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bronze55 -> Humble question (12/10/2013 10:21:47 AM)
I have always been an admirer of the BDSM lifestyle even was momentary Dom for a while until I realized I was unable to be harsh to women... (I think my mother was a closet Mistress I think I was raised right and am a property gentleman) I recently have been curious in regards to bondage... would a Mistress accept me to ease me into this? It may sound weird but the curiosity aside it may do wonders for me to be bound and relax in many aspects of my life other then this? Thank you for you time.

OsideGirl -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 10:24:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bronze55 I have always been an admirer of the BDSM lifestyle even was momentary Dom for a while until I realized I was unable to be harsh to women... (I think my mother was a closet Mistress I think I was raised right and am a property gentleman) So, you think male Dominants were not raised right and aren't gentlemen?

Miyani -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 10:36:03 AM)
Why does being a Dom have to involve being harsh? And what's in it for the Mistress? She'll expect a relationship, or a check, in order to "ease you into" your kink

BitaTruble -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 10:37:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bronze55 I have always been an admirer of the BDSM lifestyle even was momentary Dom for a while until I realized I was unable to be harsh to women... (I think my mother was a closet Mistress I think I was raised right and am a property gentleman) I recently have been curious in regards to bondage... would a Mistress accept me to ease me into this? It may sound weird but the curiosity aside it may do wonders for me to be bound and relax in many aspects of my life other then this? Thank you for you time. I had never heard the term 'property gentleman'. I couldn't find out much information about it but it seems that it means that one is wealthy from income derived from property so, yeah, there will be plenty of Mistresses who will be more than help you ease into 'this'. [:D] Dominants are not required to be 'harsh' with woman. They are dominants.. if they want to rock the gentle, they can do so. Nope to the 'rules' book.. there just isn't one that's universal enough to appease the masses. As to whether or not being bound will help you relax in other aspects of your life.. hell.. give a try and see if it works! [:)]

TNDommeK -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 10:54:43 AM)
Call a pro. Explain to her, in detail what you are thinking. See if she is down with it. Pay her...problem solved.

LadyPact -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 10:59:39 AM)
Best advice if you want to find a rope top is to get involved in your local community and look for someone who likes to tie people up. You're not going to find a female Dominant via this thread who is going to jump up and say "sure, I'm looking for a bondage bottom to play with" because most of us aren't anywhere near you. A word of friendly advice. Posting from your phone that has auto correct is almost always going to confuse people because the wrong word will get thrown in there, somewhere.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 11:08:24 AM)
Hi there Bronze55. I hope you're having a good day and welcome to the Boards. You only live about an hour from me actually. Unless she is looking for a super-casual situation, most Dommes are going to want either some version of a relationship or else cash to tie you up and ease you in. There are Dommes out there who are willing to work with newbies, it's just a matter of finding one that you click with and who's willing. NBMG

RedMagic1 -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 11:22:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bronze55 I recently have been curious in regards to bondage... would a Mistress accept me to ease me into this? I actually don't think it's too hard to find a rope top. A lot of the "male BS" can be avoided, because you can be tied up fully clothed, or at least wearing something, so it avoids a lot of the "what I really want is seks" stuff. So I'd suggest you lead with that, OP. Your focus on bondage and not sex will make you stand out. If you're in decent shape, or have a great personality, all the better.

bronze55 -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 12:20:06 PM)
of course not, it was just that politeness is hammered into me, I failed as a dom as my sub wanted a rougher experience which I could not do.

Miyani -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 12:25:10 PM)
All that means is that you were not compatible with her.

wnyThroatLover -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 12:33:14 PM)
I agree with Miyani... I think the only way to actually fail as a dom is to completely destroy a person (as in completely beyond repair) or to fake dominance when you are really submissive, or worse (in this context)...vanilla!! Otherwise it's just a non-compatibility issue

OsideGirl -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 12:39:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Miyani All that means is that you were not compatible with her. Exactly. Master is polite and a gentleman. He's not compatible with someone that wishes to be treated in a derogatory manner.

bronze55 -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 12:40:37 PM)
Ok just to explain a bit more: The woman who submitted to me was a girl who had been crushing on me since her teenage years. We were in a relationship with in which we discussed all the fact that she wanted to experience this lifestyle. I was dominant but when it came to her desires to go to that point I was unable to. I allowed her to experience that aspect with a new dom and we took a break. She was soured by this experience due to the fact that the male Dom did not respect her safe word. She was upset since she trusted me and knew, from experiences that I always would respect her wants. We got back together and then separated due to me moving across the country and her moving to complete her doctorate. THE MOST IMPORTANT thing I have been taught about this lifestyle is that TRUST is the most important thing. For me a proper gentleman is one who respects the words a woman tells him, especially in intimacy and lifestyle. I don't think I could trust someone I pay though. I think more then anything I know that being bound may make me relax and give up control. I am a big muscled guy whose always tense and stiff in the shoulders, back and legs which I need to give up not for emotional benefit or physical benefit, but rather for personal growth.

