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Intimacy... - 12/14/2013 11:53:24 PM   
shadowborn61


Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline 		Now how many of you heard sex in your heads when you read that?
A discussion on another site sparked this.
I am a submissive and i love to serve male or female makes no difference if i can please You then i have done what i am on this earth to do.
That includes any mundane every day chore You may tell me to do but in return i need intimacy and no to me that doesn't always mean sex.
i find intimacy in a lot of things, for me a good old fashioned OTK spanking is intimate or serving as a body groom for a Dominant is intimate, now i would be lying if i didn't say that i hope that they will lead to sex BUT sex isn't necessary for me to have intimacy.
Being held close after an intense play scene for me is intimate even if the Dominant feels it is a necessity, for me it is still intimate.
For me sex is a gift given freely because someone wants to enjoy it with you but not a necessity for intimacy.
For me intimacy is a need while sex is a want.
what do you think?
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RE: Intimacy... - 12/14/2013 11:57:58 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		No I didn't hear sex in my head when I read the title.

Intimacy and sex are both needs for me.

Neither one trumps the other.

Thankfully I have both.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: Intimacy... - 12/15/2013 2:41:55 AM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline 		Nope, I didn't think of sex.

To me, intimacy is honesty to the point of vulnerability. (and that isn't sexual)

But, I do think intimacy is what makes the difference between sexual release and mind-blowing sex.



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Talk about loving travel!!! My BDSM journey to Switch took me to these places...
Previously known as:
sub - TwoHeartsBeatOne
Domme - Lady Q

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RE: Intimacy... - 12/15/2013 8:44:59 AM   
HntersToy


Posts: 56
Joined: 12/7/2013
Status: offline 		I didn't think of sex. Intimacy is a need for me as well, without it first, there would be no sex if left to my own will. Intimacy (to me) is a sharing of ones inner self.

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RE: Intimacy... - 12/15/2013 9:23:51 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I also didn't think of sex. Intimacy is a connection/bonding of the heart. We can have an intimate moment just watching tv together.

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RE: Intimacy... - 12/15/2013 9:29:31 AM   
shadowborn61


Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline 		I agree with all of you.

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RE: Intimacy... - 12/15/2013 1:59:40 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Funny-for us intimacy certainly does not equal sex...but sex always has the ingredient of intimacy in it at some level.
Always

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RE: Intimacy... - 12/15/2013 2:53:16 PM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline 		When I look at the most intimate times in our relationship many of them had nothing to do with sex or BDSM. Some of the most intimate times we weren't even touching.

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Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

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RE: Intimacy... - 12/16/2013 1:41:14 AM   
Dreamless


Posts: 104
Joined: 7/30/2010
Status: offline 		Seeing as my primary relationship is with an asexual woman...

Sex doesn't even come to MIND when I think of intimacy. And like you, OP, I would say that sex is a want, intimacy is a need.

Looks like kinksters seem to get the sex/intimacy divide perhaps more than the rest of the world.

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RE: Intimacy... - 12/16/2013 5:28:56 AM   
shadowborn61


Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline 		Yes but even in the kink world i have too many times seen the attitude that most men Dominant and submissive think only with their "little head".
Now in a lot of cases that may be true with a lot of men but it makes it hard for those of us who do not think of sex first last and always when we are lumped in with the rest. It is a hard stereotype to break.

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RE: Intimacy... - 12/16/2013 5:33:56 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Some of the most intimate moments I've experienced have had no sex, some have had no BDSM. I had a very close intimate time yesterday with Himself. We sat in a double chair at the movie house and held hands while we watched part 2 of the Hobbit.

It's great, BTW, you get plenty of Smaug time.



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RE: Intimacy... - 12/16/2013 7:25:21 AM   
shadowborn61


Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline 		I want to see part 2 very badly. So far they have done very well with the story i know that not everything from the books will always make it into the movie (the Lord of the Rings trilogy) but so far they have done pretty well IMHO.

