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Karma - 11/11/2013 12:57:30 AM

Makemeobey4you

Posts: 24
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I am a strong believer in Karma, almost always have been. I'm sure I'm not alone here; so why is it that nice guys always finish last.... I feel a cloud of bad luck has overtaken my county.

I'm a male who is submissive to women, that's why I'm here. I haven't been so active on the site because for the last 4 months I've had a gf. We were great together... then she first blocked me on fb. I thought she just deleted it, then she txted me telling me she needs space. Fine. Day or two goes by I try to txt her... I get "wtf I thought you were gonna give me my space, I got in a fight last night leave me alone." Okay. Next morning I want to ask about the fight and I get "say one more word to me and I'm never talking to you again." I say I just want a minute to talk, I want to know whats come over you, let me come see you. I get "Come near my crib and I'll stand my ground and shoot your ass, don't threaten me with a good time." What. The. Fuck.

I treated her like gold, I gave her space, and now shes threatening me for trying to talk it out? Where are you karma? I'm not asking for a reward for being a good guy. This women crushed my heart, and now I believe karma is going to crush her like an insect. That's not what I want, I love this girl. With her or not I want her to get the help she needs; but when she's treating ppl the way she is, I'm afraid she'll end up in prison or dead.

Karma please don't come down on this poor lost girl like a hurricane, and please give me a stepping stone to get back to happiness.... The karma in Delaware County PA is seriously slacking

Post #: 1

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 1:27:08 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
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I don't believe she dealt with the situation very well. She should have said up-front that she doesn't want to be with you and end it there. Or before blocking you she should have said that she wants time on her own and she'll be in touch when (if) she's ready to talk to you. Blocking you on fb sounds a bit cowardly and passive-aggressive....unless there is something else that happened that you haven't told us about. Has she dropped hints that things aren't right? Did you have an argument? Has she flat-out said she's not happy with any aspect of the relationship?

Now on to the way you're dealing with this. First of all, she said she wants space. She doesn't want to talk to you. SO BACK OFF. Stop texting her. Stop asking to talk things through. She doesn't want to and she's made that really, really clear.

Reading through your post, I see in you a guy I dated when I was in my early 20s. He was a nice guy, and he wanted to treat me like a princess. It was lovely, for a while. But it got to a point where I got really frustrated at his lack of 'backbone', for want of a better word. He never suggested what movie he wanted to see, or what restaurant he wanted to go to, or any activity he wanted to do. It was all about me, and I found it very cloying and uncomfortable.

He wanted to see me all the time. It seemed like every time I turned round, there he was. He came over one friday night and I had to point-blank say to him on the next evening that he was NOT welcome to stay over for a second night. I needed my own space, my own time to spend with friends and family, to spend time on my studying or housework or hobbies.

After 2 months he declared his love for me and said he thought we'd be together for ever. That was the last straw - I dumped his needy ass.

OP, things you have said really make me think about this guy. You're obsessed with your ex-gf and it's not healthy for either of you. You need to back off and focus on your own life, without her in it. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. But she's made it really clear that she doesn't want anything to do with you right at this moment. Respect that, take some time to grieve over the relationship, and move on.

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Post #: 2

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 1:34:01 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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Sorry you're having a bad time. Truth be told, if she's so volatile that she goes from 'great together' to threatening to shoot if you come to her house, you're better off finding this out now than when you're married with a couple of kids. Feel sorry for yourself and grieve the loss of a relationship but I suspect in time you'll come to see it's for the best.

There seems to be two likely explanations for this: the first, is that she's not emotionally capable of being in a relationship either because she's immature, she has some trauma to work through, or some other type of poor mental state. The second is that you're not as innocent as you think, and that you've done something to make her feel this way (perhaps unknowingly, if you're poor at communication and have different definitions of 'treat her like gold'). I don't know which it is - possibly both. Either way, you need to stay well away for everyone's sake. Do NOT continue to reach out to her, however nice you mean to be, it will not end well.

I don't know about nice guys finish last. I've only recently grown up enough to understand that EVERYONE is struggling to get through life in one way or another, it's just that some people's suffering is more visible than others.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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Post #: 3

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 1:36:24 AM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
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Just drop it and let it go.

Also, your understanding of karma is deeply flawed. Go talk to some Hindus and learn a bit more before you decide that you "deeply believe in it." It is far more complicated than you think it is.

(in reply to Makemeobey4you)

Post #: 4

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 1:50:37 AM

Makemeobey4you

Posts: 24
Status: offline

There was no argument not one bit. We were together one day this week;everything was fine, normal, both happy together (unless that was her act) Anyway, she told me the next day her phone was getting shut off. And so it did, so I tried to get a hold of her on fb saw it was gone. The only reason I was trying to get a hold of her and violated the "space" she needed was because she got in a fight I was worried. And for worrying I got snapped on. That's it, there's nothing else to it.

