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Grael -> Ages (11/4/2013 2:10:47 AM)

Been seeing quite a few profiles where the slave/sub always states that they want someone who is 30+ even if they are in the 18-26 range. Just wondering why it is that so many equate age to knowledge and experience.

Or are they maybe looking for someone to take care of them in more than just a relationship way?



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Ages (11/4/2013 2:53:08 AM)

As frustrating as it can be, it's not entirely unreasonable to equate age with experience. Of course, a 45 year old can be totally immature and might have only discovered kink yesterday, and an 18 year old could be extremely mature and responsible BUT the older you are, the more years you've walked on the earth and the more opportunity you've had to gather experience. A 30 year old is much more likely to have not only kink experience, but life experience. An 18 year old, even a mature one, is new to being an adult and is likely to have very little experience at grown up relationships. Experience is subjective - I might put in my profile that I'm looking for someone with experience, and any number of people that I consider inexperienced might apply. On the other hand, if I say 'no one under 30' that's an objective cut off point which is easier to police. On a site like this with many more men than women, it can sometimes be necessary to drawn an arbitrary line to cut the number of interested parties down to a manageable level.

And yes, in some cases they may be looking for a sugar daddy as well. It may also be the stage of life they are in. I'm 26, but I'm also married, finished my education, have a child, run a business, have my own home etc etc. If I were back on the market, I'd be looking for someone my age or older because I wouldn't have much in common with someone who still lived with parents/roommates, was still doing the college partying thing, or had never been in a LTR. So potentially I might be a better match with someone 15 years older than someone 5 years younger.

And lastly, it may just be that's who they are attracted to. I've long joked that men don't hit their peak in terms of looks until they're 30 - they look 'unfinished' before then. Just my personal taste of course, but like the many guys who prefer college-age women in terms of looks, it's pretty common for women to prefer guys a bit older than them.

It sucks to be excluded from things based on your age, especially since people don't know you and so don't know whether you are 'typical' for your age. But on the plus side, you're only going to get older. You're on the right side of this dilemma. Think how it must feel for everyone to want someone younger than you, knowing you will never again fit into that category. My standard advice would be a) to make sure you are also looking for your partner in the real world at munches etc, because then they will see the person before the number, and b) to use your time wisely - work on your skills, your knowledge, your hobbies, your conversation topics etc - because it won't be long before YOU are 30, and that will make sure you have a head-start over all those other 30 year olds.



Killerangel -> RE: Ages (11/4/2013 3:18:35 AM)

The age topic goes both ways, you're too young or you're too old. It's something you're going to run into as a younger man, especially in the lifestyle; the topic has been brought up by younger men before. There isn't any way around it. For many younger women, they want an older partner for whatever reasons they have. It sucks for the younger men, yeah. I guess you'll just have to accept it.

I've been here long enough that I do NOT equate age with experience or maturity. I've had way too many older men act like idiots when I turn them down (politely) for their age.

People always have an uphill battle with assumptions and yet they're always going to be there. It might work best for you to do your BDSM meet and greets in person and go to functions instead of online where stark facts rule the day. Then people can be captured by your personality and get around to finding out your age later.



DarkSteven -> RE: Ages (11/4/2013 3:26:43 AM)

With all due respect, OP, your profile says two things that show inexperience:

1. "Not sure if this is going to pan out. But giving it a try." That could be taken as you saying you're not really sure if you're a Dom or not.
2. "A slave that can understand..." Try for a sub, not a full slave at first.

I'd change those two things, and join the TNG group near you: https://fetlife.com/groups/30447



UllrsIshtar -> RE: Ages (11/4/2013 3:37:22 AM)

Bingo on your last question. It's my personal experience that most 18-22 year olds who are looking for somebody 30-35+ aren't so much looking for "maturity" as they are looking for "financial stability" aka "a dude making enough money so that he can afford having me stay at home, sitting on my ass eating chocolates all day while playing on Facebook under the mum of playing slave".

If you're seriously upset that you're not able to land that type of chick because of your age, I suggest you start advertising wealth on your profile. You'll be amazed how many of those chicks suddenly "can tell" how you're much more mature than your age you are, and how you suddenly DO meet their qualifiers for partners.