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RE: Intimacy... - 12/16/2013 7:27:37 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I think they've done much better with the Hobbit. But then 3 long movies for one book makes sense for such a long story.

There was just no way to get everything in the trilogy into 3 long movies. But they did fuck with the basic theme a lot in the trilogy. They are not doing that so far with the Hobbit.

Smaug is just excellent.

ETA: Since this is so off topic, I started my own thread. Sorry for hijack.

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 12/16/2013 7:28:21 AM >

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RE: Intimacy... - 12/16/2013 7:27:44 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowborn61
Now how many of you heard sex in your heads when you read that?

"Intimate encounters" is a personals site code word, so that might have an effect, especially if you are polling people online. But I think almost anyone who has been in a happy relationship will think of nonsexual things first. Hell, the hospice workers told my brother and his wife, "We'll be talking about your marriage for a long time," because they were so beautiful together. He hadn't been sexually functional for at least a year.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Intimacy... - 12/30/2013 7:19:10 AM   
andyh12k


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/29/2012
Status: offline 		No I didn't think of sex either.

Intimacy on the other hand is explained quite well by several others above ...in fact so well there is little for me to add.

Paolo

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RE: Intimacy... - 1/2/2014 9:00:06 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		My most recent relationship was not extremely intimate (despite my romantic inclinations). In some ways, that made the intimate moments more significant.

One of the most intimate moments I recall wasn't even in the bedroom. We were shopping in Taos, wending our way through small shops, browsing. She walked up behind me and gently slipped her hand in mine, held it, and didn't let go. This, from a woman who was not very big on public displays of any form.

We held hands through most of the rest of our walk through that particular store. I will never forget that.

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RE: Intimacy... - 1/25/2014 2:20:44 AM   
DeineSKlavin


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/25/2014
Status: offline 		It didn't bring to mind sex initially. The good morning/good night texts when apart, the hand holding, the sharing meals, staring deep into each others eyes, having conversations about the serious and mundane, even riding in the car together as he travels for work. The closeness, the bond, this is the intimacy. For the sex to be earth shattering, there has to be intimacy for me. I am lucky in that I have it.

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RE: Intimacy... - 1/25/2014 6:17:03 AM   
Blueswordsman


Posts: 173
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline 		The best part of sex is after. When you are floating in your lover's arms without a care. That's Intimacy

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RE: Intimacy... - 1/25/2014 7:58:37 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Of course I heard sex in my head when I read that. "Intimacy", "being intimate" and "intimate knowledge" are polite ways to say sex when in mixed company, in church, in court, on TV, around relatives or in public. On a dating website in the kink forums, I absolutely heard sex in my head when I read that. If I had read it in a letter from a friend or family, I would not have thought of sex.

For me, sex, love and intimacy are all wants, not needs. I need food, water and air to survive, not sex, love or intimacy. Please don't get me wrong, I love romance and I am extremely romantic. And I agree that intimacy does not require sex. But your priorities are backwards to human nature and mine. I treat sex more like a need than a want. Intimacy or love is a much lower priority.

In my house, sex is not always given freely, I take it when I want it and on a good night, violent resistance bordering on rape is a good thing. Samdarella and I may give sex as a gift sometimes for the raw physical pleasure of it. Sometimes it is a duty. Sometimes it is leverage. Sometimes it is a social nicety to share with a good friend. Sometimes it is a commodity. . . and sometimes sex is an emotional tool for being as intimate as possible.

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I give good thread.

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RE: Intimacy... - 1/25/2014 11:31:20 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		I certainly didn't think sex when I read intimacy. MM only gets to come home from the hospital on Friday nights and goes back on Sunday afternoon. We're both so emotionally exhausted, he unpacks and we crawl into bed. He snuggles me into his arms and we're both at peace for that little time we have.

If we're driving somewhere, it's usually holding hands. I love to slip my hand in his when we're walking around. We spend a lot of time laughing, he makes me giggle. That's all a big part of our being intimate at the moment.

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