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RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/28/2013 12:34:29 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrictlySussex

quote:

Most people who frequent the forums have a good deal of real-life experience.


Just for info. I have recently changed my name so therefore have come back to CM as a vanilla noob on the forums, you only have my word for it but can assure you have been here for a long while but not under this name :)
Just thought I'd better clear that up as I do appreciate that only having a few posts under this belt does sometimes cause an issue.


How long you been here or how many posts is irrelevant from my perspective. What is relevant is the quality of the words stated in said posts. Of course the quality is of a subjective value and each person will take what they value. What they do with the rest is all over the map however.





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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to StrictlySussex)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/28/2013 1:03:00 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		[ED for pointlessness]

Second attempt...

So... since you're experienced, can you see how your OP may have irritated one or two people?

Can you see how someone might have got the impression that you were being a little bit "one true way"?

Or even... "Pompous"?



< Message edited by crazyml -- 11/28/2013 1:08:33 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/28/2013 1:05:47 PM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hi StrictlySussex, I don't have anything to say apart from welcome back whoever you are! and btw, the way you write is very familiar.

I enjoyed your profile (great pics!) and reading this post. I hope there will be many more.

All the best

Maria

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/28/2013 1:17:30 PM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline 		Sorry but I can't imagine anything more boring than D/s without sex.

If I wanted an asexual relationship with a lazy person who bossed me about, I'd have married my first boyfriend.

D/s for me *is always about sex*.

Spanking is about sex.

Pain is about sex.

Submission is about sex.

Power exchange is about sex.

The reason they are all about sex is because I do them because they turn me on. If it doesn't turn me on, I don't do it. I consider play to be incredibly sexual and intimate. If I have a partner who plays with another, I consider that cheating just as much as if he stuck his dick in her.

A Dom who expects me to submit without including any sort of sex? Er, you can keep on looking, ta, I'll stick with the Doms who fully understand that BDSM is allllll about the hotness.

(in reply to StrictlySussex)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/28/2013 1:32:48 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
What BDSM or S&M or fetish is about sex or orgasm varies from person to person. That's really what matters. Sex or no sex.

For me, I get a unique and amazing rush from topping that is absolutely different from sex, from foreplay, from orgasm, but it happens to also make me so wet that I have to change my panties. Whether or not I decide to flip my switch in my brain and turn that into a sexual encounter depends entirely on my emotional and intimate relationship with the man who made me excited. I can watch gay bondage porn for hours in glee. I can watch mainstream men get tied up (with femdom in the picture) in delight. I often fantasize about men in bondage/surrender distress with no femdom in the picture.

I like male helplessness. There doesn't have to always be a domina with a whip in the picture. Much to the dismay of many subs.

The sad reality is that many subs don't give a flying fuck about finding out what each individual femdom wants/needs, they just want to know if/where it aligns with their fetish so they can indulge as quickly and as intensely as possible with the least possible effort.

On this Thanksgiving, I give thanks for those subs who DO make the effort. You know who you are, you intuitive, mindreading, glorious bonbons!

Akasha

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(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/28/2013 8:37:08 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrictlySussex
Not married :) In a stable relationship with a Domme.


A distinction without a difference. You're in a relationship. You aren't available emotionally or physically.

All you are offering is a beat without the fuck.

That's like having cranberry sauce and stuffing without the turkey for most of us.
Yorkshire pudding without the roast beef, for you.

What are you offering that any woman would want? Unless she's also in a primary relationship with a nonsadist? You don't get it. We can get a guy to spank us and fuck us any night of the week. You aren't offering anything special that makes it worthwhile for her to agree.

Instead of thinking about what you want, try thinking about what you have to offer. Because that's what makes a relationship.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to StrictlySussex)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/28/2013 9:06:58 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Kink + sex; it's what's for dinner.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to shadowborn61)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/28/2013 9:07:54 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

Sorry but I can't imagine anything more boring than D/s without sex.

If I wanted an asexual relationship with a lazy person who bossed me about, I'd have married my first boyfriend.

