What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (Full Version)

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NewAgeAlice -> What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 10:57:49 AM)

I keep seeing people on CM listed as either Submissives or Slaves. I'm not sure if there's a difference, or if I should be concerned about whether I'm technically a slave or technically a submissive? I'm also not sure where to post this question, because anyone can answer it, regardless of Master/Domme/Submissive/Slave/Switch. Any help on figuring this out would be much appreciated.



OsideGirl -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 11:01:03 AM)

I wouldn't be too concerned about where you fit within the definitions of others. As long you know which side of the kneel you're on.

Everyone has different definitions of what each is. (Personally, I don't believe in consensual slavery) So, really, it will come down to what you and partner decide you're comfortable with.



myotherself -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 11:02:01 AM)

You are what your dominant and you consider yourself to be.

I am a slave, based on the mutually agreed definition between Master and myself. Others might consider us to be Dominant/submissives, I'm sure others would think of us as kinky vanillas. We don't care - the only people whose opinion actually matters is ours.

Really, you are what you think you are. I would suggest though that you do some reading around the subject so that you can better form your own opinion as to the meanings of the labels. I'm sure some kind person will be on in a moment to provide a link to some useful reading materials.

Oh, and welcome to cm! [:D]



Bstardsbitch1 -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 11:05:23 AM)

/\ /\ /\ What mos said.
This is us too, most people who meet us think I'm the dominant one [:D].
Don't matter a jot, what matters is what WE decided OUR relationship would look like to US.
That is all



BitaTruble -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 11:05:58 AM)

It's not where you start that matters. Your label is just a starting place to open up conversations with another person who is more likely to be compatible with you. You have to start somewhere and you're already half-way by knowing that top, master and dominant aren't in the ballpark anyway.

Just start with submissive and if you want to change it to something else or drop everything later on, that's okay. If it makes you feel better about yourself to use a certain label, go ahead and use it. It's not a worry, nothing is set in stone and, you know, it's your story to write, your history you're living so do it the way you please unless and until you find someone who inspires you to do it the way they would please. [:)]



Purrringkittykat -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 11:07:26 AM)

Pigeon holes are for pigeons in my opinion............... everyone is different, each relationship is established on the individuals and not labels



SeekingTrinity -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 11:10:40 AM)

~FRing it~

Definitions of what is "submissive" versus what is "slave" vary greatly depending on who you ask. I think it really boils down to what YOU elect to define yourself as. At the end of the day, the only one who's opinion on this matters is yours. So figure you out and define yourself how you choose to. I think of labels as really just a starting point. They by no means make or break a person. But this is just how I personally see it.



DarkSteven -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 11:20:41 AM)

I've been in a relationship with a wonan for over two years now. She says she's a bottom and I say she's a submissive. The label is the least inportant psrt of the relationship.



Anuser -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 11:20:52 AM)

Long story short: looks like no one is going to give you a straight answer. LOL (I don't know the difference myself and was curious to see what the consensus was.)



SeekingTrinity -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 11:37:31 AM)

There unfortunately is no straight answer to give. I could call you whatever term du jour I use to define who you are (haven't looked at your profile to know anything about you), but just because I say you are that...does it make you that? I'm good and all that, but not that good [:D]



OsideGirl -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 11:43:05 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Anuser

Long story short: looks like no one is going to give you a straight answer. LOL (I don't know the difference myself and was curious to see what the consensus was.)



There is no straight answer.

What I believe may not be what anyone else believes...and honestly, if someone tries to give you a definitive answer to apply to people outside of their own relationship, you probably want to question their experience level.

My personal view. There is no such thing as consensual slavery and therefore there is only submissive. But, I don't get to decide what others call themselves and if the label of "slave" makes them happy, then so be it.



Domnotlooking -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 12:32:28 PM)

A hot women I was once with said that the more limits you had, the more you were likely to be a submissive, rather than slave (and vice versa). Oversimplified, but at least medium in the ball park.



LadyPact -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 12:34:02 PM)

Here is a discussion of the subject that was on the forum just a few weeks ago. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4548494/tm.htm There are a few more contributions on that thread than you are receiving on this one.



