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Finding bodies on Facebook - 11/8/2013 9:29:49 PM

TheHeretic

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From: California, USA
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It has been suggested to me that I simply quit looking up people I knew long ago, on Facebook and Google. First was my old roomate from the barracks in Japan, who fell asleep at the wheel of a big truck, and ate an overpass abutment along a Texas highway for his last meal.

This week, browsing through the friends list, I realized I hadn't seen anything in forever, posted from a service buddy I'd known since boot camp, and clicked over to his page. He'd blown his brains out.

The old roomdog was easy enough to take in, after the initial shock. He'd been a stupidly stubborn asshole, 25 years ago, and he listened to that shit twangy country that wouldn't keep a meth-head awake.

This week's discovery was harder. I get that suicide is an irrational impulse with permanent consequences, but I couldn't wrap my head around the picture of this particular guy checking out with a quiet whimper. I wound up chatting with one of his current friends, and got the scoop that he had gone deep into druggie-land, and had actually killed himself on a woman's voicemail, after she dumped him and moved. Once it was understood as a totally insane spectacle, while he was massively fucked up, I could make some sense of it. Still a nasty jolt though. I liked my vision of the world better, with him still in it, pissing people off every day, just because that was his nature.

Does anybody else have a lousy track record, hunting up folks from back in the day?

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RE: Finding bodies on Facebook - 11/8/2013 9:37:29 PM

MistressDarkArt

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I'm very sorry for your losses, Heretic. My beloved SIL died in May, and it still gives me a painful jolt every time I see her facebook page listed on my other relative's accounts.

This brings up a question for me. What happens to deceased people's pages and postings, not just on FB but everywhere on the web? Do they remain forever unless someone with their account info takes them down? Virtual ghosts?

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RE: Finding bodies on Facebook - 11/9/2013 6:58:12 AM

xxblushesxx

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Yes. I suspect we'll be among the first whose histories are represented largely (if not mainly) through our internet activity. It should be interesting.

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RE: Finding bodies on Facebook - 11/9/2013 8:48:42 AM

pissdoll

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

This brings up a question for me. What happens to deceased people's pages and postings, not just on FB but everywhere on the web? Do they remain forever unless someone with their account info takes them down? Virtual ghosts?

i'm sad to say i know this because a friend's teenage kid died of cancer recently.

there are two choices:
you can have the page deleted, or you can have the page memorialized.
only immediately family can have the page deleted, and obviously you need proof of death and proof of your relationship.
when you ask facebook to memorialize the page, friends can continue to post photos and comments about their loved one.
i'm pretty sure that no one else can be added once this happens, so if you weren't a friend before, you never will be.

my friend chose to have her daughter's page memorialized and although sometimes it is painful to see some of the photos and posts pop up, i think for her it was better than having her baby "erased."

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RE: Finding bodies on Facebook - 11/9/2013 3:00:57 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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"I see dead people."

As the internet ages and as you age you will find this happening more often. Unless you block their posts or refrain from sites where those people were active you are stuck seeing their names.

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RE: Finding bodies on Facebook - 11/9/2013 4:46:39 PM

shiftyw

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Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
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FR-

Sorry for your losses :(

but yes.

I had left an guy because he was doing horrible things to support a horrible habit. We were really close previous to that. I couldn't take it and we fell out of communication. Last I had heard he was in rehab and we'd had a nice chat.

Then two months later I realized I hadn't heard from him in a long while...I found his obituary online. I'm still way not over it.

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RE: Finding bodies on Facebook - 11/9/2013 7:13:02 PM

misspayne69

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I think that our brains are hardwired to seek the very things that destroy us emotionally. I am guilty of it myself. Guess we have a bit of emotional masochism linked to our thought process.

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RE: Finding bodies on Facebook - 11/9/2013 8:24:31 PM

littlewonder

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I've had friends from high school that I was still friends with even though long distance and kept in contact through FB and then I'd find out they died. Just recently I had a friend die and it was hard to take. His page was kept up for awhile by his wife so people could send condolences and remember him.

I can remember when my daughter was a teenager and there was a boy in her class that lived around the block from us and was always at our home. Then one day my daughter comes home in tears. Turns out he killed himself doing the "hanging game". That was about 6 years ago and his FB page is still up. It's really weird and I have never understood why his parents or sister didn't take it down. It still creeps me out when I come across it sometimes.

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RE: Finding bodies on Facebook - 11/9/2013 8:31:44 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: misspayne69
I think that our brains are hardwired to seek the very things that destroy us emotionally. I am guilty of it myself. Guess we have a bit of emotional masochism linked to our thought process.

Man, this must be some aspect of the whole dark & dangerous thing. I'm afraid that my much more sunshine & rainbows brain isn't really rigged for emotional destruction.

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