D/s for me *is always about sex*.

Spanking is about sex.

Pain is about sex.

Submission is about sex.

Power exchange is about sex.

The reason they are all about sex is because I do them because they turn me on. If it doesn't turn me on, I don't do it. I consider play to be incredibly sexual and intimate. If I have a partner who plays with another, I consider that cheating just as much as if he stuck his dick in her.

A Dom who expects me to submit without including any sort of sex? Er, you can keep on looking, ta, I'll stick with the Doms who fully understand that BDSM is allllll about the hotness.



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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/28/2013 10:42:05 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrictlySussex

BDSM is not sex.

Thank god you came along and cleared that up for us all.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/29/2013 10:28:46 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		lol stef, and I have to agree. BDSM IS about sex - for me, AND my sweetie. So for us, it works well. We both get our happys in a mutually agreeable way.

D/s without sex is my first marriage - and I divorced that puppy a Lonnnggggggggg time ago.
I want sex, and pain and in a most happy way.

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/29/2013 6:37:18 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline 		Oh sex is fun, but even if we can't for whatever reason I am still His submissive. So no it is not all about sex.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/29/2013 6:49:03 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Here also. But if it were, it would be a lot more fun.

I want to be a sex slave instead of chief cook and bottle washer, personal secretary and so on.

Just lie on a cushion and do nothing until he wanted sex. Sounds like a great vacation to me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/29/2013 10:44:47 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline 		That reminds me of when I was pregnant with my now 8 year old. Our neighbor was the sheriff and his wife wanted to give the baby a dresser. My husband was over there to move it, he pulled out all the drawers and picked it up. I bent over to pick up one of the drawers and the sheriff's wife yelled at me to put that down. I rolled my eyes at her and carried on. She got all loud about me picking up drawers. It was rather warm and she offered us some iced tea when we were done. While we were sitting on the porch sipping the tea her husband got home and she told him to throw my ass in the jail since I was misbehaving and picking things up when I was pregnant. I clapped my hands and said oh yaaaay I get to lay around and watch TV. No kids demanding food, clean clothes or for me to entertain them. They both just stared at me for a second before he scowled and said I would make you do the laundry. I will never forget the look on his face when I got all happy at the vacation in jail.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/30/2013 2:15:28 AM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrictlySussex

Try it sometime. Try talking to a man / woman as a person. Try a conversation about kinky pursuits that does not start with “on your knees, suck this bitch.” That really is about as sexy as a wet kipper in Grimsby.

Spanking is not sex. Bondage is not sex. Humiliation is not sex. Power exchange is not sex.

BDSM is not sex.


The only issue I have with your post is that you seem to present it as "the way" rather than simply as "a way" that works for you. Personally, I agree with some of your points, but overall your basic position that BDSM isn't about sex doesn't work for me -- to be honest, my eyes glassed over with boredom during your little diatribe.

< Message edited by seekingreality -- 11/30/2013 2:20:22 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 11/30/2013 4:45:59 AM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		A lot of people are only into relationships. I always have been and I've always been submissive. There's nothing wrong with that at all. However I would not want a D/s relationship without sex. Random spanking with someone I don't know is simply for me dull pointless and I might as well be charging, not that I would.

(in reply to shadowborn61)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 12/4/2013 4:07:04 PM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		As someone who is into S&M, I 100% agree that BDSM is not sex. But I can see if people are not into S&M then maybe it is more about the sex.

For those of us here who are truly experienced in S&M - it is a separate and unique experience from sex. And those of you who claim to be into S&M and don't agree with that previous statement - all I can say is that you must not be doing it right if the only "fun" from S&M is the sex afterwards. I enjoy the endorphin rush from S&M - and that is something that has absolutely ZERO to do with sex.

Yes, all of my serious BDSM relationships have involved sex - but all of my serious relationships always do.

But all of the things I enjoy in the BDSM world do not require or need sex to be 100% enjoyable. Again this is my perspective as someone who enjoys S&M.

