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New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 1:11:06 PM   
TeachMeSir18


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/12/2013
Status: offline 		Hi everyone! Im very new to this lifestyle and Im looking for a dom or any kind of teacher, I guess. Any help?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 1:19:18 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Yes. My advice would be to be very wary of anyone who tells you the way subs 'must' behave, or how 'real' subs have to be - it's nonsense, there are no rules except what you and your future partners decide on.

Since you are young, pretty, and by your own admission, clueless, you will attract a lot of sharks. Many of those people will try to make a claim on you as quickly as possible. Expect to hear people demanding to see your tits on cam, telling you that you owe them respect because they ticked the 'dom' box in their profile, and that they alone can teach you the 'right' way to do things.

Talk to lots of people, read even more. Take your time, be picky, don't lose your common sense. Walk away from anything that makes you feel even a tiny bit unsafe or creeped out - those instincts exist for a reason. Don't jump into a commitment, and don't submit to someone you haven't got to know and trust.

Oh! And don't make any photos or do anything on cam that you wouldn't be happy for your parents or future kids/employers to find - no matter how lovely the guy on the other end seems to be.

Welcome to the board. This lifestyle isn't as scary or dangerous as I made it sound, but with you being brand new and attractive you will be SWAMPED with messages from people looking to use you. You are encouraged to delete messages, and use the block function if people treat you poorly.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to TeachMeSir18)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 1:32:07 PM   
TeachMeSir18


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/12/2013
Status: offline 		That made me feel A LOT better. Like 8 pgs of emails and I was freaking out so thank you for that

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 1:41:46 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		The emails will slow down a little bit once you've been here a while - at the moment you're on the 'new user' list so all the guys who have already struck out with the existing members will try their luck with you.
It never totally stops, though, and your profile is pretty much an invitation for people to try and 'win' you. I'm not saying you shouldn't be advertising for a mentor, but you do need to be aware that a lot of guys will read 'teach me' to mean 'fuck me' and 'I'm new' to mean 'I'm an easy target'. Cynical, but true.

One last piece of advice - many people believe that a mentor should just be a friend who points you in the right direction and talks through your concerns with you - NOT someone who plays with and has sex with you. That gives them all the benefits of being your partner with none of the responsibilities of commitment. Might be a good idea to seek out other females and subs as friends for a while until you figure out what it is you'd like to find.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to TeachMeSir18)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 1:48:05 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		LOL, I eyefucked you horridly----- you are on the new users list, and will be off page one maybe in a couple days, but will be on page two or three for awhile as well, and dedicated perves will find you still,  but I knew better than to write when you are swamped. 

Just sort of ignore them for a month or so, spend more time out here than there, and once you get some feet under you, hunt away.

You can hover over a message and sort of read it without opening, and that will help you delete unread some of the more loquacious and laconic fools and clean the box.  But you probably are not going to be missing mr wrong, cuz he will write you again, believe me, if he wants to hit that.




_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 1:50:56 PM   
TeachMeSir18


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/12/2013
Status: offline 		Haha Thank you for that also! And yes, I've noticed. Some people are quite relentless here

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 1:56:32 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Ja, while on that subject, don't forget to investigate the mail controls when you get in the mailbox, it wont weed all, but it will weed out some of the flotsam and jetsam, and you simply go thru and delete your bulk mail.


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to TeachMeSir18)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 2:13:09 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Block and delete are your friend. If you're sure you don't want to talk to someone, and for many of them, you *will* be sure, go the extra step to block before you delete.

It will save a lot of time down the road.

That, and re-read everything Athena said, she gives good post.



< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 12/12/2013 3:01:54 PM >

_____________________________



(in reply to TeachMeSir18)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 3:52:04 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		Welcome, TeachMe. The advice above will help you get rolling without getting steamrolled. Feel free to join in the conversations or start a thread of your own. Enjoy the journey (and ignore the asshats)!

(in reply to TeachMeSir18)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 4:22:07 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TeachMeSir18
Hi everyone! Im very new to this lifestyle and Im looking for a dom or any kind of teacher, I guess. Any help?

For a teacher, your best bet is probably a submissive woman or a gay man. In other words, someone who doesn't have any sexual designs on you. You're far more likely to get honest opinions that way.

In terms of finding a dom, remember that this is pretty much the same as normal dating. Don't be afraid to say no if you're skeeved out, and don't be afraid to say yes if you're attracted. As you meet people in real life, you'll get a better sense of the dating world, and who you are yourself.

Don't do things that break your moral code, and have fun.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to TeachMeSir18)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 5:05:38 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Your cause is absolutely hopeless unless you relocate to Colorado immediately and become a 24/7 love slave to a Jewish Dom in his fifties.

Seriously, you'd probably feel most at home getting started in a TNG group, for those 18-35. here's the NJ one: https://fetlife.com/groups/20679

Also, I recommend against asking to be taught. Usually, "teaching" is a euphemism for some guy getting his rocks off with no commitment.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 5:56:13 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline 		Hi OP. And welcome. I am in the same state as you, so please feel free to CMail me if you have anything you want to talk over....I'd be happy to help you!

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.



I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 9:05:06 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Your cause is absolutely hopeless unless you relocate to Colorado immediately and become a 24/7 love slave to a Jewish Dom in his fifties.



See? Now THAT's a nice first email you can respond to, AND he didn't send a cockshot either. lol


_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/12/2013 9:10:28 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TeachMeSir18

That made me feel A LOT better. Like 8 pgs of emails and I was freaking out so thank you for that


Only 8 pages of emails? Age 18 and new? Shocking. The NJ guys must be slacking.

I am from NJ too, be careful!

(in reply to TeachMeSir18)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/13/2013 7:10:09 AM   
TeachMeSir18


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/12/2013
Status: offline 		lol it shot up to 15! I definitely wasn't ready for that

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/13/2013 7:43:52 AM   
Rasciallymisty


Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		Hello and welcome nice to have you here with us......and what everyone above me said

_____________________________

~misty~

Been here since 2004

Fear has two meanings: "Forget Everything And Run" or "Face Everything And Rise." The choice is yours!!!!!

(in reply to TeachMeSir18)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: New Submissive. F 18 NJ - 12/13/2013 7:55:25 AM   
FelineRanger


Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline 		DarkSteven's suggestion about fetlife is a great one. If you're in or near enough to south Jersey and Philly, I volunteer with a public play party and am a regular at another munch and would happily introduce you to this wild and wonderful world of kink. The way I look at it, FL and CM are only a starting point. Real involvement doesn't start until you meet people in the flesh. Whatever you do, welcome to the lifestyle and enjoy.

_____________________________

Bill

(in reply to TeachMeSir18)
Profile   Post #: 17
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