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CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/17/2013 10:14:53 PM

BecomingV

Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline

I'd like to discuss the value of the message boards. I think that forums have existed since ancient &/or tribal times because the exchange of ideas is useful and necessary to existence. This part of community is not without its challenges, though.

Beyond the prescribed rules set by the site, what do you think is a useful way to communicate here, what are your wishes for how you would like to be treated when asking a question, admitting to confusion or relating an unpopular opinion?

There are complaints about "mob" energy, or use of "straw man" fallacies and ego-bashing. I've read here that some have a concern that these ways of relating may hinder community safety in that it may serve to silence the fearful, thereby fostering ignorance.

Under what circumstances do you use the "hide" button?

Many have posted that they have made true friends here. Some others say that they learned to think of things in a new way. Others say they have heard of things here that they would not have been privy to anywhere else.

What do you find to be of most value here?
Do you have a favorite anecdote on what you have learned from a thread?
What inspires you to respect the same poster, over time?

Your thoughts?

< Message edited by BecomingV -- 11/17/2013 10:16:00 PM >

_____________________________

Talk about loving travel!!! My BDSM journey to Switch took me to these places...
Previously known as:
sub - TwoHeartsBeatOne
Domme - Lady Q

Post #: 1

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/17/2013 11:04:20 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

What an interesting and evocative post.

First; beyond the forum rules, I'd like to see people familiarize themselves with debate. The part that I know would never fly is I'd like to see some sort of entity (person or people) that had the ability to prevent someone from posting to a thread where they have violated the rules of debate. Ex: once you erect a strawman, you're done on that thread. I'm not talking about a punative thing like violating TOS. I'm talking about making (at least some sections) more like a debating society.

I use the hide button very liberally (pun intended). Once someone has lied to or about me, said something completely farcicle or showed themself to be disingenuous or mean-spirited, they're toast, in my book. I regret this, at times because there are people who otherwise I enjoy sparring with but I don't have enough time in my life for the twat waffles and douche canoes that seem to dislike their own lives so much that they need to make everyone else as miserable as possible. I pity them but I have no time for them.

I think, what I find to be most valuable is the input that we can get from around the world and the different viewpoints.

There are only a few posters whose opinions I value and mostly, that goes back to what I said, before; people that can make an intelligent point without violating good debate rules. Unfortunately, there have been a couple whose opinions I valued but they, later, showed their true colors.

Thank you for an interesting topic.

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to BecomingV)

Post #: 2

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 12:56:37 AM

BecomingV

Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline

DaddySatyr

I, too, use the "hide button" liberally. A mean-spirited poster, no matter on whom they direct their vitriol, repels me.

I prefer to focus on those whom add to my perspective through civil disagreement or on those whom relate alternative views.

The rules of debate tend to come with formal education, which not everyone has experienced. I think that anecdotal experience may inform me as much as academic research. Even scientific studies may be skewed to present certain outcomes, so I strive to stay open to points of view from all sources. My personal boundary is to not waste time, attention or emotion on those who display a pattern of meanness. (Everyone can have a bad day or react to something that hits home.) A second chance is a judgment call, for me.

As you wrote, this is an international forum, so vastly different perspectives are offered here. Sometimes, misunderstandings occur, whether in something as simple as spelling differences or in local meanings and connotations.

I wish more people would ask clarifying questions before jumping to criticism. As I wrote that, 3 posters jumped to mind because they have the habit of asking questions and I find them to be intelligent, kind and open. This is what inspires my respect. Even when we have held diametrically opposed positions, they continue to be held in high esteem.

To me, if I wanted constant agreement, I'd talk to myself! I value the forum for the chance to be challenged in my views. I also feel a sense of contribution when I offer my postings. It's an effort and that is enough for me.

Sometimes, political propaganda interferes with communication. As an American who has lived in other countries, I've found that some people assume things about me because of some cultural exposure they've had.

For instance, a recent post from a Brit said something like, "We mind our own business here." Well, if you ask India, for example, they may have more of an impression of Britain as an invading empire. But, I've lived in England and so I understood the accepting nature of the citizens there. The poster was not wrong, but I may have thought he was, had I not had the immersion in his society.

I do have a fondness for the message board posters, in general. I find their generosity and patience to be enriching.

Okay, here's a link for those who have interest in learning more about debate...

http://debate.uvm.edu/learndebate.html

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 3

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 2:33:44 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

I think that water finds it's own level. Some people enjoy slanging matches, other enjoy high-brow debate and well cited arguments. I don't believe that sites should be strictly regulated as to how people should communicate (beyond, of course, the preferences of the site owners who have discretion to try and steer the site in the direction they choose). Much like joining a real-life group, some people will come and find the style of discussion and board culture suits them, others will move on.

