to cam or not to cam...

to cam or not to cam... (Full Version)

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bestkptsecret303 -> to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 8:03:30 AM)
There comes a point in a young sub's online career when their conversational partner (no matter how brief or casual) will ask to speak via webcam. This proves that I am who I say I am, which in and of itself seems to be a mind-boggling thing to accept unless I show my tits. They are lovely, but they're mine, you know? I'd always hoped they'd aspire to more than just...being there. Like curing cancer. Or writing the Great American Novel. Or being there, but in a spectacular and alluring fashion that has nothing to do with disproving the popular 'bestkptsecret303-is-actually-a-large-hirsute-basement-dwelling-gay-man' theory (not that there's anything wrong with that). Even if the webchat is polite and fully clothed - which it would be, because my tits are grounded until they finish writing that novel and make me a proud boobparent - it's not my preferred medium. I really don't enjoy it. I'm soft-spoken and I hate repeating myself. No one looks particularly attractive on a webcam. It makes me feel like I'm talking to myself, but with an audience. The relative anonymity of the internet breeds a particular brand of unearned entitlement. Add the privacy of my living room, and dudes are comfortable asking for all manner of things. I suppose I'm a little old-fashioned. I like working hard, not hardly twerking. I read actual books. Hell, I still have a flip phone. I'd rather receive and return messages, exchange a couple of pictures, and then meet in person for a cup of coffee to see if we creep each other out. You know, like nature intended. Of course, if I state my preference, I must be fake or a flake or both. Even phone calls can be faked these days, so I understand some users' preference for a webcam for verification...but is there an alternate method for verification I might be more comfortable with? It gets a little lonely when I don't actually exist.

DarkSteven -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 8:12:19 AM)
No sweat. I have nothing against camming. But if I thought I'd be connecting with someone, lack of camming wouldn't mean anything. Anyone who refuses to go further until you cam - they were only in it for the camming. Nothing else. Move along, nothing to see there. Oh, and you have a flip phone? /points and laughs/

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 8:19:01 AM)
I suggest confining your search to those who are close enough to meet in person sooner as opposed to later, like in a couple weeks. By all means use the phone to get to know them better, and don't assume everyone is lying about who they are. When you meet a keeper, I think you'll know.

DesFIP -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 8:26:40 AM)
Anybody who prefers to have you cam nude instead of meeting you has already verified themselves to be someone you don't want to waste time on. Think of it from that viewpoint. You don't have to prove yourself to them. They have to prove themselves to you. And when he says "Can't do Starbucks Saturday at 3:00. How's Sunday at 1:00 for you?" then you know you've got someone worth meeting. All those guys demanding you show your tits aren't interested in anything more. Put them on hide. In the meantime, you should read profiles of local guys and if one of them attracts you, then write him a note. Guys never get mail and they'll be delighted to receive a hi from someone who is both beautiful and witty, as you are. If they aren't thrilled, they don't deserve you. And then you'll know not to waste time on them. Basically, this is like flipping through stuff at the thrift shop. Most of it is junk you don't need to examine. Occasionally you'll find something that deserves a second look, and very rarely you'll find an immediate treasure.

kalikshama -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 8:35:59 AM)
I don't own a cam. I have a strict "local guys only" policy. I verify over coffee, lunch, or dinner.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 10:28:19 AM)
fr What everyone else has said. The alternative method of proving you are indeed a woman is to say, 'no I don't like webcams, let's meet for coffee.' There are bonuses too - it will weed out all the people looking for a free cam show, anyone who wasn't serious about finding someone to begin with, and folks who aren't who THEY are claiming to be. There's also no chance of a video of your naked body ending up on the internet. You're also highly unlikely to be pressured to remove your clothes at Starbucks.

RedMagic1 -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 11:52:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bestkptsecret303 There comes a point in a young sub's online career when their conversational partner (no matter how brief or casual) will ask to speak via webcam. Really? You might want to talk to a different group of guys, or talk to the same group in a different way. Your statement isn't a law of nature. If it's true for 100% of the men you're interacting with, either your man-chooser is selecting guys who are cybery, or you don't know how to maintain interest and build trust. For me, webcamming is a drop-down. I'll suggest a phone call, and if she says she isn't comfortable, then we can meet in real life at a place that is not inconvenient for me, or Skype and then after Skype, meet at a place that might be inconvenient for me, but will definitely be convenient for her. I'd rather not webcam, and if she isn't willing to call me or to take my call, it's at least a yellow flag. But sometimes women have had stalkers etc., so webcam-and-meet-quickly is an option. Bottom line, though: any woman who wants to keep my attention has to demonstrate that she is actively interested. If she wants things to stay at the level of email for more than a day or two, then either she has another man she's more interested in, she isn't too interested in me, or she has social anxiety. In all three cases, I'm moving on. It doesn't matter how pretty or literate your bosom is.

Apocalypso -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 12:33:39 PM)
As far as I'm concerned, cam conversations (and I'm talking about general conversations, not "get nude on cam") are the equivalent of video conferencing. So asking from them early on is a faux pas- they're something that happens when you already know someone, not as an alternative to getting to know them.

