Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Help............


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Help............ Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Help............ - 7/3/2006 6:23:56 PM   
plzblisterme


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline 		Okay here I go with a tough question (maybe tough just for me???) I am a switch, but, put two ads on this site. One a a sub. One as top. I would choose to go with just one if I could find the right woman. Am I wrong in doing this??? I am awfully confused on this issue. Recommendations?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Help............ - 7/3/2006 6:32:44 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		I wouldn't say you're wrong, but are you absolutely certain you could give up one facet of your personality in favor of the other?  Permanently?
 
Other than that concern, you have every right to advertise yourself in whatever manner you wish, as long as you're honest about who you are and what you seek.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to plzblisterme)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Help............ - 7/3/2006 6:36:39 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		My opinion, since you asked for it...
You should have one profile as a Switch.  Someone, along the way is going to catch on that you have two profiles, and even though you think you can justify that, it really looks like you are just looking for a relationship that will feed your particular fetish and you will seek it on either side of the whip.
I am not even sure you are a Switch...I honestly think, from your past thread a few months ago, that you are a fetishist, something of a kinky bottom. 
Just be honest.  I have no idea where your Dominant profile is, or how you present yourself on that one, but your submissive profile still sounds too much like a "do me" boy who is just into his own personal thing.
So think about it.  Are you a Dominant with a masochistic streak and you know how you want and need that satisfied?  Are you a submissive ready, willing and able to serve a Lady (completely and wholly), but you know yourself well enough to realize that you have a particular fetish that is very important to you?  Or do you feel Switchy?
Good luck...and welcome back to the boards.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 7/3/2006 6:40:13 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to plzblisterme)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Help............ - 7/3/2006 6:40:59 PM   
plzblisterme


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline 		A do me boy??? Well, as I have expressed in my profile: "I would like to learn how to serve a woman." Just because I have no idea how it does not make me a "do me boy!" However, that baing said, I do believe that even a lowly sub has the right to have his/her dreams come true, also.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Help............ - 7/3/2006 6:48:39 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Please re-read My post, which I was editing as you were responding, since I felt I should further clarify. 
Yes, we get tired of the "do me" boys, but don't take that so negatively.  It is obvious that you are trying to figure things out, and that is only a hint to you that your presentation may not be the wisest.  If you are trying to find out how to serve, say so.  Instead of focusing so strongly on your need to have your bottom blistered.  Blistering bottoms is not that hard for a Domina.  It is an easy fetsish to satisfy for most, providing that is not all you care about. 
What makes it hard is your seeming interest in only that.
And the fact that you are asking if it is okay to have two profiles, since you are confused is further indication that you might be "hedging your bets", so to speak.  If you can't get what you need one way, you are willing to try it on the other side?
Pick a position and try to stick with it.  Even if the position is Switch.  It gives you more credibility. 
Just trying to help you out here.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to plzblisterme)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Help............ - 7/3/2006 6:53:28 PM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 779
Status: offline 		You think slaves are lowly?

Correct me if i'm wrong, but arnt sub/slaves just as important in the equation as Dominants?


So if that being said is true, then are there lowly Dominants?



_____________________________

I am KarbonCopy's signature

(in reply to plzblisterme)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Help............ - 7/3/2006 6:59:25 PM   
plzblisterme


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you Goddess!!! I was a little hasty. Also, I noticed that my spelling could have been a helluva lot better!!! lol

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Help............ - 7/4/2006 10:11:57 AM   
MistressTheaZ


Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline 		Agree that you should maintain one profile as a switch as opposed to two separate profiles, (which can be misleading when a prospective interest finds this.) I know that when I received a reply from a sub male, and then found he had a Dominant profile as well, I tended to be suspicious of his motives towards submission.

Perhaps include Dominant, submissive and switch women in your 'actively seeking'? You can use the journal feature to share your thoughts and elaborate on how you feel and what you are looking for.

Indeed, I understand what you're saying about being happy to find a compatible playmate, regardless of her identity, but I do think it's more important to find someone you can freely experiment and grow with. There should be no surrendering of desires or interests for the sake of having a playmate; the right playmate will encourage these things and share them with you!