I do think that people should lurk a little while before joining in with discussion - not as a rule, more as a common sense thing. We frequently see people who come in with the online equivalent of 'please touch my dick!' as their first post. There are places on the internet where that's ok and accepted, but half an hour of reading threads would tell them that this isn't one of those places.

I understand the point about not making assumptions, but equally when a person starts their own discussion, they bear the responsibility for their own communication. If one person misunderstands you, it's probably them. If everyone misunderstands, you need to look at your own communication skills. Often we see people come to the boards and post questions which are (at best) unclear, which leave out big and important details, which are typed with no punctuation and/or in text speak, or that completely contradict their profile text. Of course people new to BDSM are going to have vague questions or things that are hard to express, but often people make no effort and then get cross when people reply based on the information before them. Human beings make judgments and assumptions - it's necessary to get through life. When all we have to judge someone on is a chunk of profile text, a couple of photos, and a message board post, then naturally some assumptions will have to be made for the sake of sensible discussion. If we have to quiz the OP to find out every pertinent detail before addressing the question, the discussion will fizzle out.

A key example: someone recently asked for advice for subs on safety when meeting doms. Some people gave advice, others expressed concern that he wasn't the right person to write the book if he had to ask. He later mentioned that he was writing a book aimed at westerners living in Saudi Arabia (I think? I can't find the original post) and was indignant that people made assumptions about him. That's just bad communication. There was no way people could answer his question correctly without that information. This is just one example; a common theme is that people come in with questions on the themes of 'where can I get a bit on the side?' and 'why isn't anyone having sex with me?' and then get angry that no one magically guessed their extenuating circumstances.

My personal code is to try and give people the benefit of the doubt, and to try and be the bigger person. If someone sounds confused because they are new and are struggling even to formulate the question they need to ask, I try to be patient and helpful. On the other hand, when people come in and make deliberately obtuse statements, or react to very minor disagreements personally, or make no effort in their communication, I don't feel I have any responsibility to make their stay here more pleasant. I try hard not to get drawn into petty squabbles (I'm not perfect at that) or to go overboard with pointing out the flaws in their posts because I try to remind myself that people can see it for themselves, without my help. Never wrestle a pig, as they say.

I don't use the hide button. There are several people I have seriously considered hiding, but I prefer to see the whole discussion and not an edited version. I do give more weight to certain posters that others, based on past behaviour.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to BecomingV)

Post #: 4

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 3:12:11 AM

BecomingV

Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline

AthenaSurrenders - You are actually one of the 3 posters (who came to mind in post #3 here) who ask clarifying questions without rushing to judgment. I've read enough of your posts to give your views some thought.

I completely agree that before beginning a thread or posting for the first time, that reading for a while may prepare someone for the experience.

Oh, and I think the post you refer to was from the UAE - United Arab Emirates.

< Message edited by BecomingV -- 11/18/2013 3:16:07 AM >

_____________________________

Talk about loving travel!!! My BDSM journey to Switch took me to these places...
Previously known as:
sub - TwoHeartsBeatOne
Domme - Lady Q

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 5

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 3:37:24 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

Thanks, I couldn't find the thread again, but I knew it was a country where the legal and cultural differences meant the consequences for perceived sexual impropriety were extremely serious and very different from USA and UK.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to BecomingV)

Post #: 6

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 4:25:34 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I met my ex of four years here, I met my husband here and I have met two long term subs here. I have also met four amazing people who sadly are no longer using this site.

There’s a lot of one up-man-ship on most forum groups and if you are going to get into forum discussions as condensed as BDSM and fetish, there’s bound to be a lot of rivalry.
Theres a lot of bullishness here and some of that bullishness is well written, articulate stuff. Some of the warriors here are as brutal with their words as any soldier in combat is with their gun. I don’t enjoy watching someone being intimidated and ripped apart, unless of course its well deserved. I don’t however believe these sort of attacks to be personal. They just see a target, aim and fire. What does embarrass me is the ‘Me-Too’ group who back up this persons every word. ‘Me-Toos’ are power givers who never engage in single combat and only support other members who are popular and well liked.

I love an intelligent discussion, something I can really get my teeth into. The ‘agony aunt’ section isn’t a place I frequent very often but when I do, I often find myself dueling with someone over trivialities. If I’m going to get into a squabble, I want it to be something worth squabbling about! I get bored very easily!

