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Where do I start - 11/26/2013 4:06:43 PM

noone2u68

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New to it all, help getting started needed. Where and how do I learn how to serve properly?

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 4:14:27 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: noone2u68

New to it all, help getting started needed. Where and how do I learn how to serve properly?

You might want to read this.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3057130/tm.htm

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 4:20:06 PM

kiwisub12

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The first thing you need to do is decide what you mean by "serve".
Read everything you can lay your hands on about what you want to do.

I have to admit - when I hear that someone wants to serve, I think of a butler, and I really doubt that is what you want.

When I found this stuff, I knew that it turned me on something fierce, so set out and found myself someone who could take care of that need. Because I am submissive and masochistic, I found a sadistic dominant - and we got on like peas and carrots. It was perfect!
The thing is, you need a relationship, and then incorporate your kink.

In the eight-odd years I've been doing this, I have had a sadistic dominant, and a sadist. They were/are completely different as men and kink delivery systems. Neither play alike and what I get from them is completely different and absolutely wonderful. So, don't put yourself in a very narrow kink. You may find that there is more than one way to scratch your itch.

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 4:21:20 PM

TieMeInKnottss

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There is an excellent book list at the top of this forum. Since you have expressed an interest in slave training, maybe start with
"Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training"

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 4:23:01 PM

noone2u68

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@RedMagic1
Thank you for the link, I will do a search but it didn't really answer my question.
I am sure you get asked the same questions by every newbie that comes here. Would just be nice to get unique answers.
Again thank you for the link

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 4:31:10 PM

noone2u68

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@kiwisub12
Thank you for your reply, by serve I do mean in as many ways as possible, untouched clay if you will.

@TieMeInKnotts
Thank you for pointing me toward is toward the book list and recommending a book!

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 4:41:19 PM

littlewonder

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Simple

Obey

Do as you are told. Yes, it is that simple.

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 4:47:12 PM

noone2u68

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@littlewonder
Sounds simple enough but I doubt it really is that simple, learning, training, serving has to be more complicated than merely obeying.

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 4:52:14 PM

littlewonder

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why?

I mean what is it you think you need to learn? How hard is it to just do what your Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme tells you? Why does there have to be more to it? Unless that's what you and your partner want. But otherwise, no it's not harder than that except for what you think in your fantasies.

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 4:53:37 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: noone2u68

@littlewonder
Sounds simple enough but I doubt it really is that simple, learning, training, serving has to be more complicated than merely obeying.

If you think "merely obeying" isn't sometimes very complicated, you're mistaken. But, she's right.

Training is BS unless you're learning a skill like being a butler, a chef or a masseuse.

Learning is simply about paying attention to what your dominant likes.

Serving is using obedience and what you've learned about the person you're with to be proactive.

It really is as simple as paying attention and obeying. The rest falls into place.

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 5:07:34 PM

noone2u68

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: noone2u68

@littlewonder
Sounds simple enough but I doubt it really is that simple, learning, training, serving has to be more complicated than merely obeying.

If you think "merely obeying" isn't sometimes very complicated, you're mistaken. But, she's right.

Training is BS unless you're learning a skill like being a butler, a chef or a masseuse.

Training is just a word that gets thrown around like a lot of others but I would imagine that learning to serve a Dominant would be a little like training for any other job. Listening, paying attention, learning, doing, making mistakes, learning to do it correctly is training is it not?

Since I don't have a Dominant and have not had one I am just looking for advice on where to get started, what to learn, how to present myself in the best way to attract a Dominant.

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 5:18:40 PM

littlewonder

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It's like any other relationship. Get to know each other. Learn what he/she wants. There is no such thing as "training" unless you're into the whole formal training thing. Otherwise, wait until you have a partner and find out what he or she wants. What one wants doesn't mean that's what another wants.

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 5:48:51 PM

LadyAnne68

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Here's an example:
Some Masters want slaves to assume certain kneeling positions at certain times (belly, inspection, tower, submission, etc.) What I want, when I tell my slave to kneel when they speak to me, is simply on his knees. I don't care if his knees are together or spread, his toes are extended or tucked under. He just has to be lower than I am with at least one knee touching the floor.