Grael -> RE: Ages (11/4/2013 4:19:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

With all due respect, OP, your profile says two things that show inexperience:

1. "Not sure if this is going to pan out. But giving it a try." That could be taken as you saying you're not really sure if you're a Dom or not.


True. But in regards to that I mean it as toward the meeting of people online part. and Thanks for the link.



orgasmdenial12 -> RE: Ages (11/4/2013 10:52:14 AM)

Same reason so many men in their 50s and 60s attempt to pull women in their 20s and 30s - sexual preference.

Many submissive women just like the idea of an older guy, and would see a younger guy as emotionally immature.



Nakhla -> RE: Ages (11/4/2013 10:54:18 AM)

I'll admit that I'm particularly guilty of this. In my initial foray into searching for a dominant-type, I generally did not take those under thirty too seriously, even though I was twenty to twenty-three at the time. The idea was that guys my age were all seeking a quick hook-up and none of them wanted something serious.

I met a lot of guys. Some were mature, responsible guys. But many weren't, many had just come out from multi-decade unhappy marriages and were trying to find some second adolescence through their brave new world of BDSM; or had drifted through life in an endless string of casual encounters and ephemeral affairs, and now were looking to settle down, but didn't have the mental equipment to do so. I was twenty-two and had a fifty-nine year old tell me he wasn't "ready to settle down yet". ( Well when then, exactly? Your triple-digits somewhere? )

In general, I still find age to be a slight indicator for maturity. However, things like having had a successful long-term relationship previously, ability to hold down some kind of job, and an ability to express their desires clearly, are all far better indicators of maturity.




AlasiaGae -> RE: Ages (11/4/2013 11:03:43 AM)

I always thought it was the daddy/daughter thing. If you are 18, your "daddy" has to be 30 (if he started early) or more. I'd laugh at some guy roughly my age that wanted me to call them daddy. Scratch that, I have laughed at guys my age that wanted me to call them daddy. He has not earned that title.



DesFIP -> RE: Ages (11/4/2013 12:51:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nakhla
However, things like having had a successful long-term relationship previously, ability to hold down some kind of job, and an ability to express their desires clearly, are all far better indicators of maturity.



However, to have had a long term relationship means you had to have been an adult for that many years. A 22 year old couldn't just be coming out of a ten year relationship as an adult when most of the relationship would have been when he was underage.

Same with a job. To hold it ten years, you have to be ten years older than the age of majority. Or if you figure they finished college first, the job wouldn't have started until age 22 or 23, so to have that ten years of commitment to it, they would be 32.

To have a history of things to point to, they have to have lived it. And flipping burgers at 16 doesn't qualify. Neither does holding hands in middle school. You need a certain amount of time to accumulate adult experiences as an adult.

More importantly is why is the op being so snarky about other people's preferences. I bet he has plenty of his own. No men or no women his mother's age, or height or weight. After all, if you're going to have your own range of what you find attractive, then why not accept the fact that women get to do so also?



Grael -> RE: Ages (11/4/2013 4:42:20 PM)

Not trying to be snarky here... Just looking for opinions. I have a knack for asking questions sometimes that I don't word quite right. This is one of those times.



HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Ages (11/4/2013 5:10:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Grael

Been seeing quite a few profiles where the slave/sub always states that they want someone who is 30+ even if they are in the 18-26 range. Just wondering why it is that so many equate age to knowledge and experience.



You'll understand it when you get older.



Soulbinder -> RE: Ages (11/4/2013 10:50:26 PM)

OP, my money is on all the things you stated with the addition of a lust for older women. Though I will say that I have seen many a woman in the 40+ range that just started into exploring BDSM or might have a few years of experience and they will talk like they know much more than they do to people who are younger but much more experienced. So maybe that is part of how some people are fooled?

I didn't take your post as snarky, btw.



