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MasterCaneman -> RE: How can you tell a good Dom from a bad one? (11/18/2013 8:51:59 AM)
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Sunglasses in a profile pic are always a good sign. [;)] Seriously, though, I'll echo what others said about the normal rules applying here. He'll be a guy who doesn't lead with his kinks, doesn't expect instant obedience on the first encounter, and gives you breathing room to make your decisions would be a good start.
I'm operating at a disadvantage here, because when I first started doing this kind of thing, the Internet was still the domain of the googly-eyed ones I used to stuff into lockers in school. I had to do this the hard way and actually meet my partners the old-fashioned way: face to face. Now, you're faced with wondering if the Domly-Dom you've been messaging is actually real and not some snot-nosed kid with good typing skills trolling for wank material.
When you're chatting online with someone who interests you, do some homework on the side. If a man says he's from city "X", use the internet to learn a little something about that place. Not just the obvious, try to find some obscure fact about where he hails from that only a local would know. A good way of doing this is to hit that place's newspaper website for current local news and events. The same goes for his 'vanilla' interests. Get to know about the ones you're not familiar with and ask questions. And if you're conversing with someone who doesn't like you asking questions like this, it's a red flag.
Above all else, ask direct questions about his current relationship status. There's a million doms on the other side who're cruising the profiles looking for some 'strange'. If he seems to be in a hurry to jump into this, has severe time restrictions (aside from expected things like during work hours), or issues ultimatums for certain things, its another red flag. In the same vein, a D-type who claims to work 9-5 yet still manages to send long messages or chat during those hours is either screwing off at his job or doesn't have one.
And yes, ask him what his work schedule is, or if there even is one. In a regular relationship, neither party would force the other to risk their income just to satisfy the other's need to communicate, save in an emergency. If he claims to the 'boss' or 'owner' of his company, use that as leverage. Business owners love to talk about their babies, as it were. Even if he doesn't want to openly state his company's name, if you ask what it is he does, the real deal will tell you, albeit in ambiguous terms. You do have to respect that, because if it doesn't work out, he probably wouldn't want to deal with a disgruntled fling harassing him later, so be careful with that approach. Tangential questions should be reasonable here.
Lastly, ask this question of him: why are you here looking for a new partner? Is it because of divorce, death, or some other reason why they're on the hunt, especially if they're in their thirties on up? A 'real' man will tell you in no uncertain terms why. The players will try to gloss over that, try to put all the blame on their previous partner, or give you a song-and-dance about why they don't want to discuss it. Again, it's the same as in vanilla relationships. When someone loses a partner to death, even in grief they'll tell you things you can verify with a little research. Divorce can be reasonably presumed to be a two-way street (in my book, anyway), and not necessarily a show-stopper.
And some men just haven't be able to make a lasting connection with another. Those are the ones to really watch out for, but again, there is no template you can apply. It may just be that they haven't found the 'right' one yet, or have needed more time than most to develop the inner maturity to have a lasting relationship. On the flip side, there are men who don't want to have a 'forever' kind of woman, but know how to make the correct noises to fool them for their own pleasures. This is one of those 'use your gut' situations.
I hope I didn't confuse you with my wall o' text, but it's what I feel is a decent and hopefully helpful answer to your problem.
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