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HoneyBears -> RE: Domme/sub interactions (11/7/2013 1:09:39 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
quote:
ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
quote:
ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
I pick up the tab for everything without a second thought. To do otherwise calls into question your stated role and intention.
Do you believe dominant women, such as the OP of this thread, do not share the same duty of care toward their subs? Or, perhaps, dominant women are fake -- a position I've seen argued for because of exactly this asymmetry: male dom provides, female dom is provided for.
I think "who pays" has much less to do with dom and sub than it has to do with men and women -- long-term gender programming.
Toss aside titles for a moment. I ask a woman out, it's expected that I pay. To do anything else is ungentlemanly, and if there was one thing my father instilled in me is to treat a lady right. If she asks me out, there's may be a gray area there, but I generally don't have a problem with picking up the check. The one I mentioned before asked me out, and made it a point that she wanted to at the very least split things down the middle.
Other women have asked me out, but with no specificity as to what the entertainment/venue will be. I always looked at that the same way as if I asked them out. It's no big deal, really. The actual amount is irrelevant to the experience gained. Nothing is lost in my mind. And I have dated dominant women in the past, and I'm in a long-term relationship with one (who doesn't share my predilection for kink) now. It's just a date in my mind.
I am in full agreement with MasterCaneman here. A man is a man, whether he is dominant, switch, sub, vanilla. If you cannot show the lady you are trying to impress that you can treat her right with respect and show that you value her from the beginning, then why should she choose you over a multitude of other horndogs out there. I know, I used to be one a long time ago when I was a snot-nosed 20-year-old, although I did not act ungentlemanly then either. (I was a good method actor.)
Being a male sub does not grant you a magical sub pass for male emasculation, or what RedMagic1 referred to earlier, being too lazy all around to take responsibility for your manhood, your sexual prowess or ability to be a good lover, expecting that a dominant female will somehow take care of you and your fetish needs just because she is the dominant one, like a kept live-in male slave. If that is what she wants, no problem, but she will put you to work one way or another. I have known too many male subs, some of my own buds in fact, whose fantasy is to find some dominant sugar mama to serve, or to become sissified so they can escape their responsibilities of being a man and stand up on their own two feet. That is one of the main reasons why I do not identify as a male sub anymore but as a switch.
JeffBC, I would insert your quote here if I knew how to. What you're talking about is a sugar baby. If that is not your "kink" or preference, more power to you, man. But if you want that hot young thing when you're no longer a hot young stud, be prepared to shell out the dough. There are middle-aged guys who get off on having arm candy, and they end up paying the price.
If you are a male sub of ANY AGE, be prepared to pay the price one way or another for a much-in-demand domme of whatever age. My mistress is only a few years older than me, but she would regularly get bombarded with interest from subs 20 years younger than her, offering her tribute, financial domination, and gifts to satisfy their kink. That is not the kind of dominance/submission relationship she wanted, though, not a BDSM-centric one. I would not have her today if I did not make every effort I could to prove to her how worthy she is of everything I have to offer.
-- Cub
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