Best,

~Thea 

(in reply to plzblisterme)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Help............ - 7/4/2006 11:56:20 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressTheaZ
Agree that you should maintain one profile as a switch as opposed to two separate profiles, (which can be misleading when a prospective interest finds this.) I know that when I received a reply from a sub male, and then found he had a Dominant profile as well, I tended to be suspicious of his motives towards submission.

Perhaps include Dominant, submissive and switch women in your 'actively seeking'? You can use the journal feature to share your thoughts and elaborate on how you feel and what you are looking for.
~Thea 


I couldn't agree more.  I think the switch profile is the way to go for the reasons mentioned above.  Not only am I suspicious when a male presents himself to Me as a submissive or slave, then I go on to find a dominant profile from the same person, I actually remove him from further consideration. I do send him a letter clearly explaining why he is out of the running.  I state very strongly in My profile that I seek a submissive or a slave only, not a dominant or a switch, so I deeply resent finding a dominant profile from someone who applies to Me who has made no mention of his potential interest in the other side.  As part of "due diligence" in screening a sub or slave, I now routinely do searches on this and the other sites to make sure any applicant does not have a dom profile that he conveniently neglected to mention to Me.  You would be amazed at how many "hits" I have come across, too.
 
If you do choose to maintain the two profiles and reply to a Dominant or a submissive Woman (or she replies to you), I think you should at least be honest about your potential interest in the other side and the fact that you have the two profiles.  It is quite unnerving to come upon a profile that you don't expect to see with a side to a person you knew nothing about, and it smacks of deceit. 
 
The idea of including Dominant, switch, and submissive women in your activity seeking list, and have a journal entry explaining your thoughts, is a great idea to help prospects better understand where you are coming from so they can determine if the two of you would be a good fit. 
 
I think the main thing is to present your self honestly and to be as upfront as you can with potential partners.
 
Best wishes in your search.
 
Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 7/4/2006 12:14:58 PM >

(in reply to MistressTheaZ)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Help............ - 7/4/2006 4:38:40 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		To tell you the truth of it all... many times I have spoken with people who say they are switches when in fact they are simply either a dom or sub with topping or bottoming tendencies.

Maybe you need to really look deep down inside. When you dream of the ideal relationship... what is it? Often our fantasies or the kinky things we enjoy doing or have done do not reveal what our HEART tells us we are.

So ask you heart & pay attention to your dreams & then ask yourself this question...

How do I identify?

Not, as what role will I most likely find a mate? Personally I feel that is what is happening when anyone puts up a profile as both a dom & a sub.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 7/4/2006 4:42:43 PM >

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to plzblisterme)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Help............ - 7/4/2006 5:34:32 PM   
plzblisterme


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe, when all is said and done, I am more of a switch. It kind of scares me that I feel my choices, or the women that would be potentialy interested in me, goes down considerably.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Help............ - 7/4/2006 6:00:02 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: plzblisterme
Maybe, when all is said and done, I am more of a switch. It kind of scares me that I feel my choices, or the women that would be potentialy interested in me, goes down considerably.


Possibly, but I think it is better to fine-tune one's search to someone he or she would truly be happy with rather than go through a string of unfulfilling relationships.  This may mean a narrower pool of prospects, but it should work out better in the long run.
 
Good luck!
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to plzblisterme)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Help............ - 7/4/2006 6:03:21 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		{Fast Reply}

I don't have a problem with the idea of having more than one profile, to illustrate different facets of one's personality.  I've seriously considered making three for myself, one dominant, one submissive and one switch.  You get more readers that way.  If I were to do so, however, I would be quite honest about it, explaining the existance of the other profiles in each of them and giving the screen names.

(in reply to plzblisterme)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Help............ - 7/4/2006 6:17:52 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		(fast reply)

I have had a few polite exchanges with the OP

I asked him to search deeper than his apparent kinky desires... the acts that take place between us are not so much of what defines us... it is much more about how we respond to persons on a deeper mental level that defines our roles.

The problem isn't so much about multiple profiles as it is the difficulty in expressing himself when communicating with, in this case, a dominant. The questions I asked could have very well been asked by a submissive or even another switch but none of the replies gave any light as to the reality of this man & where his true heart is... in fact I feel the answers were staged so that they would be more appealing to me as a dominant rather than as intended, just a person asking questions.

