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ADomDoc -> RE: Lightbulb jokes go here (7/4/2006 10:23:15 AM)
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How many women does it take to CHARGE a light bulb?
They can't ... they're all over their credit limit.
How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Change?! My grandfather gave me that lightbulb!
How many dear mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Don't mind me. I'll just sit in the dark.
How many actors does it take to change a light bulb on the stage?
One, but the five actors in the audience will all say "Yes, well, he did his part all right, but I could have done it better."
How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one: but it takes a long time, is very expensive, and the light bulb really has to want to change.
How many evolutionary scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. Given enough time and random chance events, the lightbulb will screw itself in.
How many dyslexics does it change to take a lightbulb?
How many college freshman does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. It is a sophomore credit.
How many Virginians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to actually replace it and three to stand around and talk in hushed and reverent tones about how wonderful the old one was.
How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I need a new apartment."
How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3 - 1 to look it up in the manual; 1 to change the casing; 1 to change the bulb.
How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the market will do it.
How many Lutherans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five:1 to screw in the lightbulb and four to organize the potluck supper in memory of the old one.
How many French people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but I don't know how they got in there.
How many right-to-lifers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six. Two to screw in the new bulb and four to testify that light began while they were screwing.
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None! The bulb contains the seeds of it's own revolution.
How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but it takes nine visits.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
IT'S NOT FUNNY
How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change the bulb, and five to form a society to preserve the memory of the old light bulb.
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
501; one to take the old bulb out, and 500 to proclaim that it confirms the biblical record.
How many singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Eighteen. One to do it and seventeen to be on the guest list.
How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but it really gets screwed.
How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?
How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn’t matter. Nobody will notice anyway.
How many directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
3...no, make that 4...on second thought 3... well, better make it 5 just to be safe.
How many stage managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
I DON’T CARE!!! JUST DO IT!!!
How many lighting designers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Where’s my assistant?
How many audience members does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and another to say, "ROSE, HE’S CHANGING THE LIGHT BULB."
How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?
Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.
How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A tree in a golden forest.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fish
How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
one
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty. One primary care physician to change it and nineteen to take it apart and look at it under a microscope.
How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?
None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but he gyrates so much he'll fall off the ladder.
How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five; one to actually do it and four to share the experience.
How many Kennedy's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to hold the light bulb, and the rest to drink until the room spins.
How many members of the Starship Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the engineering section is burnt out. Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the light bulb dead. Scotty complains that with the light bulb dead, he can't see to tend to the engines. So Kirk must make an emergency stop on the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, and procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers are beamed down to the surface of the planet. The 3 security officers are immediately killed, and the rest of the landing party are captured.
Meanwhile, back on the Enterprise, Scotty detects a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to avoid detection.
Back on Alpha Regula IV, Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and, as a reward, the landing party is given all the light bulbs they can carry.
Scotty, having crippled the Klingon ship, arrives back in orbit just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. and the U.S.S. Enterprise continues with her 5 year mission.
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it.By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
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