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Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal conne... - 11/16/2013 3:49:34 AM

Galvestonnurse

Posts: 10
Joined: 9/29/2013
Status: offline

I get lots of messages. I look at the profile, and if I am interested I email back.

Well, this is usually just a preliminary exchange of greetings and not much else. I suspect that's just to verify that there are two real people at both ends of the conversation. No real information about either person is really exchanged.

If somebody emailed me, my inference is that he likes my profile, which, unlike most of the profiles on this site, is complete and features plenty of pictures.

That initial conversation does not convey any further data about me. And yet, a lot of the people I respond to, don't respond back, even though they were the one that made the initial contact to begin with.

A lot of men also seem to just want to chat or skype. That's not something I enjoy.

I want to live and enjoy my life to the fullest. That means I am looking for a real man, in person, to share my time with.

Is it just me? I am really just trying to understand.

I have been on other sites, and I have dated, but a vanilla relationship does not fulfill me as much as a relationship including D/s elements.

I am not unattractive. I have a nice personality. I think I am pretty intelligent, though not a genius.

What am I missing? Should I respond with more information, change the tone of my response... Or just give up?

< Message edited by Galvestonnurse -- 11/16/2013 3:51:20 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/16/2013 4:27:07 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Welcome to the discussion side GN.

The profile side (we like to call it the other side) is more than a bit of a meat market, and to deal with it you have to treat it as such.

That means being very picky about who you respond to, and ensuring the entire nature of your initial correspondence has but one goal: to weed out those you don't want, so you can stop talking to them and get on to the next one.

You are extremely attractive in my eyes, you are happy and successful, and this means you GET to be very picky. Also, you're relativity new, you may still be showing up on the new locals list, which means your inbox is flooded.

Yes, it can be overwhelming.

Now, you appear to me to be eminently practical, so I think you're handling that weed out process just fine. No response is a response, and if it seems the vast majority of your conversations go that way, that's the *norm* here.

You have to kiss many, many frogs before you find your prince.

I still have a rather full inbox at times, and I have set some boundaries to save my time: one line messages and people who are not local to me, unless they have *really* caught my attention in a nice way with that one line, I block, I delete, and I move on.

If someone is *really* interested in me, they have to send a longer message explaining why.There should be some meat there (all puns intended), and some reasons for me to WANT to respond back. And if there isn't, then I don't bother.

I suspect Galveston has a healthy kink scene, I highly recommend a munch, I think you would have much better chances there. The other side is a crap shoot.

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 11/16/2013 4:30:17 AM >

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Post #: 2

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/16/2013 5:20:32 AM

muhly22222

Posts: 463
Joined: 3/25/2010
Status: offline

The thing that jumped out at me from your post was that you said that in those initial messages, no real information about either person is exchanged. I can't speak for others, but I know that if I sent a person a message and they replied a few times without giving me much, I would stop responding, too. With that being said, I typically do share information about myself, so it's a two-way street. I recognize the odds that many guys don't do that, and maybe that's what you're running into.

But there's really no reason to worry. You haven't been around on this site all that long...eventually people will contact you and you'll hit it off with them, if you keep an open mind. And what ChatteParfaitt said about being on the "newbie list" may be a factor as well. I know that there were times when I saw a new person show up on CM, especially one who seemed very desirable (not just for looks, but for the way she wrote her profile as well), that I would wait several weeks to contact them, in the hopes that my message wouldn't be lost amid the flood of "new person" messages.

_____________________________

I have always been among those who believed that the greatest freedom of speech was the greatest safety, because if a man is a fool, the best thing to do is to encourage him to advertise the fact by speaking.
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(in reply to Galvestonnurse)

Post #: 3

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/16/2013 8:42:23 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

"What am I missing?"
You have a very nice profile. It gives the reader a sense of who you are, whom you seek and what type of relationship. The only thing that could improve it would be if you included what you offer, like what relationship skills you are good at.

"Should I respond with more information, change the tone of my response... Or just give up?"
Don't give up. You're good looking and you appear to be smart. Hell, if you weren't seeking "monogamous", you would have had mail in your box from me. Like ChatteParfaitt said, You have to kiss many, many frogs before you find your prince. I have met several very nice people from CM. I even married one of the people I found here. She is currently my wife. So just give it some more time.

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I give good thread.

(in reply to Galvestonnurse)

Post #: 4

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/16/2013 10:13:35 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Well, this is usually just a preliminary exchange of greetings and not much else.

Don't bother responding to men who can't start a convo with anything more interesting than "Hi, how are you?" Their conversational skills are not likely to improve.