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to StrictlySussex)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 12/4/2013 4:43:21 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

As someone who is into S&M, I 100% agree that BDSM is not sex. But I can see if people are not into S&M then maybe it is more about the sex.

For those of us here who are truly experienced in S&M - it is a separate and unique experience from sex. And those of you who claim to be into S&M and don't agree with that previous statement - all I can say is that you must not be doing it right if the only "fun" from S&M is the sex afterwards. I enjoy the endorphin rush from S&M - and that is something that has absolutely ZERO to do with sex.

Yes, all of my serious BDSM relationships have involved sex - but all of my serious relationships always do.

But all of the things I enjoy in the BDSM world do not require or need sex to be 100% enjoyable. Again this is my perspective as someone who enjoys S&M.



Well glad you cleared that up for everyone.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 12/4/2013 4:56:59 PM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

As someone who is into S&M, I 100% agree that BDSM is not sex. But I can see if people are not into S&M then maybe it is more about the sex.

For those of us here who are truly experienced in S&M - it is a separate and unique experience from sex. And those of you who claim to be into S&M and don't agree with that previous statement - all I can say is that you must not be doing it right if the only "fun" from S&M is the sex afterwards. I enjoy the endorphin rush from S&M - and that is something that has absolutely ZERO to do with sex.

Yes, all of my serious BDSM relationships have involved sex - but all of my serious relationships always do.

But all of the things I enjoy in the BDSM world do not require or need sex to be 100% enjoyable. Again this is my perspective as someone who enjoys S&M.



Well glad you cleared that up for everyone.

I'm not sure why you need to be so hostile when I am simply describing my perspective - and I say that quite clearly in my post. I know many men who have S&M only encounters with pro-Dommes. Are you seriously going to tell me that that type of encounter is NOT BDSM? If such an encounter IS BDSM, then by definition BDSM is NOT sex. Perhaps you can clarify what you mean. I am not suggesting that people could not have the personal perspective that for them BDSM is only about sex. I am just saying that as a definitional matter "BDSM is not sex" is an entirely accurate statement. If not, please explain to me the above interaction that I describe. If that is not BDSM then what is it exactly, because maybe I am not understanding the full range of things that can fall within the BDSM umbrella. BDSM is not limited to sexual encounters. It can include sex BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO. Again, the endorphin rush from S&M is a separate sensation that people seek out completely separately from sex.

< Message edited by fucktoyprincess -- 12/4/2013 5:01:55 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 12/4/2013 6:47:29 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		What you fail to understand is your limited experience only gives you a narrow perspective. Is BSDM is sex... For some it is and some it isn't. I have been doing SM for a lot of years with a lot of different people and have found the pleasures people gain from SM can and does vary. I have flogged, caned and paddled my one girl multiple times where she has been orgasmic. Other times not so much. Interesting it's more of where her head is at than what I do. For myself it has never been a sexual experience even when the one I play is orgasming. I seldom have sex after SM but one of my girls wants it afterwards more times than not. For the most part I find sex clouds the pleasure I enjoy from SM experience. Though sometimes it adds to it.

What I am saying is your arrogance to claim others are doing it wrong is absolutely stupid and narrow minded.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Taking The Sex Out of D/s - 12/4/2013 11:16:48 PM   
Kitsuneboi


Posts: 40
Joined: 2/8/2004
From: Oceanside, CA
Status: offline 		Hiyya~ I'm gonna add my two cents in too. I think everyone has a different opinion about this, really any subject people will have their own thoughts or feelings, but they all will be different. So, just saying BDSM is not sex is sadly meaningless for it is sex to so many people. Its all a matter of circumstance and opinion, I believe. Person to person. Others will be fine with not having sex, just the act of tieing or being tied up is good enough. My lifestyle has BDSM not being sex and so far people are fine with that, but I could go either way. So there are also those who are like me, we don't really care where it leads, as long as we have fun. ^w^

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I don't care about what people think of me, I live the way I want to live.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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