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that first email contact - 12/6/2013 8:02:36 AM

alleykat2626

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/20/2013
Status: offline

Please pardon me if this topic has been broached
before. I've been on this site and others before
and always seem to find the same thing. I'm wondering if
others feel the same, and why men do it?

You get that first email from a stranger and instead of
a nice vanilla introduction they start off spewing
this crap about how they will whisper into my ears words
that will get me all wet, but they will control my
orgasm, tie me up and torture me until I beg for
permission to cum.

I find that such a major turn off! So much so
that I either don't bother responding, or they get
their own earful of crap back.
I'm I the only one that feels that way? And gentlemen,
any idea why they feel the need to do that?

Thanks,

Kat

Post #: 1

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 8:33:02 AM

pissdoll

Posts: 343
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline

when i was single and my profile was up, i had the same experiences you have.
in my case i believe that my screen name had a little (or a lot) to do with the messages i was receiving.

i noticed that your profile has a sexy photo and the text says very little about you except bdsm related information.
if you expand your text to include your hobbies and your outside interests, you may get some messages that express an interest in you that is not sexual. of course there are men on here who will be explicit even if your photo has you dressed in a parka.
that's just the nature of the site. but you can't really fault other people for responding to what you have put out there. when i was in your position, i just chuckled (or groaned) and quickly deleted...and then moved on to the men who piqued my interest. there are some awesome men on this site. i hope you meet someone wonderful.

(in reply to alleykat2626)

Post #: 2

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 9:30:57 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

The poster above me gave good advice:

quote:

i noticed that your profile has a sexy photo and the text says very little about you except bdsm related information.
if you expand your text to include your hobbies and your outside interests, you may get some messages that express an interest in you that is not sexual. of course there are men on here who will be explicit even if your photo has you dressed in a parka.
that's just the nature of the site. but you can't really fault other people for responding to what you have put out there.

Check out our Funny Messages from the "Other Side" thread.

(in reply to alleykat2626)

Post #: 3

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 10:02:57 AM

Darkfeather

Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pissdoll

when i was single and my profile was up, i had the same experiences you have.
in my case i believe that my screen name had a little (or a lot) to do with the messages i was receiving.

i noticed that your profile has a sexy photo and the text says very little about you except bdsm related information.
if you expand your text to include your hobbies and your outside interests, you may get some messages that express an interest in you that is not sexual. of course there are men on here who will be explicit even if your photo has you dressed in a parka.
that's just the nature of the site. but you can't really fault other people for responding to what you have put out there. when i was in your position, i just chuckled (or groaned) and quickly deleted...and then moved on to the men who piqued my interest. there are some awesome men on this site. i hope you meet someone wonderful.

Its the nature of the game unfortunately. We men are predatory in nature. Hunters. A leopard stalking his prey, doesn't take the time to read no profile... Seriously, most guys just have a copy and paste form letter they send out and swap your name in. There are a few of us that read profiles, and yes even send out messages without the obligatory knee-pad comment somewhere.

(in reply to pissdoll)

Post #: 4

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 10:16:16 AM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline

It is somewhat the same for a bi male submissive but the major difference is the gender of the Dominant.
Of the Ones who have contacted me on this site either first or after i reach out to Them most have been wonderful to chat with but so far the only ones to try and talk to me in the way you have described are male i am sad to say.
Lol one of them the first email was not long but it was polite and to the point, the second email however was along the lines of "so boy how would you like for me to put you into a corner while i fuck your wife" and while that has happend in the past it was only after the both of us got to know the Dom and He had gained our trust and we had come to trust Him.
It never went farther sadly as the Dom became involved with K2 or spice i think it is called and we ended it.

(in reply to Darkfeather)

Post #: 5

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 10:51:20 AM

igor2003

Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

--FR--

This is really not directed at the OP in particular, but rather to all the VERY many women that receive dozens, hundred, or even thousands of unwanted responses to their profiles.

Instead of complaining, and/or wondering "why" they get so many responses that they don't like...why not hide your own profile, and go on the hunt yourself? If your profile is hidden you won't be receiving nearly as many of those unwanted, form letter, over the top queries. THEN you can write ONLY to the profiles that get YOUR attention. Yes, you would then most likely have to go through all the rejections, non-responses, and wasted time that men with serious intentions have to go through. You'll have to click and read profile after profile, looking for one that piques your interest and seems compatible, then spend time writing out a thoughtful, well worded first letter and hope that they will respond...at least to say "No thank you" in acknowledgement of your diligence and work.

And in all honesty, I think that most men...at least a good many men...would enjoy and appreciate it when a woman takes more than a passive role in initiating contact. And initiating contact doesn't mean a person is dominant or aggressive, since if that were true submissive men would never try to contact dominant women, would they?

_____________________________

If the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy. - Red Green

At my age erections are like cops...there's never one around when you need it!

Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers

(in reply to shadowborn61)

Post #: 6

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 11:14:34 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Because porn teaches that all kinky women rip off their clothes when propositioned crudely.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to igor2003)

Post #: 7

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 11:27:33 AM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

--FR--

This is really not directed at the OP in particular, but rather to all the VERY many women that receive dozens, hundred, or even thousands of unwanted responses to their profiles.

Instead of complaining, and/or wondering "why" they get so many responses that they don't like...why not hide your own profile, and go on the hunt yourself? If your profile is hidden you won't be receiving nearly as many of those unwanted, form letter, over the top queries. THEN you can write ONLY to the profiles that get YOUR attention. Yes, you would then most likely have to go through all the rejections, non-responses, and wasted time that men with serious intentions have to go through. You'll have to click and read profile after profile, looking for one that piques your interest and seems compatible, then spend time writing out a thoughtful, well worded first letter and hope that they will respond...at least to say "No thank you" in acknowledgement of your diligence and work.