You don’t have to do much round here to be hated by certain posters! You may of quoted and questioned one of their posts or you may of called them out on their bullshit at some point. You probably in fact, won’t even remember what started it but you can be sure that this person is patiently laying in wait, waiting for your trip up so they can pounce on you with their mighty sword!! They are easy to sniff out and probably better to put on ignore because vaporizing someone like that will help to keep posts more on topic.

What do you find to be of most value here?
Do you have a favorite anecdote on what you have learned from a thread?
What inspires you to respect the same poster, over time?

The forums. I use other BDSM and fetish sites but by far, I think this site is very easy to follow (in the forum sense). Its easy to see where you posted, its easy to quote. I guess its simpleness and its stubbornness to change (people like familiarity) is what has kept me coming back.

I don't have an anecdote that comes to mind but I've read many on here.

The posters I respect the most are those who have the ability to remain calm when all around is chaos. A good poster offers genuine words of wisdom, doesn't feel the need to show off, be popular or win every debate. Someone who debates well, is someone who can gracefully bow down to someone else's better knowledge. I can think of a few here.
I read very few long posts, though I'm guilty of writing fairly lengthy posts myself. I do however, always read Athenas posts in full because she's such a sensible person and what she writes comes from the heart without the influence of other posters.

_____________________________

My store is http://e-stimstore.com

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 7

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 5:19:25 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I put people on ignore when I get pissed off reading their posts. Not too many do that. One transphobe, a couple of wacko conservatives (although there are one or two wacko liberals that are getting close), and one guy who's a misogynistic whiner.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 8

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 5:50:02 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

I don't use the hide button on this side of the site.
I probably should, but meh..

I think a good debate is healthy, IF both sides are actually open minded
and up to listen and give opinions.
I think I become "done" with a person once I see
they have lost reason, saying things that are untrue,
Or are just arguing for the fact of arguing. To Me, those traits
hinder ones ability to learn.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 5:56:08 AM

BecomingV

Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline

Okay, I'd started this thread in Health and Safety for a few reasons. I was addressing the idea that civility, or lack thereof, sets a tone which either fosters open communication, or stifles it. I titled it Social Civility and Responsibility for the same reason.

In BSDM, open communication is vital. Perhaps most so for newbies, coming here to ask "dumb" questions may be the only social interaction they have with other community members. I'm mindful that there are many more reading these boards than are posting.

I also thought it would be a good place for others to post why they keep coming back despite the failings of the forum. There is much to enjoy here, I think.

And, I wondered if anyone else felt a sense of responsibility for the way they create the environment here, one post at a time, whether that be positive or negative.

But, "Off-Topic" works, too. :) The posts so far have been interesting and I look forward to reading more.

_____________________________

Talk about loving travel!!! My BDSM journey to Switch took me to these places...
Previously known as:
sub - TwoHeartsBeatOne
Domme - Lady Q

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 10

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 5:58:59 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

On the plus side, off-topic is a much higher traffic forum so you'll probably get more input here.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to BecomingV)

Post #: 11

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 6:01:04 AM

jlf1961

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline

Of course some of us (notes arrow pointing at my head) arent too civil in real life. I mean I am 52 years old, I have earned the right to be a crotchety old geezer.

Seriously though, if I get to the point where someone annoys me, I put em on ignore.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 12

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 6:01:06 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

Yea, this is a better spot. I'm interested to read others responses.
I've always felt the only dumb question is the one not asked. So I'd never bash a newbie
for the question asked. I would however have issue if they act like a jackass while
doing it.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 13

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 6:10:52 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: BecomingV

I'd like to discuss the value of the message boards. ...(snip) Beyond the prescribed rules set by the site, what do you think is a useful way to communicate here, what are your wishes for how you would like to be treated (snip)

Benefit of the doubt. Considering that so much is lost in written form, giving people the benefit of the doubt is important. I will occasionally have an emotional reaction to something someone says, and I need to take a step back and wait and see what it's about. I generally presume there is a misunderstanding rather than an ugly intent.

There are complaints about "mob" energy, or use of "straw man" fallacies and ego-bashing. (snip)

I sometimes find myself deliberately trying to see "the other side of things" when a lot of people are in agreement about something I think is complex.

I rarely talk about my personal life, and when something serious happens to someone from here, I will generally not post in a thread and will send a private note instead. Just my way. I expect there are people here who think I'm insensitive because they don't see me writing the condolences and such on the boards, but I don't care. Condolences are private (generally speaking) in my world. I treat them as such.

How do I want to be treated? I want people to tell me flat out what they think. No calling a spade a dirty shovel.

