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Do penises matter? - 11/3/2013 7:38:46 PM

ForwardMotion

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/12/2013
Status: offline

I have a question for any straight or bi dommes who are reading this and might be inclined to answer. Assuming that a sub fits the bill for a long term relationship in every other way that you seek (personality, age, looks, finances, subbiness, etc. etc.), how many of you could see having a rich, long term relationship with a sub male whose dick didn't make the grade? This could be for size reasons, or because of erectile disfunction, etc.

In the vanilla world, one hears varying opinions as to whether size and functionality matter. Some say love trumps all. Others disagree. In femdom, I've heard some dommes say that they would NEVER have intercourse with a sub, so I've wondered just how important the penis is to a domme, and just how functional it needs to be. Does a loving relationship change the dynamic?

Post #: 1

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/3/2013 7:42:55 PM

Miyani

Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline

I expect to have a full and complete relationship, including sexual, with anyone I own. But the size and... hmm... consistency (in terms of functionality, not texture) of a man's cock have little to do with his sexual prowess. I've got four cocks of my own, in various sizes and colors, no reason why he shouldn't. And most men were born with any number (ok, 11) of other delightful appendages.

Edited to add that in a similar vein, having a nicely sized and consistently functional cock does not in any way guarantee that someone is a decent lover. I vastly prefer enthusiasm and obedience/focus on my pleasure to a "nice" size.

< Message edited by Miyani -- 11/3/2013 7:44:06 PM >

(in reply to ForwardMotion)

Post #: 2

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/3/2013 7:54:59 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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The great thing about being poly is that no one man has to be responsible for My sexual satisfaction.

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RE: Do penises matter? - 11/3/2013 8:23:52 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForwardMotion

Assuming that a sub fits the bill for a long term relationship in every other way that you seek (personality, age, looks, finances, subbiness, etc. etc.), how many of you could see having a rich, long term relationship with a sub male whose dick didn't make the grade? This could be for size reasons, or because of erectile disfunction, etc.

I have rich, loving femdom relationships with two very long-term partners, neither of whom have a sprightly dick. My third boy uses viagra to good effect, but that stiffie is important to him, not me. We're all in our 50s now and well-versed in how to make each other tick. Believe me, neither the boys or I need their erections to feel satisfied.

If you'd asked me that question 20 or 30 years ago I would have answered the same. So many toys and other appendages available. And electro/vibration work wonders on the most flaccid members out there; no erection needed.

Be an engaged, loving person and help-mate. That's all most good women require.

(in reply to ForwardMotion)

Post #: 4

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/3/2013 8:25:02 PM

MistressDarkArt

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PS: Welcome to the boards, OP! Glad you could join us.

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Post #: 5

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/3/2013 8:27:16 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

When I was younger, I would have said yes, size and functionality matter a great deal. As I approach menopause, however, that has changed. I no longer care about engaging in sex with a sub, particularly since I have two primary partners who fully satisfy any sexual needs I have.

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Post #: 6

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/4/2013 3:31:03 AM

AliceInUndieLand

Posts: 30
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

Q.When is a cock not a cock ... ?
A.When it's an old chestnut ...

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 7

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/4/2013 3:40:51 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

fr

Not a huge deal for me - I do like a bit of good old P-i-V, but my ex was a woman and the lack of penis never stopped us having a lot of fun.

What would put me off is a guy who was overly cock-focused. If every conversation led back to whether his cock was adequate, if I was constantly expected to either praise or berate his penis, if it affected him so much he was horribly insecure in our relationship, or if his major kink was being mocked/denied because of his small penis. I only mention this because a lot of people fetishize their own small penis and the partner seems to take a back seat to it.

I know it sounds cliche, but 95% of being a good lover is paying attention to what your partner likes and giving them those things. The actual body parts are just the icing on the cake.

For the record, I don't have a sub or plans to get one, but if I did it would either be a full romantic relationship, sex included, or a service-only relationship, no sex. In both situations there would be a lot more to offer than his penis. I suppose if I was looking for a booty call or a bull then I might pick someone who was well endowed and had stamina.

_____________________________

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Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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Post #: 8

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/4/2013 4:58:39 AM

MadameMarque

Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline

I do like to use a submissive sexually. Truthfully, I want them to be physically excited.

Of course, by the time you're all into somebody, if things happen, you do want you need to, to make your relations as desirable as possible.

You know the saying, "Necessity is the Mother of Perversion."

(in reply to ForwardMotion)

Post #: 9

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/4/2013 5:36:31 AM

Miyani

Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

What would put me off is a guy who was overly cock-focused. If every conversation led back to whether his cock was adequate, if I was constantly expected to either praise or berate his penis, if it affected him so much he was horribly insecure in our relationship, or if his major kink was being mocked/denied because of his small penis. I only mention this because a lot of people fetishize their own small penis and the partner seems to take a back seat to it.

This is a really flipping good point. It doesn't matter how big, small, thick, thin, adequate, inadequate, WHATEVER his cock is. If his cock is his main focus, we're not going to get along. If a little humiliation or reassurance is part of his deal, that's fine, but I don't come second (no pun intended) to a body part. His or my own.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 10

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/4/2013 7:18:54 AM

SpyUnderCover

Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline

The ability to get an erection is important to me, because I enjoy tease and denial, orgasm control, that kind of thing. However size is not nearly as important as his ability to use what he's got.

