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living as a collared sissy - 12/14/2013 8:04:50 PM

mrmaxraw

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/2/2013
From: central NJ
Status: offline

i am entering this lifestyle with an open mind to both the joys and dangers of total submission. i was looking for guidance as i look to turn myself over to an individual. first into submission, then bondage, then to assume the role of sissy.

i am looking for advice and friends to enter into this type of relationship with the right tools and guidance

there are so many that want just to play for pay, which is fine, this helps expand our experiences, but to find a play partner to engage in real time play would be helpful

my personal preference is to find a dominant CD/TV/TS/TG or GG domme to train and play with

Question: has anyone entered into this type of relationship from the sub or domme side and can offer guidance as to how best approach this major change in my life

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RE: living as a collared sissy - 12/14/2013 10:49:24 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Hi there and welcome!

Okay, maybe we're not seeing eye to eye regarding the concept of "submission". To me, that means giving in to the other person's wishes. Since you've got a road map of submission, bondage, and then sissification, it sounds like you're looking for someone to do what you wish.

That said, you're asking for who's done that. One very successful person is Otterswim. However, when OS met SoutherComfort, OS impressed her with personality and vanilla qualities, not just a desire to be feminized.

Keep in mind that Otterswim isn't into feminization as a kinky thing - it's just that OS has both feminine and masculine sides, and simply uses feminization to express the feminine side.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: living as a collared sissy - 12/15/2013 6:38:32 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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According to your profile you were with your last mistress for 5 years. It also says you have been crossdressing since you were 10. So I am confused as to what major change you are talking about.

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RE: living as a collared sissy - 12/15/2013 8:56:55 AM

HntersToy

Posts: 56
Joined: 12/7/2013
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How to best approach it (as a sub) is with an open mind, a polite demeanor, an obedient mindset, a fiery desire for sexual pleasure is always good, always be respectful, always do as told. Be open to new experiences and choose whom you share yourself with wisely. Don't be flamboyant, have a quiet elegance and always strive to please your Master/Mistress. You are a reflection of them.
You have a plan already set, be ready to have that switched up, if you want to give total submission, it takes your wants away and you need to be prepared to live for your Masters/Mistresses wants. Of course if you give total submission it will be your want to do so.

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RE: living as a collared sissy - 12/15/2013 11:51:31 AM

mrmaxraw

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/2/2013
From: central NJ
Status: offline

thank you all

1) thank you for correcting my logic and approach
2) apologies for the confusion
3) much of this stems from frustration and confusion

i am going to take this offline, collect my thoughts in a word doc, and then post a coherent stream for the community to follow and ask a much more thoughtful series of questions

i am looking for a new Mistress (GG or TG) to help guide me, my next post will be more respectful

thanks again for your patience

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RE: living as a collared sissy - 12/16/2013 6:38:02 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I didn't see anything disrespectful. What I am seeing is a lot of sub frenzy. When a desire is pent up and you spend more and more time thinking about it, you tend to get monomaniacal about it. It's all you can think about and it's unpleasant for the person you suddenly unload it on.

You want a partner with whom you have a lot of compatibility. If it's important to you that they be for strong gun laws or not be a Republican, then you need to consider that.

Most of daily life does not involve bondage and sex, alas. You need to be happy together discussing what to get at the grocery store.

Now if a possible partner says she absolutely hates sissies, then you wish each other good luck and you move on. But don't expect to be indulged in it nightly when the dominant actually wants her shoulders rubbed.

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RE: living as a collared sissy - 12/16/2013 9:08:18 PM

njlauren

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Joined: 10/1/2011
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I think you need to decide what you want from it...is this a sissy role in playing only? Are you also seeking a service relationship, where you seek to serve in other ways, like cleaning their house/apartment, etc? Are you looking to be publicly humiliated, or want to do this in private? It is really important, because when you meet a dominant, they need to know what you are looking for and decide if it fits what they want. One thing I can tell you is that from what I know of sissy culture, dominants want someone they don't have to dress up and do makeup, etc, they want someone who can handle that themselves and be low maintenance. A lot of sissies I hear kind of like are passive aggressive, they expect the dominant to dress them and shave them and do their makeup, etc, which is a big turn off...:). Biggest thing besides figuring out what you want is showing a dominant what you bring to them.......

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RE: living as a collared sissy - 12/18/2013 6:29:25 PM

mrmaxraw

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/2/2013
From: central NJ
Status: offline

again i wish to thank all of you that have responded with wonderful advice

i have done alot of offline reading and have come ro realize how mis-informed/uneducated i have been

Crossdressing - yes i started playing dress up at 10 years old and have had several wardrobes over the years, but that does not make me a crossdresser, i think the appropriate term is Cosplay? i like to play "dressed up" but i am not a crossdresser, apologies for inappropriate use of the term

Submissive - i am now familiar with the term "topping from the bottom", my desires are a point of discussion more than a request or demand, the decision to train me to assume a submissive role, is up to my new domme, we can discuss lifestyle, but my submission is to my domme and to please her

Bondage - the various forms of bondage caught me off guard, from restrictive bondage to mental bondage, mostly used for play and/or training, i have more to learn about that

Sissy - again apologies for losely using that term... unless i commit to preparing myself and maintaining myself as a feminine version of myself, i am certainly not a sissy, again what i am talking about is more a style of play and not a strict lifestyle

Clarifications

Dressing - yes since 10, i have found a certain comfort and affection for dressing in satin and silk and all forms of a woman's attire, i feel very comfortable and natural wearing women's undergarments and dresses and heels, but i have never been out in public and have stopped shaving my body, i have been to therapy to change my "addiction" but cant change these feelings, i fact i am writing this in stockings, panties, bra, breast forms, a full length slip, high heel slippers and a comfy terry cloth robe

