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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 5:29:03 AM

kalikshama

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FR,

Perhaps someone creative could rewrite this exchange from a fem sub/male dom point of view?

(in reply to NullHypothesis)

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 6:10:46 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
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WOW, She sent you a friendly reply to your first letter, cheerfully willing to meet with you right away and you respond OUT OF THE BLUE by being extremely condescending, insulting Her and assuming She has no experience with Service subs (most of us DO, for your information). Do you even have a CLUE how many male subs DREAM of getting that first meeting? Why did you even contact Her in the first place? You weren't AVAILABLE, and by your attitude you apparently have a huge chip on your shoulder you were looking for someone to knock off.

I too would like to see your initial letter to Her...it seems to be a huge piece of the puzzle you've deliberately omitted.

"Let Me know when you are available to pay proper respect" can mean MANY things...paying "proper respect" doesn't always mean fin-Domme. Perhaps She might allow certain activities on a first meet (Anything from simply showing Her what a well-mannered gentleman you are...to showing Her how knowledgeable you are in Protocol, holding doors, carrying Her purse for instance, and if you are a very lucky boy perhaps She'd allow you to kiss Her foot).

You brag about having experience Serving other Dominants...right there is a huge RED FLAG: What happened to THOSE relationships? Sounds like they either tossed you out on your ear (as I feel you deserve after witnessing your behavior), or else you are a Domme-hopper, never staying with one Domme long enough to form a long-term D/s relationship. Either way you seem like a huge failure and a bad prospect for any Domme to accept. You were damn lucky to have Her attention.

I give kudos to Her for being so lenient to just ignore you. I'd have given you the ol' INSTANT BLOCKEROO upon reading your 11/21 tirade, and that would have ended the story. We have so many LOVELY submissives We communicate with daily, We don't need to put up with ones like you who seek to provoke.

< Message edited by MAINEiacMISTRESS -- 12/5/2013 6:15:38 AM >

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 6:26:22 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

fr

A Dom would not have taken your message as a challenge and the Domme's reply would indicate an insecure person if we were discussing a male Dom. So, apparently it is the general consensus that female Dom's can be this way with a new submissive?

Arturas

I'm a fem sub and I wouldn't have lectured a male dom about respect. If I thought we had different expectations, I would have clarified mine and asked him his. If I thought we were incompatible, I would have politely told him so and moved on.

I agree with DS that the OP blew this himself.

Agreed. The issue isn't so much WHAT he said as WHEN/WHERE he chose to say it. For instance it would be fine if he had it as part of his profile or in one of his journals.
They were having a nice conversation, and suddenly he came at Her with a condescending lecture (and yes, it WAS condescending. If you read his 11/21 he makes several assumptions about Her experience, assuming She has none). Most people, Dominant OR submissive would take it as a personal attack.

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 8:05:05 AM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NullHypothesis

I had the following conversation with a "Domme" who, I felt, had no idea what a D/s relationship entails.

And yet, this entire exchange shows that she's not the one with the problem. Well played!

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 9:44:01 AM

NuevaVida

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Hmm, if a male dominant had started talking to me about paying proper respect before we even knew each other, I'd think he was an ass. And I'd venture a guess that most female submissives here would feel the same.

But at that point, I'd wish him well and move on, not instigate an argument.

Or, if I were really interested, I'd ask what was meant by proper respect. But I probably wouldn't be that interested by that point.

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 9:45:23 AM

shadowborn61

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Wow just wow.
i have yet to find a Dom/Domme to serve for other than casual play and you blew what a lot of us male subs would dream of getting. An actual DATE in person in real life and instead of taking the time until the date to get to know this Domme you choose to lecture Her on respect.
That to me shows a complete lack of respect and an unwillingness to even think that you view is not the only viewpoint.
you say that you have served 3 Domme's in the past and i would love to know who ended those relationships though i have a good idea.
Do you know how very hard people like you make it on those of us who are really interested in learning more than what we know?