Miyani -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 12:55:35 PM)
How is this other douchebag not respecting her safeword something that's your fault? Did you pick the guy? Well, if you're not willing to pay for it, be prepared to do a lot than graciously allow her to tie you up. Though as Lady Pact says, you may be able to find someone at a local play party who is interested in a scene.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 1:47:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Miyani How is this other douchebag not respecting her safeword something that's your fault? Did you pick the guy? This is what I'm hearing. Her: Next time we have sex, slap me around and call me a slut and a cunt. Him: I can't. Her: Please! Him: Ok. (Tries but does a crappy job.) Her: God damn it. That's what I really want. Him: I can't do it. Her: Fine. I'll find it somewhere else. Him: Ok, if that's what you need to be happy. Her: (clearly disappointed that gambit didn't work) Uh ok, fine, I'll do that then. Her: (dates a jackass who hurts her in the bad way) Her: Could we get back together? I'd rather have gentle sex from a nice guy than rough sex from a user. Him: Sure. Her: I can't wait until I can leave town and start my life over again, so I can find a man who is nice to me and also fucks me hard. Him: I couldn't be her everything, and I especially couldn't top her, so I feel guilty that she got hurt. I should be a bondage bottom, so I'm not responsible for my actions while doing kink.

peppermint -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 1:47:33 PM)
I know a man who loves to be tied up. He goes to many events and munches. He's personable and makes friends. People like him so when he asks someone to tie him up they usually agree to do it. We haven't seen him or his wife for several years, however, they plan on staying with us for a few days during one of their travels this spring. I would guarantee he'll ask to be tied up while he's here and I would guarantee it will happen. In other words, personality goes a long way. If you want to experience being tied up then join groups in your area. Vancouver is big kink area so there are munches there. Please go to some munches. You won't be invited to any parties where they do kink until people know you and know you are okay. The way to meet them is through the munches. Once you've made friends and get invited to a party you just might get your wish.

kalikshama -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 2:30:34 PM)
quote: This is what I'm hearing. Her: Next time we have sex, slap me around and call me a slut and a cunt. Him: I can't. Her: Please! Him: Ok. (Tries but does a crappy job.) Her: God damn it. That's what I really want. Him: I can't do it. Her: Fine. I'll find it somewhere else. Him: Ok, if that's what you need to be happy. Her: (clearly disappointed that gambit didn't work) Uh ok, fine, I'll do that then. Her: (dates a jackass who hurts her in the bad way) Her: Could we get back together? I'd rather have gentle sex from a nice guy than rough sex from a user. Him: Sure. Her: I can't wait until I can leave town and start my life over again, so I can find a man who is nice to me and also fucks me hard. Him: I couldn't be her everything, and I especially couldn't top her, so I feel guilty that she got hurt. I should be a bondage bottom, so I'm not responsible for my actions while doing kink. Thanks RM!

kalikshama -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 2:42:32 PM)
OP - I had a friend who is involved in the rope community in South Florida and he is able to find partners at local events. If you rule out Pros, getting involved in your local BDSM community is your best bet. In regards to: quote: I have always been an admirer of the BDSM lifestyle even was momentary Dom for a while until I realized I was unable to be harsh to women What do you mean by harsh? Inflicting pain? Humiliation? BDSM encompasses much more than this. My man and I are not into humiliation and he's not into pain. He gets my endorphins and juices flowing in other ways ;) He is also polite and a gentleman.

bronze55 -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 3:14:39 PM)
It was pain. She and I tried to move towards slapping and choking... And I couldn't do it because Ilin the force she wanted. So she found a guy after we split who coud. Then hurt her with a razor. This was over a few years and the new dom did this three times in.. Honestly I admired the life style but being a big guy I get afraid of my strength. Lol at redmagic. It did seem that way it just I believe there is a right time and place for Bdsm play which is a mental thing as well as physical. I have been curious about bondage thus I am seeking advice.

kalikshama -> RE: Humble question (12/10/2013 3:31:07 PM)
It's good to be cautious about slapping and choking. We've had a few threads about those that covered safety precautions (maybe someone could dredge up links.) But not being into slapping and choking does not mean taking a dominant role is not for you - there are lots of ways to give pain that do not involve these things, for example, using a TENS or violet wand. If the "brute" role is a turn off, perhaps "mad scientist" will do it for you. I'm not discouraging you from experimenting with bondage - by all means, explore! - I just want to point out that your negative experience with her does not exclude all other submissives/bottoms.

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