I will say that awhile back, I was one of the first who caught on about a person "playing" us here. I spoke up in a roundabout way. People that I know in real life - who had not yet caught on to the scam - slammed me here on the boards. That seriously injured my relationship with them. You don't slam your friends in public. I have not trusted those people since. I think they bought into the "mob mentality" which is a shame. They thought I was being insensitive. They called me on it. Again, to me that is a private thing. On the other hand, when I was being stalked and some inappropriate and untrue things were said about me, a number of posters here rallied in my defense. The mods were amazingly supportive and took action immediately. I was able to do what I needed to do in my real life to make sure I was safe as well. I am deeply grateful for that experience and for the mods - particularly VAA.

Under what circumstances do you use the "hide" button?

Rarely. And usually only with trolls. I generally think that I can get some wisdom from most folks. Almost no one is so ugly that I would not see their good. And of course my stalker. She's on hide although she rarely comes around since I left the country.

Many have posted that they have made true friends here. Some others say that they learned to think of things in a new way. Others say they have heard of things here that they would not have been privy to anywhere else. What do you find to be of most value here?

I've met some amazing and wonderful people here. I call them Friends (and not of the Quaker variety).

Do you have a favorite anecdote on what you have learned from a thread?
One of my favorites was the thread that Angelika started in which i gave my book club analogy. I loved how everyone rallied and turned a negative into a positive. And of course I love the Sunny Quotes of the Day.

What inspires you to respect the same poster, over time?
Fair mindedness. Clarity. Liberal use of the delete button. (as in editing responses and paring them down)

Your thoughts?
It's late. I should be asleep! Thanks for the interesting questions

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to BecomingV)

Post #: 14

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 8:11:31 AM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
Status: offline

I like these boards. I stay out of the politics and religion section because I know that I could argue on subjects in there until the cows come home, and it's not what I want to do. I do like debating though, or even a well matched argument where both sides are putting points over without one resorting to being petty and childish because they can't stand their corner. I may not agree with the person still in the end, I may not budge on my own views, nor they on theirs, but we may still both learn something from what has been discussed. I may not agree with a person in one particular thread, but that doesn't mean I dislike the person, or would carry over any angst from one thread to another. sadly I think some people do that and it shows which spoils further threads for others.

there are long standing members here, and since I've been here I've sat and read their posts while finding myself thinking 'yes I agree with that' 'oooo I just learnt something there' or 'umm I think you're being a bit of a twat there actually' about any given one of them at any time depending on the subject. that's because that's how we all are in every day real life. just as i'd look at some of my r/l friends and think 'really? you're being an arse' or likewise 'I agree with my friend, and actually you are being an arse right now'. i'm sure plenty do exactly the same with me too.

I don't use the hide button on this side as a rule. there has been one exception to that rule, and only because that person made such a commotion in the forums every time they came here. they were from the UK and tried to drag me into an argument of theirs that I wanted no part of. they also started pming me on the other side too. the problem was that most of the time I didn't have a bloody clue what they were banging on about, but it all just caused trouble. that made me block them. other than that I see no point because I just gloss over what people have posted if I don't want to read it. it's the same as when someone is debating in a thread, if i'm not involved, and don't want to be I ignore it and move to the part I want to read.

I do think that new members should not be allowed to post in the forum for five days, but should be allowed to read and use the search function. that way they may not post all the repeated drivel about scammers, fakes and fin doms and so on. either that, or as I said in another thread; they should be made to click yes on a page that asks them if they have read the rules, and know how to use the search feature. should they continue to post in such a fashion that shows they didn't, or chose to ignore it then the mods should let us have them as toys to play with as we will. it's only fair after all.

I like posting here generally because I can do so as an adult without watching my p's and q's because of underage people being there too. it's such a shame that some choose to come here and act like they are underage though.

bdsm is a tangled web we weave. step on a thread and you have to realise that some of the spiders here bite pretty fucking hard. don't want to deal with the poison? don't bait the spiders. and that's coming from an arachnophobe.

needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 15

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 8:22:09 AM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
Status: offline

forgot to say that while I haven't met anyone from the site, other than my playmate (whom I was already seeing when we joined), I have had support from some lovely people here. I've had unexpected pm's wishing me well, checking in with me, offering advice, sending thoughts of healing and strength, prayers, all sorts of stuff from the guys in the forums. some of the people in my real life with my phone number, know where I live, or are on my facebook can't even be arsed to do that. I don't think you have to meet people in person for those people to mean something to you.

there are regulars here that I miss when they haven't posted for a while. there are some that have left that I wish would come back too. that has to tell you something about the people here because I have to tell you that I am not a people person.

needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to needlesandpins)

Post #: 16

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 8:45:05 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV
Beyond the prescribed rules set by the site, what do you think is a useful way to communicate here, what are your wishes for how you would like to be treated when asking a question, admitting to confusion or relating an unpopular opinion?

