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TigressLily -> RE: I like pegging (10/31/2013 3:21:11 AM)
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This is why I raised the issue of Hard Limits. It's always best to be upfront and honest about any and all sexual matters, whether they be vanilla, vanilla kinky, BDSM-related kinks & fetishes. I personally don't care for a lot of the fetishes males have. Some I'll tolerate. For instance, I have ticklish feet, so I don't want some footslave slobbering all over my feet, sucking on my toes, and sticking half my foot in his mouth. I don't get anything out of it. (Excuse in advance going back & forth on quoting excerpts.)
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ORIGINAL: myotherself
I do not like playing with anyone's anus, even mine.... But one thing I do know is that I don't want to do anything to any man's ass. The thought is actually repellant to me and I would find zero enjoyment in it and would actually find it difficult to dissociate the man from the act afterwards.
I know myself quite well, and I made sure that when I looked for a dominant that I made it absolutely clear that pegging and anal play on a man were hard limits. I passed by a couple of guys because they were interested in pegging. I don't see this as being somehow 'less submissive' of me, but rather more knowing of my own limits.
<snip>
Just a suggestion at large. Instead of one's Master suffering an enlarged prostate later on down the road, one could always play Nursie and put on a latex glove to give a rectal/proctological exam, incorporating massage.
Now this sounds more like a Soft Limit to me:
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ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
Perhaps he just likes the sensation. I have no desire to ass-fuck anyone, so if my husband wanted it, it would be an act of submission for me to peg him.
Enjoying stimulation in the anal area isn't an exclusively submissive trait, any more than it's exclusively gay.
I think it's the intention behind the act that makes it dominant or submissive, rather than the act itself.
Understandable. I have a friend who considers any act of Topping an act of supreme submission for him. Almost like being punished. Consequently, it doesn't have to seem like this (unless either of you want it to), but it will as long as you (plural, not singular) are mentally hung up on the very concept of what Topping/bottoming is in relation to D/s, or what you regard as taking the active or passive role in terms of your D/s-M/s dynamic. This goes for any s-type and any D-type, regardless of gender.
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ORIGINAL: myotherself
oral sex is not always 'given' by the female - it can be 'given' by the male...essentially 'oral sex' vs 'face fucking'.
This would account for perhaps 2-5% of the time on average. I think most men would agree they enjoy receiving oral as a passive activity where they can lie back. In those cases where the male prefers to skull-fuck, then it's often due to his having an issue with prolonged ejaculation, or an issue with only being able to get off one particular way. I used to know a guy who could only come via intercourse. He had never been sucked off in his life. It's with men like this that there is all the more reason to stick something up his b*tt. Watch for yourself how fast he ends up coming, don't take my word for it. Granted, you wouldn't ordinarily want a quick response time, but it's a tool in the toolbox when necessary.
Besides, I was illustrating a point. Topping=active/giving & bottom=passive/receiving aren't directly linked to Dominance/submission. Both women and men feel submissive when giving oral and regard it as a sexual service. Which raises another point. There are vanilla men who can only allow themselves to feel sexually submissive when they go down on a woman. For a woman to not be able to enjoy receiving pleasure from this act can cause a tremendous wound to any man's spirit. Not only that, it's a bonding experience for the couple.
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ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
<Part A>I think if you're the dom in the relationship, then telling them when and how to do you is one of the perks!
<Part B>I wouldn't like to service top my husband. As I've already said, I would carry out the acts he requested but that's because of our long-established relationship and dynamic. If it had been something he wanted regularly from the beginning, I would have had to think hard about it. If he went to a pro to get pegged, I'd consider it cheating anyway because it's outside of our agreed monogamy.
Part A is worth repeating. As for Part B, that's a personal preference to be worked out between partners/spouses. Without a doubt, going outside of the relationship to seek gratification from a third party is cheating. Then, of course, there are couples who seek a sub to service them non-sexually and/or sexually, and you wouldn't want your Master turning to your second instead of you, would you? Not unless it was a conscious choice on your part, that is. It's something worth considering if/when the occasion should ever arise.
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