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what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/1/2013 4:11:29 AM

SadieMaxx

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/12/2013
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the question is pretty much the subject of this thread.

what do you expect of your Dominant?

i guess what i really want to know is what kind of dominance you're looking for. is it only sexual, is it mental, emotional, all of it, do you rather be of service with domestic stuff, or do you want your partner to put a gps on you to control and know of your whereabouts - and so on.

enlighten me :)

and thank you for doing so!

Post #: 1

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/1/2013 5:42:10 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I think expectations are going to vary depending on where you are in the relationship.

With my husband who is my dominant, well I have *many* expectations, as we've been together for 15 years.

In a new or getting to know type of relationship, which is what I think you are asking about, I would expect:

confidence

patience

trustworthiness

in *all* things having to do with the relationship.

_____________________________

(in reply to SadieMaxx)

Post #: 2

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/1/2013 5:44:12 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
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I expect him to want to take charge all the time, even if that's not possible. I expect him to be true to himself and lead 'us' the way he thinks is best. I expect him to be honest with me, in the same way he expects me to be honest with him.

I don't expect him to do all the work, but I expect him to divide the work so that it doesn't overwhelm me. I expect him to consider 'us' when he makes the big decisions and to nurture our relationship in the same way that I do.

I expect him to be an honest, loving, trustworthy man.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to SadieMaxx)

Post #: 3

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/1/2013 8:05:50 AM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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I'm expecting a marriage proposal within the next year

(in reply to SadieMaxx)

Post #: 4

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/1/2013 8:12:34 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Super congrats !!

My very best to both of you.

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Post #: 5

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/1/2013 8:31:01 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I'm expecting a marriage proposal within the next year

There isn't a smiley big enough for this post!

As for the OP: We're a TPE, married couple. I don't think I could I distill our relationship down enough to be able to post it here. I'm not being snarky, it's just not that easily explained.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 6

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/1/2013 9:30:20 AM

SadieMaxx

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Joined: 10/12/2013
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Thanks for response - all of you. And congrats to kalikshama for the marriage proposal =)

And ok. Then moving on to the next question; how do you expect your Dominant to perform his/her dominance?

Am trying to figure out to which extent I'll be able to dominate whoever becomes my partner in the future. I know what I want for myself, and that would come down to every level and then some more, at once. My mind is wide and sickly enlarged by thoughts, ideas and fantasies. I don't want to limit myself by choosing only one or few parts - I need my dominance to be full, thick, grossly invading... not sure how otherwise to explain it.

I want to be inside my sub, without being inside him (obviously).

Is this something you experience in your relationships?

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/1/2013 9:43:09 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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I think, as with a lot of things in this lifestyle, we can actually remove the lifestyle from it.

What does he mean? Well, why don't you take some time and decide what YOU want from a relationship; how you want it to function and please you?

Once you've done that, you can start to seek out the person who most fits into your ideal of a perfect relationship.

I think, far too often in all relationships we tend to put the cart before the horse. Yes! Sex is terrific! That raw, unchained feeling that we get in a new relationship (NRE) is unmatched! Then, we have to live life.

Too many people are far too invested in being in a relationship without being invested in being in a relationship that is good for them. You would think they have a vested interest in making sure that they're not in any relationship but in one that is rewarding to them.

In my opinion, in this lifestyle, what I have described here is a touch easier for dominants than it is for submissives because submissives (to one degree or another) are a bit more pliable or acquiessant than dominants.

Take true control of your life. Plan the relationship that you want and find that relationship; don't try to make someone else conform to your vision. Find someone who shares it.

Good luck.

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to SadieMaxx)

Post #: 8

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/1/2013 10:52:29 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I expect him to not micromanage me except for fun. I don't need to be told how long to cook the chicken or what seasonings to put on it. I expect a full relationship. Being held, going to the movies together, sitting together.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 9

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/1/2013 11:03:23 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SadieMaxx
Then moving on to the next question; how do you expect your Dominant to perform his/her dominance?

It's not a performance. It's who he is. He's a leader. He's a good manager. He's an alpha. He's mentally strong. He's the type of person that the 'nillas give way to, but no have idea why. He has proven that his leadership skills are trustworthy and so is he. He doesn't go around thumping his chest or being aggressive.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SadieMaxx)

Post #: 10

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/1/2013 1:43:28 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I think, as with a lot of things in this lifestyle, we can actually remove the lifestyle from it.

What does he mean? Well, why don't you take some time and decide what YOU want from a relationship; how you want it to function and please you?

Once you've done that, you can start to seek out the person who most fits into your ideal of a perfect relationship.

I think, far too often in all relationships we tend to put the cart before the horse. Yes! Sex is terrific! That raw, unchained feeling that we get in a new relationship (NRE) is unmatched! Then, we have to live life.

Too many people are far too invested in being in a relationship without being invested in being in a relationship that is good for them. You would think they have a vested interest in making sure that they're not in any relationship but in one that is rewarding to them.