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 10:03:21 AM

ResidentSadist

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You met a nice polite prospect that was open to a meeting. Then you decided to teach her about D/s? Actually you are the one that is clueless.

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 10:10:43 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NullHypothesis

Me on 11/20/13: Ma'am, I will certainly do that. Please travel safe. Warmly, null

Me (again) on 11/21/13: Ma'am .... Respect is ... first given, then earned. Blah, blah, blah. Then the OP adds a bunch of condescending B.S. that he should have kept to himself. I won't even bother to repeated it here, because he never should have said it.

NullHypothesis,
I don't think I've ever communicated with you before, so I'll preface my comments by saying that like you, I am a male sub.

Having said that, I have to ask why you didn't simply end the conversation with your message of 11/20? You both seemed to be on good terms, and you could have simply waited for your date in January. But instead, you decided to come back with an unsolicited lecture. Why?

Based on the way you posted this, it's obvious that you left parts out. So I don't want to go too far in judging the exchange. But the part that I reposted above stood out to me. You parted on good terms on 11/20, and then one day later you came back and took a shit in the punch bowl. That seemed a bit schizophrenic to me.

Just like most of the others who have commented on this thread, I actually found much more fault in your behavior than hers.

A little patience goes a long way. If I were you, I would have waited to meet her face-to-face before passing any judgement. Frankly, she might have been the Domme of your dreams. But you'll never know because you felt the need to lecture a Domme who offered you the opportunity to meet face-to-face. Do you realize how many male subs would kill for the opportunity to get to meet a local Domme that they've written to?

Hopefully, you're reading the responses to this thread and learning something. I'm not saying that she did everything perfectly. But clearly she behaved far better than you did in this exchange.

I think that when you posted this thread you expected everyone to side with you, and to tell you what a terrible Domme she is. But IMO, you were the loser in this exchange, both literally and figuratively. Hopefully, you'll learn from this experience.

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 10:14:47 AM

LeatherBentOne51

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If I encountered a submissive who expected me to wait that long for a first meet because her schedule were filled up until then, I would have wished her the best in fulfilling her commitments and let her know I was moving on. If she weren't more interested in meeting me than to make me wait that long, forget her. How busy could she be despite the fact that we all have to eat sometime? That would have been the end of that, and I wouldn't waste my time or energy with a submissive who wanted me to wait as long as you wanted her to wait.

You were trying to impress her with that and what followed? You would have gotten the "instant reply, "Hope you find what you're looking for" from me. I would no longer have spoken with you at that point.

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 1:52:02 PM

peppermint

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Friends are people I have met face to face or at least people I have chatted with for a long time. Why would I allow some clueless whiner put me on his list?

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 2:22:20 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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This (ty Shadowborn):

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowborn61

Do you know how very hard people like you make it on those of us who are really interested in learning more than what we know?

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 2:57:12 PM

Anuser

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If they wanted to talk to you, they would have responded.

Is it just me, or do subs have a tendency to do that? You end a conversation with them and then they keep trying to pick at it.

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 3:21:08 PM

shadowborn61

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

This (ty Shadowborn):

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowborn61

Do you know how very hard people like you make it on those of us who are really interested in learning more than what we know?

You are very welcome Ma'am.
i am of the belief that if you are not trying to learn more than you know then you are stagnating no matter what the subject.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 3:21:29 PM

kiwisub12

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What she said.....

sorry dude, but you seemed to have blown it. I know that someone telling me about their previous relationships would put a brake on my ride. It makes you seem ..... unhappy.
While I find her phrase " pay proper respect" somewhat over the top, I don't read that to mean that you are going to pay out the nose. I just see it as being uberdomly, and maybe catering to submissives that watch too much porn.

Beats me why you are contacting women when you can't follow through. Very odd!