As far as comparing me to your ex... this girl is immature, she can't do anything for herself. It was me taking her out to where I thought we'd enjoy because alls she wanted to do was party with drugs. We only hung out with my circle of friends, because she had none. That should have been an indication she's cold hearted (not having her own friends) I'm nothing like your ex, I'm not passive. I was forced to take charge of the relationship. I'm leaving nothing out, other than she's an addict. (Okay thats a pretty big factor) But I was doing everything I could to help her get better. I guess she just doesnt want to get clean. Such a shame, such a beautiful girl.

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 5

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 2:01:11 AM

Makemeobey4you

Posts: 24
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Just because I don't fully understand it, doesn't mean I can't believe in it. I know it's not about giving and receiving, It's about giving unconditionally. Always helping others and everything without expecting gratitude or praise. Not only is it trying to make others happy and doing good deeds; it's positive thinking, you have to be in a happy place for things to go your way.

Don't make your assumptions so quickly; i'm more seasoned than you think.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

Post #: 6

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 2:01:56 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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You're right, that was a huge detail you left out.

Looks like you have your own answer - you were trying to get her clean when she didn't want to be. As hard as it is to watch someone sink further into addiction, you can't make her get better. It only breeds resentment. Don't try to save her - she has to want to save herself.

I do understand that you were concerned after she got into a fight, but from her point of view, she asked you not to contact her and you did, so she feels you're not listening to her.

Why were you in a relationship with someone immature, can't do anything for herself, only wants to party with drugs, has no friends, is cold hearted, and doesn't want to get clean? You don't have to answer that question here, but it is worth giving it some serious consideration before you start another relationship, because it speaks of poor decision making.

Edit: it sounds like what's likely to crush your ex is not karma but rather the logical consequences of her own actions.

< Message edited by AthenaSurrenders -- 11/11/2013 2:05:17 AM >

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Makemeobey4you)

Post #: 7

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 2:05:23 AM

myotherself

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Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
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It is 100% your fault for choosing to be with someone you describe as'immature', 'cold-hearted' and 'addicted'. If you know this is what she is like, why are you surprised that she is behaving this way?

You can't 'fix' her. What you can do is move on and find someone who is more able to have a relationship with you. But next time, choose more wisely and don't throw your heart away on someone you really don't seem to like very much.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to Makemeobey4you)

Post #: 8

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 2:10:01 AM

Makemeobey4you

Posts: 24
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Because I have always been the type of person to attract and be attracted to the troubled and lost souls, because I was raised to help and I believe there is good in everyone. Not to mention she's a very beautiful girl and was very sweet the majority of our time together. Also I've been drinking at the bar with her father for almost a year before I met her. It was circumstance, I knew her life story already and I offered my hand when we first met and she took it. Now 3 4 months later, she bit it off. It really hurts, but it's happened before. Just.. not this bad.. not this bad at all

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 9

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 2:16:16 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Joined: 3/15/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Makemeobey4you

Because I have always been the type of person to attract and be attracted to the troubled and lost souls, because I was raised to help and I believe there is good in everyone. Not to mention she's a very beautiful girl and was very sweet the majority of our time together. Also I've been drinking at the bar with her father for almost a year before I met her. It was circumstance, I knew her life story already and I offered my hand when we first met and she took it. Now 3 4 months later, she bit it off. It really hurts, but it's happened before. Just.. not this bad.. not this bad at all

To some extent, it's admirable to want to help people, but if you've been hurt more than once by doing this (and you're only 21, so we're not talking over a period of decades, here) then you need to step back and look at the choices you are making.

Generally speaking, troubled souls are not going to be stable relationship partners. The urge to save people from themselves is not healthy for you. It can cause all sorts of problems in a relationship - feelings of obligation, of resentment, of an inbalance of power and respect, of one partner feeling like a child, of both parties feeling pressured and mistreated...

I know you think we're being mean, and I do very much sympathise with the pain of an ended relationship, but you really do need to sift through the wreckage and work out what caused the crash if you want to avoid it next time. It's very rarely the fault of just one partner.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Makemeobey4you)

Post #: 10

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 2:17:34 AM

Makemeobey4you

Posts: 24
Status: offline

You're like really bringing me down dude; I get that I can't provide the full view of our relationship through this post, but you're really taking the words I say to the most extreme measure when it wasn't the way you're thinking.

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 11

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 2:19:23 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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What were you hoping to get from this thread?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Makemeobey4you)

Post #: 12

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 2:22:19 AM

Makemeobey4you

Posts: 24
Status: offline

A females perspective, which you've provided excellenty Athena

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 13

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 2:28:34 AM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Makemeobey4you

Just because I don't fully understand it, doesn't mean I can't believe in it. I know it's not about giving and receiving, It's about giving unconditionally. Always helping others and everything without expecting gratitude or praise. Not only is it trying to make others happy and doing good deeds; it's positive thinking, you have to be in a happy place for things to go your way.

Don't make your assumptions so quickly; i'm more seasoned than you think.

Your less seasoned than you think. A gross oversimplification of karma is that no deed goes unpunished nor unrewarded. You were only stating half the equation there. It also doesn't work immediately.

You fell in love, got jilted. It happens. Move on. Otherwise karma is going to bitch slap you severely.