In my opinion, in this lifestyle, what I have described here is a touch easier for dominants than it is for submissives because submissives (to one degree or another) are a bit more pliable or acquiessant than dominants.

Take true control of your life. Plan the relationship that you want and find that relationship; don't try to make someone else conform to your vision. Find someone who shares it.

Good luck.

I just looked at this, again and I realized that I forgot a very important little nugget:

Expectations (which go un-expressed) cause, later on, resentments.

Expectations are crap, if they are not vocalized. I can "expect" whatever I wish from my lady but if I don't make my wants/needs known, there's no way that she is going to be able to meet those expectations.

Peace.

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 11

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/1/2013 6:25:30 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I expect my dominant to know what he wants. I expect him to tell me what he wants of ME. I expect him to be aware of how his expectations affect me and negotiate change if necessary. I expect him to treat me with respect and honor and honesty, and if he is really really smart - love.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 12

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/2/2013 8:17:28 AM

SadieMaxx

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/12/2013
Status: offline

i buy the idea of expectations and whether or not they're vocalized. if one doesn't tell the other what they expect, it's impossible to make it happen.

i find this quite interesting. we're getting closer to where i want to go, but i'm not sure you understand what i want.

if i put it this way, then.

how intense do you want it to be? and i don't mean the every-day-dominance, but session-wise.

or, maybe - how intense do you want the over-all feeling of your relation to be?

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 13

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/2/2013 8:18:15 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Thanks guys! And OP, to actually answer your original question, pretty much this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I expect him to not micromanage me except for fun. I don't need to be told how long to cook the chicken or what seasonings to put on it. I expect a full relationship. Being held, going to the movies together, sitting together.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 11/2/2013 8:20:42 AM >

(in reply to SadieMaxx)

Post #: 14

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/2/2013 10:51:38 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SadieMaxx
what do you expect of your Dominant?

she expects me to lead.

quote:

i guess what i really want to know is what kind of dominance you're looking for. is it only sexual, is it mental, emotional, all of it, do you rather be of service with domestic stuff, or do you want your partner to put a gps on you to control and know of your whereabouts - and so on.

Carol isn't looking for any sort of "dominance" in this sense because she has no "submissiveness" in this sense. She wants a healthy pack... she wants her primary family structure to be one which generates lots of smiles. She is willing to support that goal however is required... "domestic stuff" or "gps chips" it's all the same to her.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to SadieMaxx)

Post #: 15

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/2/2013 1:12:46 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: SadieMaxx
Then moving on to the next question; how do you expect your Dominant to perform his/her dominance?

It's not a performance. It's who he is. He's a leader. He's a good manager. He's an alpha. He's mentally strong. He's the type of person that the 'nillas give way to, but no have idea why. He has proven that his leadership skills are trustworthy and so is he. He doesn't go around thumping his chest or being aggressive.

This. It's either who you are or it is not.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 16

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/2/2013 1:17:44 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SadieMaxx

how intense do you want it to be? and i don't mean the every-day-dominance, but session-wise.

Sessions aren't D/s. They're BDSM. (Unless you're talking about service or teaching protocol) You can be involved in D/s and never engage in BDSM. You can be involved in BDSM and never engage in D/s. So, really at this point you're talking about topping and bottoming.

quote:

or, maybe - how intense do you want the over-all feeling of your relation to be?

I think again, you're equating BDSM with D/s. Because while I love our play sessions....I don't want my relationship to be intense. I want it to be happy, comfortable and drama free. Part of that happening is the D/s within our relationship which clearly defines the roles of each of us.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 11/2/2013 1:58:36 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SadieMaxx)

Post #: 17

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 11/2/2013 1:58:32 PM

SadieMaxx

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/12/2013
Status: offline

Aha - OsideGirl, I think you did it! =) You just managed to split it up and make sense of it, in a way I have had before, but somehow managed to get lost in for the last week or so..

Thank you! #grateful

Because in the end, I want a (my future) relation to be calm, comfortable, happy, easy-going etc - but the sessions, I want to be deep, intense, demanding on both parts...

Thanx! =)

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 18

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 12/6/2013 6:12:56 PM

rokkman7456

Posts: 50
Joined: 2/25/2013
Status: offline

Originally it was mentoring and discipline with sessions. It has changed into a different relationship now. We do dinner, shop and occasionally hang out. There are times when it is her way or the highway then there are times when she wants me to make the decisions. Of course if you think about it she is still in control. In a perfect world I would like to give her control over most of my life but enjoy having a somewhat normal exterior when out in the world. She has however exercised her control in public and I humbly submit. Nothing like a slap in the face in public to get your attention.

(in reply to SadieMaxx)

Post #: 19

RE: what do you expect of a Dominant? - 12/6/2013 6:42:36 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Friendship, honesty, love.
I expect him to be trustworthy. That if he's going to take charge of some area of my life, that he knows he can do a better job of it than I can.
I expect him to be knowledgeable, to take the time to learn about what he's doing. And to decline to do something if he thinks it's unsafe.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to rokkman7456)

Post #: 20

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