I had to kiss a lot of frogs but eventually found the man of my dreams. I looked for him in many places - CM, Fet, OKCupid, and local events.

Hold out for what you want and don't settle :)

Best of luck,

KK

(in reply to Galvestonnurse)

Post #: 5

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/16/2013 10:42:06 AM

jlf1961

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline

You have a well written profile, although I would call you pleasantly plump, not a bbw.

As for the rest, I would agree with RS, add a little more about what you offer in a relationship.

Welcome to the boards, we really need a nurse around here. Some of us more than others, but hey clumsy is as clumsy does.

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(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 6

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/16/2013 11:17:22 AM

shoot2thrill500

Posts: 10
Joined: 9/6/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galvestonnurse

I get lots of messages. I look at the profile, and if I am interested I email back.

Well, this is usually just a preliminary exchange of greetings and not much else. I suspect that's just to verify that there are two real people at both ends of the conversation. No real information about either person is really exchanged.

If somebody emailed me, my inference is that he likes my profile, which, unlike most of the profiles on this site, is complete and features plenty of pictures.

That initial conversation does not convey any further data about me. And yet, a lot of the people I respond to, don't respond back, even though they were the one that made the initial contact to begin with.

A lot of men also seem to just want to chat or skype. That's not something I enjoy.

I want to live and enjoy my life to the fullest. That means I am looking for a real man, in person, to share my time with.

Is it just me? I am really just trying to understand.

I have been on other sites, and I have dated, but a vanilla relationship does not fulfill me as much as a relationship including D/s elements.

I am not unattractive. I have a nice personality. I think I am pretty intelligent, though not a genius.

What am I missing? Should I respond with more information, change the tone of my response... Or just give up?

I may not be just you, I'm kind of running into the same thing. I don't know if it's waste of time or not at this point. If you're getting lots of messages hopefully something will pan out though. Good luck!

-John

(in reply to Galvestonnurse)

Post #: 7

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/16/2013 12:28:00 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galvestonnurse

I get lots of messages. I look at the profile, and if I am interested I email back.

Well, this is usually just a preliminary exchange of greetings and not much else. I suspect that's just to verify that there are two real people at both ends of the conversation. No real information about either person is really exchanged.

If somebody emailed me, my inference is that he likes my profile, which, unlike most of the profiles on this site, is complete and features plenty of pictures.

That initial conversation does not convey any further data about me. And yet, a lot of the people I respond to, don't respond back, even though they were the one that made the initial contact to begin with.

A lot of men also seem to just want to chat or skype. That's not something I enjoy.

I want to live and enjoy my life to the fullest. That means I am looking for a real man, in person, to share my time with.

Is it just me? I am really just trying to understand.

I have been on other sites, and I have dated, but a vanilla relationship does not fulfill me as much as a relationship including D/s elements.

I am not unattractive. I have a nice personality. I think I am pretty intelligent, though not a genius.

What am I missing? Should I respond with more information, change the tone of my response... Or just give up?

I've met several women from CM, but I can't recommend this as a primary strategy. I don't think anything should be a primary strategy -- put profiles on multiple sites, and also follow old-school dating advice, like join a book club or a salsa dance class to meet people who share similar interests.

In terms of general statistics:

More women than men have online dating profiles. 55/45 or 60/40. There are many more male CM profiles than female ones, but once you remove the men who are just looking for interactive porn, I think there are more women searching than men searching. This is especially true if we limit it to single women looking for monogamous relationships, and single men looking for monogamous relationships.

Also, a lot of guys on the site don't have professional jobs. And a lot of the ones who do are looking for a slender, young sex slave. This may not be very "nice" of me to say, but I think that if your goal is a long-term monogamous relationship with a dominant man who has a job that has at least as much standing as your own, then the #1 thing you could do would be a ton of cardio and weight training. You don't need to turn into a size six; all you need is photos where you appear vibrant and healthy. Glowing with the sweat of victory.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Galvestonnurse)

Post #: 8

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/16/2013 5:53:31 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Welcome Galveston-
You've got it goin' on so don't worry; it'll happen in time. As with anything in life, just sift through the wheat and blow the chaff away. There's absolutely no reason for you to settle for less than what you desire, but it's a mighty mountain of grain there. Be patient and don't waiver from your values. Best of luck! I look forward to reading your posts.

(in reply to Galvestonnurse)

Post #: 9

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/16/2013 7:36:47 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

why do people think meeting someone on a bdsm site is easier than anywhere else? I mean, it usually takes people years to meet someone in real life who complements them. Why would a bdsm site be any different? You don't just sign up **poof** you've found someone. It doesn't work that way.....unless anyone or anything will do.