Spy

(in reply to Miyani)

Post #: 11

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/4/2013 8:01:20 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForwardMotion

I have a question for any straight or bi dommes who are reading this and might be inclined to answer. Assuming that a sub fits the bill for a long term relationship in every other way that you seek (personality, age, looks, finances, subbiness, etc. etc.), how many of you could see having a rich, long term relationship with a sub male whose dick didn't make the grade? This could be for size reasons, or because of erectile disfunction, etc.

In the vanilla world, one hears varying opinions as to whether size and functionality matter. Some say love trumps all. Others disagree. In femdom, I've heard some dommes say that they would NEVER have intercourse with a sub, so I've wondered just how important the penis is to a domme, and just how functional it needs to be. Does a loving relationship change the dynamic?

There isn't some major difference between dominant females and females who don't identify as such.

For some a working penis or a specific size may be important.
For others it's not.

I'm a not. If all else is perfect, I'm fine with ED or a little penis. I prefer oral to intercourse, regardless of penis size, so as long as they are over-all an attentive lover penis size or function is optional. I'm way more about the rest of the sexual experience than PIV portion of it.

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(in reply to ForwardMotion)

Post #: 12

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/5/2013 5:42:50 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The great thing about being poly is that no one man has to be responsible for My sexual satisfaction.

Have I ever told you, you're the only woman I ever truly loved?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/6/2013 9:05:04 PM

HoneyBears

Posts: 337
Joined: 11/5/2013
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpyUnderCover

The ability to get an erection is important to me, because I enjoy tease and denial, orgasm control, that kind of thing. However size is not nearly as important as his ability to use what he's got.

Spy

A nice stiffie is a must, I have to admit. It cannot be a semi or one that bends. It has to be diamond cutter material.
As for size, no, not nearly as important, but it still matters. You do not want one that keeps popping out right when you are getting ready to come.
They used to say it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean.
It IS the size of the ship AND the motion of the ocean.
Keeping it real, since I do not do supplementary subs, don't keep non-sexuals, don't do on-line, never had a fin-slave -- strictly mono a mono.

_____________________________

"The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart."-- J.G. Holland

(in reply to SpyUnderCover)

Post #: 14

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/7/2013 5:19:22 AM

SweetAnise

Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline

For me of course the penis matters. Just like for men I am sure the vagina matters. I think it is a matter of what you use the penis for and why. I know men would like to feel that their penis should not matter as I sure women feel the same way about their bodies, and there are probably women and men out there who don't care, but I think it is rather important in vanilla or the lifestyle. BTW I am switch and I hope that doesn't matter? :)

(in reply to HoneyBears)

Post #: 15

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/7/2013 5:35:33 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

It's nice that I'm poly because I don't have to depend on only one man to sexually satisfy me. I do like a good hard penis, yeah, but it's not the be-all end-all. Just because a man has a big hard penis, it doesn't mean he knows what to do with it. And there are more than one way to have sex.

If a man has ED or a small penis, I can deal with that. If it's big/hard enough for him to be happy and for me to torture, please, tease and/or deny it, that's great for me. When I was a lot younger, the perfect penis was a big deal to me but not so much anymore.

NBMG

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Post #: 16

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/7/2013 5:55:20 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

FR

I typed up this whole thing about how much penises matter to me, but then the internet gods ate it.

Perhaps they could tell I was being flippant.

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Post #: 17

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/8/2013 2:03:44 AM

Dreamless

Posts: 104
Joined: 7/30/2010
Status: offline

As long as someone has an asshole, I'm happy. I am pan so I'm less concerned about specific body parts and more about how someone connects with me.

And their butt. (shruuuug)

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 18

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/8/2013 7:23:59 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

I'm not a Domme, but I'll share an answer.

IMO, it depends on YOU, and what you're looking for in a relationship.

I remember one Domme that I served who used me strictly as a service sub. I cut her grass, raked her leaves, shoveled the snow, cleaned her house, and did household repairs. But there was never any sex involved, and I had to make sure that my penis was securely locked in a chastity device before coming to see her.

Then there was another former Domme who was the exact opposite. She had the most unquenchable sexual appetite I've ever seen. She was insatiable. Fortunately, she was poly. We had Fmm (Female, male, male ) sex on a regular basis, and after each of us (males) was completely spent, we'd have to get her vibrators out and continue to pleasure her with those until one or both of us could get it up again.

So I guess it all depends on what you're looking for. As the Domme, you get to structure your relationship in the way that most pleases you.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 11/8/2013 7:24:40 AM >

(in reply to ForwardMotion)

Post #: 19

RE: Do penises matter? - 11/8/2013 7:34:03 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

A Dominant female can find a hard cock anywhere. And that is a direct quote from My Lady...

What's hard (no pun intended) is finding someone who is actually willing to connect with you in your life and fly a "close chase" as it were, by your rules and in a way that is honoring to you both.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to ForwardMotion)

Post #: 20

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