy? Is your friend a sub, littleone, or is she a vanilla girlfriend? If she's subbly, there'll be plenty of time down the road for her to do so. Whether she's vanilla or not, she has to be careful not to come across as hard-up or easy, as eulero mentioned, unless she's just looking for a casual hook-up.

It isn't really a double standard, though. I wouldn't think highly of a man who came across as hard-up or having easy morals, the kind of guy who takes whatever female play partner he can get. And you'll never know beyond the shadow of a doubt if you as a woman are the one showing more interest than the man after getting his attention. This isn't to say you can't do the initiating if you have the self-confidence to let it go if nothing ever comes of your first move. After that, though, don't appear overeager. Friendly is okay. A hint of flirtatiousness is okay.

I don't do FB or FL, not being a social networking media-type person, but I am on a few dating sites, so it wouldn't bother me if a guy told me he'd seen my profile on more than one site. If I want him to see another profile, I'll direct him to it. I have to wonder, though, is this guy so fabulous that your friend cannot wait to message him on a free communications weekend? Thanksgiving is coming up so there will be promos then. If she were checking him out to look for inconsistencies, then there's nothing wrong with that. I don't think guys like to feel as though they've been checked up on, and he may take her interest the wrong way if she goes the FB route. Better for her to bide her time, I'll reiterate.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 10:15:12 PM

littleone14

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You have a point about waiting for a free weekend, but when I was on eharmony I always thought it was tacky when guys approached me during those weekends. It rubbed me the wrong way, like they were too cheap to spring for a membership. Not sure why, but going the FB route doesn't strike me as being cheap. It's just more the creepy factor I'm curious about. I would like to hear from more guys how they'd feel.......

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/27/2013 2:07:20 AM

eulero83

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

You have a point about waiting for a free weekend, but when I was on eharmony I always thought it was tacky when guys approached me during those weekends. It rubbed me the wrong way, like they were too cheap to spring for a membership. Not sure why, but going the FB route doesn't strike me as being cheap. It's just more the creepy factor I'm curious about. I would like to hear from more guys how they'd feel.......

She should not warry about looking cheap for waiting a free week end if there are any, there are gender differences also about that, we are the ones who pay the dinner or bring flowers at a date not the other way around, so the money factor is on your (females') advantage.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/27/2013 5:31:58 AM

Apocalypso

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14
It's just more the creepy factor I'm curious about. I would like to hear from more guys how they'd feel.......

It partly depends on exactly how I was found. If I'm found somewhere because I'm using the same username both places, then yeah, I don't really have a problem with that. I kind of expect people to do that kind of casual googling in the modern world. If she'd done more then just google my username, then it gets into more dodgy territory. The more effort that needed to go into it, the more likely it is that I'd react negatively. Anything like a reverse image search or crossreferencing different sites to work out more information is right out.

I would almost certainly be negative if she then pretended she just 'happened' to come across my Facebook profile. It would feel like either she's a fool or she thinks I am.

So, overall, it varies. But it's less likely to worry me then it would do a lot of women.

It's probably worth mentioning that there's a good chance I wouldn't see anything sent me on Facebook though. My inbox is set up to accept mail from people on my friend's list. Anything else goes into a different inbox and I hardly ever check it. A lot of people have that setup on Facebook. So, on a practical level, this is probably not a great way to try and contact him.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/27/2013 8:53:09 AM

kiwisub12

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eulero83

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

I don't think the intent was just to randomly friend him. She'd send a message explaining the situation.

Maybe a I should rewrite the second part better (I speek for personal experience and by locker room talks), when excluded this comes from a professional, creepy or desperate when talking about girls are not words we use, sweet can be one but not for an approach by facebook, now we are not used to girls doing the first move so when it happens it's a "ego boost", the only thing she can warry about is to be considered easy, and that's something we are totally fine with if looking for play partners, or to be turned down because she's not looking good enough, enough can be variable from guy to guy but I'm not talking about beauty pegeants level but usually average nexdoor girl is more than enough to not be turned down.

Can this sentence go into the running for longest sentence as a post?

and I must be innocent. I wouldn't be creeped out if someone sent me a message saying they saw my profile on a dating site, but because they weren't a member andthey really liked the profile, they checked facebook and messaged me. I would be cautious, as I would with anyone I didn't know , but not creeped out.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/27/2013 11:30:27 AM

JstAnotherSub

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I would say that if he used a name on a dating site that made it that easy to find his Facebook page, he did it on purpose. I think she should message him on Facebook and tell him who she is and why she messaged him and let the chips fall where they may.

If he finds it creepy, he will learn to use a different name on sites that he doesn't want folks to be able to trace to his real life on Facebook. If he doesn't find it creepy, they could live happily ever after!

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/27/2013 1:53:36 PM

needlesandpins

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the way I look at it is that if this guy is on a dating site and gives enough info that he can be found on facebook he's an idiot to open himself up to that to start with and not expect someone to contact him there. now if he was on this site and she posted all over his wall that she'd seen him, and loved him in his maids outfit with his little cock being laughed at by everyone at the party then yeah he'd have something to bitch about....maybe. However, if she explains the situation in a private message I don't see the problem as he left himself open to be found so easily in the first place.

unless your friend is crazy stalker bitch from hell then you may want to have a word in her shell like and tell her to leave it alone before the cops pay a visit.

needles

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