And in all honesty, I think that most men...at least a good many men...would enjoy and appreciate it when a woman takes more than a passive role in initiating contact. And initiating contact doesn't mean a person is dominant or aggressive, since if that were true submissive men would never try to contact dominant women, would they?

Oh really Sherlock

Who would have thought that???

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to igor2003)

Post #: 8

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 11:42:54 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alleykat2626
You get that first email from a stranger and instead of
a nice vanilla introduction they start off spewing
this crap about how they will whisper into my ears words
that will get me all wet, but they will control my
orgasm, tie me up and torture me until I beg for
permission to cum.

In online dating, you get what you ask for. (You also get stuff you don't ask for, but that's a different problem.) Do you have a line in your profile that says, "I love a nice vanilla introduction?" Or, "Please don't send me sexual fantasies. I'd like to start slow with you?"

Ask for what you want to receive. Then, at the very least, you'll know who thought you were worth paying attention to.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to alleykat2626)

Post #: 9

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 1:07:20 PM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Because porn teaches that all kinky women rip off their clothes when propositioned crudely.

I KNEW it! The Internet said so, so it must be true! And OP, I took a peek at your profile (Hi!) and while it's a little barebone, it seems good to me. Like everyone else said, you're "fresh meat" for the first month of so until you get the hang of getting rid of the flakes and losers. I wish I bothered to keep some of the off-the-wall messages I got the first couple weeks I was on here. It gets a little more sane as time goes by. Just a little, though. Definitely save the better or weirder ones and share them on the "Funny Messages From The Other Side" thread.

< Message edited by MasterCaneman -- 12/6/2013 1:14:58 PM >

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 10

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 1:52:24 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

This reply is not a excuse for poor social skills. But REALLY WTH do you "expect" you're dressed like a cheep wanton slut on your bio and then get "offended" when you're treated like one.

And then you act all "shocked n stuff" regarding the type of mail you're getting. Changing your pict wold prolly help.

Oh and welcome to the boards.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 11

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 2:13:33 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Its a little more pithy than I would have gone with, but I agree with SailingBum. The photo is great but makes you a sexual object, not a person. And if you've been on the internet dating scene for any amount of time, you should know that men are going to go for the lowest common denominator of your profile. ergo - looks like sex, treat like sex, and be confused when you don't put out.

Be more of a person on your profile and you might have better luck.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 12

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 8:01:29 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

laugh, delete and ignore.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 13

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 10:15:36 PM

alleykat2626

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/20/2013
Status: offline

Thank you to most of you for the good ideas and constructive criticism. I did remove the picture, and will add more vanilla interests.
I would like to say though, that never in my original posting did I say or imply that I was" offended" or
" shocked n stuff" by those emails. I received them before I even uploaded any pictures. I simply asked if others received them and how
they felt about it and why. As a (old) new member to the site, someone who has not been active in this lifestyle for awhile and is greatly
looking forward to finding herself again, with new and more intense interests. I came to these boards hoping to learn some new things, maybe even understand both myself and others a little better. Becoming part of community of like minded people where I could feel comfortable asking my questions. Instead I found myself insulted and told that I looked like a " cheep wanton slut" and basically told I got what I deserved.
There were a lot of different ways that could have been said. To top it off, I was then told welcome to the boards.
Constructive criticism is one thing and I welcome that because while it may not be what I may want to hear, I'll take it to heart and learn from it.
But to intentionally hurt someone only taught me to keep my questions and thoughts to myself.

Best,

Kat

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 14

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 10:23:54 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Don't sweat it, alleykat. Some folks here have a particular posting 'style' that is blatantly thoughtless about how it might be perceived. You can conveniently use the 'hide' button for them. Hang in there and keep posting; most of us appreciate thoughtful new voices on the boards.

And welcome.

(in reply to alleykat2626)

Post #: 15

RE: that first email contact - 12/6/2013 10:51:11 PM

ZGWHopeful

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/17/2013
Status: offline

Welcome to the forums and the internet in general, Alleykat, where the regulars will proceed to critique and tear apart your entire presence on the website, provoked or not. I would suggest taking your search for advice to a less choleric environment.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 16

RE: that first email contact - 12/7/2013 12:05:21 AM

ExquisiteStings

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline

Lololol @ Dark Steven & giggles @ Sailing Bum...I love bare bluntness. And sarcasm.

(in reply to ZGWHopeful)

Post #: 17

RE: that first email contact - 12/7/2013 1:43:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I've always thought it's a good thing for the clueless types to do this. It means you put them on hide immediately without having to waste time reading their profile or exchanging a couple of emails.

Sort of Darwin Award stuff. They self select themselves out of a chance.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ExquisiteStings)

Post #: 18

RE: that first email contact - 12/7/2013 2:54:14 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

If my profile is hidden, then I can't contact people I want to contact via cmail.

Although I don't want to the stupid random nonsense messages, I do enjoy corresponding with others on the board.

That's why I don't do it, and I imagine it's the same for others.

_____________________________

(in reply to igor2003)

Post #: 19

RE: that first email contact - 12/7/2013 2:57:26 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Welcome to the discussion side ZGW. We don't tear people apart, we offer constructive criticism -- usually.

In any case you've managed to stick around for three whole posts, so you must fine *something* useful here.

_____________________________

(in reply to ZGWHopeful)

Post #: 20

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