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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The majority of people on the planet happen to be their own worst critic. Keep that in mind. We always think the stuff we do or might do is so much worse than anything embarrassing that someone else may do.

Social gaffes to avoid. Most of this you can wrap up with "don't be an asshat" rule. Sounds funny but I'm really not kidding. That's the easy stuff like 'if it doesn't belong to you, don't touch (including people) without permission." Don't play in the social area and try to keep social conversations at a low level or remove them from the play area. Watching other people play is fine, but don't get too close. (If you've ever been to a pool hall, you don't walk directly behind somebody trying to take a shot. Same thing.) Don't strike up conversations with people while they are playing or if they are still conducting their version of after care. That stuff right there is the basic 101 of courtesy and politeness in a public or community run play space. For the whole list, refer to the dungeon rules that are used for your particular group.

If your real life personality is anything like you are on the forum, I really don't see you having trouble with "don't be an asshat." You're a nice person and courtesy isn't one of your short suits.

The only thing I'd add for you is to remember that you are not required to play. You don't *have* to do anything you don't want to do. You are also perfectly free to turn down one person and if you choose to, decide that yes, you are willing to play with somebody entirely different. Use your scene negotiation skills and communicate effectively.

You're going to be fine. After you go to the event and see for yourself that you were fine, I think it would be great if you shared some post play party thoughts on the thread.

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ORIGINAL: lovethyself

So, some of you asked me to come back after the party and let you know how it went.

All in all, it went well. There was a full day of workshops, including topics like negotiations, impact play, rope, bottoming, topping, etc. (some were at the same time, so I didn't go to everything, though I probably would have). I'm not sure how much new information I learned, but it helped me solidify what I had already learned here and elsewhere.

After the workshops I got a chance to try out my newly aquired skills with an aquaintance from one of the munches. We were at a rope open practice earlier in the week, and since it went well, we decided we needed to flesh out the negotiated boundaries for future practices. It was a very good, open and candid conversation, and somewhat of a relief for me because I had been mulling it over since the practice on Wed. Yeah, I over think things sometimes. But I'd rather that than not think it through and pay later.

So, the actual party...... was good. All through the day the instructors (presenters?) had reinforced the idea that we shouldn't feel like play was a must. That it was completely okay to just come and socialize and not play if you're not comfortable. I got to have some wonderful conversations with other newbies and experienced people. It turns out I'm pretty good at retaining information about knots (could be my sailing/rigging background.... or not), so at one point I was talking to one of the sort of experienced people about the knots we learned earlier, and was able to show her the locking knot that she had missed in the demo. Her partners' wife was one of the presenters, so part of the evening we got a tour of her goody bag of impact toys. I've got some crafting ideas that I want to try now. *giggles* All I need is someone that can teach me how to work with leather.......

Thank you all for your input. It helped me to talk it through before actually showing up there. And now I'm sort of wondering why I was so worried in the first place. You peeps rock!!

ETA: spelling

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ORIGINAL: PheonixRose
Sounds like it was fun. im glad you had fun and everything worked out. i look forward to hear more from you about how your munch times go.

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ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia

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ORIGINAL: lovethyself
(I chickened out after the welcome tutorial/beginner lesson and left, partially because I didn't know anyone there and had no one to practice with).

I hope you don't mind my shortening this quote so I can respond to just those sentences.

I knew someone once who had a similar problem...and I suggested making just a friend or two, possibly fem subs, from that group, exchanging letters, meeting up for coffee somewhere, then talking on the phone and hanging out whenever you are comfortable. Sometimes it's easier going to new places when you have a friend or two going with you. Also, it would settle your problem of having someone to practice with. Let your new friend know that you have an anxiety problem and what makes things harder and easier on you.

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I'm still sort of floored that after being so scared of getting out into the community and getting past my own fears, I'm now making my dreams a reality and making new friends along the way

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ORIGINAL: lovethyself

FR

Thanks everyone. I know I'm making a mountain out of it, but sometimes my brain gets caught in a loop of contemplation, which if there is anxiety involved just spirals. This was the thought break I needed to regroup.

The play party that I'm going to is specifically for newbies. There is a day of workshops and demos for those that are new to the scene to get some info, learn some tricks, see what interests them and what doesn't, with a play party afterwards to "practice your skills" if you so choose. I'm definitely not going to do any actual scenes, since I don't really know anyone there yet (other than those that were seated with me at the munch), and I really don't do well with humiliation and insults (even the mild ones that some don't consider insulting). I'm not interested in role playing anything. What I could see happening though, is participating in some practice stuff to reinforce what I've learned, or bottom for someone else for the same purpose. If anything I'd be keeping it about technique.

LP, you made some good points. I hope you don't mind, but you have cmail.

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ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Think of it like this. You can be there, which should be slightly unnerving, or you could be here with me, in which case you would be puking nervous.

Why would I be nervous with you Ron? I love giving bj's [:D]

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

You'll be fine. Just don't do anything that will cause you to talk to a jury or an ER doc, and everything will work itself out.

I've made mistakes in the past, some doozies that didn't involve either of those and yet they still haunt me to this day....

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It sounds to me as though you might be best served by just remembering, "Don't overthink this."

I'm really trying to do just that. It may be that I've got so many things going on this week that I hit overload on the details and am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I'm sure it won't feel as big after tomorrow (the rope event), or the wedding on thursday..... Like I said, too many things right now, but if I put this off, I'll never make it to one. The nice easy newbie one is just my speed. Anything else I'd be going alone to, and the level of experience there would have me even more tweaked.

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ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

Most importantly, if anybody approaches you with a "Me Dom, you sub, you must obey me," attitude, laugh in his face, if you can do so naturally, then walk away from him.

I have to say, one of the most empowering things about the trash that a new female sub to this site gets is the practice in telling someone like that "no". Thanks to the hng's when I first joined, and the people on this side that helped me to realize that that wasn't something I needed to heed, I'm fully capable of handling that kind of attention. lol.

Thanks again everyone. I'll be sure to post updates after the event.