Soulbinder -> RE: Ages (11/4/2013 11:07:34 PM)

Oops, I thought you were submissive at first. That would apply to sub men but sub women are a bit of a different breed. As someone mentioned, the Daddy/babygirl is a huge thing as well as a man's ability to provide for a woman that he may be likely to want to have quit her job and even have his children. I'm sure they also want maturity in a guy (but as Nakhla said, that's a crap shoot) which is a lot less likely with a man still in his 20's who will probably be more likely interested in the sexual aspect of the D/s and excited that a sexy lady is willing to do what he tells her vs. the relationship mental/emotional parts. Just my 2 cents.



littleone35 -> RE: Ages (11/5/2013 12:52:55 PM)

For me it is just a preference. I have always liked older men. My Master is 19 years older than me but we have a lot in common, we share the same quirky sense of hurmo and talke about everything under th sun. It is not a daddy/daughterwith us hie is my Maser and i am his sub.

As i get older if i wa s single i would give a younger Master a try if he was interested. With some people it is a preference.

Matt's littleone



JeffBC -> RE: Ages (11/5/2013 1:32:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grael
Been seeing quite a few profiles where the slave/sub always states that they want someone who is 30+ even if they are in the 18-26 range. Just wondering why it is that so many equate age to knowledge and experience.

So many equate age to knowledge and experience because it reasonably equates to that. In truth, one of the surest signs of youth (and the foolishness that goes along with it) is to discount age. Let me try to snap this into perspective for you. I have been an adult for longer than you have been alive. Try to imagine what that might look like to me.

Now, imagine yourself a young female seeking a male authority figure. You can't honestly figure out why age might play well into that whole "authority figure" thing? If you cannot, then you answer your own question with your own lack of experience and knowledge.



Arturas -> RE: Ages (11/5/2013 9:11:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Grael

Not trying to be snarky here... Just looking for opinions. I have a knack for asking questions sometimes that I don't word quite right. This is one of those times.


It was an honest question looking for insight from those who have experience with this. Besides, commenting on the snark factor of your post could very well be considered snarky in itself with some justification, after all, if you don't like the question then don't answer it, eh?



shiftyw -> RE: Ages (11/6/2013 6:00:51 PM)

I tend to prefer older dudes. I am a bit into "daddy Dom" types so that generally has to do with it I think. I'm currently with someone who is only a year older than me though.

But also Ive gotten a lot of cmail from wealthy dudes offering to take care of me so that I could stay home and serve them all day or sent off to 'training'...so it goes both ways.



David92506 -> RE: Ages (11/8/2013 4:04:47 PM)

The Mistress I just recently met is about 30-years younger than me. I've seen her four times and I pay a tribute each time. The tribute she requires is low, so it's not about the money. She is thinking of having me move in with her and I asked her, "Why don't you seek a submissive your own age? Why are you interested in someone who is 20 - 30 years older than yourself?"

She goes to college full-time, she is petite and attractive. Surely she can get any man she wants. She told me that in her opinion, men her age and in their 30's just want one thing. Plus, they don't have any manners. Well, these are her two main reasons why she wants an older man.



HoneyBears -> RE: Ages (11/8/2013 7:33:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Grael

Been seeing quite a few profiles where the slave/sub always states that they want someone who is 30+ even if they are in the 18-26 range. Just wondering why it is that so many equate age to knowledge and experience.

Or are they maybe looking for someone to take care of them in more than just a relationship way?

If you are emotionally mature and do not carry yourself like most younger guys do, then you will give a good impression of yourself regardless.
Your chronological age will not matter so much then.
Meeting females subs in person will work in your favor. They will see you as a potential match and look past your age.
A couple tips, though. Ditch the baseball caps and baggy, beltless pants in your wardrobe, if applicable. Dress as if you are older than you are.

Also, why would you wonder whether younger women would be seeking an older man to "take care of them in more than just a relationship way"?
Of course, most younger women are looking for husband material. Sooner or later their biological clocks will start ticking.
If all you have to offer is the kinky boyfriend schtick, then your options are severely limited in terms of your competition.

When I was younger, I always went for older guys because I could not relate to guys my own age.
We did not have the same priorities in life. I was done with all the experimental partying in my teens.
When I was in my 30's, I still found guys in their 30's to be too immature and insecure about themselves.
It wasn't until my 40's that I met men closer in age with whom I had more in common.
Then the generation gap kicked in with older guys (in their 50's) to where we did not have enough in common anymore.

With male subs, this seems to work in reverse, to the benefit of the older dominant female.
They tend to gravitate toward older women in their relationships, even when they were vanilla.
It all evens out in the end since older guys tend to want younger women overall.



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