KnightofMists -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 12:39:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Think of it from that viewpoint. You don't have to prove yourself to them. They have to prove themselves to you. This is just silly.... If everyone took the position they didn't have to prove themselves and that it was up to the other person... Then no one would prove anything to anyone. Fact of the matter we all have to prove ourselves and risk ourselves in the building of a relationship. Building a relationship can be a lot like playing poker. If you want a just chance to win the pot you need to sit at the table. But to sit at the table you need play and that requires anting up to stay in the game and putting more as the game progresses. Don't risk more than you can afford to loose or you will walk away with nothing. Sometimes you risk expecting to win and you still lose because someone has a better hand. But if you always have something to risk you can still play the game. The most important thing is to know when you should walk away. When you make that big win... Decide if you willing to lose it. If not walk away and enjoy the winnings. Knowing who is bluffing or is putting into the relationship to risk for something better like oneself is not an easy task. But it is definitely worth making the effort to try. To the op..... To cam or not to cam.... Decide if it's worth the risk and if you can afford to lose what you put in.

KnightofMists -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 12:48:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders fr What everyone else has said. The alternative method of proving you are indeed a woman is to say, 'no I don't like webcams, let's meet for coffee.' There are bonuses too - it will weed out all the people looking for a free cam show, anyone who wasn't serious about finding someone to begin with, and folks who aren't who THEY are claiming to be. There's also no chance of a video of your naked body ending up on the internet. You're also highly unlikely to be pressured to remove your clothes at Starbucks. Flip side.... Knowing that he is looking for a fuck or cheap thrill as a end game is maybe more important that where one sees each other. So... Think of that while you sip Starbucks. At least in web cam... It might be answer one can quickly learn and as such not waste anymore time on. What is the endgame? What are you willing to risk to find out.

angelikaJ -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 12:59:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bestkptsecret303 There comes a point in a young sub's online career when their conversational partner (no matter how brief or casual) will ask to speak via webcam. Not true. It may be true for some conversational partners but certainly not all. I did not have a cam for most of my CM journey. I met people in real life. I met for drinks, or lunch or dinner... but did not cam verify ever.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 2:17:09 PM)
No need to cam if you don't want to. If you do want to, you can remind the individual on the other end that it is just as likely you can record the 'visit' as well as he can, so you prefer he act appropriately unless he wants his douchiness splattered all over the internet for eternity. Two can play that game. Edit: double negative, too damn wordy.

iaminigo -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 3:07:18 PM)
I have a different point of view. The internet is a breeding ground for creeps who use the anonymity to engage in all sorts of lies about gender, age, weight, or relationship status. After exchanging a few emails and deciding that I like someone, I will always ask to cam to confirm the person on the other end is a woman, looks like who she purports to be. It doesn't require anyone to be naked, and in a few minutes can validate some assumptions. I understand some people are shy on cam, and I'm not opposed to meeting in person to validate such things, but it's far faster and easier to do so on cam. If you don't have chemistry on cam, chances are you won't have it in person either. And it beats sitting in a Starbucks for an hour waiting to meet a beautiful subbie only to realize that nobody's coming because the person on the other end of the computer wasn't who they said they were. I don't even trust voice verification - I've had a guy call me with what was clearly a voice modulator try to convince me he was a girl. Lots of creeps and weirdo's out there. If I were a girl, I would insist on cam verification before I agreed to meet anyone in person.

Kana -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 3:12:15 PM)
In all my years on here,never cammed,never asked for one, don't own one and other cams get blocked by my firewalls. Never caused me one lick of trouble meeting peeps neither. Hell,I usually don't ask for a pic until it's meet up time unless its a long haul away

MercTech -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 3:57:35 PM)
Have cam, can cam, but usually don't bother. The last time I fired up the cam it was being mutually polite and she was on cam to show me her new outfit. Nude or erotic camming is like watching a cooking show; it can give you excellent ideas but you know you aren't getting a taste.

Kana -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 4:11:27 PM)
quote: Nude or erotic camming is like watching a cooking show; it can give you excellent ideas but you know you aren't getting a taste. With the added potential joy that comes with potential ruination. Sounds like much fun to me

JstAnotherSub -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 4:49:09 PM)
quote: If you don't have chemistry on cam, chances are you won't have it in person either. Chemistry on cam? That entire concept escapes me. I don't have a cam, I too insist on local and if they can't meet after a couple of weeks for coffee or such (which most can't), I turn the page and move along back to my life. No harm no foul. The only chemistry on cam I can even think of is if the guy gets a hardon and calls that chemistry, but then I's kinda peculiar. OP you are a gorgeous chick, but I wonder if your primary pic doesn't invite those who think well she put that up, she has got to be willing to show me more. Once they get done jacking off to the pic of you naked, they need more. Not that it's a bad thing to have that pic, but just something that crossed my mind. Anyhow, cam if you want to, don't if you don't want to, just be careful. Good luck.

xxblushesxx -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 5:14:05 PM)
I have never cammed while getting to know others. But..your boobs? Aren't they on display on your avatar? (I didn't look extremely close, but at a quick glance, it looked like a naked woman-presumably you?) If so, then, what's the big deal?

iaminigo -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 5:55:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub quote: If you don't have chemistry on cam, chances are you won't have it in person either. Chemistry on cam? That entire concept escapes me. Chemistry on cam can be determined by ease of conversation, response to humor, physical attraction, voice, exactly as it would be in a personal meeting. Sometimes you also get to see the person's native habitat (messy? posh? creepy?), pets, etc.. It also allows for a truly private conversation (unlike a Starbucks meeting) and can take away some of the anxiety of meeting a new person IRL. Do you measure chemistry in person if the guy gets a hardon?

littlewonder -> RE: to cam or not to cam... (12/4/2013 7:05:48 PM)
Never used a webcam, don't own one, have no desire for one and I definitely don't want to view others on them. They look distorted and makes everyone look weird imo. They kinda creep me out actually.

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