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RE: very new - 11/4/2013 9:07:59 AM

freedomdwarf1

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There have been some good posts by others.

If you guys have been together for a year, and he still has absolutely no clue on what makes you tick, I would be seriously thinking about whether you'd want to be staying with him.

As both Lizi and LW have said, the fact that he has based his rules on his past conquests and foisted them upon you without getting to know you first, speaks volumes about his maturity and experience (or lack of) in these matters.

And again, Lizi and Kalikshama have raised a good point about having another.
How do you feel about it? Did he consult you or just throw it into the mix?

It seems that everything he is doing screams immaturity, asshattery, inexperience and a ME-ME-ME attitude.
I'm hoping I'm wrong but it appears to me that you guys aren't suited for a vanilla relationship let alone a BDSM one.

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RE: very new - 11/17/2013 1:58:08 PM

AIPAIN

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I have to agree with freedomdwarf1 take so far.

One the point of having another, Did He state and repeatedly state that He was "POLY" If not He will be crossing the line a boundary so to speak. If He didn't and you was lead to believe the relationship was to be "MONO" then it is up to you to let Him know He has broke Y/your contract with Him. Failure to communicate such matters is immature, novice.
Y/you both have a ton of work to do. Y/you both have only waded into the waters wait before Y/you both dive off into deeper waters.

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RE: very new - 11/17/2013 2:16:06 PM

ResidentSadist

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"the fact that he has based his rules on his past conquests and foisted them upon you without getting to know you first, speaks volumes about his maturity and experience (or lack of) in these matters."

In reference to the above, I would have to ask the OP if these are "house rules" and is she training to the house (US reference) as in the collar (EU reference) or training to him, as in specifically to the relationship?

I have great interpersonal relationship skills, but you will find that I have a set of house rules that apply to all.

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RE: very new - 11/17/2013 10:43:20 PM

tiggerspoohbear

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Shorty, I lived with my 1st dom for about 3 months. I knew nothing of BDSM or D/s. He would go days without speaking to me for no reason that I could figure out. It worsened my depression & anxiety almost to a point where I came within a day or two of being forcefully hospitalized by my family. He did this on purpose & it's now a very hard limit with me. My new dom/partner & I have a fully functional relationship. One based on trust, honesty, support, love & open communication anytime. It's what works for us.

As for bringing in a third, if you do this just to please him, think long & carefully before you agree to it. If he expects it to be a sexual relationship are you bisexual? Will you be able to handle the emotional side of seeing him with another woman? How open are you to a poly relationship? I was promised monogamy then told how happy I would make him if we brought in a 3rd. I was promised if things didn't work out, she'd be out the door & we'd return to the 2 of us. They ended up leaving me, physically threatened & harassed me. I had to involve the police dept on more than a few occasions. I lived in fear. This is uunusual but it does happen. I learned I'm not poly in the least. For me, it's monogamy or nothing. YMMV.

I'm not trying to scare you. It was my own personal experience. I came through it stronger & learned some very tough, important lessons. I wouldn't change a thing. It made me who I am today. It allowed me, at the tender age of 50, to finally find not only my true love but the first man I've ever truly been in love with. We complete each other.

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