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RE: D/s connection, new to lifestyle - 12/11/2013 7:08:21 PM

luvmyspankings1

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/3/2013
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I'm new to it.. he's been Dom for more than 15 yrs... he's taken girls to some very far limits. Just not me as of yet. I'm taking some time to weigh my options and decide whether to relax and see what happens or move on to something new. I would have far less questions if he was consistent in our relationship. I don't parricularly have a taste for getting the best attention and connection with him when I'm at a breaking point of being ready to walk away and having to cease contact with him. Whenever I ignore him and start moving in a different direction, the chase is back on. Its frustrating.

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RE: D/s connection, new to lifestyle - 12/11/2013 7:12:43 PM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
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I think what you should be looking for is trust. If you're not there with him, how can you put yourself in a helpless situation and be in the right headspace for it?

_____________________________

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To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to luvmyspankings1)

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RE: D/s connection, new to lifestyle - 12/12/2013 8:54:45 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I would have far less questions if he was consistent in our relationship. I don't parricularly have a taste for getting the best attention and connection with him when I'm at a breaking point of being ready to walk away and having to cease contact with him. Whenever I ignore him and start moving in a different direction, the chase is back on. Its frustrating.

Sounds like you are with an Avoidant type. I've been there; it's awful, and turned me into an Insecure type. Now that I am with another Secure type, I can be my natural Secure self.

My library system has this book - perhaps yours does too:

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love

We rely on science to tell us everything from what to eat to when and how long to exercise, but what about relationships? Is there a scientific explanation for why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle? According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, the answer is a resounding "yes."

In Attached, Levine and Heller reveal how an understanding of adult attachment-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:

Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back

Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.

Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

In this book Levine and Heller guide readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.

(in reply to luvmyspankings1)

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RE: D/s connection, new to lifestyle - 12/12/2013 9:26:27 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvmyspankings1

I'm new to it.. he's been Dom for more than 15 yrs... he's taken girls to some very far limits. Just not me as of yet. I'm taking some time to weigh my options and decide whether to relax and see what happens or move on to something new. I would have far less questions if he was consistent in our relationship. I don't parricularly have a taste for getting the best attention and connection with him when I'm at a breaking point of being ready to walk away and having to cease contact with him. Whenever I ignore him and start moving in a different direction, the chase is back on. Its frustrating.

He has been a part-time dom to you for over a year.

Going to some very far limits does take time, and if he is suggesting otherwise, I would question his perceptions.

Are you seeking more intense play or a deeper emotional connection?
Or are you feeling less than because you feel like the fact it hasn't progressed more is somehow on you?
(In which case going farther or deeper would validate you in some way...?)

_____________________________

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(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

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Post #: 24