In order for this man to be able to properly identify himself he will need to take the focus off how others will perceive & accept him. He needs to gain confidence in who he is & then he will have a clear ability to present himself to others, regardless as to what role he decides to use.

I can see where anyone at this point would throw up their hands & back off.

I do not mean this as anything negative to the OP other than your difficulty is not about the role but rather your inability to be able to clearly communicate who you are.

I wish the OP the best of luck with his path of self discovery


< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 7/4/2006 6:18:42 PM >

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Help............ - 7/4/2006 6:36:10 PM   
plzblisterme


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline 		   I feel like I'm kind of under attack here! I only asked in all honesty what other people thought. I was being honest; I was not trying to influence people, or seduce people, just trying to get straightfoward opinions. I feel like some people are treating this honest, sincere, question a little harshly. If I can't learn here, than where can I learn?

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Help............ - 7/4/2006 6:46:17 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		if you mean attack by what I say.. not much I can do to change your opinion

all I can say is that is wasn't an attack at all but an honest & sincere attempt to do just what you asked... help

I will answer this as a personal view. If I am interviewing a male submissive based on finding his male submissive profile I am not going to like the fact that he was less than honest (in my opinion) by having tendencies that he also felt were dominant or switch. These are things I should know by initial contact. Is this person a dominant, is this person a submissive, is this person a switch or is this person really just trying to figure it all out.

Multiple profiles are often perceived as deceitful when they are discovered & as another poster pointed out... not directed to within a profile that is discovered in the first place.

But as I attempted to convey in the most polite manner I could... what takes place after the entail contact is going to be the most important thing. How you personally present yourself to others & how you answer questions is going to be the key factor in someone staying involved in a conversation.

Again, I am sorry if anything I may have said came off as an attack, this was not my intent at all... if it was not me then maybe you should look at these responses & see that the manner of presenting oneself inconsistently may be where the problems lays & a strangers attempt to weed past inconsistency may be what you are perceiving as aggressive.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 7/4/2006 7:16:17 PM >

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to plzblisterme)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Help............ - 7/4/2006 6:56:06 PM   
plzblisterme


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline 		   I have adjusted my journal entries, on both of my profiles, to say this: I have to be honest here; sometimes I switch. I have another profile on here explorind my sub/Dom side. Right now there is some confusion, thus I am experimenting with all the options. If that bothers you do not answer my ad.
      Thank you.
Is this a good statement in your eyes?
 

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Help............ - 7/4/2006 7:33:40 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: plzblisterme
   I have adjusted my journal entries, on both of my profiles, to say this: I have to be honest here; sometimes I switch. I have another profile on here explorind my sub/Dom side. Right now there is some confusion, thus I am experimenting with all the options. If that bothers you do not answer my ad.
    Thank you.
Is this a good statement in your eyes? 


Yes, I think it presents the situation fairly.  You are being upfront about your interest in exploring both sides so a Woman knows beforehand and can decide if that would work for her or not.  And like you say, if it bothers her, she can pass your ad by, or send a polite "no thank you" should you write to her and it isn't her cup of tea.
 
Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 7/4/2006 7:35:43 PM >

(in reply to plzblisterme)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Help............ - 7/4/2006 9:00:49 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: plzblisterme

   I have adjusted my journal entries, on both of my profiles, to say this: I have to be honest here; sometimes I switch. I have another profile on here explorind my sub/Dom side. Right now there is some confusion, thus I am experimenting with all the options. If that bothers you do not answer my ad.
     Thank you.
Is this a good statement in your eyes?
 


It does to me, although I would add the name of the other profile.  I'd also recommend that you check out real time groups in your area, such as http://www.ohiosmart.org/home.htm

(in reply to plzblisterme)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Help............ - 7/5/2006 7:03:59 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: plzblisterme

Okay here I go with a tough question (maybe tough just for me???) I am a switch, but, put two ads on this site. One a a sub. One as top. I would choose to go with just one if I could find the right woman. Am I wrong in doing this??? I am awfully confused on this issue. Recommendations?

Perhaps making one profile of a switch, or a submissive with dominant tendencies, and paint a clear and honest single picture of who you are.  The Jeckyl-Hyde thing creeps me out a bit when I discover it on my own about someone.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to plzblisterme)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Help............ Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109