So You Want To Be A Dominant

So You Want To Be A Dominant (Full Version)

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TieMeInKnottss -> So You Want To Be A Dominant (11/9/2013 11:45:50 AM)
Came across this article and thought it was a great "answer" to those who always say they want to learn to be a Dom. http://www.kinkly.com/2/186/beyond-missionary/bdsm/so-you-wanna-be-a-dominant

JeffBC -> RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant (11/9/2013 12:00:12 PM)
The article is written more from a top/bottom view than a D/s view (at least insofar as we generally label those things here on CM) but still not bad overall. I have to mention that in all cases, dominant personalities that I respect do not trip over "please" and "thank you". In point of fact, the article conflicts with this very advice later when it gets to "respect". The rest of the article was a not-bad primer on authority and leadership -- even if in a terribly limited scope.

DarkSteven -> RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant (11/9/2013 12:58:26 PM)
Hmmmph. Some is good, but... 1. I say please and thank you. 2. Saying that becoming a Dom will make you more self confident is dangerous. It should come with achievement, not a label. 3. The passage about who has the power is a horrible mess. 4. The REAL oversight is that the article gives them impression that Dominance is a state of mind, applicable to one and all, instead of stating that you only get to be Dom to YOUR submissive, not to everyone.

LadyPact -> RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant (11/9/2013 1:06:46 PM)
I had, pretty much, the same opinion as Jeff. Probably because I am more interested in labels and I do make the distinction between top and Dominant because one is play and the other is personality and/or relationship based. I will give the article some points for making sure the mention is in there about learning how to play safely. They did blow it with Me when they specifically were trying to hock toys from Adam and Eve and went so far in the last line as to tell folks to go and "WHIP" some tail. It's not like there aren't enough folks out there who buy a whip, rather than a flogger, and feel that qualifies them to use one.

KnightofMists -> RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant (11/9/2013 1:06:56 PM)
I stop reading it.... Nice fluff but when you start to get into substance t loses its value quickly to me.

JeffBC -> RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant (11/9/2013 1:23:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven 2. Saying that becoming a Dom will make you more self confident is dangerous. It should come with achievement, not a label. I dunno about that. Putting on a suit can make someone more self-confident. So why not a label? quote: 3. The passage about who has the power is a horrible mess. 4. The REAL oversight is that the article gives them impression that Dominance is a state of mind, applicable to one and all, instead of stating that you only get to be Dom to YOUR submissive, not to everyone. These two things get to the muddle I saw. It talks about "dominance" and "submission" but here on collarme we'd be using the words "top" and "bottom". For instance, in the top/bottom sense then I utterly agree the bottom has pretty much all the "power"... at least insofar as there is any power at all in such an arrangement. But that flies in the face of statements like "such a powerful position". I might also add that in ANY context I "get to" dom whoever I want to and am able to. Carol, your sub, the bank teller, the waitress... whatever. If I want to bend them to my will and I am able to then I "get to".

Ionium -> RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant (11/9/2013 3:30:42 PM)
To me, it's all a game, by which we each play by our own rules.

MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant (11/9/2013 4:42:32 PM)
It's a fluff article. You can find that one page one of any decent BDSM book.

JeffBC -> RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant (11/9/2013 4:46:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel It's a fluff article. You can find that one page one of any decent BDSM book. I agree, but by that measure Colin Powell's secrets of leadership is also a "fluff article". I'm fine with high level information insofar as it is correct and I honestly didn't see anything terribly egregious (so long as we're sticking at top/bottom and beginner level).

Dyfrynt -> RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant (11/10/2013 5:56:17 PM)
This sentence in the first paragraph kinda says it all for me as far as this article goes. "However, actually realizing this fantasy is often much more difficult than you can imagine. " The article is a generic (very generic) look at playing the Dominant. And as such it covers the basics well enough. As long as the reader understands that is all this article is. For the couple interested in adding some kink in the bedroom. I would never consider using this article as an example for anybody curious about BDSM though.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant (11/10/2013 8:43:34 PM)
I thought it was a not bad concise primer for someone wanting to dom the wife or gf in the bedroom. It is how many start. Would I have written it in exactly that way? Hell no.

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