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Everything has changed

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Post #: 10

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/16/2013 8:48:16 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The other thing is that you aren't reading profiles of local guys in the age group you prefer, and writing to the ones whose profiles attract you. You're sitting there on the shelf waiting for someone to pick you.

Read profiles, if people say something that attracts you, or have pictures you like, write them and tell them why. Comment on specific stuff. Don't just say hi and hope they can think of a topic for conversation.

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(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 11

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/16/2013 9:33:26 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

DES is right. I think you have a better chance by approaching someone than of waiting. I find the ones who send out emails are often (not always though ) men who are massively emailing hoping for a response. The odds on here are pretty good that if you approach a male he will probably respond.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/17/2013 11:52:08 AM

AIPAIN

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/5/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

DES is right. I think you have a better chance by approaching someone than of waiting. I find the ones who send out emails are often (not always though ) men who are massively emailing hoping for a response. The odds on here are pretty good that if you approach a male he will probably respond.

E/everyone that has responded is hitting the nail on the head! Not only do I have an account/ad here but also ALT, OKCupid, Fetlif, and a few other none BDSM sites. I'm one prickly assed frog. But I also have the right to be so. I do mass emails at times *Thank God for Word* copy and paste. Every now and then I run into one that I will type from the "Heart". Giving in is not an option if Y/your seriously looking for S/someone to be with. Yeah its hard at times, but so is life. Y/you have to chin up, chest out, and step on toes if Y/you have to. But don't put Y/your heart into it, for then Y/you will become broken with despair.

Hope you find what you seek.. I carry on with My search.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 13

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/17/2013 12:03:34 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

OP, believe me it is not you, although I would tone down the insecurity about your weight in the profile. Be confident and don't listen to the poster who told you in order to meet someone you need to do cardio and weight training. That is his personal preference and prejudice.

It is not easy to meet a compatible man, I have been searching a long time and you simply cannot rely solely online. Most men online on sites like this are selfishly looking for fetish delivery systems, not serious relationships.

So stay strong, positive, confident and have low expectations of all online interactions on all sites. You are smart enough to weed out the bad ones.

(in reply to AIPAIN)

Post #: 14

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/17/2013 6:58:51 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

At this point, online dating is well-studied, by both psychologists and economists, and preferences are well understood. Also, they aren't surprising. Women prefer men who are tall and wealthy. Maybe a bit surprising, women prefer men who are slightly overweight. Men, on the other hand, prefer women who are slightly underweight and are shorter than they are, or at least not much taller.

There are, of course, individuals with different preferences, but the ones I wrote are by far the most common.

Also worth mentioning, when men ask for dating advice, I encourage them to go the gym also. It just makes good sense, regardless of one's gender, or sexual orientation.

But the most significant point isn't how your body looks, but rather what your relationship with your body is. OP, if you're still around, I think the day after you break through whatever is making it difficult for you to lose weight, that's the same day men will stop you on the street and ask for your phone number. An uncontradicted mind is extremely attractive.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 15

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/20/2013 11:02:01 AM

MercTech

Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

I could be facetious and say Galvestonnurse is having trouble making a personal connection because Texas is so big and spread out. <evil grin>

Actually, the experience with messaging and CM sounds about average to me.

You see something that catches your interest so you send a message.
You message back and forth a bit.
Then:
There isn't that much in common
The distance is too daunting
Real life takes up your time
Something about the person strike you as "fruit-loop, run for the hills"
And the conversation wanes and dies away.

Some people you end up messaging back and forth with for years with little intent of meeting in person. A shared interests thing.
Some you meet in person and know it won't work out as more than acquaintances.

I've seen some people on the chats that say if you aren't meeting in person within two weeks of initial contact they aren't worth your time. Meh, I'm looking for interesting conversation and that is all I expect from the internet. No rush to collar. Not enamored with "being in a relationship" as opposed to being enamored of a particular person.

Sometimes, though, serendipity sends along someone with enough shared interests and a desire to take things further.... have toy bag, will travel.

Stefan

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 16

RE: Texas here - why is it so hard to make a personal c... - 11/20/2013 12:05:21 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

I agree with the others on your profile. The only thing I can find wrong is your not looking for a female and you live to far away. But I guess I will have to deal with that on my own. After all I got over the fact that Lady P didn't mean Detroit when she said she moved north. If it were me, I would look for a local group and try to find someone that way. If the person is worth having they are worth taking the time to find the right one.

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(in reply to Galvestonnurse)

Post #: 17

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