Another example:
Some Masters require their slaves to use 3rd person pronouns in referring to themselves to reinforce their objectification. My slave may use 1st person pronouns when he speaks to me. He should own his thoughts, questions, and ideas.

No amount of training somewhere else, by somebody else will prepare a slave for ME. I would probably have to undo some of the training.

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 5:51:48 PM

kalikshama

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I'm in my 6th BDSM relationship and each of them were very different. One used to have me say, "Thank you for taking my call" when he answered the phone, but this training was useless for subsequent relationships. They all liked their coffee differently (or not at all) as well. Half of them were non-sexual service relationships, with very different forms of service, and the three that involved sex were very very different.

What did create a good framework was four years in the USAF and three years as a volunteer, but since that's not available to everyone, the non-fiction in the booklist is a good place to start.

Also use fetlife to find BDSM groups and events in your area and after you've met organizers see about volunteering there. (Or volunteer at a soup kitchen, animal shelter, church, etc.)

******

I recommend you kill the first paragraph in your profile. It will do nothing to deter those types and will probably turn off your target demographic.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 11/26/2013 5:54:17 PM >

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 5:54:02 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
One used to have me say, "Thank you for taking my call" when he answered the phone,

Heh. Sometimes people are exes for a reason.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 5:57:49 PM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: noone2u68

Training is just a word that gets thrown around like a lot of others but I would imagine that learning to serve a Dominant would be a little like training for any other job. Listening, paying attention, learning, doing, making mistakes, learning to do it correctly is training is it not?

Since I don't have a Dominant and have not had one I am just looking for advice on where to get started, what to learn, how to present myself in the best way to attract a Dominant.

Find people to date, that's how relationships usually get started. It's not as complicated as you're making it out to be, this is at the heart of it, a person to person connection - so go find people you are compatible with and make a connection.

To me, training is the same type of thing. It will vary with each person and is really just learning to do what your partner would like you to do. Learning to be with someone in a pleasing way really isn't "training", it's getting to know someone enough to have a relationship with them. and working out how the two of you should run things.

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 5:58:18 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
One used to have me say, "Thank you for taking my call" when he answered the phone,

Heh. Sometimes people are exes for a reason.

While it's true that he was narcissistic, this ritual was actually kinda hot.

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 6:03:51 PM

LadyPact

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It's kind of hard to learn how to serve properly when you don't know who you are serving. For example, a leather chick like Me isn't going to be happy with someone who felt that serving should be laid back. (Speaking of which, a leather person like Me is also going to assume that you are already owned because of the collar on your neck. Other people will see it as a fashion statement.)

I'm also going to suggest that you have a look through the book list. At minimum, I'd suggest "The Bottoming Book" and "Screw the Roses (Send Me the Thorns) so that you can get some beginning understanding of what you'll run across in BDSM. If you are interested in formal/leather dynamics, a good reference for that is a book called "Protocols for the Leather Slave" by Dr Ruebel.

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RE: Where do I start - 11/26/2013 11:18:50 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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Just make yourself an awesome person, and then yes, when the time comes, obey.

Picture your perfect dominant. Write down those qualities.
Then use your imagination, and make a list of all the things that would make you appealing to that person.

Think: relationship skills, practical life skills, interesting hobbies

Think about your previous relationships. Why did they end? What was your fault in that? Did you overlook warning signs, or not spend enough time on your partner, or refuse to compromise? Work on your own issues, whatever they may be.
Be fascinating. Cultivate hobbies and interests. Join clubs, try new things, read widely. Form opinions.
Be useful. To me, serving means to make someone's life a little easier and more comfortable. Develop skills that help with that. Cooking, gardening, auto repair, carpentry, playing music - anything.
Talk to lots of people who live in D/s dynamics to make sure you have reasonable expectations. Don't overdo the porn.

The rest comes down to the dynamic with your partner. Obedience is simple, but not always easy. It's not something you can practice without a partner. Yes, you will spend some time learning how he/she likes things, but that is so personal there's no meaningful way you can learn it until you meet the person you intend to submit to. It's a bit like saying 'I want a wife, so how do I be a husband?'

Edit: if those are self-harm marks you're showing in your profile, I'd also suggest working on that with a therapist to get yourself as healthy as possible before entering into a relationship.

< Message edited by AthenaSurrenders -- 11/26/2013 11:19:25 PM >

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