RE: When a Dom breaks a trust?

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (Full Version)

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RedMagic1 -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/30/2013 2:09:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234 Thank you for the welcome responses.. i do appreciate the help "Help." All I can see is that you answer no important questions, and that your OP (in which monogamy was "discussed") is very different from monogamy being agreed to.

DesFIP -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/30/2013 2:46:53 PM)
I'm assuming, from the op's refusal to ask the question, that she hasn't met this dude. In which case, until you meet, it's just fantasy and he isn't required not to sleep with his wife because of your online role play.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/30/2013 3:22:27 PM)
Yes, I was thinking that too, DesFIP.

KYsissy -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/30/2013 3:37:15 PM)
If this is online only, really its not a big deal to go find another show-me-your-tits-on-cam Dom. If this is real life and face to face then it is a relationship, all the standard rules apply. Trust is important in any relationship. It has some extra significance in a Ds relationship. If he was a vanilla boyfriend would you tolerate it? And as someone else pointed out, you say the matter was discussed. That does not equate to an agreement.

ResidentSadist -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/30/2013 3:48:41 PM)
Drop it like it's hot! Hurt? Um... forget your silly newbee emotions and focus on the big red flag that was just shoved up your ass. Would you continue a relationship in the vanilla world with someone that lies about something so important as the premiss of the relationship? And god forbid you are exchanging fluids and now need to pay for all that STD testing before seeking a new partner after you dump Lying Larry . . . I'd send the doctor bill to the deceptive Dominant if I were you.

littlewonder -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/30/2013 7:53:57 PM)
Well I think we just figured out why you cry after a spanking from him. You don't trust him and he hurt you so of course you have strong emotions right now. As for your question here, you two need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk and go from there. ETA: If this is all online, then he's not your Keeper. He's just some random dude on the internet. And as for "spanking", again, if just cyber, then forget my entire post. I don't get it.

Lunabear1234 -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/30/2013 8:11:48 PM)
i am being vague as to only prevent rude and insensitive comments.. Clearly an error in judgement. i have met him and been with him for three months.. Thanks

phoenixasubbie -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/30/2013 8:17:54 PM)
If you both agreed to monogamy and then he broke your agreement, that to me is the end of the discussion. If you cannot trust his word, how can you trust yourself, mind and body, to him? I know it hurts, but be glad he showed you his true colors at this point and not much further down the line. Run, don't walk

OsideGirl -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/30/2013 8:21:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234 i am being vague as to only prevent rude and insensitive comments.. Being vague only invites conjecture. Being concise would have directly addressed your issue. Which means you deliberately circumvented the issue. Which leads me to think that is your normal method of communication.

littlewonder -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/30/2013 8:43:08 PM)
Yup if this is her normal method of communication, it's no wonder her relationship is in dire straits. Really, you need to be clearer with the way you give information. For all we know, due to this, it could be that you were not so clear in your agreement with your Keeper and what you meant and what he meant were not the same. Like I said before, heart to heart talk and don't be vague like you have been here.

angelikaJ -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/30/2013 10:45:39 PM)
The majority of comments have not been at all rude. If there was an agreement of monogamy, then he broke it. You can either decide what action(s) he needs to take to re-establish your trust, or decide that being cheated on is not something you are willing to tolerate. I am sorry if that seems insensitive. He cheated on you... behind your back which indicates he knew what he was doing was outside the scope of your monogamous agreement. You can either decide to believe the bullshit that he is likely to tell you (something along the lines of it is his right as your keeper to keep more than one), decide you are willing to forgive him this time, decide he can earn your trust back via action or decide you deserve better than to be lied to and cheated on. Someone else may know of other options.

RedMagic1 -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/31/2013 11:47:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234 i am being vague as to only prevent rude and insensitive comments. Because if you explained the situation in a precise manner people would be more likely to say mean things to you? I'm not quite sure why that would be the case.

AdorkableAiley -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/31/2013 3:04:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt If you were supposed to be monogamous and he broke your trust, that's a huge deal breaker. Either walk away from the relationship, or back up to the point it can be re-structured. Trust is not easily built, but can be easily broken. Rebuilding trust takes a great deal of hard work for both parties. Is your 'keeper' up to the job? Are you up for sharing him? B/c I'm guessing he's poly. Talk to him and try to figure that out. And as someone else suggested, go by what he does, not what he says. You can't trust what the says, he's made that clear. If his attitude is that you should suck it up and behave b/c he's the 'master' -- kick him to the curb fast. 'Masters' don't break your trust and lie and cheat and then call it BDSM. He's poly? Is that what all cheaters are going to be called now? Me thinks the poly community will have a bit of an issue with that. He cheated, plain and simple and as many others have said if you wouldn't stand for that in a vanilla relationship you shouldn't stand for it in a BDSM one. Being a 'dom' isn't a license to be an ass. Some people will let cheating slide because they want a relationship so badly or are deeply in love with the other person and can forgive. How long have you been in this relationship? Is it worth staying with him? Unless you have been together a long time and there is strong love there Id say move on. Ailey

