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Not really into findom too soon - 11/3/2013 10:34:54 AM

Enslavedbyher

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/12/2013
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Here at Collarme it seems like there are some online dommes just want to get right into the findom stuff and not get to know you at all beforehand. That's fine for some people who want that kind of relationship; I got no beef with them, as long as everybody knows what's going on.

My view is findom is that I would love to financially support a mistress after we get to know each other, and established a real in-person relationship first. Then I would be happy to pamper her with presents and gifts. That to me feels a lot more rewarding. Yet in my early starts here at CM, I seem to be running into a lot of the Findom First and Only ladies.

How can I find a domme who wants a real D/S relationship first?

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RE: Not really into findom too soon - 11/3/2013 10:43:35 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Put everyone who mentions 'tribute,' 'findom,' etc., in their profiles on Hide. You're lucky - it's much harder to filter out married cheaters, which is what I wanted to be able to screen out when I was looking. Fin doms are generally obvious as they don't want to waste their time with men who are not into tributing.

ps - you're not likely to entice a lifestyle domme with your profile, which is all about kink and says nothing about you as a man. Check out at least the first post here: For men: how to find a woman here

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 11/3/2013 10:46:20 AM >

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RE: Not really into findom too soon - 11/3/2013 10:47:33 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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I'm not sure that there are shortcuts or any tips other than keep looking for the type of person that appeals to you.

It's a lot of work finding a partner when someone is looking for a good match, not a quick encounter. I don't know that what you're asking is any different than how you'd find a romantic partner in life outside of BDSM. You have to weed through all of the people that are unsuited to you no matter what you're into. Keep looking for someone that has the same outlook on things as you do, it might take some time, it usually does for anyone, and quite honestly, you've been here for about 3 weeks. It takes some people years to find a good relationship.

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RE: Not really into findom too soon - 11/3/2013 2:22:45 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Enslavedbyher

Here at Collarme it seems like there are some online dommes just want to get right into the findom stuff and not get to know you at all beforehand. That's fine for some people who want that kind of relationship; I got no beef with them, as long as everybody knows what's going on.

My view is findom is that I would love to financially support a mistress after we get to know each other, and established a real in-person relationship first. Then I would be happy to pamper her with presents and gifts. That to me feels a lot more rewarding. Yet in my early starts here at CM, I seem to be running into a lot of the Findom First and Only ladies.

How can I find a domme who wants a real D/S relationship first?

The exact same way you establish a relationship that grows into including any other kink and making sure that person is who you want to share it with: talk to a lot of potentials and weed out the ones that don't fit you.

That's what dating and friend-making basically comes down to, as I've said before elsewhere.... we get introduced somehow, we talk a bit, and at whatever point we find it isn't right for us we end it and move on with life to meet another person and go through the same thing.

A similar example from a female dom end of things. In both the findom and foot fetish areas I am interested. I enjoy both. And I get into endless emails from and run into primarily profiles about these subjects where the male submissive is all NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW about things. And when I say, "woah, let's talk a bit first" or "I want us to know each other before we move forward at all on this" they disappear or get nasty or whatever.

I want a findom and/or foot fetish including relationship... but the majority into either of these want instant gratification and not a relationship (of any kind... friendship, dating, casual). So they get weeded out when they get pushy about their desires. And then I talk to the next person who *does* approach me with a "hey, you're a person first" style.

Finding anyone worth having in your life and sharing your interest is all about weeding. We all have to do it in some manner at some point if not constantly lol.

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RE: Not really into findom too soon - 11/4/2013 10:39:25 PM

WorshipTheDragon

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/2/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Enslavedbyher

Here at Collarme it seems like there are some online dommes just want to get right into the findom stuff and not get to know you at all beforehand. That's fine for some people who want that kind of relationship; I got no beef with them, as long as everybody knows what's going on.

My view is findom is that I would love to financially support a mistress after we get to know each other, and established a real in-person relationship first. Then I would be happy to pamper her with presents and gifts. That to me feels a lot more rewarding. Yet in my early starts here at CM, I seem to be running into a lot of the Findom First and Only ladies.

How can I find a domme who wants a real D/S relationship first?

The key is to read someone's profile. A majority of people on this site have guidelines listed on their profile on how they would like you to contact/approach them. You should also be able to get a decent perspective of comparability from what information is given on a profile. Frankly allot of people on collarme are weary about lengthy discussions about anything, because they don't go anywhere beyond the text. Most people want some type of confirmation that you are real and that your intentions are genuine.

Personally, I gauge the likely hood of a match through applications that I have potentials fill out AND BY READING THEIR PROFILE. IF they are clearly not into what I am, or not what I want, then I let them know it isn't going to go anywhere. During our sessions I always set time aside to learn about their personal life, their interests, and dreams. For safety and personal reasons I refuse to have RT sessions with anyone online that I haven't trained and learned to trust. My personal reason for not having RT sessions until my subs are trained and trusted is because I build very interpersonal relationships with my boys. I get many needs fulfilled by being a Domme that I need in order to function in daily life. I share allot emotionally with my subs, and I need to know that I can trust them. The reason I don't like to "get to know" a sub initially, because I'm not here to make friends on this site. I also don't want a sub to believes we will have a laxed relationship, simply because I am kind and mindful. IMO part of the D/s relationship, is getting to know each other over time and through servitude. Some people enter this lifestyle as an escape and don't want to share intimate details of their life, they also may not want to know the details of the lives of others.

The best advice I could give would be to thoroughly read a Domme's profile. IF she says don't contact me without tribute ect, then you should refrain from contacting her. Follow her guidelines that are listed on her profile in order to contact her. Be straight forward and simply ask if you could develop a friendship before serving. Also posting in your journal about your journey and the relationship you seek, can put you on the radar for Dommes whoa re looking for the same thing you are.

I hope I've given some perspective and advice that is valuable. GOOD LUCK!

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