(in reply to Makemeobey4you)

Post #: 14

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 2:42:00 AM

Makemeobey4you

Posts: 24
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

you really do need to sift through the wreckage and work out what caused the crash if you want to avoid it next time. It's very rarely the fault of just one partner.

That's what I want to know, if she'd just communicate with me, I would have my piece of mind. She, out of no where, acted like I was one of her ex bf's whowere abusive... if anybody got hit it was me, and that only happened once. Very few arguements happened in the duration on our relationship. And I can't get answers if she won't talk to me.

However, I found out what the fight was about through someone. She went out to a bar and started dancing with another chicks boyfriend; my ex girlgot her ass kicked.... And I wasn't there to help because she wanted nothing to do with me at that point. It's got me very hurt, the entire situation.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 15

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 2:50:54 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Fella, when a woman says she needs her space, occasionally that does mean she needs a week or so and then things will be back to normal. Usually it means it's over.

1. She blocked you.
2. She said she needed her space.
3. Two days later, you texted her, and she told you to quit texting her.
4. You tell her you want to talk, and she loses it and threatens you.

You seem to have a problem understanding No.

If she was a Domme and you a sub, then her actions become understandable. You don't do what you're asked to do.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 16

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 2:53:35 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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I don't think you would have peace of mind if she communicated with you. I've seen this happen a thousand times. Even if she gave you a reason, chances are it won't be a good enough reason for you. You will think 'but' or 'no, I...' or 'you don't understand' or 'that doesn't make sense'. If you saw a decent reason to break up, you wouldn't be asking this question. That tells me that whatever she says you will be unsatisfied with. Most likely you will want to discuss it and make you side heard, which will only make her feel even more pressured and annoyed with you. Since you didn't end on good terms and the break up wasn't mutual, the only way that conversation will end is with you feeling more hurt and frustrated, and her feeling that you don't respect her boundaries.

There's a good chance that she won't even have a good reason, since it doesn't seem like she's a rational and stable person (and even sensible people can't always articulate what's bothering them). There's a good chance that she will hate you too much to give you a reason, or will tell you something cruel (since she's cold-hearted).

Once you are past the initial pain and surprise of the break up, you should be able to see your own role in it, assuming you are capable of being honest with yourself and taking responsibility. It might be something about the way you treated her or something you said. Or, it might be as simple as 'I tried to have a stable relationship with someone who is too sick for that, because I felt I could change her'.

It sucks that she got into a fight. It was not your duty to protect her. Since you've described her as cold-hearted and interested in partying and drugs, it's very likely that she was at least partly responsible and it would've happened sooner or later anyway.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Makemeobey4you)

Post #: 17

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 3:04:50 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
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From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Makemeobey4you

You're like really bringing me down dude; I get that I can't provide the full view of our relationship through this post, but you're really taking the words I say to the most extreme measure when it wasn't the way you're thinking.

If bringing you down, 'dude', is what it takes to make you think about YOUR role in this relationship, then that's what it takes.

You will not get sugar-coated hugs and pats on the head here on the messageboards. What you will get is the result of decades of experience and extremely useful information that will help inform your future life choices, should you choose to use it.

And so far, these are all your choices. No-one forced you to seek out women with problems and try to make them feel better. No-one forced you to put up with their crappy behaviour and no-one forced you to fall in love. They were all your choices - own up to them.

Now, do I think she did the right thing? No. I said that in an earlier post - I thought she was behaving badly. Now it's up to you to choose how to deal with this situation with dignity. And my advice would be to walk away and don't look back.

The next step is to do some deep thinking about the next woman you're involved with. Are you going to keep treading the same path and end up with a dysfunctional relationship with a troubled woman, or are you going to make some changes within yourself and find a nurturing relationship that will benefit both of you?

The choice is yours.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to Makemeobey4you)

Post #: 18

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 3:05:32 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I understand this girl is not giving you much needed 'closure' and that's part of why it hurt so bad. But you were together for three months. Try living with someone for over 20 years, being married, having children, and see how much it hurts.

By your own words this wonderful girl (by that I translate as highly sexually attractive) is cold and immature and a drug addict.

She did not have good potential as a partner.

You appear to have serious white knight syndrome, always going after the bad lost girls, and then getting hurt when they turn around and bite you.

My very serious advice is to stop trying to fix pretty girls, and start trying to fix yourself. Only then will you be able to find a partner that has good potential for a relationship.

Best, CP

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 11/11/2013 3:35:30 AM >

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Post #: 19

RE: Karma - 11/11/2013 3:08:33 AM

Makemeobey4you

Posts: 24
Status: offline

If you're dropping your partner off home, and the last words from there mouth were "I love you, I'll call you tomorrow" And then this happened, please tell me, how would all of you react? Im not talking about giving her her space, Im talking about the fight. Seriously, it sounds like all of you would say

"Oh you got in a fight, sucks, bye." I can't fathom that, a little 125 LB girl who I care very much about gets into a fight, I want to do something about it. Is that so wrong?

I think she's humiliated of what happened the nights I didn't see her. I think she got her ass beat, but has such a big ego she's trying to fight off everyone now

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 20

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