Lunabear1234 -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/31/2013 8:02:12 PM)
Agreed..conjecture has been a result of my deliberate vagueness. I have tried to delete the thread to no avail. It is not my normal mode of communication to be short or elusive..fyi. I generally am very good at communicating and getting my point across. I was overwhelmed with the amount of replies and the seemingly mean nature of many of the comments. The lack of details to me seemed less important than the result of what has happened. I am a very intelligent woman and in my career very dominant. I apologize to those who felt it important to belittle me. (passive aggressive yes so no need to reply)

angelikaJ -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/31/2013 8:24:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234 Agreed..conjecture has been a result of my deliberate vagueness. I have tried to delete the thread to no avail. It is not my normal mode of communication to be short or elusive..fyi. I generally am very good at communicating and getting my point across. I was overwhelmed with the amount of replies and the seemingly mean nature of many of the comments. The lack of details to me seemed less important than the result of what has happened. I am a very intelligent woman and in my career very dominant. I apologize to those who felt it important to belittle me. (passive aggressive yes so no need to reply) You are reacting in a way that is defensive. I am a very kind-hearted person who is very sensitive to bullying-types of behavior. Very few of the responses you got were actually "mean". They may have been brusque and they may have been straightforward and to the point, but very few were mean from my perspective. Most of them were very supportive of you and your hurt feelings were validated. Now obviously, your perspective is different. But you might want to take a closer look at that. Is it possible that you are feeling especially vulnerable about this and reading animosity towards you because of that? Or are you thinking that those who said dump him were being "mean"?

Lunabear1234 -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/31/2013 8:26:32 PM)
if someone could tell me how to delete this thread please...

lizi -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/31/2013 8:29:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234 if someone could tell me how to delete this thread please... You can't delete it.

RedMagic1 -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/31/2013 8:33:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234 if someone could tell me how to delete this thread please... You can't. Why is an anonymous thread on the internet causing you so much distress?

Caius -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (10/31/2013 9:18:30 PM)
Actually, I thought a few comments were a bit pointy. But in any event, returning to the OP's original point, under the assumption that she has not abandoned this discussion for good, I would note that there is an important detail missing from your account. Specifically, has he owned up to what he has done? Because if not, one of two things must be the case: either he had a genuinely different understanding of the relationship than you or he has simply convinced himself that he did. If you are convinced that your feelings about the situation were absolutely clear and that the discussion was one of complete agreement, then it must be the latter and I have to say, for me at least, that is one of my least favourite kind of people -- the type who use self-delusion and re-interpretation of the past to avoid ever owning up to where they have erred and the harm they have caused in doing so. Of course it's also possible he does know he has gone against his own word but simply doesn't care to apologize, but if his mentality is such that he was apathetic in that regard, he'd probably have just lied to you about being sorry. If he is apologetic (and you assume him be genuine), I'd still go carefully. I'm of that school that believes that a dominant carries an extra burden to be trustworthy and dependable, even beyond that which should always be expected in other serious relationships, pretentious though that may sound. I don't like giving blanket advice in situations like these, since there is always room for all manner of nuance and context to the situation which the rest of us here may be unaware of. That being said, in my experience people are often slow to change when it comes to how they approach matters of trust. At least when it comes to being better about it being worthy of it or giving it; you can learn to have reservations about giving it relatively fast, and nothing does that faster than to give successive chances to someone you know will lie to your face. Best of luck.

kalikshama -> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? (11/1/2013 7:57:49 AM)
quote: I was overwhelmed with the amount of replies and the seemingly mean nature of many of the comments. The lack of details to me seemed less important than the result of what has happened. I am a very intelligent woman and in my career very dominant. I apologize to those who felt it important to belittle me. (passive aggressive yes so no need to reply) If you were my girlfriend and told me your man was cheating on you, we would no doubt discuss this for HOURS, with lots of hand-holding and back-patting. However, my advice to her would boil down to what a lot of posters have said to you - he broke your trust and you should consider dumping him. No one here knows you, so you are not going to get nurtured by other posters like you would by a girlfriend. However, the advice (by certain posters anyway) tends to be sound. I've come here first for advice several times. This is only my second internet forum. The first was for people with a chronic illness. There was a lot of hand-holding there. I was put off by the bluntness here at first, but I'm glad I stayed. I've learned a lot, and it's very entertaining.

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