Bondage - yes i have an affection for all forms of bondage and look to vary my experiences in the future by finding a domme who is well versed in the "art" of bondage, my bondage is for her pleasure, whether it is leather, rubber, chains or ropes, it is her choice not mine

Submission - i need to learn to more about what my domme wants and how to make her happy, and then play time will become more enjoyable

Sissy - i guess that stemmed from a few sessions where i was instructed to perform oral sex on my former dommes other male patrons or recieve anal from the same (all with condoms), so i guess i have grown to enjoy the experience, but again that does not make me a sissy

So here i stand trying to figure out where i go from here, and yes, i am experiencing a form of hysteria since my domme moved away, and have been desparate to find or replicate those experiences again

i will continue to develop a better understanding of what to "ask" for in my next posts

again thanks for your patience and continued discussions here at my post

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RE: living as a collared sissy - 12/19/2013 10:51:27 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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Your profile strongly implies that you are married and "in the closet" from your wife. If that is still your situation, you are likely going to have to sort that out before most would even consider having coffee with you, let alone establishing a relationship.

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RE: living as a collared sissy - 12/24/2013 6:03:24 AM

mrmaxraw

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/2/2013
From: central NJ
Status: offline

Clarification:
Yes, i am married
Yes, i am in the closet (again)

To be clear for those reading this - at one point i had a clean shaven body and was dressing for a select few friends that i no longer see, because my wife was freaking out and thought i was up to something, so when i began to tell her what i was doing, she demanded we go to counseling to "fix" me. Of course you cant "fix" me or anyone really. So i went back into the closet and lost my friends. And my wife has demanded i dont shave anymore, i can groom, but she said she can tell if i am dressing again because i would be shaving again. Yes, she is very demanding, maybe thats why i cant leave her?

I found a pro domme Mistress who became a good friend over 5 years, it became more then just a session, we called each other, emailed and texted about my life, her life, our troubles and we became very close, but alas she has moved away (midwest). We did not cosplay or dress, she took me as her submissive and i was trained in bondage, submission, oral and anal - giving and recieving for both women and men. For men, she allowed me to use a hood/mask to conceal my face.

So it sounds like from all the advice i have been receiving so generously from the few of you follwing this stream, that i should find another pro domme(?) to session with until my life dramatically changes.

If anyone has any other thoughts or advice i would greatly and humbly appreciate it.
Love to all of you...

_____________________________

serving from my knees
max

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RE: living as a collared sissy - 12/24/2013 6:19:23 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I am going to give you some advice that I hope you take in the spirit it is meant.

Please go back to therapy, but before you do, spend some time thinking about your goals there. Do you want to be able to be open and honest with your wife? Do you want the courage to leave her? Or do you want to continue this double life of cross dressing when you can and seeing a pro?

Leading a double life is excruciatingly difficult, unfortunately many cross dressers do it b/c of the close minded people in their life. They seem to think they don't have a choice, and life is all about the choices you make.

Whatever you do in your future, do it b/c you've *really* determined it's the best choice for you.

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RE: living as a collared sissy - 12/24/2013 7:02:45 AM

MsMJAY

Posts: 515
Joined: 3/17/2013
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My advice is simple: Don't do this. No matter how well you think you can hide this, you cannot. Your wife will find out and be hurt- again.

You already know that she cannot accept this. Your choices then are to remain faithful to her or to pursue this lifestyle. You will not be able to do both.

If you have been CD since you were 10 your wife had every right to know this before you married her. It is very unfair to now ask her to deal with this when it was not originally part of your agreement.

I agree with ChatteParfaitt that you should go back to counseling. It would be best for all concerned if you did not seek a relationship with a pro or anyone else until you have sorted through your problems and are ready to be authentic about who and what you are.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mrmaxraw

Clarification:
Yes, i am married
Yes, i am in the closet (again)

To be clear for those reading this - at one point i had a clean shaven body and was dressing for a select few friends that i no longer see, because my wife was freaking out and thought i was up to something, so when i began to tell her what i was doing, she demanded we go to counseling to "fix" me. Of course you cant "fix" me or anyone really. So i went back into the closet and lost my friends. And my wife has demanded i dont shave anymore, i can groom, but she said she can tell if i am dressing again because i would be shaving again. Yes, she is very demanding, maybe thats why i cant leave her?

I found a pro domme Mistress who became a good friend over 5 years, it became more then just a session, we called each other, emailed and texted about my life, her life, our troubles and we became very close, but alas she has moved away (midwest). We did not cosplay or dress, she took me as her submissive and i was trained in bondage, submission, oral and anal - giving and recieving for both women and men. For men, she allowed me to use a hood/mask to conceal my face.

So it sounds like from all the advice i have been receiving so generously from the few of you follwing this stream, that i should find another pro domme(?) to session with until my life dramatically changes.

If anyone has any other thoughts or advice i would greatly and humbly appreciate it.
Love to all of you...

(in reply to mrmaxraw)

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RE: living as a collared sissy - 12/24/2013 12:31:19 PM

mrmaxraw

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/2/2013
From: central NJ
Status: offline

this will be my last post, i am going to accept all of the thoughtful advice given me here and i will make use of counseling as recommended

i will leave this site until i can come to grips with what i have been running from all of these years

thanks again to all of you who took the time to post here

i will never forget all of you who took the time to talk to me

thanks!

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serving from my knees
max

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RE: living as a collared sissy - 12/24/2013 1:14:55 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Good luck with it all.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to mrmaxraw)

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