(in reply to kalikshama)

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 3:29:05 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NullHypothesis

I had the following conversation with a "Domme" who, I felt, had no idea what a D/s relationship entails. Please read the following Reader's Digest run down on our conversation and weigh in. Am I wrong in my closing email? (I've removed her name out of respect for a person who probably doesn't want her profile name published).

Me on 11/17/13: Ms. Vxxxxx .... <Enter introduction from me to her here>

DominaVxxxxx on 11/17/13: Hello null ....... When are you availabe to take Me to dinner?
Ms. Vxxxxx

Me on 11/18/13: Ma'am ... My schedule is tapped out throughout the first of the year .... can I get a rain check until Jan 15th? I know you're inundated with players, fakes, and wannabes .... please know that I am sincere. Warmly ... null

DominaVxxxxx on 11/18/13: That's fine .... Let me know when you are available to pay proper respect.
Ms. Vxxxxx

Me on 11/20/13: Ma'am, I will certainly do that. Please travel safe. Warmly, null

Me (again) on 11/21/13: Ma'am .... Respect is ... first given, then earned. Domme, Dominant, or submissive - respect is the birthright of every human being. The earning of that respect is a different story altogether. A submissive must earn the respect of his/her Dominant just as the Dominant must earn the respect of his/her submissive. Without respect there is no trust; Without trust there is no relationship - of any kind. If you've ever known a truly service-oriented submissive whose only interest was in your happiness (with no hidden agendas or 'wish lists' of his own) then you know that the quality of that relationship would only suffer from the bartering of the material for immaterial. If you've never known a truly service-oriented submissive, then I look forward to trading emails with you, then (hopefully) meeting in public, with the (hopefully) possible outcome of showing you what genuine submission truly looks like. As always, I look forward to hearing back from you.

Warmly, and with all respect due you... null

Me (Again) on 12/3/13 (following up to my previously unanswered email): Ma'am I trust you've been well and had a happy thanksgiving. Is it safe to assume that our definitions of "proper respect" differ? Warmly, null

DominaVxxxxx on 12/4/13: I was going to ignore your attempt to "school" me. MY submissives don't try to tell Me what's what. Seems you want to top from the bottom which I do not tollerate on any level. Ms. Vxxxxx

Me on 12/4/13: Ma'am, No disrespect intended .... But respect goes way beyond buying someone dinner. And being a submissive does not negate my experience - which I guarantee does NOT include topping from the bottom. My point was that the previous 3 Dommes I served involved a relationship that went far and beyond the materialistic façade of what I could provide for them. That, my dear lady, is what a true D/s relationship is all about. I fear that your submissives are merely lapdogs who are willing to sacrifice their dignity and respect in return for a few smacks on the ass. Best of luck in what you're searching for. Warmly, null

DominaVxxxxx on 12/4/13: You don't know Me nor will you ever know Me. You make a lot of assumptions and are confusing respect with tribute. I don't appreciate any of that. Look elsewhere. Ms. Vxxxxx

Me: (Shaking my head and sighing in amazement)

I'm sure there are multiple replies as to what you should and shouldn't have done but...I just have one basic question:

You're 53....why the FUCK are you asking advice on how to contact a woman?

Bud....Domme or sub....I learned that shit 30 years ago.

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 6:35:18 PM

Anuser

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
I'm sure there are multiple replies as to what you should and shouldn't have done but...I just have one basic question:

You're 53....why the FUCK are you asking advice on how to contact a woman?

Bud....Domme or sub....I learned that shit 30 years ago.

Burn!!!

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 7:07:17 PM

NullHypothesis

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All .... Thank you for the comments. I can see now where I added to the problem. This is the place where a wise am will cut his losses and move on. Warmly, null

(in reply to kalikshama)

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/5/2013 7:34:08 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Anuser

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If they wanted to talk to you, they would have responded.

Is it just me, or do subs have a tendency to do that? You end a conversation with them and then they keep trying to pick at it.