OsideGirl -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 12:41:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking

A hot women I was once with said that the more limits you had, the more you were likely to be a submissive, rather than slave (and vice versa). Oversimplified, but at least medium in the ball park.


Since D/s or M/s doesn't automatically include BDSM and level of kink does not signify the level of submission, I would find that description lacking.




Domnotlooking -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 1:18:00 PM)

Oside: Agreed.

But any slave/sub definition is either flat out wrong or runs 100 internet pages -and is still wrong.



HarryVanWinkle -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 1:25:54 PM)

In the vanilla world a slave is a person who is held to service to others without his consent.

In the BDSM community, a slave is a person who gets his jollies by calling himself a slave. A submissive is a person who gets his jollies by calling himself a submissive. Since holding a person to service without his consent is, in fact, illegal, that makes the "difference" between a BDSM slave and submissive entirely subjective, meaning there is no objective difference.

So, call yourself whatever you wish to call yourself. If somebody tells you you're not a "True (whatever)", laugh at him, walk away and go find some people who better understand the difference between fantasy and reality.



Ilyrium -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 1:42:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NewAgeAlice
if I should be concerned about whether I'm technically a slave or technically a submissive?


Technically, a search for "submissive" finds far more people than a similar search for "slave", and, there is no search field for "They are Seeking" a slave, only for "Sub Women".

So, interestingly, that would logically mean that someone could find you (because there is an "Orientation" search field for "Slaves") but, YOU couldn't find THEM because there is no field for "They are Seeking" "Slave Women".

The closest, of course, is "Sub Women".

Why this is so, I don't know.



TigressLily -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 1:45:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NewAgeAlice

I keep seeing people on CM listed as either Submissives or Slaves. I'm not sure if there's a difference, or if I should be concerned about whether I'm technically a slave or technically a submissive? I'm also not sure where to post this question, because anyone can answer it, regardless of Master/Domme/Submissive/Slave/Switch. Any help on figuring this out would be much appreciated.


In addition to the link for "Difference between sub and slave," you might want to also take a look at this thread: "Dominant/Submissive/Slave Permanent Service Foolishness" http://www.collarchat.com/m_4554874/tm.htm

IMO, a good rule of thumb is 1) If you have been in a Master/slave relationship in the past, you can choose whether to continue calling yourself a slave. Then you & your new Master can decide how best to define your relationship dynamic. For example, he may not like the idea of being called Master (simply Sir, Mister or Himself) as your Dom, in which case you would be his submissive. 2) If you have limited D/s experience, it's better to go by submissive than slave while you are uncollared. Some Doms may have the (mis)perception that slave means No Limits or 24/7 TPE, which you won't be ready for. They may even pressure you into signing one of those lame Master-slave contracts. In other words, don't box yourself in. It doesn't make you more desirable to call yourself a slave than a sub.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

There is no straight answer.

What I believe may not be what anyone else believes...and honestly, if someone tries to give you a definitive answer to apply to people outside of their own relationship, you probably want to question their experience level.

My personal view. There is no such thing as consensual slavery and therefore there is only submissive. But, I don't get to decide what others call themselves and if the label of "slave" makes them happy, then so be it.


I should perhaps mention that although I don't do slaves, there are males who put themselves forward as slaves when they have zero D/s experience and/or little to no BDSM experience. I find this almost laughable. A D/s relationship does not always include BDSM. There are kinksters who regularly engage in BDSM as Tops/bottoms without ever having had a D/s relationship dynamic. In fact, you may end up identifying more as a bottom like DarkSteven's girl instead of a sub, much less a slave.



littlewonder -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 5:31:37 PM)

Here's the easiest way to know. Ask the person whose profile you are looking at, what they mean. It's the only way you will know.




youthinkso121 -> RE: What is the difference between a Submissive and a Slave? (10/29/2013 6:12:09 PM)

FR

Sub seems to be easy lay.
Slave seems to mean blow jobs and sex on demand.

Reality is another story!!!



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