I try to post things that are impossible to argue with -- or, if someone tries, they are going to look silly. So either anecdotes from my personal experience, or positions that can be supported by expert sources. I think that's good practice for anybody. Then we're all sharing information and different life experiences, instead of trying to be bigger by making someone else smaller.

That said, I think it's helpful to the community to call someone out on their shit, if they say something that is incorrect, especially if they dress it up as "advice for new people."

I don't hide anybody. I just skip past their posts if I don't want to read them.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to BecomingV)

Post #: 17

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 8:54:37 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm here to enjoy myself. Anyone who consistently ruins that experience, bigots of any kind, get put on ignore.

If you're going to be here, you have to accept that other people will do what they want, you can't control them.
You also have to be okay being told that you've said something stupid. Because on occasion, you will.
More importantly, you need to understand the difference being told that what you said was stupid vs you are stupid. Because they aren't both personal attacks. If you're going to assume any disagreement is a personal attack, then you don't belong online.

Plus you need to understand that we aren't mind readers. We go on what you say. And our default is to give blunt advice. Unless you specifically state you're just ranting, or you're fragile today and need sympathy, you won't get that.
Basically, talking to us is like talking to your mother, you will get told what you're doing wrong and what we think you should do instead. And just like your mother doesn't do that to be mean, but in hopes of improving your situation, so do we. Unless you're deserve otherwise. Like the guy in the UAE wanting to make himself into a big shot without caring that his advice will result in people being badly mistreated by the government. Or the guy who wants to know how to go shopping so that all the clerks will make fun of him.

One other thing, there are cultural differences. I'm a New Yorker, I speak fluent sarcasm. It's my default and here it's not rude to respond sarcastically, it's just good clean fun when talking. Do not assume everyone else has the same cultural background you do. Because we don't and we aren't going to all adopt yours.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 11/18/2013 8:56:55 AM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to needlesandpins)

Post #: 18

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 9:44:54 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

I still consider myself a newbie here, as I haven't been on quite a year yet. I've only hidden one person here and blocked on on the other side because they simply sucked the life out of me with their words. That said, I've made some mistakes, said things I wouldn't say face-to-face with someone, and 'pigpiled' on a couple of hapless newcomers who led with a so-called 'stupid' question. For that, I do feel some shame. Not everyone can formulate a question the 'right' way, because there is no 'right' way, just the way they perceive it.

"...I do think that new members should not be allowed to post in the forum for five days, but should be allowed to read and use the search function... I agree with that one wholeheartedly, even if it is not really possible for the site operators to do. If it was possible, I may have not started what I consider a 'stupid' thread about dungeon envy that resulted in a couple of Cmails that almost made me flounce out of here. And I'm with desFip on being on here to enjoy myself.

Unfortunately, I am a bit of a sadist in real life, and that tends to come out here when I'm in communication with people who share my predilections. It was why I elected to join this site, to reconnect with something I'd left behind years ago. I like to hurt people, even if it's just a verbal zinger delivered at just the right moment. It's part of what makes me 'me'.

I still consider myself and carry myself as a 'nice' guy, but my sadism is always in the background no matter how empathetic I'm trying to be in responding to something. Thus, you folks are occasionally forced to endure some of my snarky, off-topic postings in some heavy threads. It's an extension of my darker nature that tends to come out when I'm here. But I do try to adhere to common-core principles of ethical behavior because I don't want to become a pariah here, either. And I do try to look at something through another person's eyes as much as possible. I firmly believe in treating others as I wish to be treated myself.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to needlesandpins)

Post #: 19

RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility - 11/18/2013 2:06:09 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV

. . .what are your wishes for how you would like to be treated when asking a question, admitting to confusion or relating an unpopular opinion?

I like blunt and direct responses that show a desire to actually communicate.

quote:

Under what circumstances do you use the "hide" button?

I rarely use the hide button.

quote:

What do you find to be of most value here?

This is the only BDSM forum I know of where open discourse and debate over a wide range of subjects with a wide variety of people occurs. I don't include Fet b/c it's too a hard to find an active topic, and there are far too many groups were the mods boot those they don't agree with.

quote:

Do you have a favorite anecdote on what you have learned from a thread?

I do. A few months back I started a thread on cheaters. The responses I received really made me think about why *my* viewpoint is so judgmental.

quote:

What inspires you to respect the same poster, over time?

I respect and read most of the regular posters (except for those in P&R and the Gorean forums). There are quite a few I often disagree with, but those tend to be the ones who provide most of the introspection.

_____________________________

(in reply to BecomingV)

Post #: 20

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