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pleasurchamloen -> Fools, Fears and Fevers (7/3/2006 2:39:42 PM)
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Hello All,
A confused and spaced sub seeks any advice, tips, direction, enlightening anecdotes,guidence, articulated musings. A brief prelude to my inquery
After a reintroduction into the local scene after a 5 yr hiatus I have scened w/one person in paticular on several occasions. I was attratced orignally by her looks and ask her to play one evening. at a party without knowing really anything about her. I did know she was a trusted member of the local scene and has been for a whileS,S,C.In discussions her pleasure is Sadism,(likes to play rough.) pure and simple.(I have always had the inate ability to pick out the sadist in every crowd)
We did discuss what sensations i liked/disliked.I hinted at my maschositic tendencies. All the proper negotion topics were covered.I believe my self to be a masochist but offering that in discussion is sometimes taken as a challenge by the other party.
The first time we scened was short,and calculated, the getting to know the subs body and the new flesh introduction.The anticipation of what to come was nerveracking and enthralling all at the same time.We had discussed punching,kicking,knives and marks.None of these items are hard limits for me and my body is always craving unfamiluar stimulus. I wont bore you with the obvious mechanics of the scene but share my feelings in retrospect. It was a rough,deviously orchestrated,bruising scene with a stranger.I had not coded through the scene and was shocked at my bodys willingness to surrender and partake the dark fruit.And to think she was taking baby steps.I think i saw a gleam in her eye when she had finished with me
The second time we scened I am still unable to describe. Her ability to dispense sadism took me somewhere I have never been before ,it surpassed subspace and all the standard chiches dealing with this. Days later the effects are still lingering,and have dumped alot of new and raw emotions on my lap. Self doubt,venerability,fear,amazement,longing,hesitation,desire,confusion.lonleyness.My inhibitions and flesh so willingly relenquishes their energy under her touch.(reaches for neck to sadly realize there is no collar)I acknowledge whole heartedly that this is a choice and journey through ones own psyche.
I am having a hard time proscessing this and getting my mind around it. My questions are these...
1.Do fools rush in ? Is it normal to gravitate, yearn to offer your gifts willingly to one that has taken you where you have never been before although they are still mostly unfamiluar.
My logics says slow down and see where this goes,yet everything else has already puchased a 1 way ticket to the manor on bended knees.I have never been very patient,submission teaches me patience is vital
Has anyone else experienced this or something simular that they would share. Should I share these thoughts with her? At the risk of scaring her off or sounding needy? Honesty is critical but am fearful of the percieved reaction .I have seen her only trice. Is this too much too soon. Is it the lack of stimuli in my absence clouding my judgement at the present. Will others take me there? or further? I am fearful how easily I accepted and desired the brutality,craved it days later.What is in store for our(or even the possibility of ) third paytime is unknown. Where does a inquesitive,confused submissive get answers to these questions.I know that many of these will have to be addressed internally,chewed over for a while and filed in their approiate places I would be grateful foer any insight
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