Not this one. Don't know about others.

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/6/2013 12:50:53 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

fr

A Dom would not have taken your message as a challenge and the Domme's reply would indicate an insecure person if we were discussing a male Dom. So, apparently it is the general consensus that female Dom's can be this way with a new submissive?

Arturas

Arturas, I'm not sure which message you're referring to - he had several. Also, I did note that I considered her first message to be presumptuous.

It's a sad fact that a malesub will be expected to pay for a Domme's meal on a first date, and a femsub will be expected to be paid for, or go Dutch on a first date. That's one reason why she could get away with that demand, while a male Dom couldn't.

"Me on 11/18/13: Ma'am ... My schedule is tapped out throughout the first of the year .... can I get a rain check until Jan 15th? I know you're inundated with players, fakes, and wannabes .... please know that I am sincere. Warmly ... null

DominaVxxxxx on 11/18/13: That's fine .... Let me know when you are available to pay proper respect.
Ms. Vxxxxx

Me on 11/20/13: Ma'am, I will certainly do that. Please travel safe. Warmly, null

Me (again) on 11/21/13: Ma'am .... Respect is ... first given, then earned. Domme, Dominant, or submissive - respect is the birthright of every human being"

Well, I do agree with you to an extent but I would use the word "presumptuous" to either the entire Domme side of the conversation or to my entire earlier post, one or the other. This is the conversation I refer to but it does not matter, all the conversations follow the same pattern, submissive says something reasonable and the Domme postures like a first week fake wannabe. Second, this has nothing to do with buying dinner although it is in the conversation. Instead, the replies from the Domme remind me of something I might have said in my first week here. It is presumptuous and overbearing and overreaching for an initial or even second or third contact.

How many times have you read or even heard personally a submissive say the same thing to you, I suspect many, and I suspect you just as much as I took it as no personal challenge. Instead it reminds me that I do not instantly earn submission or respect simply because of who I say I am and this is very much the situation here with DominaVxxxx as she is making a mistake new Doms make in assuming she can talk to any submissive this way simply because he contacted her or is interested in meeting her. So, if this is instead a case of the submissive having to show respect before respect is earned simply because the Dom is female then I really am wondering if I should lose my balls to make it easier to gain respect, surely not.

"Me (Again) on 12/3/13 (following up to my previously unanswered email): Ma'am I trust you've been well and had a happy thanksgiving. Is it safe to assume that our definitions of "proper respect" differ? Warmly, null

DominaVxxxxx on 12/4/13: I was going to ignore your attempt to "school" me. MY submissives don't try to tell Me what's what. Seems you want to top from the bottom which I do not tollerate on any level. Ms. Vxxxxx "

Here, the Domme is clearly posturing because she is insecure and depends on a reply that suggests this new submissive is to be judged the same as her existing submissive and naturally that is totally wrong unless submissives, male or female, must treat female doms differently than male doms as a male dom, unless they are fake and a wannabe, would never, or at least should never, ever stoop to such language in order to secure his place in their relationship.

What say you?

Arturas

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RE: Dommes With No Real Clue - 12/6/2013 12:58:29 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

fr

A Dom would not have taken your message as a challenge and the Domme's reply would indicate an insecure person if we were discussing a male Dom. So, apparently it is the general consensus that female Dom's can be this way with a new submissive?

Arturas

I'm a fem sub and I wouldn't have lectured a male dom about respect. If I thought we had different expectations, I would have clarified mine and asked him his. If I thought we were incompatible, I would have politely told him so and moved on.

I agree with DS that the OP blew this himself.

You of course are handling it right not to lecture a male Dom about respect and I did not see this sub as lecturing because he was simply being honest in his feelings about the subject and this is to be appreciated rather than taken as a challenge and regardless of how the submissive puts his or her views on the table, the Dom or Domme need not reply as she did to maintain an authority they lack at this point.

Well wishes,
Arturas

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